Stern Desire Love Redeemed (11 page)

I was such a hypocrite. On numerous occasions, I'd told
loved ones to get out of a patient's bed. Not only was it a safety issue, but it was so inappropriate. Yet, here I was, curled up next to Jared in his hospital bed!

He buried his nose in my hair and took a deep breath; I was
so glad I had washed my hair that morning.

A piano and cello musical piece sounded from his headset above our heads. How could he listen to this? It was a dark, atmospheric, melancholy, depressing, classical piece that made me want to cry for no reason.
I envisioned eerie, dark clouds looming in the sky, walking through a fog covered forest, with tall, dark trees looming around as the fog rose around me. It sent chills down my spine.

"What are you listening to?" I inquired.

"Sir Edward Elgar Cello Concerto II. Lento. I like the darker side of classical music."

"That's depressing ... I'm sorry. I like the lighter,
romantic, contemporary side of classical music."

The haunting sounds of the cello suddenly stopped. Rachmaninoff's "Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini" filtered from the headset. He disconnected the headset and the relaxing sound of the piano filled
the room.

"That's one of my favorite romantic pieces," I said.

"He is considered one of the best piano players who ever lived, and the last well-known romantic composer," Jared explained.

Whenever I heard that musical piece, no matter how down I was, it took me back to a place that had always brought me true peace and happiness. A quiet island, with perfect white sand. Staring out to sea, I watch
the waves come to shore and lap at my ankles. The calming, soothing sound of the ocean, the feel of the wind on my face, the cloudless, blue sky above me, the fresh scent of the salty ocean that was my perfect place.

"Truth or dare?" Jared asked, as he played with a
lock of my hair.

"Are we still playing this game?"

"I'm waiting on an answer."

"Truth," I answered. Our compromising situation
did not call for a dare that I might be all too happy to follow through on.

"Why haven't you been with anyone in eight years. You are a young, beautiful woman. There must have been a great deal of men falling
at your feet."

"Not that many. My friend, Jenn, said I intentionally make myself very unapproachable."

"How often do patients come on to you?"

"Not often."

"I find that very hard to believe."

"I have never been interested in any of my patients and never imagined being involved with a patient. I know too much about them - more
than I need to know. You are the first patient that I was not able to maintain a professional relationship with. I had no problem previously maintaining my power."

"Once in the hospital, patients lose all their inhibitions. Patients forget to take care of themselves the way they do at
home. Daily hygiene is neglected; they don't brush their teeth or take a shower, and they walk around in hospital gowns with their butts and everything else hanging out. They become totally helpless and incapable of taking care of
themselves. I had a patient who told me I needed to come in and check on her every thirty minutes because she could not lift her hand to press the call light if she needed something, and this was a lady with two perfectly healthy
hands."

"Why did you shut yourself off?"

"I refuse to get hurt again. I do not want to relive the pain of ... betrayal."

I lay encapsulated, safe in his strong, protective arms.
Jared's cologne, the full, smooth scent of floral mixed with amber and sandalwood balanced with masculinity, floated through my nasal passages and lulled me into a quiescent mood.

"Are you wearing Clive Christian No. 1?"

"Does it bother you? I remember the first time we met ..."

"No. I'm fine."

"It's my favorite cologne; I wear it when you are not
here."

I remembered that first night we met and how, as I had leaned over him to straighten his pillow, that scent had caught me off guard and my reaction to it had been morbid.

"Can I ask why you reacted the way you did that
night?"

"My ex wore it, and it haunted me for months after he passed; it seemed like everywhere I went I could smell him and then after so many years, there it was again. It brought back a flood of memories, most of
which I wish to forget. But I'm good now. I like it on you. Your personal flavor makes it deliciously different."

The fear of being caught in bed with a patient by my nursing supervisor was a less worrisome situation. An act that could have me fired and
probably have my license taken away was an inconsequential concern. I'd never felt more safe, protected, and wanted. The concrete wall that I had built to shield and protect my heart had crumbled, and I was not even aware when it had
actually happened. It was an effortless surrender and Jared Stern had inhabited my heart.

I turned over in bed, unaware of where I was. I could smell Jared on the pillow. Then it all came back to me; I was lying in his hospital
bed alone. I turned to find Jared seated on the bedside chair. His eyes were a dull shade of brown, void of my favorite green and reddish orange. They were fixed on me, deep in thought, a perturbed look on his face.

"Jared, you are creeping me out," I said sounding
sleepy.

He did not move. He was in a trancelike state.

