Split (Split #1) (4 page)

It was their last lunch for a few weeks.

***

Claire was starting to feel even more cognizant of herself within the dreams. Dr. Johns was giving her prompts to help her “access different parts of her subconscious.” Today, she had asked her to consider what she might learn about her future career through the dreams.

***

Luke was playing his Xbox, wearing the grey sweatpants she’d bought him in a dream a few weeks before. The sunlight stretched gracefully through their living room window.

It was hard to relate this version of her life to the one she knew in reality, they were just so different. Claire almost resented the comparison on Dr. Johns’ part. Things happened so smoothly in this dreamland.

“What do you think about my career, Luke?”

“You’re doing amazing, baby. Don’t be stressed. Here, come play this game with me.”

“I’m serious, though. I know things are going well, but do you think I could be doing anything better or differently? I’m only asking because... you’re so secure in your writing now.”

He smirked. “Are you some kind of psychic?”

“What?” She had no idea what he was talking about.

“Look, I didn’t want to tell you, because it isn’t 100% yet. I made friends with someone over at the Food Network recently, one of their popular hosts, David something—”

“David Hogan?”

“Yes, okay, you know who he is. He’s going to be a guest star on an episode I’m writing, so I met with one of the executives over there to go over their goals for his “acting debut.” Anyway, I told the guy about you and he seemed interested in taking a meeting. I didn’t want to get your hopes up... but you just pulled it right out of me. Go figure.” He had a way of being slightly annoyed with her while still being totally enamored with her.

Her shriek of excitement woke her from the dream.

CHAPTER SIX

Dylan was practically jumping out of his skin when she walked through the front door of their apartment that night. He was the type of person who couldn't hide his excitement about something, not for a second, and she could tell he had something big to announce. Claire hoped it was that promotion he had been eyeing for the past six months... he worked so hard, he really deserved a big win.

"I'm opening a bottle of champagne!" He smiled and gave her a kiss.

"What happened?" His excitement was infectious; she couldn’t help but smile too.

He grabbed her arm and led her over to the answering machine in their living room. Their friends made fun of them for still having a landline, but it was the kind of old-world touch that they both enjoyed. There was something fun about getting voicemails together from family and friends. Plus, having a 212 area code gave you serious street cred in New York City these days.

She wasn't at all prepared for what came out of the machine when he pressed the "play" button: "Hi Claire, this is John at Buddakan. Just wanted to let you know that one of our line cooks left unexpectedly this week and, when I suggested you, everyone agreed that you would be a great fit for the team! Give me a call, let's plan on you coming in on Monday to get you started with training. Really excited to be working with you. Tell that crazy uncle of yours hello from me!”

Claire couldn't believe it. She had never in a million years expected to get that job... the interview itself had been a huge favor. Dylan was practically jumping up and down as he ran to the fridge for the champagne, and Claire found herself unable to wipe the huge smile from her face.

This felt like another dream, but it wasn’t. She reminded herself of that fact over and over again throughout the night.

Dylan held up a flute proudly. "Cheers to you and all your hard work, honey. I have to admit, I was really starting to get worried about you, going to that medical office... and now you'll never have to go back there! You really pushed for it and look what's happened! I never thought I would say this but leaving Southwest was clearly the right choice. This is huge.”

Claire had never seen him so proud of her, and she was shockingly proud of herself, too. She’d stopped letting herself think that something like this could happen in her real life. It was so wonderful.

She couldn't get past what Dylan had said about never going back to the office and its little pink pills, though. After all, Dr. Johns had just asked her to focus on her career within the dreams... and this happened right afterwards. There had to be something to that.

She spent the night celebrating with Dylan, but also thinking about how she could keep her schedule open enough with the new job to keep visiting her dreams at the study. She needed at least a few more months of the dream world. Plus, it seemed like the dreams were starting to have a positive effect on her real life. To hell with what Sarah thought.

***

Claire called John back first thing in the morning, so that Dylan was able to be with her as she accepted the job before he went to work. He wanted to be there for “the most important moment of her life thus far.” It was really sweet.

After she hung up the phone, Dylan’s face lit up again, he was suddenly getting more and more spontaneous, which she loved. Claire raised an eyebrow at him, knowing he must have had something up his sleeve.

