Steeling My Haart (22 page)

        
“Why
have you never tried to contact him? I know from just asking around here that
he came back pretty quickly after you’d left, but I’ve not really asked beyond
that. I just assumed after the baby you’d want to forget him and move on.
That’s why I haven’t mentioned him to you. I never realized you were still
feeling this way about him after all these years. Oh, honey, it must have been
so hard for you. Why don’t you go back sometime and try speaking to him?” Nicky
wrapped her arm around her shoulders and kissed her on her temple like she used
to do when she was upset as a child. After looping a few stray strands of hair
back round her ear, she encouraged Emma to carry on.

 
“I don’t know. I guess I thought I was
getting over him after college so when I was offered the job in New York and I realized
I wasn’t going to come back, I just never bothered. I dreamed a lot that he
would come and find me again, but he never did. Maybe I was wrong about us and
it really was his way of letting me down nicely and moving on himself.” She
sighed deeply and turned to her mom.

        
“Anyway,
who would want me right now? I’m a mess and I have two far more important
people in my life to deal with talking of which, are you coming with me to
pre-k with Adie this afternoon?”

        
“Of
course I will, honey, and when you’re more settled, it might do you good to go
talk to Charlie, you know? He might be able to bring you some closure on all of
this.”

        
“I
will. I don’t think I can move on with anyone else until I do. Thanks for
listening, though. I’ll try not to bottle things up in the future. I feel so
much better for offloading already.”
 

        
“You’re
welcome. Now let’s go find your dad and those two little angels and get Adie
ready for her afternoon trip,” she said before planting another kiss on her
daughter’s temple. She stood and began ushering her in the general direction of
the garden and the peals of laughter and squeals that were now emanating from
outside.

        
The
next couple of weeks flew by in a flurry of appointments and settling the
children into childcare. Today she had finally dropped Leo off at the local
daycare center for his first full day. When it was time she head to the airport
to collect Bruce who was heading over for a week to help search for an office.
Lou was due to fly in for the following weekend, as it would be Adie’s fourth birthday.
They were going to stay with them through Thanksgiving the week after. Now the
children were settled, she was feeling more at home than she had in a long
time. Things felt like they were coming together for her for the first time in
her life. Being back in Oklahoma was the best therapy she could have ordered
after Lily’s death; and although her and her parents still battled daily with
dealing with Adie and her grief, things were definitely settling down for her.

        
As
she headed down the freeway towards the arrivals terminal, her excitement to
see Bruce rose. He had become a close confidante since she had been home and
his and Lou’s unwavering support had meant so much. She spoke to them both
daily and Adie insisted on Skype calls at least twice a week with ‘Uncie Wou
and Bwucie’. They had fast become a second family for them all. She was also
grateful for his help in sorting the office.

        
As
she pulled into the terminal parking area she was surprised to see him standing
there waiting, a huge beaming smile plastered across his face as he approached
the car. The weather had turned decidedly murky and although he was wrapped up
warm she spotted him immediately.

        
She
stopped at the curbside and jumped out of the car to hug him. He swept her up
into his arms and hugged her close. He released her and then took her into a
hug again saying, “This one is from Lou, darlin’.” He winked as he did a great
impression of his other half. It made Emma burst out in a genuine laugh. As she
did he held her out at arms’ length and took a long look over her, “Well, Miss
McKellan, being back home certainly suits you. You are looking absolutely
fabulous.”

She hugged him again. “Thanks Bruce, I
can’t begin to tell you how nice it has been to be back and mom is spoiling us
all like you wouldn’t believe.” She said happily as she opened the trunk to let
him load his bags.

        
“So
tell me, anything else exciting happen these last few days?” Bruce asked,
lifting his eyebrow at her as he hopped into the car. He was referring to her
unexpected meeting with Charlie a few weeks prior. Both he and Lou had agreed with
her mom that she ought to be thinking of trying to get a hold of him and
exorcizing her own Charlie-sized demons.

