Stork Naked (9 page)

Lotus kicked his shin.

“Nymphly fire,” he finished hastily. “That alert response. Those sparkling eyes. That wonderful talent.”

Azalea liked Ray already, and it didn't really bother her that Wade had noticed her figure. “But he mustn't come down here.”

“We've got to get out,” Wade agreed. “Somehow.”

Azalea cudgeled her brain, but nothing came out. “Can't anyone figure out a way to escape?”

“We've all been trying,” Kalt said. “But we're stuck.”

“But with all the talents the kids here have, there must be something.”

“Maybe we just need someone smart enough to figure it out.”

And obviously there had not been someone. It seemed that had become her responsibility, because she had to get the children out of this soul-destroying prison. Somehow.

She cudgeled her brain some more. Her brain didn't like that, and threatened to start a headache. Then give me a good idea! she told it.

Her brain capitulated. It focused and heated. Suddenly a light bulb flashed, illuminating her face. She had the idea!

“That was some flash,” Wade remarked.

“Zach's talent,” she said. “Making drinks from water.”

“From any liquid,” Frosteind said.

“I need to talk to him.”

“He won't come again for me.”

“I'll find him. Children, wait here.” She plowed into the throng, looking for Zach.

Soon she found him. “No kissing,” he said defensively.

“None,” she agreed innocently. “Zach, how much water can you convert to a drink?”

“I'm not sure. Just about any amount, I guess, if I focus hard enough.”

“How about a whole pool?”

“What pool?”

“The Death Pool.”

He was taken aback. “That's big.”

“But you could do it?”

“I guess. Depends on what I had to change it to. Tsoda pop is easy; Eye Scream shake is hard, because of the thickness. Anyway, there's no point; the kids would never drink all of that.”

“I'm thinking of something breathable. With bubbles of air. Big bubbles all mixed in.”

“I guess,” he repeated. “But why bother? We have plenty of air to breathe. They want us healthy, because they lose our souls if we die too soon.”

“Let's try it,” she said urgently. “A small amount, to see how it works.”

“But there's no point.”

She caught him by the shoulders, held him in place, and kissed him. He tried to run, but she held on firmly. He didn't struggle very hard. “Do it, or I'll kiss you again.” She had caught on to two secrets; nymphly kisses had power, and his no meant yes. That was probably true of most boys who claimed to hate mushy stuff. Was Ted still floating?

Daunted, he nodded agreement. She let him go and they went down to the Death Pool cave, which was next door. It was a sinister region, with dark water filling the lower portion, and a deadly whirlpool in the center.

They stopped at a recess that held a relatively small amount of water. “Try this,” she said.

He touched the surface of the water. It became bubbly. She lay down, put her mouth to it, and tried to breathe. She sucked in some water, choking, but also some air. It was breathable, if she could just separate the air from the water.

“What are you trying to do?” Zach asked.

She caught hold of him. “Stop arguing.”

“I'm not arguing! I'm trying to help.”

She kissed him anyway. “Oops, too late. I apologize. I'll explain.”

“That's all right,” he said faintly.

“That whirlpool is going somewhere. If we can follow the water out, maybe we can escape. If you can change this whole pool to breathable liquid, we can go down in it without drowning. If we can find a better way to breathe it.”

“To get just the bubbles,” he agreed, seeing it. “There's a kid whose talent is to make little tubes. We thought it was useless, but if we put those in our mouths and poked the other ends into the bubbles—”

“Brilliant!” she exclaimed, leaning into him.

“You don't have to—”

She kissed him. “Too late. Sorry.”

“Okay,” he said as faintly as before. “Only—”

“I won't tell,” she promised.

They returned to the main cave and Azalea explained her idea. “So if this works, we can all escape, maybe,” she said.

There was half a hubbub. The kids were definitely interested. They put it to a vote, and decided to try it. “It can't be worse, long-term, than what we face here,” Wade said.

