Stand (Black Addiction Book 3) (23 page)

“You have to understand that I’m between a rock and a hard place.” My nightmare continued. “What you do behind closed doors is your own business of course, but allegations of violence are not something we can ignore. We are answerable to our parents, Beth. And I’m sure they will have questions about whether it’s appropriate if someone with that kind of lifestyle teaches young impressionable minds.”

This couldn’t be happening. It just couldn’t be real. Some guy I’d basically had a one-night stand with was holding me to ransom. The allegation? Was he trying to insinuate that I beat him up or that I liked to get kinky in the bedroom? Or both?

“I refuse to be bullied by him or by anyone else.” My anger rose with each passing second. “What he is alleging is an out and out lie. But even if it were true, I never would act inappropriately towards my students. I love my job, I love those kids and I would never, ever do anything to put them at risk.”

“Beth, please.” Patricia tried the diplomatic approach, my outburst threatening to continue. “We’re not debating your sincerity, but that doesn’t change how this looks. And supporting that
particular
lifestyle is not in line with the school’s core values.”

“Are you kidding me?” My butt flew off the seat as my feet hit the floor. There was no way I was going to remain calm, chances are I’d already lost my job so why bother holding back. “How this looks? This is my life, my livelihood and my name that is being slandered. My parents and grandparents are going to read that.”

I had been prepared for having some asshole tell me I looked fat in my jeans, or that I wasn’t pretty enough to date someone famous. Hell, I was even ready for the gold digger remarks if they so happened to come my way. I didn’t care what they said; I would take all of it if that was the price of being with Max. My family knew who I was, my friends did too, and that was enough. But this, this was something entirely different. This was waaaaaaaaayyyyy beyond what I was willing to take on. The allegations, that the people I loved would have to hear about me—it was more than I could handle.

“Beth, perhaps you should take a day or two leave.” Mr. James shook his head, the words hanging in the air between us.

“Are you suspending me?”
Please don’t cry, please don’t cry.

“Unfortunately, that is up to the board to decide. There will be an investigation to see if there has been some impropriety, but ultimately it will be their decision. The clause on your contract regarding personal conduct would be what is debated. I’m sorry, Beth, but I think until we work through this you should take some personal time.”

I felt like the floor had been pulled out from under me and I was free falling into a black abyss. In an instant, everything had changed and I had just a few hours left before I lost everything I’d worked so hard for. Everything I loved.

“Call your friend at the paper, tell him it isn’t true. Please, Mr. James, this is my life.” I hated that I was begging, but what choice did I have? I couldn’t just lie down and have it all ripped away.

“I already suggested he ask the editor to do some additional fact checking before running it, but there is evidence to support . . . I’m sorry, there is nothing else I can do.”

I didn’t run. By some miracle I was able to hold it together as I slowly walked out of the room. They wouldn’t see me cry, they wouldn’t see me fall apart; no one would get that satisfaction.

There were no slammed doors, no dramatic exit. Just a quick message to Jules that explained that I’d left without her and I was gone.

Not willing to deal with the subway, I hailed a cab, my façade cracking with each mile until I got to my apartment. I was so desperate to get away from everything and everyone, I completely ignored Ben’s hello as I strolled past him in the foyer, the metal doors of the elevator closing before he had a chance to say anything else.

It was when I was finally inside my apartment and in my room that I finally let go. My body shook uncontrollably as the tears I’d been holding off for too long unleashed, my tangled arms and legs collapsing into a heap on the floor.

I thought about calling him, asking him why he was doing this to me, but deep down I guess I knew. For whatever reason he wanted to hurt me. Whether it was for money, or fame, or maybe because I’d never called him back—but me calling him now wouldn’t solve anything. It would just give him a front-row seat to watching me crumble and I wouldn’t give him that.

Everything ached, every single part of my body and soul hurt, and I continued to cry. The stream of tears unable to stop as I sucked in jagged breaths that felt like my chest was tearing apart.

My solitude lasted only thirty minutes, Jules coming home soon after and knocking on my door wanting to know why I’d ditched her.

Instead of telling her the truth, I gave her a lame-ass excuse that I had a bad headache. Not a lie considering my head was pounding, my sobs smothered by crying into a pillow.

I didn’t know why I was crying. I knew it solved nothing. I knew that if I wanted to fight this, I needed to get myself together and not be the mess I currently was. But at that moment, all the sense in the world didn’t exist in my head. I couldn’t make myself stop.

“Beth, what’s wrong? I can hear you crying,” Jules called through the door, my refusal to open it still standing.

“I’m just sick.” I lied, curling my body into a numb cocoon.

She would find out soon enough. Everyone would and everything I’d worked so hard for would be gone too.

It didn’t matter I was innocent. I’d seen schools let teachers go for something as trivial as a racy Facebook pic, a sex scandal? Bye, Felicia.

“Beth, open the door.” Max banged so hard on the wood, the whole wall shook. I assumed Jules and her big mouth was responsible, his knocking not the
hello-can-I-come-in
kind.

“Max, I’m not feeling well.” I barely lifted my head from my pillow, the tears miraculously stopping a few minutes before. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Or not. In any case, by tomorrow I wouldn’t have to explain, so there was that.

“If you’re not well, then open the damn door and we’ll get you a doctor.” His voice boomed through the door.

He sounded mad, and I hated that, but I was too involved in my own misery to really give it the attention it deserved. I guess that made me a shitty girlfriend. Just another thing to add to an already overwhelming list of crap I was dealing with.

