Star Fish (23 page)

– Forty Two –

Pisces:
Suddenly you can see things more clearly in your immediate surroundings.

I walked tearfully back to Layston Gardens, wondering if I had just thrown away my last chance of happiness. Kind, caring men like Christopher were few and far between. Additionally, under full-scale analysis, he had always said, ‘Bless you,’ on cue, plus he was the only man who had ever said, ‘Don’t ever change.’ When it came to the holding my hand in labour bit, he was in fact so selfless that he would probably have had the baby himself!

It was a chilly November afternoon and I began to shiver. Despite it being only four o’clock, it was dark already. It was when I got back to number 21 that I stopped shivering with the cold, but with pure fear. All the lights were on and I only ever left the hall light on when I went out, so I knew someone else had been in since I had left to meet Christopher.

My first terrifying thought was that I’d been burgled. My second was that Penelope might have escaped out on to the road. Bravely I pushed open the door, picked up a large vase for weaponry and crept through the lounge. I was now more angry than frightened. How dare anyone break into my lovely home?

In true
Charlie’s Angels
style I bounded into the dining room – empty. I then sped through into the kitchen towards the back door. This was ajar too. I kicked it open really hard. Charlie would have been proud of me! I then nearly jumped out of my skin at the sound of a familiar voice.

‘Prinny! God alive, you scared the bloody wits out of me!’

And there in my now somewhat overgrown garden was Brad. Brad, my beautiful image-conscious friend, now, gracefully adorned in oversized dark green galoshes, bright pink rubber gloves and a surgical mask. He was covered from head to foot in what looked like slime. He lowered the mask to reveal his beaming face.

‘I didn’t think you’d be back so soon. Quick – come and see.’ He was acting like an excited child on Christmas morning.

Still feeling bewildered I followed him down to the end of the garden and did one of my open-shut mouth fish impressions. For there in front of me, was a new pond. Not a green, stinking pond but one with water so clear that in the beam of Brad’s flashlight you could see right down to the pebbles in the bottom.

‘Found two frogs too,’ he burbled on. ‘Although God knows what they’re still doing here in this weather. Look – there’s one there. I’ve made a slide out of some wood for him. Oh, and didn’t think you’d mind but thought the sailing boat was quite a nice finishing touch.’

I was completely speechless – just for a second, mind you. Overwhelmed that yet another human being could be so, so kind to me. Despite his stinking, slimy state, I threw my arms around him, held him tightly and kissed him full on the lips.

‘I love you, Brad Sampson, I really do.’

He grimaced. ‘Ergh! Not sure what’s worse, dealing with concentrated frogcrap or kissing a girl.’

I smiled through the tears that had begun to fall down my cheeks. ‘Thank you so much,’ I said with total sincerity.

‘Heh, like I said – always here for you, babe.’ He then lightened the mood.

‘Can we please can we try and keep some sort of order down this end of the garden now? Which means no throwing the poor babies any more raw meat.’

Penelope, who had appeared out of the gloaming, sensing that I might be getting a lecture, brushed against Brad’s galoshes, lifted his tail and farted.

– Forty Three –

Pisces:
Unexpected developments will create a stir within a meaningful relationship. Be strong to gain your ultimate reward.

It was on a frosty December morning that ‘the letter’ arrived.

My Darling Amy,

I have left Tania for good. I realised straight away what a terrible mistake I had made. Life without you will be like a world without sunshine. But you can’t have a rainbow without some rain and all I can do is hope that one day you will forgive me. I will always be here waiting to come and claim my pot of gold. I am so in love with you. Will x

I read the letter over and over again. I hadn’t stopped loving or missing Will since the day I walked away from him. In fact, if I was honest, I hadn’t stopped loving him for thirteen years.

I had to see him. My heart was so drawn to this being. I couldn’t forsake a love that was so obviously meant to be, but I had to be sure that I could trust him again.

It seemed apt somehow to meet at the lake. He was waiting for me in his van. I climbed up next to him.

‘Let’s talk here,’ I said, trying to stay composed.

Images of the last time I had been here rushed through my mind and I thought I would cry, but managed to hold it together. The banks were glistening with frost and the water was very still. I could have eaten him there and then. I could tell he had made a real effort to look nice. His lovely eyes bore straight into mine. He went to kiss me and I pulled away.