"I actually have a surprise for you. I called in sick today... are you up for a weekend of total relaxation?" He held up a set or car keys like a cat that'd gotten ahold of its favorite toy mouse.

"You rented a car?!" You'll never know how much you like riding in a car until you've lived in New York City for six years without one. Never.

"Oh baby, I more than rented a car. We are on our way upstate to a quiet little B&B for the whole damn weekend."

"How did you plan this all since yesterday?!" Claire was overwhelmed.

"Well, full disclosure, I have actually been planning it for a while... because you seemed so down about not finding work. But now it’s even better because we have something amazing to celebrate. This weekend is going to be perfect."

It was a perfect weekend; the fall leaves were at their peak color, which made the drive upstate absolutely beautiful. The B&B was adorable: it had a little mini golf course that the owners had designed themselves, and a breakfast spread complete with Eggs Benedict and popovers. It was the most relaxed she'd been, while awake, in months.

They spent the next two days lounging around the beautiful grounds, laughing and having a blast together. She had almost forgotten what a great time Dylan was, they’d been dating for such a long time that they’d started to take each other for granted. The grind of working, looking for work, and trying to pay for an even moderately decent life in New York City had taken over. This weekend was a great reminder that there was so much more to them, and to their relationship, than all of that other nonsense. That wasn’t lost on Claire at all. She felt the butterflies of the beginning of their relationship, the same ones she felt in her dreams with Luke, all over again for Dylan at the B&B.

Sunday night, Dylan surprised her yet again with dinner reservations at one of the most well regarded restaurants in New York state: a working farm, which grew and raised its own ingredients. Claire had been talking about going there for years, but it was a huge splurge for their eternally limited budgets and she had assumed that they’d go sometime years down the road when they finally had money... whenever that would be.

For Claire, food was everything. The way you could combine ingredients to come up with your own dish, the instant gratification of getting to enjoy and share your creations with others. It was a cliché saying, one that she had heard over and over again from mentors and reality television cooking shows all her life, but it was so true: food is love. Having a nice meal together always made her feel that love. She and Dylan had a tradition of saving up to go to the nicest new restaurants in the city whenever they could swing it. Those were the date nights that she enjoyed and remembered the most, and Dylan knew that.

That night, they shared appetizers topped with herbs cut fresh from their table, one of the things this restaurant was most famous for. Hot cuts of meat came out on plates, with to-die-for sauces that melted in her mouth.

After the desserts, Dylan walked her up to a little gazebo on the farm lot. He started talking about all their years together, how much he loved her, how he had been planning for several months to bring her here. Claire barely heard a word out of his mouth, because all she could think was
oh my god he is going to ask me to marry him
.

And then he did, down on one knee and all.

Of course, she said yes, or at least nodded profusely while jumping up and down, which indicated a yes. It was all such a surprise, one that she certainly wouldn't have anticipated just a few months ago. Suddenly, it made even more sense why he had been initially upset about her leaving her job. He had been saving up for a ring all this time. It was a beautiful colorless diamond, sparkling and dainty.

"Dylan, you really surprised me! I can't believe it!" She was beaming, and so was he.

"Yeah, you're tough to be sneaky around... I can't believe I surprised you either." He winked.

It was the perfect proposal story on a perfect night. She called her mom and Sarah (her would-be maid of honor) before dancing the night away with Dylan under the stars.

Their time upstate was the first time she’d been swept up in reality in a while. So much so that she barely thought about her dreams for the whole weekend, which was unusual for her right now. She’d been having so much trouble sleeping at home lately, she’d spent almost every night awake and reliving her dreams from sessions.

***

It wasn't until they got home from their weekend, back to that little apartment in the city, that Claire realized she really needed to stop going to the study, no matter how hard it would be to give up the dreams. Up until Dylan’s proposal, she had still found herself fantasizing about how she’d be able to do a quick session at Dr. Johns before work at Buddakan, with Dylan none-the-wiser.

To be honest, though, this had all started to feel like a pretty big betrayal to Dylan fairly quickly. Sarah’s words had stuck with her, even after all these weeks on the pills. All the lies associated with her going to the study had been eating at her. She hadn’t wanted to admit it to herself, but it was the truth. This was wrong.