        
She
looked at him in mock-horror before replying, “No, I haven’t seen him since,
and I’m not sure I’m ready to go there just yet. But, yes, I agree with you all
and it will happen sometime.” She resigned herself to the fact that no one
would drop the issue if she didn’t make some eventual effort.

        
“I’m
still more surprised that there’s an M’s Place in your old home town. though. I
guess it’s a prime spot though with it being on Route 66 and all, but still,
it’s a bit of a coincidence, isn’t it?” he said as Emma thought he sounded to
be putting two and two together and making five.

        
“Coincidence?
No. I found out the other day that there’re a few M’s Places now and the one in
New York was the store that set the expansion in motion. Route 66 desperately
needs places like that, though. So, no, I don’t think it’s a coincidence at all,”
she reasoned back at him.

        
“Okay,
whatever, but I can’t believe you haven’t been back. Not even the power of
their Pumpkin Latte or the Blaze’s bake hasn’t tempted you there, then?” he
teased her again, knowing he was pushing some of her buttons.

        
“No,
surprisingly not! Besides, I am not prepared for seeing him again right now,
and I will venture over that way once I have steeled myself to going back. So
what do you want to do first? We have a full afternoon of viewings planned, but
do you fancy a spot of breakfast in town? I know just the spot?” She changed
the subject, knowing the mere mention of food would knock Bruce off his Charlie
rant.

        
“Sounds
great! I’m starving! Bring it on.”

        
They
chatted relentlessly for the entire drive to the IHOP in town where Bruce
managed to demolish his own body weight in pancakes and bacon before he finally
filled himself up. After the mammoth breakfast, they set off and decided to
walk in the dreary late autumnal day to look at a few units they had seen. Emma
linked her arm through Bruce’s. As they walked he recounted some of the funnier
stories of how he and Lou used to sneak around and meet in the earlier days,
Emma felt herself lifting even more.

        
After
they had walked a few blocks from the restaurant, they neared the historic downtown
area that was filled with boutique shops. This would be a great spot for a
small office for her because of the proximity to the shops and passing trade
too.

        
As
they rounded the last block before hitting the main street, Emma was laughing
hard at something Bruce was saying that she didn’t notice the solitary figure
watching her from across the road straight away.
 
As she stopped laughing, she sensed him
there. Stopping short and cutting Bruce off mid-sentence with the suddenness of
her actions, she began to scan the area. She knew he was there somewhere and
could feel him before she saw him. It took a minute for her to realize he was
there, standing clear as day, but now clean-shaven and hair trimmed into a
stylish cut. It didn’t take long for Bruce to realize what was happening.
 

        
He
broke the silence after a few beats. “Pheweee, Emma, you forgot the part about
how goddam hot he is,” he whispered into her ear. The corner of her mouth
lifted slightly and although she was amused at his comment she just continued
to stare across the street at Charlie.

        
Time
seemed to just stand still for the two of them. Crowds were bustling all around
them, oblivious to the scene in front of them. Emma was mildly conscious of
Bruce still by her side. After what felt like hours, Charlie smiled at her, and
turning on his heel, he walked back in the direction he had come from. Emma
shook herself out of the stupor that seeing Charlie had caused and looked up to
Bruce. “That was him,” she muttered in disbelief.

“No shit, Emma. I
gathered that from the fireworks exploding on the street between you. That was
one seriously hot look he was giving you. I’d hazard a guess he is as far from
over you as you are of him,” he observed more to himself than as a direct
admission to Emma.

        
“You
think?” she questioned him, glancing up with her brows furrowed.

        
“I
don’t just think, I know. Trust me when I say I know a man in love when I see
one,” he said as he clutched his hands to his chest dramatically.

        
“Don’t
tease me. I can’t believe how much he still affects me! I thought I hated him
for the longest time, but seeing him now just makes me want to run up to him
and tell him how I feel. I need his arms around me. I just want him to tell me
it’s all going to be okay. I’m so frustrated. And confused, too, but with
everything going on right now it wouldn’t be fair, would it?” She huffed out a
large breath and they continued on their quest for office space.

        
“One
step at a time, but I’d put money on the fact you’ll end up marrying that man
one day.”

