Stink and the Incredible Super-Galactic Jawbreaker (4 page)

“Maybe my letters got lost,” said Stink.

“Maybe they know you’re just trying to get free stuff,” said Judy.

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“Maybe I forgot to put stamps on them,” said Stink.

“Maybe your letters were abducted by alien microbots,” said Judy.

“Hardee-har-har. So funny I forgot to laugh.”

Then one day it happened, all at once.

“When it rains, it pours,” Mom said.

Stink did not see any rain, but he did see a package. From the toy company. He tore open the box. Microbots! Monsters and spotted dogs and striped cats. Blue lions and pink mice and even a koala!

Stink read the card. “It says since my microbot didn’t work, try these!”

“No fair!” said Judy. “You have all the luck.”

“Knock on wood,” said Stink. Just then there was a knock on the (wood!) door. Judy ran to open it.

“Package,” said the delivery guy. “For a Mr. Stink Moody.”

“Nobody lives here with that name,” said Judy.

“Do too!” said Stink. He dropped his bots and ran to the door.

“Sign here,” said the guy.

“He can’t even write cursive!” said Judy.

“Can too!” said Stink, printing his name with curlicues to look like cursive.

Stink shook the box. “I wonder what it is. . . .”

“I wonder,” said Judy. “Could it be about one million Kool Katz bars?”

“It says here they spelled
Katz
with a
K
on purpose because they thought it would look
kool
. But they’re sending me free stuff for my trouble.”

Judy tried to open the box. “Hey, let me!” said Stink. His jaw dropped open. Tweezlers and Whizzles, Double Yum Bubblegum, Milk Dudes and Paychecks, Grunts and 6th Avenues, Almost Joys and Peanut Butter Yucks.

“RARE!” said Judy. “I’ve never seen so many candy bars.”

“And don’t forget the jar of chocolate-chip peanut butter, the mint green chocolate crossword puzzle, and the Kool Katz baseball cap!”

“Triple rare!” said Judy.

“And it’s F-R-E-E, free.” said Stink. “Free as a bird! And all mine!”

Judy was mint green with envy. She wished she’d gotten two tons of special-delivery, sign-in-cursive free candy and stuff. “Stink, you can’t just keep all this stuff. It’s like stealing or something.”

“Or something,” said Stink. “No way am I giving it back. I didn’t take it.”

Just then the phone rang. “Stink, it’s for you,” said Mom. “They asked for Mr. Moody, and they don’t mean Dad.”

Mom passed the phone to Stink and went back into her office.

“Yes, I’m him. . . . Uh-huh. . . . Really? No lie? . . . How many do I want? . . . I can have twenty-five? . . . With monkeys? Okay. . . . Yes, I think I would be satisfied.”

“What?” asked Judy.

“It was the City Parks Department. I get a whole bunch of FREE monkey pencils and one free pass to the zoo! To go see monkeys! And lemurs!”

“I’m telling,” said Judy. “Mo-om!”

“Shh!” said Stink.

Mom came back into the front room. “It’s no fair,” Judy told her. “Stink gets tons of free stuff and he won’t give me ANY and I wrote a letter one time and all I got was a big fat nothing.”

“Stink?” asked Mom. “What’s this all about?”

“Nothing!” said Stink.

“It doesn’t look like nothing.”

“Okay, okay. Mrs. D. taught us how to write letters and I was just practicing, you know, like homework . . .”

“Ha!” said Judy.

“And maybe I sent some letters to some people. . . .”

“Companies!” said Judy. “Begging for free stuff!”

“No way!” said Stink. “I just told them some stuff that was wrong with things, and they sent me all this! And it’s free, and no way is it stealing!” said Stink.

“Stink,” said Mom, “no more letters. Later on we’ll talk to Dad about what to do with all this stuff.”

“Do we have to send it back?” asked Stink.

“We’ll see,” said Mom.

“Ha!” Judy whispered. “That means YES!”

After that, the mail got way boring. No exciting letters, no mysterious packages. Stink got a postcard about wearing a seat belt, a new issue of
Short Stuff
magazine, and some envelope addressed in super-messy writing. He didn’t bother opening it. Bor-ing!

Then, after dinner, as if Mom had read his mind, she told Stink out of the blue, “I almost forgot. A box came for you. It’s on the table.”

“Not
another
one,” said Judy, hitting her forehead. “No fair. Stink, you’re not supposed to write any more letters.”

“I didn’t!” said Stink. “I swear!”

“Don’t worry. It’s from someone you know and love this time.”

“Jawbreaker Heaven? Gobstoppers? I know and love them.”

“No. Grandma Lou. She heard about Pajama Day.”

“Pajama Day?” asked Judy.

“It’s only in Mrs. D.’s class,” said Stink. “We get to bring stuffed animals and a sleeping bag and wear pajamas and stuff. Then we read books all day and we don’t have math and she brings her dog.”

“What does her dog have to do with Pajama Day?” asked Judy.

“I’m just saying,” said Stink.

“How come Stink gets a present and not me?” asked Judy.

“It’s not a present,” said Stink. “It’s for Pajama Day. That’s like homework.”

“Just my luck,” said Judy. “I have math and spelling, and Stink gets pajama homework.” She peered over Stink’s shoulder as he opened the box.

“Stop crowding,” said Stink. “I need my personal space.”

Judy reached into the box and snatched something. “Look! I got a Bonjour Bunny shirt!”

“How come you get that?” asked Stink.

“For Un-pajama Day!” said Judy.

Stink pulled out a pair of striped PJs with bacon and eggs all over them. “No way am I wearing these for Pajama Day,” said Stink.

“Why not?” asked Mom.

“Hello! Kindergarten!” said Stink.

“Well, I think they’re cute as a bug’s ear,” said Mom.

Mouse raced over and licked the pajama eggs.

“Mouse likes them!” said Judy. “Look, Stink. The sunny-side-up eggs have glow-in-the-dark middles! You love stuff that glows.”

“Wait. Let me see,” said Stink.

“Just try them on, honey,” said Mom.

Stink pulled off his shirt and put on the pajama top. He stretched his arms out and turned back and forth, showing off.