She'd been on medication for the last couple of months and Dylan didn't even know it, for all she knew she could have some kind of medical emergency and her own fiancé wouldn't know to tell the doctors that she had been on what she had to assume was a pretty heavy sleep aid for an extended period of time.

Add to that the fact that all of her dreams, and her enjoyment of them, had to do with her dead ex-boyfriend. The one Dylan didn’t even know existed. She knew in her heart that if she found out that Dylan having sexual dreams about an ex, and was actively pursuing continuing to have those dreams, she would be heartbroken. What he didn't know wouldn't hurt him wasn't a good enough excuse anymore, this had crossed a line into the betrayal zone and she knew it. She couldn't keep lying to a man she was going to marry, a man who had been spending the last couple of months saving up for a ring while she was drinking down pills and dreaming of Luke.

She made a pact with herself that she would call the office the following morning and cancel her future appointments. She would let go of the little pink pills, and put Luke to rest for the second time in her life.

CHAPTER SEVEN

All of those meals she had been cooking at home for Dylan out of guilt seemed to be paying off in her first week at Buddakan. Claire was getting nothing but great feedback from the chefs, which was a surprise. After so many years of not being able to do what she loved, she had started to doubt her skills. She was there in the weeds, cooking up a storm with the rest of them and proving herself.

She hadn’t forgotten about the dream with Luke and the Food Network, though. As exciting as this new job was, it couldn’t live up to that. Being a host on TFN was a goal that she’d only told Luke about, but it had still always been in the back of her mind.

Things with Dylan had been going well, their newly engaged glow was still burning bright. Sarah had actually called Claire a few days after the proposal to make amends. She was especially happy to hear about Claire’s decision to end her time with the sleep study permanently. All was forgiven quickly between these two friends, that’s always how it had been.

Dr. Johns, on the other hand, wasn’t so forgiving. They may have built up a pleasant relationship through the study, but as soon as Claire called to tell them, she couldn’t continue that all went away.

“You made a commitment to me, to the study, in one of our most recent sessions. Six months of your time, do you remember that?” Her voice was back to the tone of their first meeting.

“I do remember that, and I’m so sorry to change the plans. This is a life-changing job for me. I just didn’t think that I would ever get it. I honestly think I have you to thank for it, you asked me to start focusing on my career in the dreams on the day that I found out I got the job...” Claire was trying to come up with some positive takeaway for the both of them. It wasn’t happening.

Dr. Johns went on and on about being disappointed, about how this would be a hard hit for the study. Claire felt terrible, but didn’t know what else she could have done. It was a sticky situation for so many reasons, cutting the cord completely had seemed like the only way to go.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t quite so simple. In the midst of working hard to impress at her new job, keeping her “bride to be” smile around Dylan and her friends at all time, Claire hadn’t slept but maybe one or two hours a night since she and Dylan got back from upstate. She hadn’t been sleeping well at home since she’d started the study, really, but she had been making up for it during the day at her sessions. She thought it would even back out once she got into a routine with work, and once her days weren’t spent taking three hours naps. It was getting more and more difficult to keep up appearances.

She also really missed Luke, and she wondered what was happening in that perfect dream world of theirs constantly.

***

Two weeks into trying to balance work, love, and this feeling of loss combined with almost no sleep: Claire broke.

It was 2am, and Dylan had been soundly asleep for hours. He had always fallen asleep like a log within what felt like seconds. It was infuriating.

Hot tears streamed down her face. Everything had been feeling so great by day for these past two weeks. She was finally making money doing what she loved, her parents were over the moon about planning a wedding with her, she wasn’t worrying about the potential side-effects of the little pink pills...

Oh my god, what if this is still a side-effect of the pills!?

It hadn’t even occurred to her that she could have a long lasting reaction to whatever medicine they had been giving her. Of course, that had to be it! After her first attempt at looking up what the pills could be, she had given up even trying to do research. Why question these pills, which gave her such fantastic and satisfying dreams?

Of course, she should have been questioning all of this the entire time, she could see that now. Feeling stupid, but blaming her mistakes on her mourning and need for closure with Luke, she went back to the sleep forum she had found all those months before.

There was still no information about pink pills of any kind. She even tried doing a search on the type of dreams she had been having, about people who’d had experiences with people from their past in dreams, anything that might have pointed her in the right direction. There was nothing.