I sat up in the bed and ran my fingers through my hair. "Jared! You are creeping me out. What is wrong with you?"

He blinked. "Sorry, Kyra, maybe we shouldn't ... I'm afraid I am ..." He shook his head.

"Jared, what are you trying to say?" I asked nervously.

"I'm no good for you, Kyra." He shifted uncomfortably in the chair. "I'm afraid I am not good enough for you."

"Where is this coming from?" I asked, as I sat on the side of the bed facing him. My eyes caught sight of the clock on the wall;
it was six-fifteen PM.

Shit, it's almost change of shift. The night shift will be coming on soon. There will be twice as much staff and my chances of being seen leaving Jared's room will be greater.

"Do you see what time it is? I've been sleeping for two hours. Why didn't you wake me?" I was very flustered.

"You told me you loved me while you were sleeping," he said somberly.

"What?" I was shocked.

What the hell is wrong with me? I would never say that while I was awake and I had no intentions of saying it any time soon. It might be evident that I am attracted to him, but to tell him I loved him!

"Kyra, I do not want to hurt you, but there is a great chance that if you stay with me, you might get hurt."

"So, what are you saying, Jared?" I was terrified
of what he would say next. I felt my heart tighten like it was in a vice grip and the life had been squeezed from it.

He paused, his eyes downcast. "Nothing," he answered. "I want nothing more than to be with you ... and love you the
way you deserve."

I believed his earnest words, but something in his tone made me doubt his capability. His empty eyes told me he was scared of something greater that he had little or no control over.

"Respect and be honest with me. You said you want nothing more than to be with me and love me just as much. That's all I ask."

I needed to prepare myself for what lay ahead if I was going
to take this journey with him. How could I protect my heart when I had already given it to him and he knew it?

Two familiar voices drifted into the room. It was the day and night shift nurses doing their rounds. I told Jared to let them in, got off
the bed, picked up my handbag, and hid in the bathroom.

The nurses came in. Alex, the night nurse, introduced herself and they had a brief, courteous conversation.

"Is there anything you need? Anything I can do for you
before I leave?" asked Toni, his day nurse.

"I do not wish to be disturbed. I'll call if I need anything," he said, in a dismissive tone.

I would have been happy if a patient told me not to disturb
him or her. That would be one less patient to deal with. But I knew what Toni and Alex were saying the moment that room door shut behind them.

Where does he think he is? He doesn't want to be
disturbed. This is a hospital, not a hotel. Treating us like hired help.
Nurses hate to be made to feel like less than what they are - professionals. Not maids, which some of our patients think we are.

"Are you hungry?" Jared asked, as I came out of
the bathroom.

"You realize you were a bit curt with your nurses."

"I'm sorry, but I wanted you out of that bathroom."

"Right now they are discussing how abrupt you were;
during the week you are the perfect patient, but on the weekends you are different, very crabby."

"Is that what they say about me? I have a very rational reason why I might be different."

"What would that be?"

"That's because I'm missing you."

His mood had changed. It was a totally different Jared sitting in front of me. Before he was pensive, worried about hurting me; now he
acted as if nothing had happened. How could I bring up that topic again so he could explain what he meant by him hurting me?

"You need to eat."

"No, I don't. I need to get out of here."

"Not until you eat."

"I'll eat when I get home, Jared."

"Sit!" he commanded.

I slid into the chair around the table. I knew Jared Stern
well enough to realize I would not leave the room until I obliged him and ate. On the table were several food containers; their delicious, mouth-watering aromas filtered up into my nasal passages. I was not going anywhere until I did
as he said. It was dark outside. The city lights glittered in the distance. He placed the seafood pasta in front of me.

"Do my nurses talk about me?" he asked, as he raised his glass to his lips.

"Don't flatter yourself. We talk about all our patients."

He smiled. "You are a very good nurse, Kyra. You care, and it shows in everything you do."

"I love what I do. Nursing is a mentally, emotionally,
and physically demanding job. There are good patients and bad patients. The sickest are always the best and the worst are the ones who are only here for the pain meds. We call them the 'frequent fliers.' No matter how difficult a
patient is, I will always go into the room with a smile, but thank God, they cannot read my mind, because I would not have a job if they could. When I return to the nurses station, I will complain about what a pain in the ass you
are, and all the nurses will know and will not want to take care of you."

"Do all nurses do that?"

"We are human beings; our feelings get hurt, and we have to vent."

"So, what do they say about me?"

