Spoiled Secrets (14 page)

              “You know that already, Chase!”

              “I’m not talking about today, Amber.”

              “W..Wh…What are you talking about?  Crying When?”  This was her stammered, confused response.

              Amber is wailing and crying hysterically.  It’s breaking my heart, but I need to know
.  I have to know!

             
“The zoo, Amber!  The day I fell head over hills in love with you!  He’s the reason why you were crying, isn’t he?”

              She lowers her hands from her face to reveal blood shot eyes and tracks of tears that seem never ending.  It breaks me in two!  I start yanking and slamming my hands against my steering wheel. 

              I yell, “I can’t take this shit!  I can’t stand to see anyone hurt you, to make you cry!  I love you so much!”

              Sounds I have never heard before escape my throat.  Guttural, mewing, pained sounds are pulled from the marrow of me.  Imagining someone hurting her, is destroying me.  I don’t put anything past that silly motherfucker.  I will fuck him up!

              My mind is reeling.  My thoughts are bouncing all over the place.  My inner turmoil is so great that I fail to notice when Amber leaves the car.

Chapter 18

              I exit the car to rush to Chase’s side.  He’s yanking on the steering wheel and muttering to himself.  Some of it is incoherent, but other words are very clear.  I hear,
fuck him up…beat his ass…hurt what’s mine. 
I call his name several times.  He seems to not hear me though.

              “Guide me Lord, please!”  I yell to the heavens above. 

              I kneel, lay my head on his lap, quote scripture and pray.  Honestly, I don’t know what else to do at this point. 

             
Isaiah 26:12

              O Lord, you will ordain peace for us, for you have indeed done for us all our works.

              Nahum 1:7

              Jehovah is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and he knows them that take refuge in him.

              “GOD, please, I have prayed and begged numerous times.  I am coming to you in prayer today not for me personally, but for the one I love.  Please, do not allow him to be burdened by my unfortunate burdens.  Do not allow him to be consumed in anger and hatefulness.  His soul is too pure to be tainted by such darkness.  GOD, he is my light in my abyss of obscurity.  Do not allow my taint to slither into his light.  In Jesus name, I pray.”

              His fingers are combing through my hair as I utter the last of my desperate prayer to GOD.  We stay like that for a few minutes; me kneeling, him calming, my head resting on his lap, his soothing fingers running through my hair.  The heavy burden that consumed us just minutes ago has been lifted.  The oppressive energy has all, but dissipated.  We are content to linger in the aftermath due to the sudden calming peace that surrounds us. 

              “Amber?”

              “Chase?” We speak at the same time, breaking the silence.

              “Chase, please let me speak first.”  I pause to give him a chance to respond…he remains silent.  I take that as my queue to continue.

              “Everyone sees me and they think,
look at perfect Amber Wallace,
but they really don’t know me.”  I take a quick breather to prepare myself to open this gilded cage that surrounds me, to let him in just a little.  “Hell, Keisha and Emily only know so much, only what I allow them to see. 
No one person knows everything about me
.”  I stare at my hands that are entwined in my lap, as I confess to him.

              “What’s going on Amber?”  Chase says in a patient voice.

              “Chase, do you trust me?”  I look up at him.

              “Yes!”  No hesitation.

              “Well, trust me when I say, I will tell you soon.”  I take in a deep breath and exhale loudly.  “This is not easy for me.  What I can tell you is, in a few months I will graduate and soon after I plan on moving far away from this place.  I will be moving so fast, you will think the devil himself was knocking down my door.”  I let out an unsteady laugh.  “Trust me, I promise I will tell you everything.  I just need a little time.”

              I lift from his lap and gaze into his eyes.  It’s as if gravity itself is pushing us together.  We inch closer and closer, until our lips are centimeter away from each other.  As he leans in to give us both what are bodies are craving, he whispers his response.

              “Okay.”

              He takes my mouth with gentle caresses.  His lips are the softest I’ve ever felt.  My personal luscious pillows, his lips are perfect.  He sucks my lower lip into his mouth and I groan in pleasure.  He storms my gates. I have no other choice, but to open and let him pillage me.  I surrender!  His velvet tongue enters my mouth.  We simultaneously vocalize our desire in beastly grunts and mewling sounds. He brings this out in me, he makes me feel things that I never have imagined are possible.

              Our time spent in our little corner of nirvana was interrupted by childish giggles.

              “Ooohhhhh…Amber and Chase, sitting in a tree….actually a car…K-I-S-S-I-N-G.  First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a nappy headed kid in a baby carriage!”

              Peanuts giggling as she repeats her taunt several times.  Thank GOD for small blessings because that kiss was getting a little out of hand.  Chase reaches out and grabs Peanut and starts tickling her.  The mood is lightened, they’re bantering back and forth.  I love to watch them play, I stand here and take it in all in.  This is what a family should be like.

              Chase lowers her to the ground after giving her a big bear hug and a loving kiss on her cheek.  “Peanut, can you grab the chicken from the back seat for me?” 

              Peanut starts jumping up and down.  “You brought us some dirty bird for dinner?” 

              I start laughing.  “What the hell is a, dirty bird?”

              Chase joins in my laughter. “Long story short, we went to a state fair when Peanut was younger, it was her first time seeing chickens.  Boy, did they smell!  Ever since then she’s called chickens, no matter if they are alive, fried, or baked, she’s called all forms of chicken,
Dirty Birds
”.  

              “Cause that’s what they are; dirty, stinking, deliciously fried dirty birds!  But, I love them.  It’s my favorite food, right Chase?”  Peanut grabs the bag and starts running for the house not waiting on an answer to her question.