        
“I
doubt that very much, and even if he is still single, he wouldn’t want to be
bothered with me now that I have Adie and Leo. They are a pretty big deal in my
life, you know.” She sighed sadly, as they continued on in their search for an
office. Crossing the road they walked across the sidewalk and past the place
where Charlie had been standing just minutes before. They walked along the road
he had just disappeared down and to a modern low rise office block tucked away
down the back of Main Street. As they walked past a narrow alleyway, Emma’s
senses were once again on high alert and she looked around surreptitiously to
see if she could find any sign of him. He was nowhere to be seen and she
shrugged her shoulders and followed Bruce into the small lobby area.

        
Bruce’s
visit had been extremely successful. In addition to them being able to secure a
suitable office space in town at a reasonable rent, he had also helped her find
the perfect house for her and the kids.
 
It was in a new, gated estate near all of the amenities of the town. She
had easily been able to afford the beautiful three-bedroom home not far from
her parents. Although it was fully built, it still needed some decoration and finalization.
The builder was scheduled to hand over the key before Thanksgiving next week. Once
she decorated and furnished it, the place would be perfect for them all. It was
near to the elementary school and only a short distance outside of the town.
The garden plot was flat and secure so once her dad had worked his magic on the
landscaping, it would be an amazing outside space for the kids.

       
Adie
was so excited at being able to have her own bedroom. She had always shared
with Leo since her parents’ apartment in New York. It had been small and the
only other homes she had known had been Emma’s two bedroomed apartment and
Nicky and Mike’s house. She had taken them both to visit with Bruce the day she
had finalized the purchase and the little girl finally seemed as though she was
settling into her new life.

Adie had tugged at
Bruce and took him back to the room she had claimed as her own.
   
“Bwuce, this is my woom here.
I want it all in pink with a pwincess bed like Nicky got. And I need a pwincess
table hewe, too.” She was excitedly telling him and she tugged at this hand
whilst pointing out the different parts of her room to him.
 
“It’s soo pwetty when I look out of de
window and I see de gawden too. I never had a gawden befower, Bwuce.”

        
Her
excitement was infectious. Once he was finally released from his tour of the
room, he sought out Emma, who was gently rocking a sleeping Leo in her arms in the
main living area. “Hey, how you doing?”

        
“Hey,
there, I’m okay, thanks. Just thinking how things might have been, you know? I
know I need to get my head out of my ass at some point, but this whole area brings
back so many memories. I had hoped at one time to be buying a home here with
someone else. Now I’m moving here as a single parent. It’s just bringing a few
repressed memories of things to the surface, that’s all.” She smiled sadly as
she shared her thoughts with him.

        
“You
are doing an amazing job. And to think you’re tackling this all on your own is
amazing. I’m so proud of you, for what it’s worth,” he whispered as he put his
arm around her shoulders and kissed the top of her head.

       
“Thanks,
Bruce. Don’t get me wrong, I love being back here and it’s definitely the place
to be to raise the kids, but I just wish I had left here under better
circumstances. My baby would have been eight now, in elementary school and it still
hurts sometimes to think of things like that. I don’t think I’ll ever forget,
though. Living in New York just made everything seem so far away and I could
easily try to forget. I have the added pressure now of trying to do the right
thing by Adie and Leo, which has so far been a life changing experience. I need
to deal with things for myself, and now I have to think of them, as well as me.
I have to move on. I know we’re going to be so happy here, though.” She felt so
content as she spoke to Bruce, more content than she had felt in over eight
years. Their little chat was abruptly interrupted as a whirlwind of pink frills
shot into the large open space.

        
“Can
we go find Lou now, Emmamomma?” Adie shouted as she jumped in circles round the
two of them. Her shouting startled Leo awake. Instead of crying out like he
normally did, he looked up at Emma and he reached up with his little chubby
hand and lay it softly on her cheek. His tiny face broke into a semi-toothy
grin and he repeated Adie’s word, “Emmamomma.” It was the first time Adie had
referred to her as anything other than Emma and the sound of Leos tiny voice
now calling her the same filled her heart with love.