"You have to understand that with all the attention you are getting, taking care of you can be stressful and intimidating. Nobody wants to mess up." I twirled the linguini around on the fork. "I don't like
taking care of VIPs and I always get stuck with them. You have to bend over backwards for them, doing whatever it takes to make them happy, with the nurse manager and administration breathing down your neck; it is ridiculous."

I placed some pasta in my mouth. Jared's hand reached over and stopped mine as I attempted to wipe the sauce from my mouth with the napkin. He pulled me to him and licked the Alfredo sauce from the corner of my
mouth. Then he placed a chaste kiss on my lips. My pelvic floor weakened and I closed my eyes and tightened my pelvic muscles to stop the impending burning in my sweet spot for him.

"I think it's time for me to go." He stirred
feelings in me that if he had continued, I would have ended up doing something that I might have regretted. Having sex with Jared while he was still in the hospital was definitely not going to happen. Without even a goodbye kiss, I thanked Jared for the dinner and left.

J.C. and Hunter, the wrestler bodyguard, were in the sitting area. They both looked up as I exited the room.

"J.C., can you do me a favor?" I asked.

"How can I help you, Kyra?" he asked, as he came
toward me.

"Can you make sure no one is in the hallway? I'm taking the stairs down."

J.C. went out into the hallway. Hunter stood in the open doorway; and I hid behind the wall in the sitting area. As soon as I heard the
word "Go," I left the room and hastily walked around the corner to the stairs, with Hunter following behind me. I pushed on the door that led to the stairs; the alarm went off as the door opened, and I ran down the stairs to
the first floor.

It was late afternoon when I got a call from Gregory Carmichael. I'd known Gregory since high school, and he was my oldest and dearest friend. When Robert died, he was there for me emotionally and
financially. In my time of grief, when I thought that I would lose everything, he rescued us. It has become a tradition that whenever he was in town, we would get together. The timing was not right. I was scheduled to work tonight, but I
thought I could squeeze in an early dinner.

Gregory was his usual fun-loving, jolly self, but I was greatly concerned about how overweight he was. As long as I have known Gregory, he has always been a big boy and his love for food has greatly affected his
health. Surgical intervention was not something that I would encourage someone to do because the complications are so great, but for him the benefits by far outweigh the risks.

I returned home with enough time for a couple of hours
sleep. I took my shower, set my alarm, and went to bed. I was dreaming that I was late for work and jumped up; it was pitch black outside and the house was in total darkness. The clock on my night table illuminated seven-eighteen PM.
My heart raced as I jumped out of bed. What happened to my alarm? I had forgotten to plug my cell phone in and it had died. I plugged my phone in and called work to inform them I was running late. I hastily got dressed; luckily I had taken a shower before I went to sleep. If Nate had been home, I would not
have been late for work. My phone rang as I ran down the stairs. It was Jared.

"Hello," I answered.

"Why are you so breathless, Kyra?"

"I'm running down my stairs. I'm late for work."

"Busy day?"

"I'll talk to you when I get there. Bye."

I sped to work cussing at anyone who hindered my speedy ride
there. Two stoplights away from work I noticed flashing lights behind me. I was being pulled over. My heart raced, but I kept calm. My perfect driving record was not going to be tarnished tonight. I attached my badge to my scrub top and
rolled down the car window.

The young officer peered into the car. "Ma'am, do you realize you are doing sixty in a forty-five zone?"

"Sorry, officer, I was called in on my day off. I didn't
realize I was speeding. I was trying to get to work as quickly as I could to help my team out."

He glanced at my badge.

"Ma'am, slow it down and have a good night." He tapped the top of my car and walked away.

"Thank you, officer," I called after him.

It worked. That was a plan I'd always had in the back of my mind if I got pulled over on my way to work, and it was successful. I slowly
pulled away and followed the speed limit for the next couple of miles.

.

Hunter, the wrestler looking body guard, was in the sitting area.

"Mr. Stern is with his family in the next room,"
he said.

"Thank you."

As a habit I knocked on the room door and entered. I wrote my name on the board so Jared knew that I was there. Loud laughing and talking from Room 826 sounded into the room. They were having a joyous time.

I was almost nine PM. Claire had finished taking vital signs on her patients and returned to the nurses station.

"Claire, did you do the vitals on 825?" I asked.

"Yes, Kyra."

"Is he still in 826 with his family?"

"Yes he is, Kyra."

At the nurses station, I checked my emails and watched the
intercom light up with every other room number except Jared's. With every annoying buzz of the call light, I eagerly looked to see if it was Jared's room and was disappointed when it was not.

