Sticks (Black Addiction #2) (22 page)

“Baby, you’re killing me here.” He cursed softly into the phone. “Maybe I can borrow a car and come to you.”

Yes
. Is what I wanted to say. I wanted him to grab a car and meet me at my apartment so we could be alone in our moment. Not deal with my parents, or his. Not deal with work, or bands, or tours. Just us. But I couldn’t say those words and make it harder than it already was.

“You need to do this tour, and I’m just moody and emotional. It will get easier.” Or at least that’s what I had to believe. “I told my folks.” I hoped the change in conversation might stop me from wanting to cry and make the drive home a little easier.

“Yeah, did they think I was a deadbeat for letting you tell them by yourself?”

While Joey had supported me in telling my parents my way, he hadn’t liked it. Not that I’d ever really given him the choice.

“No, I told them it’s what I wanted. And they know me well enough to know that I do what I want.”

“Well, no arguments here.” He laughed quietly into the phone. “So I’m guessing phone sex isn’t going to happen.” Once again he didn’t sound surprised.

“Not right now but you can talk to me while I drive and keep me company. Maybe I’ll get inspired when I get home.” Or maybe I’d just listen to his voice and pretend he was right there with me and it wouldn’t be months before I’d see him again.

There was silence, its weight filling the air and I knew he was thinking about it too. The distance. The time. And how were we going to survive four months when we’d barely survived a couple of days.

“Can I still jerk off or is that going to be creepy?” he huskily whispered into the phone, breaking the moment and making me laugh.

“Joey, if you need to ask . . .”

“Okay, I am not doing anything then.” I heard the smile in his voice, pleased that his diversionary tactics had worked.

“How can any of this even be remotely sexy to you?” I asked seriously. Somehow I had gone from strong and independent to clingy and needy. I couldn’t think of anything less attractive. And thank God he couldn’t see me because I looked really ordinary as well.

“Because it’s you on the other end of the phone,” he said with zero hesitation. “And anything to do with you turns me on. You could be doing my taxes and it would still give me the biggest hard-on.”

“You are such a romantic.” I laughed, knowing he was probably telling the truth.

“All for you.” He sighed into the phone.

I could tell this was just as difficult for him and I didn’t want our last moments on the phone to be sad so I started telling him about my drive. It was boring and monotonous but he listened, asking questions until I finally pulled up at my apartment.

Then he took over and told me about his current reality. About the band, the bus—his words filling my time while I unlocked my door and entered my apartment and then finally when I collapsed on my bed.

“Kenzie?” he asked when he hadn’t heard me answer in a while, my body completely relaxed as I listened to the cadence of his voice.

“Yeah, Joey.” I waited, the silence stretching out a little longer.

He let out a long deep breath like he’d been holding it for a while, seeming to stall on whatever thought he was going to vocalize.

“Nothing, babe. I just wanted to hear you, make sure I hadn’t sent you off to sleep.”

I wasn’t sure what he was going to originally say but whatever it was, the moment had passed.

“You can do a lot of things, Joey Shaw. Sending me off to sleep not at the top of that list.”

“Does that mean you want phone sex now?” he asked, hope brimming in his voice.

I bit my lip desperately trying not to laugh as I dropped my voice seductively low. I’d never been good at saying no to him.

“Guess where my hands are?”

This had been my
dream.

Traveling the country with my three best friends playing our songs to thousands of people and having them sing them right back. It was what I had laid awake dreaming about as a sixteen-year-old, when I wasn’t dreaming about girls. Just the road, the band and our songs. And now it wasn’t enough.

I wanted her with me.

Kenzie.

The girl who’d knocked me on my ass and completely claimed my heart.

And as much as I wanted to enjoy what was happening for me, it was just empty without her.

To top it off, while her folks had been relatively cool with the situation—or so she told me, I had yet to see their it’s-all-fine with my own two eyes—her older brother Brandon was another story.

The tough-talking bastard—or as I liked to call him, meathead—wasn’t so happy his little sister was knocked up. Not that I could say I blamed him—he was obviously protective of her—but I hated that he was giving her a hard time. Thankfully he hadn’t returned from his deployment yet, which meant any displeasure he had about the situation was delivered via phone, text or email. Oh, yeah, I also forgot to mention the dude was also a fucking hero, serving his country with the National Guard, so I couldn’t even legitimately hate him. Just one more thing to add to my already fucked up resume. Left pregnant girlfriend to go on tour and wants to beat up her salt-of-the-earth-patriotic brother. My week had turned from suck to blow.

And, if all of that wasn’t enough to convince me to find a fucking car and drive down to see her, news of Kenzie’s pregnancy had started to filter through.