        
“Did
you hear that?” she whispered to Bruce, who was standing there with tears
brimming in his eyes.

“Yes, I did. Looks like they agree with
me. That was too darned cute for words.” He sucked in a deep breath before
turning to the little pink dot on the floor. “If it’s okay with Emmamomma over
there,” Bruce answered her and used her new nickname. “I think me and Uncle Lou
would love to help you decorate your bedroom as our gift to you for your
birthday. We can take you shopping for the princess bed and the table.” He beamed
as he lowered his voice to whisper loudly into Adie’s ear, “and I think I know
where we might find some pink paint, too?” He winked at Emma as stood to watch
the tiny pink figure go dancing round the room, clapping her hands.

“Yes, yes, yes, pwease. Emmamomma, can
I go shopping with Bwuce and Lou, pwease?”

        
Laughing
loudly as she held a now clapping Leo. “Of course you can, sweetheart. And
thanks, Bruce, I think you’ve just made one little girl very happy!” Emma giggled
as she watched him join the little girl in dancing around the room.

        
“My
absolute pleasure. Now let’s get going and see if we can find Uncle Lou at the
airport, shall we?” he shouted as he lifted her off her feet and hoisted her
onto his shoulders. They headed off out the car and were on the way to the
airport within a few minutes.

        
After
they had collected Lou at the airport, they headed out for lunch then took him on
a whistle stop tour of the properties they had spent the last week sorting out.
Once an excited Adie had brought him up to date on everything, they finally
arrived back at Emma’s parents’ home. Nicky was delighted to see Lou and they
immediately started making arrangements for catering for Adie’s small birthday
tea party they were holding on the weekend. It was a novelty for Emma’s mom to
have a partner in crime in the kitchen and talk soon turned to the preparation
of the amazing feast they would be hosting for thanksgiving, the following
week, too. It was clear that Lou was as happy to help out, as Nicky was to
accept the assistance.

        
Lou
and Bruce kept their word and the following day they took Adie straight from
pre-k to the store and spent an obscene amount of money on pink furniture,
paint, drapes and flooring. They were a useful diversion for Adie while Emma
took Leo in his stroller to buy basic furnishings for her new home. She was due
to get the keys within the next couple of days, once the builder had signed off
on the new home. She paid for everything then headed across to the nursery
section of the huge home furnishings store to pick out the new furniture for Leo.
 

        
As
she browsed the different options there, she felt a presence behind her.
Jumping and turning around, she accidentally elbowed the person standing there.
 
She opened her mouth to apologize, the
figure turned around and took her breath away. It was Charlie again. Only this
time she was so close to him she could smell his scent and felt his breath on
her face. He had opened his mouth too, but whatever words he was abut to say appeared
to get stuck in his throat as he realized who it was that was standing so
close.

        
Coughing
in embarrassment, Emma jumped back, knocking into the stroller and stumbling
slightly as she tried to back away from his intense scrutiny. Quick as a flash,
Charlie reached out and grabbed her around the waist to stop her from stumbling
backwards. They both flinched from the contact, and Emma drew in a sharp breath
as the heat immediately flooded her to her core. They stood there for a few
moments just staring into each other’s eyes, neither one of them making a move
to break the close contact. Charlie stared at her hungrily. She froze as his
eyes drifted across her face. She swore the heat burned a path across her skin.

        
“Emma,”
Charlie finally choked out in a hoarse whisper, breaking the silence. “It
really is you.”

        
“Yes,
it’s me, Blaze,” was all she could say in response, addressing him by her
nickname for him. There were a million words she wanted to say right then, and
more questions that she could bring herself to vocalize but they were all stuck
somewhere deep in her chest. Just for that moment all she could feel was how
amazing it was to be in Charlie’s arms once more. A warring expression clouded
his face and as she was so close to him she could see every line on his face,
His chin was covered in a light dusting of blonde stubble, and his face was
more angular and weathered than it had been the last time she saw him. His eyes
were intense and held her gaze intently. He was more handsome than she had
remembered and it took her breath clean away. There was nowhere on earth she
would rather be than in that moment right there. The stress of the last few
years, and especially of the last few months, seemed to drain away as the heat
of his arm around her melted the tension in her body.

