Stolen Girl (12 page)

Later that night, I took the pencil sharpener out of my
pencil case. I had a full day at school the next day and I just couldn’t face it – a full day of name calling and intimidation between classrooms.

Sliding my thumbnail into the groove of the screw of the blade, I turned it so that it came undone. I couldn’t believe how easy it was to part the blade from the sharpener. I held the thin metal between my fingers. It caught the light, the silver metal glinting back at me as if it was daring me to do my worse. Clutching the blade between my finger and thumb, I rolled up the sleeve on my right wrist and sliced the hard metal edge against my skin. The blade was so sharp that at first, I didn’t even feel the pain. A thin red crimson stripe immediately peeked across and then oozed from my wrist. As soon as I saw it, I immediately felt better. Even though the pain had started to throb, the sight and colour of my blood spurred me on, urging me to cut again and again. They were just surface cuts but deep enough to draw enough blood and it felt good. Every time another crimson stripe appeared it was as though I’d been greeted by an old friend. It made me feel better because for the first time, I felt in control. I realised this was something I could do – I’d just found a way to release all the pain and anger I’d bottled up inside.

After that night, when the bullying or constant demands for sex became too much, I’d draw the blade across my skin. Soon my arm was a network of tiny cuts. I looked as if I’d punched my way through a pane of glass but only I knew the truth. Like my boyfriend Sam, I kept my scars hidden – they were two secrets I had to keep and I wouldn’t ever tell anyone or let them see.

Soon I was harming myself almost every night. My right arm was sore and bloodied but it didn’t matter because it was
worth it. The pure and utter relief it gave in return made me feel like new again. The urge to harm was now so strong that I became addicted to it. Like a drug, the urge was there all the time. Sometimes I fought against it but in the end, I’d relent and pull out the same blade. In many ways the blade had become my best friend and confidant. When it was just the two of us, I knew I would always feel better.

Both Sam and the school bullies had complete control over me but when that blade was in my hands I had control, and I liked it.

I thought life had become unbearable – it was a merry-go-round of abuse, mental, physical and sexual. But worse was yet to come.

A
fter a year of living in the flat above the shop, Mum and Phil had some news. They’d found a house for us all to live in. Andrew was delighted because it meant he wouldn’t have to sleep on the sofa anymore. There was only one problem: the new house was half an hour’s walk away from the flat and a couple of miles from Sam. We’d been seeing each other for six months but I knew we’d have to split up.

I thought Sam would be upset when I told him but he didn’t seem bothered.

‘I’ll text you,’ he said coldly.

I said I’d come back and see him but I didn’t mean it, not really. I’d been wary of him since the night he’d forced me to have sex with him in the back of the restaurant. Then there was the gun. I believed it was his and I sensed there was a side to him I really didn’t know. In a way, the move would be my escape – a new beginning.

Afterwards, I made a couple of half-hearted journeys over to the other side of town to meet him but eventually things just fizzled out. In many ways I felt relieved. I received the occasional text from him but I knew it’d had been a fling and now it was over.

Then, not long after we moved, I realised another girl walked home from school the same way as me. Her name was Vicky and soon we became inseparable. One day we were on our way home when it started to pour with rain.

‘I’m soaked!’ Vicky shrieked, holding her bag above her head to stop her hair from getting wet. Neither of us was wearing a coat and within minutes we were soaked through to the skin.

‘Quick,’ she squealed. ‘Let’s go in here and get warm.’

She ran into a nearby shop with me close behind. The shop was warm inside. I’d passed it before but I’d never been in; it was a general store selling tinned food, newspapers, sweets and cigarettes.

‘I’m starving,’ Vicky gasped. She searched in her school bag for loose change and pulled some out. ‘I’m having a bag of crisps, want some?’

I nodded but as I did so I noticed a chubby Asian man standing in the background behind the counter, watching us.

Vicky grabbed the crisps and headed towards him. Taking the money from her hand, he keyed the amount into the till and it beeped loudly. As we turned to leave, he looked up at me and smiled. I thought he was just being friendly so I smiled back but as I walked out of the door I turned to face him again, only this time he winked. I thought it was odd but it made me laugh.

A few days later, we called at the shop again. Soon we were calling there two or three times a week. Each time, the man’s
face would light up as soon as he saw us. He’d smile and wink at me but it made me laugh because he was old enough to be my dad.

After a few weeks, he started talking to us. Lighting a cigarette up behind the counter, he told us his name.

‘I’m Wadi,’ he said, taking my hand and shaking it. ‘What are your names?’

‘I’m Katie and this is Vicky,’ I replied, pointing at my friend. She suddenly remembered the bag of crisps she was holding in her hand and went to pay him.

‘No, no,’ Wadi said. ‘No need to pay. Have that on me.’

‘But won’t your boss mind?’ I asked.

‘No,’ he grinned. ‘Because I am the boss – this is my shop.’