They lined up by the bank of the Death Pool. Each person had several small tubes. Zach concentrated and slowly converted the entire pool to bubbly drink. They experimented, swimming in the water, ducking their heads, poking their tubes into bubbles and sifting the froth through their teeth. It was working.

Then Azalea led the way with her children. They were all in their clothing, because there was no other way to bring it along. She swam to the whirlpool and let it take her. This was the scary part, going down into the unknown, but she had to show no fear lest it spook the others. She was carried around and around, faster and faster, and sank below the surface. Ted, Monica, Woe Betide, and Stymy Stork with the peeve on his head followed in a line. They spiraled into the whirling maw.

Then she was being carried rapidly down to the bottom, and through a hole in the floor of the cave. The water plunged to a lower level. What if it smashed against a great rock? she wondered belatedly.

It didn't. She plopped into another large pool, surrounded by enough of the bubbly water to continue breathing. She swam for the surface and found a beach. She scrambled onto it, soaking wet but elated. The others followed.

“It worked!” Zach exclaimed, emerging from the water.

“Thanks to your talent,” she said, and kissed him again. “Oops, too late.”

“Don't—okay,” he said weakly.

Frosteind appeared. “Did she kiss you?” she demanded severely of Zach. “I have half a mind to—”

“No, don't—” he protested.

“Kiss you myself.” She did. “So there. Now behave.”

“I will,” he said. “Oh, darn. Who am I fooling?” He kissed her back.

“Ha!” Frosteind said. “You did it. Now you're my boyfriend.”

“I guess so.” He did not seem totally dismayed.

“It's a good thing our talents mesh. Now we can make iced tea together.”

Azalea smiled to herself. It was nice to see things work out. She had done what she had to, to get the job done.

They all made it safely down. Now they assessed the situation. Four waterfalls dropped into this nether pool, including the one they had come on. One of them had daylight at its apex. That had to be the way out. But how could they get there? They couldn't swim up a waterfall!

She cudgeled her brain again. This time it didn't wait to be abused long; it gave her an idea almost immediately. “Kalt! Frosteind!” she called as the soggy bulb flashed over her head. “I think you can help.”

“We want to,” Kalt said. “What can we do?”

“Frosteind, you can freeze water,” Azalea said. “Can you freeze that waterfall?”

The girl considered. “I think so.”

“And you, Kalt—can you shape the frozen waterfall into steps? So we can all climb them to get out of here?”

“Yes!” he said, seeing it.

“Then do it, both of you. We all want to escape.”

They got to work. Soon there was a winding stairway to the top, made of ice. This time Azalea let the others go first, so she could make sure no one was left behind. Kalt and Frosteind also stayed, to keep the steps frozen and shaped. “This is the fanciest job we've ever done,” Kalt said ruefully. “And no one will see it, after this.”

“But everyone will remember,” Frosteind said.

At last everyone was up. They followed, letting the steps melt below them. It was scary, and their feet were cold, but they made it, as the others had.

Azalea was the last to step off the ice and onto warm dry land. And paused, amazed.

There stood all the children, applauding her for the rescue. With them was Che Centaur, Surprise Golem, and a fiery young woman.

“By the time we located you, you were well on your way,” Che said. “So we let you finish. You're a hero.”

“I was just trying to rescue the children,” she said, abashed. “All of them.”

“You succeeded,” Surprise said. “Thanks to your initiative, determination, and sense. And you found your sister too.”

“And a boyfriend, as soon as I tell my brother Ray about you,” Wade said. “You're such a great girl.”

But Azalea couldn't think about that at the moment. “It's not done yet. I have to get the other children back to their homes. We can't just leave them here.”

“Of course,” Che said. “We'll help, since we can't help you find your sister.”

“And we'll warn Xanth about the Punderground and the Hobgoblin,” Surprise said. “It's high time that awful scheme is stopped.”

“Yes!” Azalea agreed. Then she sank to the ground in worn-out tears of relief. This was more than enough adventure to hold her for a long time.

Che Centaur watched Azalea, Lotus, and the last of the lost children go. Azalea, for all her youth, had turned out to be a redoubtable babysitter, and had risen to answer considerably more challenge than anticipated. Fortunately everyone had come out of it safely.