       
She
closed her eyes slowly, and taking in a deep breath, she flooded her lungs with
his scent. It was like a drug, and it took every ounce of effort for her not to
lean forward and place her lips on his, just to taste his sweet mouth once
more. Charlie appeared frozen to the spot. He seemed incapable of speech, and
made no moves to remove his arm from around her.

        
The
world stood still, and neither was aware of anything going on around them.
Their surroundings had blurred and all each of them could concentrate on was
each other. The moment was broken in an instant when an excited Adie came
bouncing up to Charlie and tugged on his sleeve, “Hello, mister, what you doing
hugging my Emmamomma?”

        
Charlie
dropped his arm and Emma realized that Adie had just appeared, snapping her out
of her Charlie-induced daze.

        
Shuffling
on his feet and taking a step back, Charlie crouched down and held out his hand
and took Adie’s tiny little hand in his, saying, “Hey, pretty girl, I’m Charlie.
Your mommy and I used to be friends when we were younger.” He wore a small
smile as he explained.

Adie shook his hand
with purpose and said, “I’m Adie dat dere ifs my brother Leo. He’s only a baby.
I’m four dis week, you know!” She babbled on as she introduced him to a smiling
baby.

        
“Well,
I’m very pleased to have met you, beautiful girl and I hope you look after your
brother well. And can I just say happy fourth birthday for this week,
sweetheart.” He kissed the back of her hand before letting go.

She grabbed onto his hand and looking
up at him seriously and she smiled as she said. “Aww, you are nice, Charlie,
you can come to my pawty if you want. We are buying a new house near Papa Mike
and Gwamy Nicky. I’m having tea in their big house.”

        
Charlie
shifted uncomfortably and glanced up at Emma, who had tears welling in her eyes
as she took in her Charlie being so sweet to her adopted daughter. “Sorry, Adie,
sweetheart, but I’m sure Charlie has other things he will be doing at the
weekend. It was sweet of you to offer, though.” She spoke quietly, still unsure
how she was going to handle being so close to Charlie.

        
He
nodded at Adie, and looking at her with kind eyes, he said, “Your mommy is
right, sweetheart, I’m actually going out of town for the weekend so I won’t be
able to come. I might see you around, though.” He glanced up at Emma as if
these words were for her benefit, too. “I only live in the next town over. So
if I see you again, I’ll be sure to say hi.” He finally stood and released her
hand. He looked at the beautiful little blonde haired girl in front of him as a
look of regret passed over his face. He straightened and looked at Emma in the
eyes before saying, “See you around, Emma, it’s so good to see you again.”

        
Before
she could reply, he was gone. Bruce and Lou appeared like naughty schoolboys
with huge grins plastered across their faces from around the corner. Bruce was
talking to Lou and saying pretty loudly, “See, what did I tell you, Lou? That
man is still madly in love with our girl here.”

        
Lou
fanned himself and replied looking directly at a still flustered Emma, “Wow,
that was one heck of an intense moment, darlin’, and yup, I agree, that man has
got it bad for ya’. I swear I saw his life flash right before his eyes when he
realized it was you he’d just knocked into.” Lou chuckled.

        
Emma
blushed deep red and became increasingly flustered as the two guys still laughed
at her expense. She had to admit it had been a very intense few minutes and she
was slightly caught under the spell. Her waist and back continued to tingle
from where he had gripped onto her as she stumbled, and the familiar smell
clung to her nose. She was in serious trouble and she knew it. Her head and her
heart were at odds with each other. She knew that she would have to tackle the
Charlie issue sooner rather than later.

        
The
shopping trip was a huge success, despite the distraction of the day. The new
house was finally furnished and with a lot of hard work and late nights. Emma,
Bruce, and Lou had decorated every inch of it. By the Friday of that week, it
was finally ready for them to move in.