‘Oh right,’ I said. I felt a bit silly now: it was obvious, that’s why he was allowed to smoke.

I guessed Wadi was in his thirties but the extra weight he was carrying made him look even older. He was scruffily dressed, wearing a stained dark shirt, which strained across his belly. He also had badly-dyed black hair. Wadi told us he’d owned the shop for a few years and he ran it along with two family friends called Tali and Rafan.

‘But I’m in charge,’ he said, proudly puffing out his chest. The buttons on his shirt strained even more.

We spent the next ten minutes talking. Wadi already knew our names but now he wanted to know where we lived. I told him all about my recent move from the flat to the house. He nodded intently as I spoke and even made us a cup of tea. He was nearer my dad’s age than mine, but I thought how kind he was. As he placed the mugs down on the counter, he dipped down and I spotted a small bald patch at the back of his head. He’d combed his thinning hair over in a bid to disguise it but
that just made it more obvious. I thought it was sad that he was trying so hard to keep young.

‘You girls drop in anytime you like,’ he insisted as we finally turned to leave.

After that day, whenever we called in Wadi would give us free cigarettes and sweets.

‘Help yourselves,’ he insisted, holding out a packet of cigs. Vicky and I grabbed at them greedily. They cost a fortune and neither of us ever had enough money to buy them.

One day when we called, Wadi’s colleague Tali was there. He moved around in the background, silently stacking shelves, but he watched us the whole time. Unlike Wadi, Tali was slim and better-looking and I fancied him. Every time he caught my eye, he’d wink. I was flattered because it was obvious that he liked me and it made me feel special. Even though I still had an on/off relationship with Dean, after Sam I’d decided that I liked the attention of an older man.

Wadi walked in from the back of the shop. He was delighted to see us.

‘My girls!’ he announced, throwing his hands up in the air like we were old friends. ‘I’ve missed you both! Come in, come in.’

He waved us over and pulled up two chairs behind the counter. Vicky giggled and shot me an excited look. He always made us feel so important – important enough to sit behind the counter. Wadi leant against it, resting his elbows on top of a pile of newspapers. His eyes never left us for a second as he began to ask more questions.

‘You don’t need to tell me which school you go to, I can tell,’ he said, gesturing towards our school ties.

‘So, how old are you both?’

‘Fourteen,’ we chorused in unison.

We heard ourselves and burst out laughing because we sounded as young as we were. Wadi smiled. He ran a hand through his thinning hair and stood up but he didn’t take his eyes off me once. My face flushed. It was obvious he liked me. I liked him too, but not in that way; I liked him because he was kind. Unlike the other kids, we didn’t need money in his shop – we could have anything we wanted for free. All we had to do was ask.

‘Help yourself to chocolate,’ he urged. ‘There’s plenty more in the back, isn’t there, Tali?’

Tali put down the price gun he was holding in his hands and nodded. He looked directly at me and smiled as he spoke.

‘You girls are welcome in here anytime.’

I studied him for a moment. Unlike Wadi, Tali had naturally thick dark hair which shone a blue-black colour in the light. His eyes were wide and his mouth was plump. He was good-looking, much better-looking than Wadi. He caught me staring so I averted my eyes and stared down at the ground, but Wadi noticed too.

The next day we were in the shop when Wadi called me over. He was standing alone behind the counter.

‘I have something very important to ask you,’ he whispered, looking over my shoulder to see where Vicky was, but she was at the back of the shop. It was obvious this was a message just for me.

‘I want your phone number.’

‘Why?’ I replied. I wondered why Wadi wanted my number and not Vicky’s.

‘Because I want to chill out with you, spend time with you. You are beautiful and sexy, Katie, and I like talking to you,’ he gushed.

I blushed because I was flattered. Even though he was fat and
unattractive, it didn’t matter because Wadi thought I was prettier than Vicky. I gave him my mobile number.

‘We can hang out together,’ he said, putting a finger to his lips as if this was our secret.

I didn’t tell Vicky or anyone else. I don’t know why, I just thought things like this were best kept secret.

The following day, Vicky was off school so I walked home alone. I thought about calling in at the shop but something stopped me. An hour later, I was at home when my phone rang – it was Wadi.

‘Meet me at the shop,’ he begged.

‘Now?’ I gasped. I’d only just got changed out of my school uniform.

‘Yes, I’ve shut the shop. It’s quiet and I’m all alone – I’m bored. I just want to chill with you because you’re beautiful and sexy.’

I blushed again. Even though Wadi was old enough to be my dad, I liked it when he said nice things like that – it made me feel special.

‘But what will we do?’ I said. I felt a little unsure without my friend.

Wadi laughed. ‘We’ll just hang out together and smoke.’

‘Okay,’ I told him. ‘I’ll be there in ten minutes.’

Mum was getting ready for work so I said I was meeting a friend.

‘Which friend?’ she asked.

‘Vicky,’ I lied.