‘Hear me out,’ I said boldly. ‘Your letter was beautiful. I can’t deny that I still love you deeply but I’ve had a long think and I need some space to decide if I want to go down the same road as you now.’

‘But Amy-’

I put my finger to his full lips to shush him.

‘Let me have my say,’ I continued. ‘I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust you again, and I have to be sure in my heart and head that I can forgive you fully. I’m not saying it’s forever, but at the moment I need to get my mind straight.’ I so wanted to just grab him and kiss him there and then but I resisted. I had to be sure that I chose the correct path. My whole future was at stake.

His eyes welled with tears. ‘What can I do to make you change your mind?’ he asked hoarsely. ‘I can’t see a future without you in it now. In fact, I don’t even want to spend another day without you in it.’

‘Hug me,’ I said, tears now flowing down my cheeks. He hung on to me tightly. Not allowing myself to weaken I pulled away quickly.

‘I’m going now. Goodbye, Will. Get on with your life. Please don’t contact me. I’ll be thinking of you.’

‘Amy, you can’t do this to me. I love you!’ he shouted after me as I ran to my car and sped away sobbing.

– Forty Four –

Pisces:
An important journey lies ahead of you. Head to the water, fishes, and face the truth.

I needed to redress the balance between my head and my heart as at the moment my heart was getting the gold medals every time.

It had been so painful to walk away from Will but I knew it was the only way to deal with my feelings at the moment. He had hurt me so badly; I had to be sure that I was ready to cope with the mistrust that I would so obviously feel if I did make the decision to go back to him.

What made it worse was that it was the week before Christmas. The thought of being home alone at this time was too much to bear. Everywhere I went were happy couples. Happy couples shopping, happy couples with their Christmas trees poking out of the back of their cars, happy couples kissing in the street. I just had to spend a few days away from everything familiar, somewhere quiet to make the biggest decision of my life.

I was sitting on the sofa one night watching a travel programme featuring Cornwall when I suddenly remembered a conversation I had had with Ryan way back at my dinner party. St Ives – that was where he came from, and he still owned a holiday place there. I picked up the phone.

Before going upstairs to thrown some clothes in a bag, I left a message on Mr Parkinson’s voice mail. I also sat and wrote a note to Brad, as I feared he would try and stop me if I rang and told him what I was planning. I asked him to look after Pen for me and promised to be back by Christmas Eve.

Ryan’s cottage in St Ives was a perfect retreat. It was tiny and cosy, with an open fire in the characterful lounge and a beautiful attic bedroom over looking the sea. The constant crying of the gulls was a comfort as it bought back memories of family holidays in Cornwall when Mum was alive.

With its wild coastline Cornwall was the perfect place for a distressed fish to walk in and think about her future. I replied to Brad’s text to let him know I was fine, and phoned Anna to ask her to tell Dad where I was, and told her not to worry. I then amazingly turned my phone off. I had taken Will’s letter along with me and every night before I went to sleep I would read it, cry and put it under my pillow. I was happy that he wanted me back but was still very confused.

One evening after one of my long walks I suddenly felt ravenously hungry. I strolled down to the harbour and peered in the window of one of its pubs. It looked so warm and welcoming inside. The Christmas tree lights were twinkling and the hum of contented people seemed to ooze through the gaps in the old wooden door.

I bravely entered alone and ordered a pint of scrumpy, a pastie and a portion of chips. The food and drink tasted delicious, and for the first time in a long time no longer felt alone. I knew that, in time, I would be one of these smiling people again. However, a couple walking in and announcing their engagement to their waiting family soon turned my way of thinking back to despair. Tears began to trickle down my face. I wanted to marry him – but what if he lied to me again?

I didn’t want anyone feeling sorry for me so I gulped back the rest of my drink and walked out to face the cold air and crashing waves. As I looked out to sea, I sensed that somebody was right behind me. Startled, I turned around.

Staring at me was an old man with white hair and beard and a face so weathered, you could have made a pair of shoes from it. I felt afraid as he put his hand on my shoulder. However, when he began to talk in his soft Cornish accent, I suddenly felt completely safe.