“We've got to do something about that Hobgoblin,” Surprise said, looking darkly at the flower bed. “We can't have him taking any more children into the Punderground.”

And there was another young woman with surprising (no pun) potential. Che was fighting against the realization that he was not after all effectively immune to the love elixir, despite his statements on the subject. Surprise, still in centaur form, was a lovely and motivated mare, and he wished he could—no, of course not. It was a good thing that she had accepted the proper centaur attitude; that made up for his own failure.

“Put up a sign, stupid,” the peeve suggested.

“Good idea, peeve,” Surprise said. Che admired that too: the way she handled the obnoxious bird. “Who knows how to make a suitable warning sign?”

“We can,” Ted and Monica chorused. The two half-demon children scrambled to find a flat piece of wood, and scraped it with a stone to form words, BEWAR THE HOBLIN. Well, perhaps that was close enough.

Now they were ready to return to the Stork Works. “It is time for you children and the peeve to return to your homes,” Surprise said firmly. “This quest is not for you.”

Immediately Ted and Monica fussed in protest, and the peeve let out a series of words that did not, quite, barely, violate the Adult Conspiracy. But it was Woe Betide who made the persuasive case: “If you don't let us come, we'll tell everyone how you and Che waded through the love elixir.”

“We didn't do anything,” Surprise said, taken aback.

“Who will believe that?”

“This is blackmail,” Che said, disgusted.

“You bet it is, horse-head,” the peeve said with satisfaction.

“This is outrageous,” Surprise said angrily. Even her anger was appealing.

“You bet!” the two demon children said together.

Surprise looked appealingly at Che. Her appealing look was even more appealing. “Do we have to put up with this cheap threat?”

“By no means. Send them home and let them talk. Their folks will know they're just talking, and when Woe Betide reverts to being Ted's mother she'll know too.”

She nodded. “Children—”

Seeing their ploy about to fail, both children burst into tears, and the waif looked painfully woebegone as she wailed. Even the peeve managed to force half a tear. Surprise looked stricken. She was way too softhearted. That was not really a liability.

“Don't let them get to you,” Stymy said. “Do what's right.”

“I can't help it,” Surprise said. “I just can't let them cry.” She made as if to tear her hair. She had nice hair.

Woe paused in mid-wail. “Does that mean we can come along?”

Surprise visibly gritted her teeth. She had nice teeth. “Yes. But if—”

Suddenly both children and the waif were all sunshine. “Thank you,———,” the peeve said, evidently having stifled an insult and finding nothing to replace it.

“It's only because it would take too long to take you back now,” Surprise said weakly. Even her feeble capitulation was attractive.

“At such time as I have children,” Pyra muttered, “they'll never get away with that.”

“In Mundania they would call that Famous Last Words,” Che said with forty-five percent of a smile.

Things were organized remarkably efficiently thereafter. Surprise carried the three eager children on her back, the birds flew independently, and Che carried Pyra.

They flicked their riders to make them light, spread their wings, and took off. Soon they were flying across the Xanth landscape, following the birds.

“You're not immune,” Pyra murmured.

Ouch. There was no point in trying to deny it, and it wouldn't have been honest. “I am married to Cynthia Centaur, and I love her,” he said carefully. “Surprise is married to Umlaut, and she loves him. Wading through the elixir was a calculated risk we both understood. We do not wish to complicate our relationships.”

“Of course you don't,” Pyra agreed. “And I wish I had a relationship as good as either of yours. But the love elixir can not be denied. You are destined to suffer.”

“Are there ways I show it?” he inquired. “I ask because I want to avoid them, and not put her under any strain.”

“You are very good at concealing it. But when I mounted you, I felt the quickening in your body as you looked at or spoke to her. You can school the way you look and act, but you can't suppress the feeling in your body.”

“Thank you, Pyra. Please don't speak of this elsewhere. I'm sure the effect of the elixir will pass.”

“It normally passes when satisfied by desperately summoning the stork a few times.”