Around the New York scene it had been the worst kept secret ever, but as long as it stayed in our little circle, we didn’t really give a shit who knew. Now, it seemed that’s all anyone wanted to talk about. The dude from Rolling Stone had even asked Rusty about it and I hadn’t even been at the fucking interview. It was making me edgy. And I hoped like hell she wasn’t dealing with her own shitstorm.

“Hey Joey, it’s Rich here. How are you?”

I stared at the laptop in front of me, the Skype call I
apparently
had to take.

Rich Steer had come on board after we signed the new record deal. He wasn’t with Power Station or the label but was some dude that we supposedly had to keep on retainer. In case one of us did something stupid, because apparently now we were a target for legal action, blah, blah, blah. Fucking bored me to tears. Just put some sticks in my hands and let me play. I don’t want to deal with any of that shit.

“I’m good, dude. Any reason why you wanted me and not the band?” Or why the fuck I need to talk to you in the first place considering I’m not in jail or some shit.

“So the label mentioned you were going to be a father, is that true?” He leaned forward, his eyebrow cocked waiting for my answer.

I really didn’t like this douche but it wasn’t up to me, and as long as he kept our shit in order, we didn’t need to be BFFs.

“Yeah, I am.” No point denying it, pretty sure it had been printed in at least three different publications, it was hardly a state secret.

“And I’m to assume that you are sure this is your child?” he asked while I stared blankly at the screen. My mind wished technology had evolved enough that I could have give him a beat down remotely.

“Not trying to be improper here, but it wouldn’t be the first time a girl has claimed to be pregnant by someone for a settlement. You are looking to make quite a sizable fortune on this album.” He went on to explain, my silence taken the way it was intended—he’d pissed me off.

“Kenzie isn’t like that.” Lord knows she could have fucked me over a million times by now and hadn’t, there wasn’t a chance she was chasing dollar signs. “And we took a paternity test already. The baby is mine.” Not that I needed to justify myself to this asshole, but I was hoping if I answered his questions we could run this shit along and be done. I already didn’t like the guy, now we were moving into another territory of distrust.

“Well that’s good. And what are your intentions regarding the child?” He asked like we were discussing what my plans were for the weekend.

“Not really sure how any of this is your business, buddy.” No seriously, was he intentionally being a dick or was this usual demeanor because I still had no idea why the fuck I needed to be talking to this asshole and not doing something more productive, like talking to the fucking woman that I loved.

Yeah. That.

And wasn’t it just the fucking kicker that I had come to this realization when she was fucking miles away from me so I couldn’t tell her. Just another level of blow to add to my already shitty mood.

“I’m the band’s lawyer, Joey, you’re paying me to make it my business.” He snapped like I was inconveniencing him. “Are you marrying her? Moving in together? Has child support been discussed? Visitation?” He fired questions at me like I was some kind of a suspect on a murder trial.

“Dude, hold on, the kid isn’t even born yet.” And I still didn’t know why the hell we were even having this discussion. “We’re not married or living together at the moment, but that’s all going to change once I get off the road.”

Or at least I hoped it would, Kenzie and I hadn’t had the talk yet but you could bet your ass it would be happening. Of course I wasn’t about to suggest either of those things when I was about to leave, was I? No, it had to wait and when I asked her to marry me again, this time it would be for the right reasons. The one that she had asked me about the first time I’d gotten down on one knee. Did I love her? Hells yes I did, and I didn’t want to be without her.

Rich waited for me to continue, drumming his fingers on the desk, I guess needing a more detailed answer.

“But we don’t need all that shit. We had agreed from the get-go that we were raising the baby together, it’s always been the plan and it’s not changing now.” Especially not once I got back and told her how I felt.

“So shared physical custody?” He looked at me like those words should mean something to me.

“Of course we’re sharing custody. I just told you we’re raising this baby together.” I shook my head wondering why this idiot hadn’t heard me the first time.

“Okay, well good. I needed to know your intentions so I knew how best to proceed, and as you already have the paternity test it will make this a whole lot easier. If you can forward me the paperwork, I can make sure everything is in order on our end.” He started writing notes on his notepad while I tried to make sense of everything he had said. Nope, still just as clueless from when we started the conversation only now I had wasted a good twenty minutes of my day I wasn’t getting back in a hurry.

“You just need the results?” I repeated like an idiot, barely catching the mention wading through all the shit that had come out of his mouth.

“Well yes, that would be very helpful.” He nodded, making more notes. “I’ll take care of the rest of the paperwork so it’s all neat and tidy and you don’t have to worry.” He looked up from his notepad and gave me a smile. Now I really didn’t trust him.