‘Life is short, young’un – too short to be feeling such pain when there is so much beauty around you.’ He pointed up to the sky. ‘I’ve looked up at those stars for the past seventy years. Each one of them is a person that you’ve loved and lost looking out for you, you know. They’ve protected me on those seas for the whole of my long life. Look up, my dear, pick one out and make a wish. It will come true, I can promise you.’

Mesmerised, I looked up and did as he said. I picked out the brightest star in the sky. I immediately thought of my mum and made my wish.

The old man smiled knowingly. ‘If it’s your future you’re wishing for, go and see old Mrs Treharne in SeaView Cottage. She’ll sort you out.’

Suddenly, there was a big gust of wind and my hair was blown over my face. By the time I had brushed it out of my eyes, I went to thank the old man but there was no sign of him.

The next morning I stood nervously on the white doorstep of SeaView Cottage.

The powder-blue front door was only about four feet high and the knocker was that of a beautiful bronze fairy. The gulls overhead cried out as if to say, ‘Go on, go on, knock on that door.’

A wizened, white-haired old lady with a stooped back opened the door and greeted me. Her eyes were glassy grey with age. Her whole being seeped wisdom and kindness.

‘Hello, Amy. I’ve been expecting you.’

This was spooky. A cold shiver went right through me. How on earth did she know I was coming?

‘Come on in and sit yourself down, my love. Don’t take no mind of Pickles.’

Pickles was a huge cat, he must have been in cat years the same age as his owner. He had amazing green eyes. I suddenly thought of Pen and hoped that he was OK. As I settled in to a low chair by the fire, the creature glared at me, then jumped straight onto my lap and started purring loudly. Mrs Treharne sat opposite me on a raggedy chair and covered her knees with a colourful crocheted blanket. Then she reached forward and took both my hands in hers. They were the tiniest, wrinkliest hands I had ever seen.

‘Your eyes are the windows to your soul, Amy, so let’s see why you are drowning in such sorrow, shall we? Give me your watch now.’

She then in a slow, deliberate voice recited The Lord’s Prayer. For some reason I felt no fear; I was completely serene and relaxed.

Mrs Treharne closed her fading eyes and began to rub my watch.

‘You poor little girl, I can feel so much sadness, hurt and anger.’ She then looked upwards and her voice lifted. ‘I can see a rainbow and water. The water is good for you. You fish need to be in your own element. The tears are drying. I can hear laughter and see Christmas lights in a row. There is a man, you know him well. He’s a wild one, but oh such beautiful eyes. I can hear the words, ‘Face of an angel, mind of a devil’.

She stopped suddenly, opened her eyes and looked at me. ‘Take care, Amy. Old playgrounds are dangerous places.’

She shut her eyes again and began nodding. ‘The leopard will change his spots if love is true.’

I began to feel scared now, as I didn’t want her to say anything that I didn’t want to hear. She could obviously see Will, but where were the words ‘happy’ and ‘ending’? I felt like shouting out, ‘Just tell me who my future lies with! I need to know!’

And as if she could read my mind she continued, ‘There’s somebody else. He is fair-haired man and has kind blue eyes. He cares for you deeply and wants what is best for you. He will lead you to your fairytale.’

She nodded and repeated. ‘The fair man will lead you to your fairytale, young Amy.’

She then fumbled around under the crocheted blanket, pulled out a battered leather hip flask and took a noisy swig. Pickles jumped off my lap and startled me back into reality.

‘Anything else?’ I asked her urgently.

‘Patience, young Amy. If he’s worth waiting for, he’ll come to you.’

She could see how anxious I was and took my hands again. She looked me intently in the eyes. ‘He will come to you, my dear.’

There was a knock on the door, which made me jump out of my skin. Oh my God, surely she didn’t mean he’d come to me this quickly? I now felt dreadfully confused. She was hinting that Christopher was going to be my destiny. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear at all.

‘You have a beautiful soul, Amy. He
will
come.’

I looked at the door and she smiled. ‘Mrs Tregellis from SeaSpray – tea-leaf reading.’

I got up slowly. ‘Thanks ever so much, Mrs Treharne. How much do I owe you?’

She pointed to her hip flask. ‘Just a winter warmer if you’re passing, my dear.’