Stork Naked (13 page)

She landed beside him, ready with her own magic. “I see nothing.”

“That could be because it saw us first,” he said with a third of a smile. “But certainly there are no monsters here.”

“Just winged monsters,” she agreed. It was humor; all magical creatures bearing wings were by definition winged monsters, though some were beautiful.

He turned to her. “If you will, for the kiss—assume your normal form.”

That made sense. If she kissed him in the form of a winged monster it would not be a fair test, because the wings would add appeal. They had to know whether they were naturally attracted to each other in their separate natural forms. She banished the wings.

They approached each other. He stood significantly higher than she did. “Maybe you should pick me up, as Che Three did.”

He nodded. “Oh, Surprise, I fear I already know how this will end. Once we are certain—”

“Then I will assume a more compatible form for you, as Surprise Three does for Che Three.” Form did make a difference, when it came to certain types of interactions. There was no need to specify what. She stood before him.

“Exactly.” He reached down, took firm hold of her girlish hips, and lifted her to his upper level.

She reached around his human torso, drawing herself close. Their faces came together. They kissed.

Little hearts exploded outward and formed a dancing cloud around them. She felt as if she were floating, and not just because he was lifting her.

The kiss ended, but they remained embraced. “Oh, Che, it is true,” she said. “Now I know what is meant by a kiss that half-summons the stork. I am very much afraid I love you.”

“Again, I comprehend more perfectly than seems proper,” he said. “I desire—”

His words were cut off by her second kiss. She knew exactly what he desired, as she felt the same. Love elixir normally rendered the participants quickly and thoroughly physical.

He stiffened, and not in a romantic sense. She broke the kiss and looked around.

A man was moving erratically toward them. He looked harmless, but wasn't watching where he was going.

Che quickly set her down, and she retreated behind him, letting him deal with the intruder. Che spun about to face the man, but the man wandered left, then right, and crashed into Surprise before she could avoid him. She in turn crashed into Che, and both she and the man wound up in a heap entangling the centaur's front legs.

Che reached down and lifted the man up by his collar, holding him suspended in air. “What is this?” he asked.

The man looked at him. “Oh, hello, centaur. I didn't see you.”

“You crashed into us,” Che said.

“Of course. That is my nature. I am Com. Com Plication. I crash into things, and then they crash too. Pewter wasn't right for a week after crashing.”

So there was a Com Pewter here in Xanth Three. “You're dangerous,” Surprise said.

“Only to things that can't handle crashes,” Plication said. “For the others I am merely inconvenient.”

“True,” Che said, setting the man down, facing away from them. He meandered on across the glade.

“I believe we were in the process of discovering something,” she said. “If you concur, I will change my shape. Do you have a preference?”

“Any form will do, as long as it is you. I—” He broke off, spying something else.

She looked. There was another man approaching. He was roughly human, but so fat as to be globular, and covered with what looked like bits of food.

This time Surprise took the initiative. She stepped out to intercept the man. “Hello. I am Surprise Golem.”

He stopped walking. “I am Pete. Pete Za.”

“What may we do for you, Pete?”

He shook his head. “It is what I can do for you. I felt your hunger, so came immediately.”

She did not quite like the sound of this. “My—hunger?”

“I feed hungry folk. What flavor do you prefer?”

Che caught on. “Pizza. You make Pizza.”

“Magically good,” Pete agreed. “Choose your type.”

It seemed that the only way to get rid of Pete was to accept what he offered. “Mushroom,” Surprise said.

Pete put two fingers to his collar, jerked outward, and peeled off his front section. There it was: a mushroom pizza, steamingly hot. He handed it to her and glanced at Che.

“Cheese,” Che said. The man ripped off another section and gave him a big cheesy disk. Then he went cheerily on his way, having done a favor, he supposed.

“I suspect he misinterpreted the hunger he felt in us,” Che remarked. “But this will do for the moment.” He bit into his pizza.

“Yes.” She was glad for the confusion, for she would not have wanted the kind of hunger she felt to be peeled off a strange man's front. She bit into her pizza. It was very good. She was hungry in that manner also, as it turned out.

They finished eating, and faced each other again. “Now about forms,” she said.

“Another,” he murmured grimly. “Two, in fact.”

She turned. A girl was approaching from one direction, and a boy from the other.

Surprise addressed the girl, concealing her irritation at the interruption. “Hello. I am Surprise Golem.”

“I am Celest. My talent is to summon falling stars.” She glanced upward. “Like this.”

