Still Point (35 page)

“Did he ask you to move out east?”

“He did,” I admitted. “But I can't leave right now. I want to be close to what's left of my family.”

Clare watched me carefully, as if she was testing me. “You know, it's great that you're thinking of your family and Justin and what they need and want. But what do you need, Maddie?” she asked. “What do you want?”

I stalled. I still felt guilty admitting it out loud. Before I could answer her, her phone beeped. She looked down at the screen and back at me. She bit her bottom lip.

“Somebody's here to see you,” she said.

I felt my stomach tighten into a fist.

“Justin's here?” I asked. “Did you talk to him?”

She shook her head. “I never talked to Justin directly. I'm pretty sure I talked to his secretary's assistant.”

“Wow,” I said.

“Yeah. I think he's a little busy. I heard they've already set up more than a hundred face-to-face schools to start this fall.”

“He must be loving life. So you helped organize all this?” I asked, and pointed around the room.

She nodded. “I'm the assistant to his secretary's assistant, apparently.”

I looked at the door and back at her. My feet didn't want to move.

“This last surprise was my idea,” Clare said. “You can thank me later.”

I smiled and she nudged me toward the door.

“He just got off the train,” she said. “Go!”

My heart was twisting. Justin had done so much for me. Then why was something sinking inside of me?

Everyone was talking and blurring as I walked through the room. I opened the screen door and walked onto the porch. I peered down the street in each direction. My eyes locked on somebody walking. He was tall. He was wearing jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt. I grabbed the handle of the railing and stood on my tiptoes to get a better view. He had his hood pulled over his head and a bag hung over one shoulder. I looked down at the ground, and my head felt like it was spinning. His bright orange tennis shoes brushed against the road.

When he got closer and noticed me on the steps, he smiled. It was the best smile I had ever seen. It was everything I wished for. My heart jumped so high in my chest, I almost sprang off the steps, but I kept my shaky hand wrapped around the railing.

Jax pulled the hood off his head.

“Surprise,” he said. I just blinked down at him, taking in his hair and his skin, soaking in the calming effect he had on me. He looked over my shoulder at the house. We could hear people laughing and talking inside. “I got a message there was a surprise party for you,” he said. “I guess I'm fashionably late.”

I thought about that for a second. “Can you be fashionably late to a
surprise
party?” I wondered aloud.

He shook his head regretfully. “No. I'm just the schmuck who's late. Clare invited me,” he said. “Probably out of pity because I've been bugging her every day, trying to get in touch with you.”

I was so happy to see him, I was afraid to move, afraid I would mess up this perfect moment. But then I remembered that with Jax, I didn't have to be afraid of the unpredictable movements. He was something consistent and steady.

He swung his yellow duffel bag down to his side, and I stepped down one stair and hesitated.

“It turns out we're famous,” I said, and caught him blushing.

“Yeah, it's a little weird,” he said, and scratched the back of his head. “I guess our photo's all over Times Square in New York.”

“The photo of us?”

He nodded. “The kiss that brought down DS. The kiss felt around the world.”

I cringed. “I heard.”

“Sixty-six million sites are talking about it. My friends like to give me hourly updates.” He met my eyes. “I really am sorry,” he said.

“You are?” I asked, disappointed.

“I didn't mean to make you mad. I get these crazy ideas sometimes, and I never think about the consequences.”

I smirked. “I wouldn't know what that's like,” I said.

He walked up the first porch step. His eyes looked me up and down, drinking me in. “Scorpio must be pissed. I wasn't summoned here for an ass kicking, was I?”

I shook my head. “He moved to the East Coast.”

“Oh.” He started to smile but then caught himself. “I'd say I'm sorry, but . . .”

“You're thrilled?” I finished for him.

He shrugged one shoulder. “Maybe you guys can make it work. It's only a quarter mile around the world. You can face-chat and have virtual dates, since I'm sure you're both into that.”

“We broke up,” I said before he could make any more jokes.

He smiled again and didn't bother trying to hide it. “I hope not on my account.”

I smiled. It was completely on his account. He was my middle ground. He was the person I'd been looking for all along. It just took me this entire journey to get here.

“Was it just a publicity stunt?” I asked him. “What happened at the protest?”

Jax looked offended. “I told you I had a plan.”

“To gain supporters,” I said.

He shook his head. “It wasn't for the riot. I couldn't care less about the riot. I was trying to be romantic. Like I said, a first kiss is huge.”

I looked down at the steps dividing us. “It was pretty good,” I admitted.

“Pretty good?” He leaned closer over the stairs. “It was fucking hot. But now you've ruined it for me.”

“How?” I asked.

“I can never top that.”

I met his eyes. “Are you saying you want to kiss somebody else?”

He shook his head. “Absolutely not.”

I sprang down the steps like I was rolling out of an open plane, taking the jump. Every decision we make in life, every new relationship, every job, every change, is a free fall. And it's not the dive that will kill us. It's the fear of taking the jump that hurts the most. The secret is to believe we are all capable of flight.

I threw my arms around Jax's neck, and he lifted me off the ground. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he pushed our chests together. His lips found mine with a soft, warm, perfect landing.

Life.

It isn't as inconsequential as I once believed. It's like art. You can buy it, already painted for you, and you can admire somebody else's idea of it. Or you can create it for yourself, one brushstroke, one chipped piece at a time. You can give it your own colors and textures and patterns. It may not make sense to anyone else, but it will make sense to you.

People are placed on your path to open you up or to dust you off. They come along to change you, or to make or break you. In the moment, you don't always understand, but when you look back, you see the impact they made. You see how they helped navigate your direction. People come in and out of your life during points where you need them, and some move on and some leave imprints. But it never happens the way you expect.

If life happened the way you planned, how boring would that be? Like a road that never curves. Like land with no elevation. All the unexpectedness, all the changes and contrasts, is what builds the beauty. You just have to open yourself up. To all of it.

K
ATIE
K
ACVINSKY
worked in the entertainment industry and was a high school English teacher before deciding to write full time. Her other books include
Awaken,
Middle Ground
, and
First Comes Love,
an Oregon Book Award finalist. She lives in Madison, Wisconsin, with her family. Visit Katie's website at
www.katiekacvinsky.com
.