Finally the call light in 825 went on.

I calmed the anxiety that overtook me, and pressed the intercom button. "How can I help you?" I answered.

"Can I see my nurse, please?" Jared said. His voice reverberated across the nurses station.

"Sir, is there anything she can bring for you?"

"Herself, please," he answered smugly.

"She'll be right there," I answered and turned off
the intercom.

Everyone at the nurses station laughed.

I should have picked up the handset.

"Kyra, please bring yourself to Room 825," Marie mockingly said.

"Your VIP needs you, Kyra. Don't keep him waiting," Sophia teased.

"You guys are intolerable," I said as I walked away from the station.

Their laughter followed me down the hall.

"How are you, Kyra?" Jared said as I entered.

"I'm fine, thank you. How are you doing?" My heart was overjoyed to see him. He was a superb vision of godliness, candy to my
eyes, sitting up in bed in his tight-fitting, white tee shirt that hugged his strong chest. I wanted to run my fingers through his unruly hair. Take his face in my hands and plant soft tender kisses all over his smooth, soft face, saving his lips for last. When I had covered every inch of his perfectly sculptured
face with my kisses, I would devour his full, firm, well-formed lips with mine tasting him, drinking him in...

"Had a busy day today?" he asked.

"Uh."

Why did he have to ruin my daydream?

"Um, not really. I had an early dinner with a friend. When he's in town, we try to get together."

"So who is this friend?" he asked.

"A childhood friend. Are you jealous?" I asked, sensing a tinge of jealousy in his voice.

"Should I be?" he asked. His eyes grew dark.

"There is no need," I reassured him and sat on the
side of his bed. "He's more like the big brother I never had."

He suddenly appeared to be unsettled about something. I prayed he was not an insecure and possessive kind of guy. That's where we would
have a problem.

I placed a hand on his cheek and kissed his sweet lips gently, reassuringly. He responded by sliding a hand to the back of my head, his lips suddenly hard on mine, his tongue extended deep in my mouth, and he
kissed me ever so deeply, hot, and needy. My lips were the cure for his insatiable thirst, sucking, probing, drinking me like a parched man who had crossed the desert and was then given his first drink of water. I felt his
heated emotions exuding through his pores, sending warmth throughout my body. I was tempted to straddle him to feel his hardness against my now hot, throbbing v-jay. Hot, live emotions surged through my body. I eased up to straddle him.

"How can I help you? Your call light is on."
Claire's voice sounded from the speaker above our heads.

For a second I thought we were caught. I froze against his lips, and my heart stopped.

"I'm sorry. It was an accident," Jared answered.

We must have accidentally pressed the call light button when we were caught up in that torrid kiss. Claire's voice brought me back to reality. I quickly pulled away, breathless, stood up, and backed away from his
bed.

I could not believe what I was about to do if we had not been interrupted. His hand reached out to me, and I shook my head, but that sad, longing look in his eyes propelled my legs toward him. He took my hand and
I sat next to him. He gently caressed my cheek. "How I've missed you."

My body ached for him again. "I've missed you, too."

My v-jay throbbed at the erotic visualization of my lips
personally exploring every inch and crevice of his magnificent body. I longed for those sexy, hot lips all over me, but for the meantime I would settle for them on mine. I leaned forward to claim his lips once again. He groaned. He was
in pain.

"Babe, does it hurt?" I asked as I pulled away.

"Kyra, can you take a look at my leg, please?" Jared asked as he tried to adjust his leg on the pillows. I helped him to get comfortable and briefly looked over his leg, which he had elevated on pillows.

"Since early morning, I've been having pain in my calf; it seems to be getting worse."

"Did you tell anybody about this, Jared?" Inside I
was livid, but I tried not to let it show.

"I'm telling you now, Kyra." He looked at me intently.

"Why do you think I always ask if you have pain in the calf?"

His calf was warm and slightly swollen, and he was obviously uncomfortable.

"Please, I'm begging you, Jared. Do not get out of this bed for anything. Please promise me."

"What's going on, Kyra?"

"There's a possibility you might have a clot in your leg: deep vein thrombosis - DVT. I have to call Dr. Collins."

I felt he did not understand the severity of his situation.
I stood at the foot of his bed and gave him my serious nurse stare, but it did not go as planned because what came out of my mouth I would not have said to any other patient.

"The clot in your leg could be fatal! Please don't ruin
my life. After so long I finally feel like I'm alive, so I'm begging you to take this seriously."