There was a brief whistle and thunk as something plunged from the sky into the ground, gouging out a smoking pit. Celest walked across to the pit and dug into it with her dainty shoe, kicking out a five pointed silver star.

Che intercepted the boy. “I am Che Centaur.”

“I am Aaron. My talent is to place wings on objects, like watches. That makes time fly.”

Celest approached him, kicking the hot little star ahead of her. “What about stars?”

“Sure.” A little set of wings appeared on the star. They flapped, and it flew into the air, circled, and departed.

“That's great,” Celest said. “How about a date?”

“Sure,” Aaron agreed. He put his arm about her waist and they walked out of the glade together.

“That was convenient,” Surprise said.

“They canceled out,” Che agreed. “I think a nice form for you to assume would be—” He stopped.

Another person was entering the glade. This was a curvaceous girl with honey-brown hair to the middle of her back, with a bit of a curl. Her skin was peach porcelain so that she almost seemed to glow. She carried a short-haired silver and brown cat with a striped tail. But she looked sad.

Surprise suppressed a hidden sigh. Suddenly this glade had become a major crossroads! “Hello. I am—”

“I am Nikki. I can see folks' natures.” Nikki looked directly at her with amber-brown pupils fading to clear muted gemstone green irises rimmed with blue-gray. “Yours is—that's weird! You're nice, but you're not from anywhere close to here. In fact—”

“You're very perceptive,” Surprise said quickly. “But why are you here?”

“I need to find a boy who loves cats as I do, and who can get along with Clarabelle.” She stroked the cat.

Meanwhile a young man had entered the glade. “Hi! I'm Dave,” he called. “I can look at things from different angles.” He caught sight of Nikki. “What a lovely cat!”

Nikki turned her marvelous eyes on him. “You're Mundane!”

“I was,” Dave agreed. “I liked to cycle and glide. But now that I am encountering folk like you, I believe I prefer Xanth.”

“Do you believe in true love?”

“I do.” They linked arms and departed.

Che and Surprise faced each other again. “Now that we're alone,” Che said, and paused as if concerned that there would be another interruption.

There was. An old man appeared. “It's good to see you young folk getting together, here in Promenade Glade. That's what it's for.”

Che and Surprise exchanged half a glance. “This is a meeting place?” she asked.

“Of course. It helps reduce the randomness of such things. Compatible folk tend to be attracted here, just as the two of you surely were.”

They exchanged the other half of the glance. They had been attracted to this glade. Which was fine for others, but not for them, as they had not needed to meet each other. The one thing this place would not provide was privacy.

“Thank you for informing us,” Che said. “I am Che Centaur, and this is Surprise Golem.”

“I am Billy Applegate. I always liked hearts, so made a place for hearts to meet.”

“It certainly seems to be effective,” Surprise said. “I see another one coming.”

It was a woman. She had curly brown hair and blue eyes. “Hello. I am Philomena, but call me Mena.”

“Welcome, Mena,” Billy said. “I'm sure there'll be a young man along soon, who will find you worthwhile.”

“Surely,” Mena agreed, smiling.

Surprise took Che's hand. “Let's give them room,” she murmured.

He nodded. They had no chance to do what they had in mind here. He lifted her onto his back and trotted into the center of the glade. “Thank you, Billy,” he called as he spread his wings and took off. Billy waved cheerfully.

When they were alone in the air, Surprise spoke. “Do you think that this was accidental?”

“I believe in magic, not fate,” Che said. “Yet it does seem that we are not fated to have the privacy we seek. I believe we must postpone what we had in mind. I am severely disappointed, yet also relieved.”

“So am I,” she agreed fervently. “Part of me really wants it, but another part of me will never forgive myself. I think we shall have to endure as we are.”

They issued a mutual sigh.

Pyra knew the moment she saw Che flying in, carrying Surprise, that they had not made it together. The elixir-inspired tension between them remained. Too bad. That was not the game, but it was a stage of it. When Stymy Stork returned alone she had hoped it was done.

Meanwhile it had been a job watching the children, who were partly or wholly demon and rambunctious. There was only so much even the Mask could do to keep them diverted. So did she want to have children herself? Maybe, if she was able to keep a firm discipline in the house. If she had the right husband.

There, of course, was the essence. If she accomplished her assignment correctly, she would have the right male. That was why she had agreed to undertake this treacherous mission. There was no other way to nab him.

They landed, and trotted to the garden where Pyra and the others waited. “Wrong reality,” Che said as Surprise dismounted.

They surely knew, but she asked anyway: “Are you sure?”

“The baby is a winged foal,” Surprise said.