“Alrighty then, if we’re done, I’d like to get going.” I rubbed the back of my neck; glad I could end this fucking conversation and hopefully never have to deal with him again.

“Yep, all done Joey. Enjoy the tour. If there are any foreseeable issues I’ll contact you but I think it’s all standard from here on out.” Another smile accompanied by a wave.

“Great, goodbye.” I killed the Skype call and leaned back against my chair.

Kenzie had told me our lawyers would want the paperwork from the paternity but I’d never bothered to file them. As far as I was concerned the only reason we’d taken the damn test was because she’d been so insistent. But if them having that piece of paper made them feel warm and fuzzy, and reassure them that Kenzie wasn’t a gold digger then what was the harm? And honestly, I didn’t give a shit what the asshole wanted as long as he left me the hell alone and did what we paid him for i.e. for us not to get screwed.

“Hey, brother.” Max wandered in from his connecting hotel room. “What’s shaking, you look like shit.” He took a seat next to me on the couch without the invitation.

“Nothing. Just wished Kenzie was here.” Did I sound as pathetic as I thought I did? Pity at this point I didn’t care.

“So what did Rich want? Why the sudden urge to talk to you?”

The request for the meeting hadn’t been private, in fact Angie and Rusty would probably be giving me the exact same what-the-hell the minute they saw me too. It wasn’t every day legal representation wanted a private meeting with a band’s drummer. Even more of a head-scratcher was why whatever he needed couldn’t wait until we got back to New York, of course now, I knew.

“He heard through the grapevine Kenzie and I are going to be parents, guess he was pissed he didn’t get a personal announcement or something.” It still irked me that he needed to know in the first place. My business was my business, and no signing on dotted lines changed that.

“So, he just wanted to confirm the news?” Max’s brows bunched as he tried to make sense of it.

“No, he wanted to make sure Kenzie wasn’t going to use it to sue me or something. Asshole has no idea.”

Even saying it to Max annoyed the hell out of me. Kenzie had never asked me for a thing, she barely let me pay for the doctor’s stuff and she hadn’t even touched the account I’d set up for her. Not that I expected her to go nuts and hit the mall, but I would have thought she might have caved once I was gone. Nope, not a fucking dime had been withdrawn and I assumed that was the way it was going to stay.

“Did you tell him she wasn’t like that?” Max was definitely on Team Kenzie; knowing her almost as well as I did. “Jesus, she’s the last person on earth who’d sue your ass.”

“Yeah, I told him. Hopefully now it’s all a big non-issue.” I waved him off; already annoyed Rich had taken up too much of my brain space today. “Besides, I’ve got bigger problems. GI Joe gets back soon and he’ll probably be bringing with him a shitload of judgment. I don’t give a fuck what he thinks of me, but I don’t need Kenzie dealing with all of that.”

From what she’d said he was getting in today or tomorrow at the latest and I bet the minute his combat boots hit the ground he would be heading right for his sister. The fucking honeymoon was over and there was so much shit flying from every direction, I had to fight the urge not to toss this whole tour aside and go do what my instinct was screaming at me to do.

Of course if I did take my ball and go home I would be fucking over three of the most amazing people in my life. My friends. My family. Here’s a rock, here’s a hard place and here I am wedged between both of them.

“She’s stronger than you think, Joe.” Max thumped his hand on my shoulder. “If she says she’s got it, you got to trust her on that.”

He just didn’t get it.

Kenzie was one of the strongest chicks I knew.

A fucking gladiator.

She could deal with any situation without even batting an eye, even my shenanigans. So when she told me she missed me and wished that I could hold her, it broke my fucking heart. Because she’d never asked me for anything, and the one time she did, it was something I couldn’t give her.

“It’s not about not trusting her, it’s about me wanting to do anything I can to make it easier for her. Dude, I love her. And believe me that it fucking cuts me deep that I’m saying those words to you instead of her. I’m completely gone, she owns me. And every day that I don’t tell her is killing me.”

It didn’t get more real than that, and I could tell by the look on Max’s face he knew I wasn’t playing.

I don’t think I’d ever told a girl I’d loved her. I loved her ass, I loved her rack, I loved the way she sucked dick—but never an
I love you.
So his wide-eyed oh-shit expression was perfectly justifiable given the circumstances.

“Pick up a phone and do it.” He grabbed my cell from the side table and handed it to me. “Alexander Bell did the hard yards, all you have to do is dial.”

“She’s worth more than that.” I tossed the phone onto the couch beside me. “I want to be able to see her face when I say those words to her. I want to be able to hold her so she knows I mean it. I’m not giving her a half-assed effort.”

She was going to get more than that. I promised her every single night before I closed my eyes, pity none of those times she’d been around to hear.