Now I just feel stupid and out of place, with my silly blue
summer dress my mom bought because she thought it'd make me look
'sweet'. It actually makes me look like a marshmallow on my way to
junior prom, and I don't know why I wore it. I just...
fuck,
I don't know. I
don't even know why I'm at this damned party. I'm not one of the
cool people, I'm really not. I'm one of the 99% who should be
standing outside the door wishing they could get in. I'm only here
because Manda thinks Penny is awesome, and Penny vouched for
me.
The girl Rafe was with, now
she
belongs here, that's for damned sure. I've never
see her before, but it only took a second to know that she's in the
1%. She was a tall, stunning Asian girl with smoky eyes, legs that
went on 'til next week and a little black dress that looked like
the guy who made it would have poked his own eyes out when he was
done, because he knew he'd never make anything that beautiful ever
again. I mean, I don't know her at all, but just looking at her I
could tell that she was the kind of person who feels completely at
ease at a party like this. She knows what's cool, and what's not.
She doesn't sit at home at the weekend reading Penguin Classics and
writing little stories in notepads with flowers in the margin of
each page. She doesn't have to
fake
being cool when she comes to a party. She
just
is.
And here I am, standing alone in my panties
in a darkened bathroom, soaking this stupid taffeta monstrosity
under a cold tap, my cheeks burning at the thought that I let
myself believe for a second that Rafe would want to be with me when
he could be with someone like Miss Bangkok 2015.
I almost jump when I hear a sudden laugh
echo through the gym, high pitched and girlish, and panic when it's
followed by a deep voice. I grab my soaking wet dress and try to
wring it out quickly, ready to pull it on to cover up my naked
breasts if some guy was to walk towards the shower room. Enough
people have seen my puppies for one day.
I tiptoe silently over to the half open
sliding door and carefully pull it closed without making a sound.
Just as I'm about to plunge myself into darkness I see a figure
come into view. Tall and slim, wearing a little black dress.
Oh no.
My heart sinks as Rafe steps into view just
behind the girl, his hand wrapped around her waist. She guides him
to a weight bench and giggles as she straddles it, then pats a spot
on the bench in front of her, beckoning Rafe over.
"What do you want to do to me, Rafe?" she
purrs, leaning back and grasping the bar resting in its
grooves.
Rafe straddles the bench between her spread
legs and pulls her in towards him. He leans in and whispers
something in her ear.
The girl bites her lip and nods, sliding a
hand between Rafe's legs. He leans back as she unzips his fly, and
in the darkness I hold my breath as she slowly, teasingly frees
Rafe's cock from his jeans.
It's the first erect penis I've ever seen in real life,
and...
Jesus
, it's fucking magnificent. I mean, I'm no prude. I've seen
porn and I know exactly what a hard cock looks like, but seeing
Rafe's is just totally different. Watching it slip from his jeans,
still growing, swelling larger with each of Rafe's heartbeats, the
thick, dark veins pulsing around the sides of the shaft... my God.
I've never understood why some women love giving blowjobs – it's
always seem a little gross to me – but seeing Rafe's cock I can
kind of understand the appeal for the first time. Just the thought
of lowering my mouth over his hot, throbbing cock is making me
wet.
Oh Jesus, do I really want to see this?
I want to turn away, but I just
can't. I can't believe I'm watching, but I can't seem to drag my
eyes away as the girl lowers herself down to her belly on the
bench, moves her head into Rafe's lap and kisses the tip of his
cock. I hate myself for this, but I can't help but feel a
disgusting, perverted little shudder of arousal pass through me as
the sound of her wet lips slipping around Rafe's hard shaft reaches
me.
Stop looking, Maddy! Stop torturing
yourself!
OK, that's it. I'm not watching any more. I
pull back from the doorway and fix my eyes on the cinder block wall
in front of me. I just wish I hadn't left my purse back at the
couch in the main house. I could have plugged my earphones into my
phone and drowned out the sound with some music, but no, I have to
hear every sound. Every moan. Every breath. Every wet, sloppy
smack.
The sound of the girl slobbering over
Rafe's cock stops for a moment.
"Can you believe that little bitch?" she
asked, laughing a little.
"What bitch?"
I peek through the gap in the door again.
Rafe looks down at the girl, and doesn't look all that pleased
she's stopped in the middle of a blowjob.
"That prissy little nerd in the blue dress back at the
piano. It was
so
funny." The girl is holding Rafe's cock like a microphone
as she talks, like she's delivering blowjob standup. "I'm pretty
sure she thought you were coming to
her
when you finished your song."
Oh Jesus, she's talking about
me.
Rafe looks disinterested. "I don't know who
you're talking about."
"Oh, you
must
have seen her! God, she looked like an idiot. She was
staring at you all doe eyed like she was in love. Stupid
bitch."
Rafe looks bored and confused. "I really
have no idea who you're talking about, Lin."
I'm hating this girl more by the moment. I
hope she chokes on Rafe's cock. "What, so you didn't see her fall
when I pushed her? That was the funniest part!"
Rafe pulls away from her a little. "You
pushed some girl?"
"Yeah," Lin giggles. "It was
soooo
funny. She fell over the sofa and ended up
covered in Grant's booze. I would have laughed my ass off if you
hadn't stuck your tongue down my throat. Funniest thing I've seen
all week."