Pyra acted surprised. “How could that be?”

“In this reality, I am married to Che.”

So this was one of those. Pyra had seen different matchups in the Mask, but hadn't known whether this was one of them. So now they knew that there was nothing sacred about Surprise being with Umlaut, or Che being with Cynthia. “That is remarkable,” she said, knowing it wasn't.

Che angled a glance down at her, in the handsome way he had. “You saw it in the Mask.”

“I have seen realities where different couples formed,” Pyra agreed. “But there are so many, it is difficult to know which ones we are visiting.” Which was true.

“Let's get on to the next,” Surprise said a trifle grimly. “My baby is waiting.”

Pyra nodded. “I need the Mask,” she announced.

“Awww,” the three children and pet peeve said together. But it wasn't a strong awww, so they were about sated. They trooped inside the transition chamber.

She restored the array of realities and selected the next picture. “I can watch the children again.”

“No, we want to go along this time,” Ted said.

“To see the sights,” Monica agreed.

That did not suit Pyra's purpose. She wanted Che and Surprise to be alone together, knowing that they were on the verge of working things out. Because they both believed that such an interaction would be wrong, it would be a stage in their corruption. “It is more efficient if they go alone.”

To her surprise, Surprise demurred. “Efficiency isn't everything. They might as well come along.”

Pyra couldn't argue the case without giving away her motive. “In that case, we will need additional transport.”

Surprise became a winged horse. “There you are,” Che said. “I'll lift you to her back.”

“Naw, we want to ride you this time,” Ted said.

“So we can talk to you,” Monica said.

Che exchanged a full glance with Surprise. Pyra saw that they were getting good at that. Then he lifted the children one by one up onto his own back. The peeve joined them, evidently preferring to ride this time rather than fly on its own. It was a curious bird.

Meanwhile Pyra got onto Surprise's back. She had talked directly with Che, advising him of the nature of the elixir; now she could do the same with Surprise, perhaps to better effect. Of course Surprise couldn't answer in this form, but that wasn't strictly necessary.

They trooped outside. The stork took off, leading the way, and Che followed. Then Surprise spread her wings and launched into the air.

Once they were fairly on their way, Pyra spoke. “I know the effect of the love elixir can be abated only one way. I advised Che of that.”

“He told me,” Surprise said.

Pyra was startled. “You can talk!”

“I assumed the form of a talking winged horse. There are many variants.”

Pyra laughed. “I should have realized. That makes it easier.”

“Makes what easier?”

“Persuading you to abate it.”

“Why should you care what we do?”

“I want to see you accomplish your mission, of course. You can do that more efficiently if you abolish significant distractions.”

“This occurred to us,” Surprise agreed. “But it didn't work out. Maybe that is just as well.”

“Just as well?”

“I don't want to be unfaithful to Umlaut, and Che doesn't want to be unfaithful to Cynthia, even with an alternate Cynthia.”

“Yet in the last reality, you said you were married to Che.”

“In that reality,” Surprise agreed. “Not in our own.”

Pyra saw that it was useless to argue the case further. “I suppose that does make a difference.”

“It does. Yet we were prepared to do it, had we been able to achieve sufficient privacy.”

Oho. So it had not been a straight intellectual decision. “Then maybe there will be another chance, in another reality.”

“Or maybe we will complete our missions and return without doing any such thing.”

The woman was not very corruptible. That was not good. “Maybe,” she agreed. “But I doubt I would have the restraint. I think I would prefer simply to expiate the passion and be forever done with it.”

“What is your interest in this?” Surprise asked sharply.

Of course Pyra had to lie. She didn't like doing it, because lies tended to have tag ends that could unravel them, but she had no choice. “Once I walked down to the swamp and dipped my toe, curious to know whether it was really what it was said to be. Unfortunately, it was. The first male I saw thereafter was a passing faun. Naturally he pursued me, and naturally I fled. But the passion flared up and controlled me, and soon I turned around and clasped him, celebrating in the manner of a nymph. In the next hour I fairly wore him out. Then we separated, our desire faded, and I returned to the castle alone. Fortunately the storks tend to ignore the signals of fauns and nymphs, so there was no delivery. I never tested the elixir again. But I know its power, and want to save you the struggle you otherwise face. It's not your fault that you were exposed to it.”

“We knew its nature,” Surprise said. “We waded through it anyway.”

“Because you had no alternative, other than to give up hope of recovering your baby. That preempts everything, of course.”

“I doubt that makes me blameless.”

“You had a difficult choice. Sometimes blame is relative.” There was a key concept she wanted Surprise to mull over.