She slammed her laptop shut, thinking that maybe she’d just have to go into her regular doctor (who she hadn’t seen in probably three years) to get it figured out. Tonight, she’d have to settle for a glass of wine as a makeshift sleep aid.

Just as she poured herself a glass of red, her cell phone beeped. A news update from CNN:

IMPOSTER DOCTOR ARRESTED IN MANHATTAN, COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY STATEMENT TO FOLLOW

Claire felt a chill run down her spine. She opened the email to read the rest of its contents. Sure enough, a woman “going by the name of Elizabeth Johns” was arrested for posing as a professor holding studies at Columbia University at a location close to, but not on, the school’s campus. She had set up shop just three months ago, a week or two before Claire signed up for the study. She had been administering “unknown medication” to an “undisclosed number of patients.” Apparently, she had a previous history of arrests, most recently in New Orleans for what locals in the area claimed was “witchcraft.”

Claire could feel a panic attack coming on. What the hell was happening? For a moment, she thought she might have actually fallen asleep, that she was just having one of her old nightmares. This was real life, though.

She dialed the only number on her phone that she could.

“Sarah, can I come over?” Claire whispered as tears finally started welling in her eyes.

“Oh my god, of course, is everything okay?” Sarah had obviously been asleep. She was such an epic friend.

“No. I just need to come over.”

“Come then. I’ll make some tea.”

Claire scratched out a note for Dylan, “GIRLS NIGHT EMERGENCY! AT SARAH’S! XOXOXO”

It was an emergency, alright.

***

“Holy shit.” Sarah tried to keep it together to help calm Claire down, but wasn’t doing a very good job of disguising her feelings. Not that Claire could blame her, this was a decidedly screwed up situation no matter how you sliced it.

“I just don’t know what I should do. Do you think I’m okay? I mean, I haven’t slept but a few hours a night for two weeks.”

“Claire, no, I don’t think you’re okay. Who knows what they were giving you over there. I just don’t know what to tell you. I think you should absolutely call your own doctor about this tomorrow when we wake up.”

“What if he doesn’t know what to do either?”

“I think he will.” She was trying to sound confident.

“S, what if this is like... some kind of hypnosis or mind control? The article said she’d been accused of “witchcraft” before. That’s pretty deep stuff.”

“To be fair, that was in New Orleans... I think a lot of people get accused of witch-y stuff there?”

They sat in silence for a while, Sarah rubbing Claire’s back gently.

“I’m so sorry that I was so hard on you about this stuff, Claire-bear. I had no idea how strongly it was affecting your sleep and stuff. Maybe you haven’t been thinking clearly for the last few months because of that.”

Claire didn’t want to argue with her, but she knew that wasn’t true. She had loved those dreams so much, she probably would have kept going in for sessions even if she had known how sketchy Dr. Johns was. If she was really being honest, all of this stress made her wish she could see Luke again. He had become a sort of safety blanket for her.

“I’m just worried I’m never going to be able to sleep again. I’m not going to be able to function at all soon.”

“I know. I’m worried about your job, Claire. I know things are going well now, but if you’re coming in exhausted, they’re going to start worrying about you. You can’t have that kind of doubt cast on you in a new job. And Dylan—”

Claire cut her off, “Dylan is fine. We’re really happy, we just got engaged. Please don’t keep making this about me not telling him about Luke.”

“He’s worried about you, Claire. He called me a couple weeks ago and asked if I thought everything was okay.” She spoke slowly, gently.

Claire didn’t know what to say. She thought that Dylan had been so consumed with excitement over their engagement and her new job that he didn’t know anything was wrong.

“I really didn’t want to lie to him, but I didn’t think it was my place to tell him what was going on. I honestly think that you should tell him, though. You guys have always had such great communication, that was one of your favorite things about him when you first started dating, remember? Don’t throw that away. If you can’t tell him about Luke, that’s your choice... but I think he at least needs to know what’s happened with Dr. Johns. He needs to know about the medication.”

Claire closed her eyes. Sarah was right, but it felt like so many lies on top of lies now--she worried that telling Dylan any of the truth might open up a floodgate between them.