“Centaurs don't summon storks. Baby centaurs are too heavy for them to carry, so we make our own foals.”

“But you do go through similar motions, don't you? That should have similar effect.”

“That is ironic,” he said. “I can abate my passion for her only by mating with her—which is what I must not do.”

“Why don't you talk with her about it? She seems pretty sensible. She might agree to let you do it. Then you would be free.”

“When she does not share the passion? This would be unethical at best, and an unfair burden on her, quite apart from the larger background issues.”

“I hope I find a boyfriend as ethical as you.”

“You don't want a centaur.”

“Perhaps.”

The dialogue lapsed for a while, but Che remained disturbed. Logic suggested that Pyra was correct: his best course was to ameliorate his passion efficiently, so as not to be further distracted by it. Had Surprise succumbed similarly to the elixir, it would be the same with her. But she had not, and he would not be so selfish as to ask such a thing of her. So, as Pyra said, he was destined to suffer.

“I met an imp named Otence once,” Pyra remarked. “His/her talent was to make males lose that sort of interest. I'm uncertain of the imp's gender. Maybe you should check with it.”

Imp Otence. Che got it. “That would nullify my ability, rather than my desire. Or my passion but not my love. It would be similarly frustrating.”

They reached the Stork Works in reasonable order and landed. “Che, I know your primary mission is to locate and rescue the Simurgh,” Surprise said. “I don't want to be unbearably selfish, but can we rescue my baby first? I'm desperate.”

She thought she was the selfish one. How little she knew! “I believe that is feasible,” he agreed. “There is also the prospect that the Simurgh is in the same reality as your baby, so by locating one we also locate the other.”

“Oh, thank you!” she said, taking a step toward him. Then she halted herself, visibly. Did she have an inkling how her touch might affect him? “Is it time for me to revert to my natural form, so I can have my other talents?”

Would her change of form defuse his passion? That would help. “Yes, you will need to be your own form to take your baby.”

“Thank you.” She shimmered, and became a human woman, fully clothed. “Oh, it feels good to be myself again.”

Unfortunately Che discovered that the reversion made no difference. He still felt passionate about her. Neither had her change of form made it impossible. Wildly different species mated when caught in love springs, finding whatever way worked. But of course he uttered none of this. “Welcome.”

The gate guard stork ushered them into a special chamber within the large central dome. One wall was shrouded by a heavy curtain. “This is the reality room,” he said. “From here you can enter the reality you select. You have merely to let us know your choice.”

“This is the dome where the babies come from,” Surprise said, looking around.

“They are brought in from another reality, yes,” the stork conceded grudgingly. “More than that we will never tell.”

“Thank you,” Che said quickly. “We will orient on the reality we want.”

“I need specifics,” Pyra said, opening the Mask.

Surprise got down to business. “This morning Stymy Stork here brought my baby, but took it away without delivery. He took it to another reality. We must go to that reality.”

“You don't have a designation for that reality?”

“No,” Stymy said. “A fissure opened between realities, and I passed through. It closed up again the moment I returned.”

“I'll need a better description than that. There could be a million alternate choices.”

“Logic should help,” Che said. “The fissure opened between just two realities, we believe: ours and the other one. Can you orient on the specific one the fissure reached?”

“I can try.” She set up the Mask. “Fissure between two realities.”

Six pictures appeared. Each showed a stork with a bundle flying toward a slightly glowing rent in the sky.

“There should be just one,” Che said.

“Evidently not.”

“But there can't be more than one that Stymy Stork used between here and there.”

“Maybe not, but there are evidently several connections between sets of realities. I don't know how to make the Mask specify particular realities. How do you define reality?”

That stumped him. “We'll just have to check them all,” Che decided. “Six should be manageable.”

“But in each a stork is delivering a bundle,” Surprise said. “How do we know which one is Stymy? All storks look alike to me from a distance, and these ones may have glasses the same way Stymy does.”

“Stymy surely knows,” Che said. He turned to the stork. “Which of these six shows you?”

“I don't know.”

