Stand by Me (60 page)
‘I don’t think so,’ said Greg.
‘I wish you could.’
‘I know.’ Greg kissed him on the forehead and went downstairs again.
Emma was curled up in one of the big armchairs. She looked pale and thin and her hair hung limply in front of her face.
Greg sat down and looked unseeingly at the TV.
‘I know you can’t forgive me,’ said Emma. ‘I’ve lived with your mistrust for years. I guess that’s why when Gabriel came back I wanted to see him. I wanted to know whether I had feelings for him.’
‘I don’t care, Emma,’ said Greg dully.
‘I
do
have feelings for him,’ she said, which made him glance at her. ‘But they’re feelings of guilt, not feelings that I want to be with him.’
do
have feelings for him,’ she said, which made him glance at her. ‘But they’re feelings of guilt, not feelings that I want to be with him.’
‘It’s OK,’ said Greg. ‘I understand that.’
‘And I’m sorry if those feelings made you want to be Dominique’s support system.’
Greg hit the mute button on the TV remote control.
‘Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t,’ he said. ‘I don’t know, Emma. I don’t know why I did some things and I don’t know why you did the things you did. But it doesn’t matter. The result is still the same.’
‘You’re being very hard.’
‘You’re not trying to save our marriage, are you?’ He laughed harshly. ‘It’s too late for that.’
‘I was thinking of Lugh,’ said Emma.
‘He wouldn’t be happy if we were together and sniping all the time.’
‘Could we be together and not snipe?’
‘Emma - all of our married life I’ve felt that I was your second choice. When we first got married I didn’t mind. Actually, I thought I was being sort of noble, rescuing your heart from the evil priest. But I was wrong.’
‘I thought I was being noble in rescuing your heart from the unreachable Domino,’ said Emma.
‘No you didn’t.’
‘I knew you cared about her.’
‘When I asked you to marry me it was because I loved you,’ said Greg.
‘When I said yes it was because I loved you too. And I wanted to share my life with you. Everything in my life. Well, of course, in the end I didn’t. The thing is, Greg, you didn’t share everything with me either.’
‘What?’ he asked. ‘What didn’t I share?’
‘Something you shared with Domino.’ She shrugged. ‘It had nothing to do with me and Gabriel. I only found out recently. But it made me see that she has a place in your heart that I don’t.’
‘I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.’
‘Your baby,’ she said.
‘My baby?’ And then the realisation dawned. She wasn’t talking about the night he’d called to Domino’s house in Dublin, miserable, depressed and looking for love. She was talking about Maria and the child she’d lost.
‘Emma, that was years ago. And I only told Domino about it to explain why I understood her depression.’
‘But you never told me.’
‘It didn’t matter to you.’
‘How do you know what matters until you tell me?’
He nodded slowly. ‘If you want to know ...’
‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I do.’
So he told her about Maria and her pregnancy and she listened to him without saying a word.
‘It’s no great secret,’ he said.
‘You should have shared it all the same. And I might have understood more.’
‘Too late now,’ he said, aware that he was still keeping secrets from her and that he would never, ever tell her about kissing Dominique and wanting to make love to her. There were some things that should stay buried. Some things that she would never understand. They were getting divorced. There was no point in hurting her any further.
She nodded. ‘We’re going through a tough time right now. Whether or not we can live together any more, we have to stop blaming each other.’
‘I think that’s what happens in divorces.’
‘We didn’t have a successful marriage,’ said Emma. ‘Let’s try and have a successful divorce.’
He couldn’t help smiling at her. ‘That’s a great way of putting it.’
‘Thank you.’ She smiled in return.
‘OK then. So can we leave both Dominique and Gabriel out of it?’
‘Absolutely,’ said Emma.
‘No more talking about them?’
‘No. Although I have a horrible feeling there’s still lots of talk about Domino to come.’ Emma, suddenly relaxed, folded her legs beneath her body in the armchair. ‘The papers will have a field day with Brendan and she’s sure to be in the firing line.’
‘I won’t be rushing to support her, if that’s what worries you,’ said Greg. ‘Besides, she has someone else now, hasn’t she?’
‘Paddy O’Brien?’
‘She likes him, doesn’t she?’
‘Maeve told me that she just thinks of him as a friend. I told her that Domino had too many friends who were men.’
‘Not that many,’ protested Greg.
‘One too many as far as I was concerned,’ said Emma. She got up from the chair. ‘My reasons for what I did with Gabriel were inexcusable. But I always envied your relationship with his sister.’ She opened the door. ‘Good night,’ she said. ‘And thanks for staying.’
‘You’re welcome.’ Greg heard her close the door again. He stared straight ahead, not seeing the pictures on the TV screen in front of him at all.
They arrived back at Fairview at two in the morning. Kelly woke up when Brendan pulled up outside the house. Dominique looked around her before she opened the front door.
‘I’m convinced photographers are lurking in the bushes,’ she explained.
‘Like at Atlantic View.’ Kelly yawned and walked into the house.
‘There were photographers in the bushes at Atlantic View?’ said Brendan questioningly.
‘In the bushes, at the gate, on the road outside your mum’s house . . . Everywhere,’ said Dominique.
‘Was it hell?’ asked Brendan.
‘What do you think?’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘I know. And don’t bother saying you’re sorry any more,’ said Dominique as she hung her jacket on the coat rack. ‘I’m going to bed. You can sleep in the box room again.’
‘Domino . . .’
‘Look, Brendan, I’m going to support you during the next few weeks. I owe you and your family that much. I owe it to Kelly, too. But right now I don’t want to sleep with you. In fact you’ve got to be pretty grateful that I’m letting you stay here in the first place.’