Now Rafe slides backwards, pulling Lin's
hand from his shaft. "Wait, you pushed some girl over and you think
it's funny. Why? What if she was hurt?"
Lin's still laughing like a drain. "Oh,
come on, it's just funny! There's nothing more hilarious than
watching some skanky little bitch fall on her ass! Hey, what are
you doing?"
Rafe slides backwards from the bench,
tucking his cock back into his jeans. "Yeah, I think we're done
here, Lin."
Lin is lying there, open mouthed, with a
stupid confused expression on her face. "What are you talking
about? I thought you wanted to have sex?"
"Nah, I changed my mind."
"What do you mean you changed your mind? What am
I
supposed to
do?"
Rafe buttons up his jeans and lets out a
tired sigh. "You've got fingers, Lin. If you really need to come I
suggest you fuck yourself. I'm gonna go party with the skanky
little bitches."
"Are you fucking kidding me, Rafe?" Lin
rolls from the bench and stands to her full height. "How dare you!
Guys line up around the fucking block to be with me!"
"I don't doubt it, and I'm sure your
bedroom has a revolving door," replies Rafe, turning to the door.
"You've got a great ass, Lin. Go back to the party. I'm sure you'll
have no trouble finding some kid who can put up with your shitty
personality long enough to spray his load in your pussy."
Lin is almost stamping her feet now,
throwing a tantrum like a petulant child. "Get back here! Nobody
walks away from me!"
As Rafe turns back to her I see he's
shaking his head and smiling. "And yet..." he says, walking out the
door.
I pull back a little, sinking deeper into
the shadows as Lin continues to yell. I'm pretty sure if she saw me
now she'd try to kill me. "Rafe, you fucking queer!” she yells. “I
don't want your pathetic little cock anyway, you fucking piece of
shit. That's right, keep on walking! Don't think you'll ever get
another chance with me, you fucking asshole!"
It takes her a few moments to realize she's
only shouting to herself, before she storms off after Rafe to
continue her tirade. I'm left alone in the darkness, crouched
against the wall clutching my soaking dress. Only now it's
occurring to me that the hand dryer on the wall won't work without
any power to the building, so I wring the dress into the basin and
tug it on, hoping nobody will notice me if I slip out the back
door.
I creep through the silent gym until I find
a sliding door leading out onto the lawn, and wind my way through a
maze of flower arrangements back towards the house. As I pass the
entrance to the outbuilding I look back and see Rafe sitting at the
piano again, sipping his whiskey and taking a pull on a cigarette,
seemingly oblivious to the tirade of abuse Lin still throws at him
as he looks down at the keys with a smile.
Who the fuck is this guy?
Rafe has been here a week now, and he's
spent so much time in his room that sometimes it almost feels as if
things are back to normal. For hours at a stretch I can forget he's
even in the house, but the illusion is always shattered by a sudden
blast of Bowie or The Stones from Rafe's portable turntable, one of
the few things he brought with him, along with a stack of old
records. I've knocked on his door a couple of times to ask him to
turn it down – nicely, too – but every fucking time his response
was only to smile and crank the volume higher.
The atmosphere in the rest of the house
is... weird. Since the moment he arrived and immediately bolted to
his room Rafe hasn't spoken more than a few words to anyone. He
only emerges from his pit a couple of times a day to raid the
fridge, and twice he's vanished in the evening only to return in
the early hours of the morning, stinking of smoke and liquor with
no explanation as to where he's been.
Mom and dad just have no idea how to deal with him, and I'm
not at all surprised. After all, Rafe is 18, and legally an adult.
According to the terms of his probation he has to live at this
address, but apart from a check in call to his parole officer once
each week there's nothing else he has to do; nothing about playing
nice with the family, helping out with the housework or posing for
family photos. He just has to
exist.
The problem, I think, is that mom and dad never had to deal
with a problem child. I'll be the first to admit that I was always
a boring kid, never getting into trouble and never talking back. I
was always a solid B+ student, always finished my homework before
watching TV, and I've never once considered anything as crazy and
rebellious as a tattoo or piercing. Just like the contents of my
wardrobe I've always been
nice
, but unremarkable.
Jesus, I'm boring
.
It's true. I'm not just being hard on
myself. I never really thought about it until Rafe rolled in with
his tight t-shirts, cigarettes and rock music, but now it's
becoming painfully obvious that I'm nothing more than a background
character in my own life. If anyone was ever bored enough to make a
movie based on my life they could just cast an extra in my role. Or
a cardboard cut-out draped in a bland sweater.
"Madison! Are you listening to me?"
I snap out of my daydream and realize that
mom's looking at me funny. "Did you say something? Sorry, I was
miles away. I was just thinking about... something."
Mom gives me an exasperated look. "I don't
know what to do with you guys recently. I've got Rafe skulking away
in his room, your father hiding in the den with his TV and you
drifting off to another world on the sofa. What's up, honey? You've
been out of sorts for days now. Anything you wanna talk
about?"
Oh yeah, mom, let's chat. My new
stepbrother is so annoying he makes blood squirt out my ears, but
whenever I play with myself he pops into my head uninvited, and I
get so wet I feel like I'm riding a water slide. What do you
recommend?