“It’s not that bad, please just give me a break tonight.” I tried so hard, but those tears that had stopped, started again. And no amount of trying made my voice sound steady. “I promise I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Open the door, Beth.”

“Please Max, I just can’t.”

It would have been easy to open the door and curl into his arms. Pretend that the problem didn’t exist. But it did, and part of me was worried about how it would all play out. Max had enough drama in his life. He didn’t need mine too. Not to mention how awesome it was going to be to have his girlfriend branded a whore.

“Either you open it or I’m kicking it in but one way or another this door is history,” he threatened, his fists thumping hard against the wood.

I didn’t move, wrapping my hands around my head, not willing to deal with the decision. It was finally made for me a minute later with a huge crack, jamb-splintering at the edge as the door flew open. His threat hadn’t been idle, his heavy boot no match for the feeble lock.

“What the fuck?” Max’s eyes traveled over the length of my body, clearly not liking what he saw as they widened. His knees sunk onto the floor beside me, genuine fear clouding his beautiful brown pools. “You need to tell me what the hell is going on, Beth.”

I’m sure I looked hideous. My face red and puffy from crying, my hair a mess. It’s not surprising he looked scared; I’d be scared too if I saw myself.

“I can’t.”

I hated myself.

Hated that I was so defeated.

Hated that I had fallen into a heap.

Hated that I hadn’t been stronger.

But as much as I hated all of those things, what I hated most was that other people I loved were going to be hurt because of something I’d done.

“Did someone hurt you?” He pulled me into his arms, his hands sweeping over my body trying to find the answers I wasn’t giving him. “I swear to God if someone fucking touched one hair on your head, I will kill them.”

Just like the door, that wasn’t an idle threat. I didn’t doubt for a second he didn’t mean it. That he would risk his own ass for someone he cared about. It’s one of the reasons I loved him, his kind and selfless heart.

“Max, you can’t kill people just because they hurt me.” I tried to smile, the effort coming up short as my mouth refused to curl.

“Who the hell was it?” he demanded, his fingers pushing the hair off my face. “I swear to you, their life is over.”

“Max.” It hurt to force myself to look into his eyes. “It’s not what you think.”

“No?” His face reared back in disbelief. “Jules called me hysterical, saying you’ve been holed up in your room and won’t talk. Then I have to break the door down just to get in, and my head can’t even process what I’m seeing. I’m losing my fucking mind right now, and every single possibility is worse than the last.”

Whether I wanted to confront it or not, I needed to tell Max. It was either that or the man went on a murderous rampage. I was going to have enough bad press; I didn’t need to cause any additional headlines.

“I had a meeting with my principal today. His friend works at The Times and called him about a story that is running tomorrow.” My chest expanded and I let out a long shaky breath.

“Okay . . .” Max nodded, waiting for me to go on.

“That guy I was seeing before—” And I use that term loosely because he really wasn’t a man as far as I was concerned. “He spoke to the press. About me.” I continued, filling in the blanks about his crazy accusations, Max waiting patiently until I finished. His jaw tightened as I told him of lies, my penchant for beating up men and my
apparent
obsession. “None of it is true, but apparently I’m newsworthy.” The air rushed past my lips as I let out another long breath. “It’s not the kind of image that a teacher should have, so . . . there is going to be an investigation.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Max’s voice bounced off the walls. “The asshole couldn’t cope with rejection, so he tells some dumbass reporter you smacked him around and were obsessed with him? I knew you said his penis was small, but clearly he had no balls either.”

It was an honest assessment; he didn’t have any balls, but his lack of testicular endowment didn’t make this shit any better.

“Max, this is serious.” My hands scrubbed the front of my face. “I work with children. Any allegation sexual in nature could end my career. This isn’t just about getting back at me. This is something else altogether.”

“Where does he live, Beth?” Max lifted off his knees trying to stand.

“You can’t go down there.” I grabbed his arm forcing him back down. “He is probably just waiting for you to show up, hoping to get an assault charge out of the deal as well. You need to let me deal with it.”

Not that I had been doing such a good job
dealing
with it so far, but it was still my mess to clean up. I didn’t want to be that girl who fell into a heap, someone who needed a man to fix things. And as much as I wanted him to make it all go away, I knew that it would forever not sit right with me. I needed to do this, for me.

“So, I’m supposed to just sit on my fucking hands while this asshole threatens you?
Tries
to fuck you over?”

“Yes.”

He rose to his feet, his tightly coiled muscles twitching as he came to full height.

“God, what I wouldn’t give to be in a room with him.” Max paced around the room like a caged animal, his fists white knuckled by his sides. “Five minutes, that’s all I’d need.”

It was hard enough dealing with my own turmoil, but having to watch what it was doing to him was too much. I hated it. I hated all of it, and it confused me so much.

He shouldn’t be here.

With me.

In this mess.

“Please Max, I can’t keep it together and be worried about you too.” I guess it was the night for begging as I got off the floor and faced him. “I’m not strong enough to do both.”

“Listen to me.” He pulled me into his arms, my head resting against his beating chest. “You don’t have to worry about anything, especially not with me. I’ll give you my word that I won’t lay a finger on him, but I’m calling our lawyers. What he’s doing can’t be legal.”

“Okay.”

It was a small concession and it was easier to give in; I was too exhausted to keep fighting. I didn’t expect lawyers could do anything, but I wasn’t going to talk him out of trying. Hell I’d be willing to try anything at this point. Or so was the rumor.

And the press was finally going to get their dirt.

I guess it’s what he felt I’d deserved, I’d hit him where it hurt—his ego, his pride, and he would reciprocate.

Hitting me where it hurt me the most.

And hurt it did.