“I’ll think about it, okay? I just need to get a grip on what’s happening first. I need to find out as much as I can before I explain everything to him.” It was true. Dylan would go nuts if he knew she might have been given a dangerous pill by some criminal. There was no telling how he would react. He was so protective over Claire, he was liable to hunt down Dr. Johns or her staff himself if she didn’t have some solid information for him.

On top of all that, she still hoped she could work everything out herself and never have to tell Dylan anything.

“Don’t you think he’ll find out about it? They’re covering this on CNN, Claire...”

“Dylan lives under a rock when it comes to the news. I probably have a couple of days before he hears about it. I hope I do.”

“Okay, well then you better come up with some answers quickly. Do you have any contact information for anyone else that worked on the study? Maybe some of the students didn’t know what they were getting into? They might want to help everyone who was affected, or be able to lead you in the right direction.”

Sarah’s practical nature was annoying when Claire was being impulsive... but extremely useful at times like this.

Claire grabbed her cell phone and started scanning the contact list. She vaguely remembered getting the number of the clinic’s receptionist months ago. Dylan had needed her to help him with something at work, and she was worried she’d miss her next appointment. She scrolled until she found the right name: Stacey Nevlin (study receptionist). Looking at the number, Claire suddenly remembered how reluctant Stacey had been to give it out. Claire hadn’t thought anything of it at the time, but now she wondered if it was because the entire staff had been told to uphold this ruse. The thought made her blood boil, and made the prospect of calling Stacey up sound pretty unpleasant.

What other choice did she have, though? She left the contact page open on her phone, and promised herself she’d call first thing in the morning. She spent the rest of the night tossing and turning in Sarah’s bed (Sarah had insisted on letting her take the bedroom, hoping that maybe it would help her get some real sleep.)

She drifted off for forty-five minutes at most. When she heard Sarah’s coffee maker purring at 6am, it was almost a relief. She was ready to start this day, and to hopefully get some answers about Dr. Johns.

Sarah had to rush to work, but told Claire to call her if any information surfaced. She also told her that she should really go home and start explaining things to Dylan as soon as she felt up to it.

The phone rang twice before going straight to voicemail; Stacey was probably screening her calls after the news release last night. Claire knew it was a long shot, but she didn’t have a lot of options. She took a deep breath and left a voicemail:

“Hi, Stacey. This is Claire Lyons from the sleep study with Dr. Johns. I don’t know what’s going on, but I did hear about what happened to the clinic on the news last night. I am just trying to get some answers, and your number is the only one I have. If you could please, please call me back I would really appreciate it. Thank you.”

She waited on Sarah’s couch for twenty minutes, staring at her cell phone like a girl waiting for a boy to call after a first date. The phone never rang, but it did finally beep. A text message from Stacey: Meet at 87th and Amsterdam, 11am.

As if things aren’t already creepy enough, Claire thought. She considered the text for a moment before responding: Okay. She knew this was quite possibly a terrible mistake, but the alternative was to go home and tell Dylan everything and she wasn’t at all ready for that. At least they were meeting during the day?

***

Stacey was waiting for her on the corner at exactly eleven o’clock. Claire was relieved to see that she was alone, and that there didn’t appear to be any creepy white vans to abduct her with in the vicinity. She had spent most of the morning going over all of the ways this meeting could go wrong for her, and white vans always seemed to be the vehicle-of-choice for abductions.

“Hi, Claire. I didn’t know if you’d come.”

“I didn’t know if I would either... but here I am. Hi, Stacey.”

Stacey gestured over to a bench on the sidewalk, and the two women sat down. To anyone walking by, they would have looked like old friends catching up. Stacey smiled at Claire, testing the waters.

“Claire, I want to be completely honest with you. Can you keep an open mind with me for a moment?”

All Claire could do was nod.

“My name is actually Dawn. I have been working with the doctor for quite some time. I know you must be feeling caught off-guard today. Everyone is very sorry about that.”

Claire’s blood was boiling as she searched for words. The entire operation had been a huge lie, and she’d fallen for it. She was so angry at herself and everyone involved that she could have screamed.

“What to do you mean ‘everyone is sorry,’ what the hell is all of this?!”

“Everyone at the clinic feels terribly, Claire. No one wanted this to happen, especially not to you. You were doing so well with the trials, we’ve never made breakthroughs like this before.”