Wadi was waiting for me when I arrived. I spotted him through the glass window of the shop. The closed sign was hanging in the front door so I wasn’t sure what to do but Wadi signalled for me to go around the back.

‘What kept you?’ he laughed. I smiled up at him and noticed that he looked even older in strong daylight. When he smiled I spotted that some of his teeth were missing. For a split second I thought about turning back but then he said something.

‘I’m having a cigarette, do you want one?’

I nodded – it was only a cigarette. I went into the back of the shop and stood against a bench. He lit up two cigs and handed one to me. I inhaled a mouthful and began to relax as the smoke filled my lungs.

‘So, have you been smoking long?’ Wadi asked.

I nodded and blew the rest of the smoke from my mouth.

‘A few years,’ I shrugged.

‘Wow, and you’re only fourteen?’ he gasped.

I lowered my eyes to the ground. Wadi was staring at me intently and I didn’t like it. Then he started to chuckle but I didn’t know what he was laughing at. He took one last drag on his fag and crushed out the dying embers in an ashtray on a bench behind me. I wondered if he’d put the ashtray there on purpose because as soon as he’d done it he began to paw my body. I panicked because I didn’t know what to do. I hated the feel of his hot hands but I wasn’t sure if I was allowed to say no; he’d just given me a cigarette. He was always giving me things, and somehow it felt rude to say no after he’d been so kind and generous. My mind was still racing when Wadi clasped his hands around my waist and lifted me up onto the bench.

The bench was flimsy and even though I was slim, I was worried it’d give way. But Wadi didn’t seem to care. He used it to sort out the day’s newspapers and now he was using it to hold me there. Suddenly, I felt trapped with his legs straddled either side.

Without warning, he unzipped my pink hoodie. It was my
favourite. It had the word ‘cheeky’ written across the front. For a moment, I thought how cheeky it was of him to have done something like that without asking. As the zip slid down, my mind flashed back to Sam forcing me to have sex that day in the restaurant. My breathing became more laboured as I realised what was about to happen. But I was stuck, unable to move. Wadi had me anchored down on the bench. Maybe this was my fault? After all, I’d come here. What if people thought I’d led him on?

I wanted to push him away but he was stronger than me. Instead I shut my eyes and willed for it to be over. I was wearing a thin pink T-shirt but Wadi simply hooked his fingers underneath it and snaked his hands up inside. They felt rough and rubbed against my skin – it made my flesh crawl. I knew this was wrong – he was a grown man and I was a child, but I didn’t know how to make it stop.

Then he let out a muffled moan as he curled up my top and pulled both breasts out of my bra, cupping them in his hands. Everything was happening too fast; I had no control. I’d come to the shop thinking we were going to share a cigarette…but now this. Wadi moaned as he sucked and licked at my breasts. His rubbery wet mouth felt disgusting against my body; he was disgusting. I opened my eyes and looked down. I saw the bald spot on the back of his head shine in the dim light. The more he worked his way across my body, the more his bulging belly pressed against my legs. I felt sick.

‘You’re lovely,’ he gasped. My heart lurched as he moved a hand down inside my jeans. He snaked it down deep beneath my waistband and pulled at my knickers. Something inside my head snapped. I didn’t want him touching me down there; it made me feel cheap, like a piece of meat.

‘I think I’d better go,’ I said, trying to climb down off the bench. But Wadi was having none of it. He ignored me and used all his strength to pin me back down.

‘You’re going nowhere,’ he said. His face twisted in a way I’d never seen before – it scared me. ‘You’re not going anywhere because we’re going to have sex.’

I tried to stifle my panic. Bile rose up inside my throat; I wanted to be sick. I gulped it back down. Anxiously, I glanced either side but his arms had me locked in. There was nothing I could do now, there was no escape.

‘But there’s no room,’ I replied, saying something, anything, to get out of there.

‘No, but there’s plenty of room down here,’ he said, pointing towards the floor.

‘But I don’t…I don’t want to,’ my eyes pleaded with him to let me go but he wasn’t listening anymore.

Instead he dragged me off the bench and pushed me down onto the hard concrete floor. He lifted my arms above my head and pinned them down hard so it was impossible for me to escape. I shivered with both cold and fear as the damp from the floor seeped into my skin. I tried to move but the more I wriggled, the harder Wadi pushed down. His weight was crushing down on me, stealing the breath from my body.

With a yank of his hand, he undid my belt and pulled down my jeans, taking my knickers with them.

‘
No
!’ I screamed, panic rising in my voice. But it fell on deaf ears – he was in charge now.

Wadi allowed all his weight to rest against me, crushing my ribs. Using his free hand, he unzipped his own trousers and pulled them down.

‘Now just lie there and be a good girl,’ he sneered. His breath felt hot and disgusting against my face.

I’d never been this close to him before but now I could smell his body odour leaking out from underneath his armpits. I tried to scream but he put his free hand over my mouth. I closed my eyes because I knew it was pointless; no one could help me now. Wadi anchored me down and had sex with me.