‘I am grateful, of course I am,’ he said. ‘And I know we can work this out, Domino. For the long term.’
‘Right,’ she said, and went upstairs to the bedroom, closing the door very firmly behind her.
Chapter 32
The news that Brendan was back in the country had filtered through to the media by the following day. He went to see the guards with his solicitor, Ciara, while Dominique headed off to work. Kelly stayed in bed. Although she was awake when both of her parents left the house, she went back to sleep again afterwards. She didn’t have the strength to face another day just yet.
Brendan and Ciara spent nearly two hours at the offices of the Bureau of Fraud Investigation in Harcourt Street. There were reporters outside as he left, but Brendan ignored them and got into a waiting taxi. He directed the driver to Dominique’s house in a roundabout way, just in case anyone was following him. He’d got used to doing things like this while he was away, although it made him feel like the criminal he so fervently believed he wasn’t. And after his talks with the guards, he was beginning to hope that they didn’t think so either. Ciara was optimistic too. Stupid maybe, criminal not, was what she’d said. And unlucky, of course, in the way things had conspired against him.
The house was deserted when he eventually arrived back. He knew that Dominique was at work, but he wasn’t sure where Kelly was. Dominique had told him that their daughter had originally planned to spend a few days in the capital, and Brendan supposed that if she’d changed her mind she would’ve stayed in Cork the previous night, but he had no idea what she wanted to do now.
It was strange to be in the house on his own. He wandered through the small rooms, picking up things he didn’t recognise - new books and magazines, a framed photo of Dominique and Kelly that had obviously been taken after he’d left, a DVD of a newly released movie. All the stuff in the house was different too - the cups, the cutlery, the sheets, the towels; none of it had been taken from Atlantic View. Even though he knew he wouldn’t be coming home to Atlantic View, he’d still imagined that their own things would be in the house that Dominique was renting. But she’d reminded him at the weekend that not only had Atlantic View been sold, everything in it had gone too. Her words had been like a blow to his stomach. He’d known they’d have to sell things but he hadn’t quite realised the enormity of what had happened. Now, by himself for the first time since he’d come back, he was beginning to understand it.
He’d been so looking forward to finally coming home. It had been hard to be on his own for such a long time. Now he wanted his family around him. The only problem was that his family had other things to do. Not that he should have been surprised. After all, he’d left them to fend for themselves. And that was what they were doing.
He couldn’t get over the fact that Dominique had got a job. He hadn’t imagined her going out to look for work. He’d supposed that she’d stay on at Atlantic View and that she’d get some support from Lily and Maurice. He’d left what cash he’d been able to lay his hands on in Kelly’s book, although he knew that it wouldn’t see them far. But he’d hoped that he’d be able to sort his affairs out quickly. It hadn’t worked out like that, though. From the time things had started to go wrong, he’d felt like someone caught in a tidal wave, not knowing which way it was taking him. He’d been working furiously and getting nowhere. Doing stupid things simply to try to keep his head above water. When he’d been attacked in Panama, he’d been sure he was finally going to go under. He’d thought he would die there, away from everyone he knew and everyone he cared about.
And then he’d phoned Gabriel, and his brother-in-law had been calm and reasoned and non-judgemental.
Brendan had arranged to meet him in a hotel bar in the Bocas del Toro district of the city on a day when the rain sluiced from the skies and drenched the surrounding area so that it was almost impossible to be outside. When Gabriel - so like Domino in many ways, although she never really saw it - strode across the tiled floor, shaking the rain from his dark hair, Brendan realised that he wasn’t as alone as he’d thought after all.
Gabriel had given him a detailed account of what had happened when he himself had turned up at Atlantic View following Brendan’s disappearance. He told him how devastated Dominique had been and how shocked the entire family was. He gave him the intimate details behind the newspaper headlines - like Dominique laying all her jewellery on the table and deciding what pieces she could keep (the small diamond on a chain and the locket she’d then given to Kelly for her twenty-first birthday); or like Kelly sitting on the leather chair in Brendan’s office, her eyes closed, saying that she was trying to sense where he was; or like Lily making pots of tea for everyone who turned up, trying to lift their spirits even though her own were battered and bruised.
Brendan had cried then and said that he’d made the most God-awful mess of things. Then he’d apologised to Gabriel for saying God-awful, and Gabriel had said that he could say what he liked to him these days, not that it mattered - it
was
a God-awful mess. And then Brendan had said that it was a pity Gabriel wasn’t a priest any more because that way he could hear his confession, and Gabriel had told him that confessing didn’t matter but being sorry did. Brendan assured him that he was as sorry as a person could be for messing up everyone’s lives. Gabriel had said that maybe it was time to come home and face up to things, and that even though it would be hard Brendan would have plenty of support because his family still cared about him. Gabriel said that he knew this because he’d listened to them talking, and although they were angry with him, they were also very, very worried about him. And, he added, Brendan couldn’t do anything here, so far away from everyone. He needed to be with the people who loved him.
was
a God-awful mess. And then Brendan had said that it was a pity Gabriel wasn’t a priest any more because that way he could hear his confession, and Gabriel had told him that confessing didn’t matter but being sorry did. Brendan assured him that he was as sorry as a person could be for messing up everyone’s lives. Gabriel had said that maybe it was time to come home and face up to things, and that even though it would be hard Brendan would have plenty of support because his family still cared about him. Gabriel said that he knew this because he’d listened to them talking, and although they were angry with him, they were also very, very worried about him. And, he added, Brendan couldn’t do anything here, so far away from everyone. He needed to be with the people who loved him.
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