              “Yes, and slow down before you fall!”  Chase yells after his sister.

              “MOM!  Guess what’s for dinner,
DIRTY BIRD!
”  She yells, stumbles and quickly rights herself.

              She turns to grace Chase and I with a smile then quickly disappear in the house.  I grab Chase’s hand to intertwine our fingers. 

              “Let’s go eat, love.”  I say as I look up into his eyes.  I turn towards the house.  As I step forward to follow after his sister with him in tow, I am halted in place by a quick tug.

              “Listen Amber, I promise I will give you time to tell me what’s going on.  But, I will be less than a man if I claimed to be okay with the situation.  Honestly, I don’t want to take you back to that house, I just don’t trust him.  Something isn’t sitting right in here.”  He brings our joined hands up and places them over his heart.

              “The only way I will be marginally okay with you going back, is if you agree to me teaching you some self-defense moves.  I need to know that I have done everything possible to help, if trouble comes knocking at your door.  The level of anger that motherfucker showed today……I don’t trust this whole situation.  And, I sure don’t fucking trust him!”  He looks me in the eyes before he finishes.  “This is how it’s going to be.  Either you agree to four days of training after school each week or you’re moving in with me.”

              “What do you mean, moving in with you?”

              “Exactly what I said, if you do not agree to my terms, you will not be stepping foot inside your parent’s house unless I’m with you.”  He stands there stoned face and…serious. 

              “Let’s say, I took you up on your offer, I would need to go home to pack my bags.  I mean, I would have to let my parents know, right?”  Am I really contemplating this?

              “Amber, you are eighteen, by the law you are considered an adult.  You do not need anyone’s permission to move away from your parents’ home.  All that material stuff, you don’t need any of that.  If you move in with me I’ll take you shopping, I’ll replace all of it.  Hell, I’ll even buy you another car.”

              “What?  Chase, now you’re talking crazy.  You can replace all of my stuff and
my car! 
This is crazy!  You couldn’t afford it and plus I would not burden you with replacing my things.”

              He pulls me to him and wraps me in his arms.  “Just because my home isn’t as big as yours or I don’t drive a Jag to school, that doesn’t qualify me as being broke.  Sweetheart, if I want a home like yours I can buy it tomorrow.”  He chuckles at my stunned look.

              “What are you saying Chase?”

              “After my father’s death, we decided to relocate.  We all wanted a fresh start.  My family has always been well off, Amber.  My mother doesn’t work.  Hell, I can choose to sit my ass home after graduating and not finish my education if I wanted to and live very comfortably.  My father was a very smart man who made six figures a year.  He also made excellent investments over the years.”

              “Again…Chase, what are you saying?”

              “I’m saying, upon my father’s death everything was signed over to me.  Not my mother, everything went to me.  I’m not a flashy guy, Amber.  I have never been or will I ever be that kind of person.  I don’t like to brag about my wealth, that’s never been in my character.  So, when I decided it was time for a change, that it was time to leave our painful ghost behind, I wanted to live under the radar. So, I decided on here, the middle of nowhere, to set up our roots.”

              I stand in bewilderment. 
I’m so confused
.  “Can we sit so that you can explain this to me?  You caught me off guard with this confession.”

              He leads me to their deck and we settle in.  All this time I thought he was just an average Joe.  Don’t get me wrong, I would love this man with or without money. 

              “Look Amber, it’s no big secret.  Then again, it’s nothing I want to advertise either.  As you have witnessed on plenty of occasions, I love my sister.  Some would say I love her as a parent would love their own child.  That would be the closest to my situation.  I know she’s my sister, everyone knows that, but I’m much more.”

              I look at him expectantly.  “What does that mean?” 

              “My mom had a mental breakdown when Francis was born.  My parents loved each other so much.  They loved and couldn’t wait for Peanut to be born.”  He smiles as if he’s remembering something sweet.

              “She took to me right away.”  He shakes his head sadly. “But, mom, there wasn’t a bond between them at all.  Peanut had colic really bad and things just kept getting worse.  Mom slid fast into depression.  My dad started staying away a lot, which in turn, caused me to step up and raise my sister by myself.”

              He looks at me, but I remain silent.  “All that stress broke my mother.  She was institutionalized for a while.    I believe that is the point when my father changed his will, life insurance policies, and added me as the beneficiary to it all.”  I grab his hand in silent support.  “After a while mom came home, she got better.  Her and dad were fine….then the accident happened.  My father’s death was too much for her to handle.  She backslid into that dark place again.”

              “Was she upset when she found out that everything belonged to you?  That your father left you as the beneficiary to the finances?”  He shakes his head.

              “No, she wasn’t mad at all.  Amber, you have to see it from her viewpoint.  I was already taking care of everything.  Dad loved us, but it broke him to see his wife diminished to such a degree.  Some might say it was cowardly of him to stay away from home like he did, but I don’t view it as such.  I do not agree on how he handled the situation at all, but I realized something about my father.  We did not notice that his metal capabilities had weakened…he was devastated.  He was dealing with bouts of depression, but he hid it well.  You might say he lost his wife the day she gave birth.” 

              I inhaled sharply.  “Chase, how can you say that?”  I take a quick look around to make sure Peanut wasn’t skulking around.  No child should view themselves as the reason their parents tumbled into darkness. 

              “It’s harsh, but it’s the truth, Amber.  He found reasons to work longer hours in order to stay away from being smacked in the face by,
what could have been
.  He made sure I had the money to pay the bills.  I was already taking care of Peanut full time. So, his decision did not come as a surprise.  What came as a surprise was my mother signing over her parental rights to me when I turned seventeen.”