“You can't recognize yourself?”

“I could by smell. Stork vision isn't that good.”

“So we have to go and intercept you so you can smell yourself?”

“That's won't work,” Pyra said. “The Mask is showing the scene as defined, when there was the fissure. When we travel there, it will be in now-time. No storks remaining.”

“Now what do we do?” Surprise asked despairingly. Even her despair was attractive. He wanted to hold her reassuringly, but knew better.

Amazingly it was little Woe Betide that had a useful suggestion. “Maybe some stork smell rubbed off on the baby.”

“Could that have happened?” Che asked.

“Yes,” Stymy said. “I can recognize the babies I deliver by the traces of my own smell on them.”

“Victory!” Surprise said jubilantly. And of course her jubilation was alluring.

“Then we shall proceed,” Che said, relieved. “We'll tackle them one by one until we find the baby with your smell.” He looked at the children and peeve. “I trust you know that this is no occasion for foolish pranks.”

“We'll behave perfectly,” all three said, little halos appearing over their heads. Che didn't quite trust that, but had to assume that they would behave.

He addressed the guide stork. “This one,” he said, indicating the upper left picture.

“Pass by the curtain,” the stork said.

“Just like that?” Surprise asked.

“It is a very special curtain.”

But Che had a caution. “If realities are so much alike, how can we be sure of returning to this one?”

“The mechanism locks the two together, for you,” the stork explained. “Just return to the Stork Works, and it will automatically phase you back to this site.”

“A permanent fissure,” Pyra murmured. “Or at least a temporary one that exists as long as we are using it. That's a nice feature.”

“Very nice,” Che agreed dryly. It was in fact absolutely necessary, if they were not to be hopelessly lost among realities.

“This central site is of course neutral with respect to realities,” the guide stork clarified. “It addresses all of them with equal ease.”

Oops. They might already be lost. But it did not seem expedient to speak of that at this moment.

“Stay with me, children,” Surprise said, leading the way. She drew aside the curtain and stepped by it. Che appreciated her unconscious courage.

The children trooped after her, followed by Stymy with the peeve on his head. Then Pyra, then Che.

It was a disappointment. The curtain way merged with the way they had come in, and they exited the central dome and walked on past the outlying station and back to familiar Xanth. Had the storks politely brushed them off? He decided not to voice his private misgivings.

“This looks the same,” Ted said. “They tricked us.”

So much for that. “We have to have faith,” Che said. “One Xanth is surely much like another, with most of the same flora and fauna.”

“The same what?” Ted demanded.

“Nymphs named Flora and fauns chasing them, dummy,” Monica said with a superior tone.

Che wrestled with a smile, but five eighths of it got away from him. “Close enough. Plants and animals.”

“Why didn'tcha say so?”

“No child of mine will ever be that insolent,” Pyra murmured. Then she screeched as she leaped into the air. “Youch!”

She was the immediate center of attention. “What happened?” Surprise asked, concerned. Her concern was one of her fetching qualities.

“This—this thing whacked my, my—”

“Bottom, rear, end, tail, a—” Ted suggested.

“Fundament,” Che said, cutting him off. “I recognize the genus. That's a Weed Whacker. It whacks girls.”

“Whack her,” Monica said, tittering.

“Well it better not do it again,” Pyra flared. The heat made the weed lean away, wilting.

“Look,” Ted said, pointing gleefully ahead. There was a whole patch of similar plants. That made Surprise, Monica, and even little Woe Betide quail.

“I can carry you across,” Che said. He was trying to remember whether there had been such a patch on their way in, but couldn't be sure, because they had not been afoot. So it remained possible that this was the same Xanth.

But Pyra was grim. “I want to defeat these outrages on my own.” She fished in her knapsack, found a pair of trousers and a rough man's shirt and boots. She quickly donned these, then tucked her luxuriant hair under the cap. She spat on the ground and scratched under an arm. “Let's get this bleeping show on the road,” she said, and strode across the patch.

Not a single plant whacked her. They had been fooled into thinking she was a man.