"And I would not want to ruin your life," he said very affected. I heard anguish in his voice and felt that serious undertone
went deeper than what I was trying to achieve. I reflected back to last night with him and was immediately reminded of his trepidation about hurting me.

Gabby and Jared were in the sitting area. "Guys, don't let him get out of bed at all," I emphasized.

"What's going on, Kyra?" Gabby asked sounding concerned. A worried frown creased her forehead.

"I'll have to call Dr. Collins, but I think Jared might
have a clot in his leg, so until we know for certain he's on bed rest. He does everything in that bed; do not under any circumstance get him out of bed." I hastily left the room.

Dr. Collins ordered a stat venous Doppler ultrasound and
gave me his cell phone number to call with the results. Five minutes later the tech was in Jared's room with the portable ultrasound machine performing the test. Not much longer after the test was completed, I received a call from the radiologist. Jared had a very large clot in his left leg. I immediately called
Dr. Collins and received orders to start him on a blood thinner and to get consent for a filter placement.

I brought Jared the paperwork to sign for the procedure.
Gabby was sitting on the chair next to his bed. The room thick with tension.

He took the consent forms from me and placed them on the table next to him. The siblings stared at each other; the atmosphere in the room was foreboding.

"Vas a firmar?" Gabby asked angrily.

Are you going to sign
?

"Gabby, dame un poco de tiempo," Jared answered.

Gabby, give me some time.

"Odio cuando te pones asi. Ya sabes lo peligroso que es esto."

I hate it when you get like this; you know how dangerous this is.

"Gabby, por favor."

Gabby, please.

"Jared, conozco esa mirada y me da miedo. Estoy llamando a Mama."

Jared, I know that look, and it scares me. I'm calling Mom.

"Gabby, espere. Voy a firmar."

Gabby, wait. I'll sign.

I handed him the papers to sign. I hoped I did not give myself away. I understood every word they said. He signed them. Gabby watched
as he did, and handed them back to me.

"I'll be outside," Gabby said as she got up to leave.

"Vas a llamar a Mama?"

Are you going to call Mom
?

"No."

"Vas a casa esta noche?"

Are you going home tonight?

"Esta noche, no. No quiero que hagas nada estupido."

Not tonight. I don't want you to do anything stupid.

Jared's melancholic look had me concerned now. Gabby was also worried about his expression, which was so frightening that it deemed an immediate call to their mother. I was certain now that Jared had some
underlying issues I knew nothing about, something that the family was keeping a secret. I was saddened that I might play a part in the negative turn of his recovery. Now I could see where my decisions about our relationship might have
been a bad idea if they had negatively impacted his care. If things ended badly, I deserved disciplinary actions. I gathered the supplies for his pin care and, without a word, removed the sponges from the pins.

"Why do you look so worried?" Jared asked eyeing
me closely.

"Why are you so despondent?" I asked.

"Truth or dare?" he asked

"Jared, I'm in no mood for games."

"Truth or dare?" he insisted

I reluctantly gave in. "Truth."

"You answer my question, and I'll answer yours. Why do you look so worried?" he repeated.

"A couple of things bother me."

"I'm listening."

"The first patient who died on me passed from DVTs. This happened my first year out of nursing school. He was a twenty-eight
year-old man, very respectful, well-mannered, and his family was super sweet. He was admitted two weeks prior because he had crashed his motor bike and broke his leg. We fixed him up and sent him home. A week later he came back with
pain, warmth, and swelling to the leg. I admitted him at three the morning. I told him under no circumstance was he to get out of bed, he said, "Yes, ma'am." The following night when I went back to work, I reminded him: "Please do not get out of bed," and he reiterated his reply from the
night before. Later on my shift, I passed by the room and saw his curtains drawn and his family members standing by the door. I asked what was going on and was told that he was having a bowel movement. I freaked out, pulled back
the curtain and he was out of bed on a bedside commode."

"Anyway, I got him back in bed. He kept on telling me he was okay. I was still at the bedside talking with his family when he said that he could not breathe. He threw a clot that traveled to his lungs and
blocked off the major artery. I called a code; by the time the code team got there, he was unresponsive, and foaming from the mouth. The code team worked on him for a very long time, but could not revive him. He died. I was devastated. I
felt the pain of his mother, father, and his fiancé - they were getting married in a couple months. I stood by his bedside, his gray, lifeless body with blood streaming from every orifice, and could not believe that he was gone. I felt
like I had lost a family member. I could not complete my shift. I was so devastated, I could not function."