“Relative blame,” the horse repeated, irony in her tone.

“You would do anything to recover your baby, wouldn't you?”

Surprise hesitated. “I'm not sure. I didn't want to take Surprise Two's baby from her.”

Darn that conscience! Pyra let it drop, having done what she could. This mission was far from complete; there was ample chance for Surprise to change her mind.

They were coming to the Golem house. Che descended to land behind a copse out of sight of the house, and Surprise followed.

Pyra slid off. “I'll watch the children,” she said.

“Aw—” Ted began.

Pyra flared, the fire almost touching his nose. He got the message and did not complete his complaint.

“Should I change?” Surprise asked Che.

“I see no need, unless the baby turns out to be yours, in which case you will need your hands.”

Well, now, Pyra thought. That winged horse form would be ideal for her to complete a liaison with the centaur. That was to be encouraged. “And you can fly folk back,” Pyra said.

“That, too,” Surprise agreed. Just so.

Pyra took charge of the three children and peevish bird, while Che, Surprise, and Stymy approached the house. They watched from the cover of the copse.

“You're up to something, flame-brain,” the peeve said.

For half an instant Pyra froze, which was not comfortable for her fiery nature. Then she bluffed it out. “What's the word, bird?”

“You don't like us much, hutch.”

The peeve was on the wrong track. She was relieved. “We could get this business done faster and easier without the four of you along.”

“Too bad, tad.”

She let that pass. They peered through the brush as the trio reached the house. Would this be the right baby?

The door opened. A walking skeleton stood there.

“Moldy goldy!” Ted exclaimed. “It's Picka Bone!”

“From the skeletal family,” Monica agreed.

“Marrow's son,” Woe added. Woe, though perpetually five years old, had been around for centuries. “He's nineteen now.”

“And handsome,” Monica said. “Though thin.”

And the baby would be a cross between human and skeleton. That was not the one.

The party left the house. Pyra remained amazed. In three alternate realities, Surprise was married to Umlaut, Che, and Picka Bone. That girl certainly got around.

“Wrong baby,” Surprise announced as they reached the copse.

“We saw,” Pyra said. “Too bad.”

“I admit to being astonished by the differences in unions,” Che said.

“Who would have thought I—she—would ever get together with Picka,” Surprise said, seeming dazed. “But they told how they met in the gourd, where she was visiting and he was taking temporary work, and one thing led to another. He is certainly a decent person.”

“But thin,” Monica repeated, and she and Ted giggled.

The children piled back on Che, leaving the horse for Pyra again. Too bad, Pyra thought, that there wasn't a way for Che and Surprise to travel alone together again. Nothing would happen in the presence of the children, and not just because of the Adult Conspiracy to Keep Interesting Things from Children. But maybe when night came and the children slept there could be something.

They flew back to the Stork Works. This time they didn't talk, so Pyra's thoughts were her own.

She reviewed how she had gotten into this business. It had not started, as the others thought, with the stork's balk on the delivery of Surprise's baby. That was merely the official start of the action.

No, it had started with a Demon bet between Xanth and Fornax. Pyra didn't know the stakes, but suspected that Counter Xanth had something to do with it. Xanth had won that from Fornax, and it was slowly being colonized by Xanthians who liked its reversals. Demoness Fornax wanted to win it back. Or maybe it had something to do with Demon status, always important; they were perpetually vying for that. They did it by means of bets on deviously stupid things, such as whether a given mortal would do something or not do it.

This bet related to Surprise: could she be corrupted? If she could be, Fornax won; if not, Xanth won. So they set her up with something she desperately wanted, her baby, and were watching to see how far she would go to recover it. It was a cruel game, for it was one Surprise could not really win. If she refused to be corrupted to get her baby, she would not get the baby. So Xanth would win, but not Surprise, really. If she was corrupted, and got her baby, Fornax would win, but Surprise would always know it had cost her her honor.

This bet differed from most in that the two Demons were actively participating. Each had an agent in the field, as it were, to encourage a positive decision. Xanth's agent was Stymy Stork, who would be rewarded with a promotion to Head Stork. Fornax's agent was Pyra, who would be rewarded by marriage to Che Centaur. That was why she wanted Che to have the affair with Surprise: not only would it start the process of her corruption, with luck leading to the victory of Fornax; it would encourage Che to realize that there was nothing sacred about his marriage to Cynthia. That would set him up for marriage to Pyra, which the love elixir would confirm.

She remembered how she had fixed on Che. Her story to Surprise had had a single element of truth: she had dipped her toe in the lake. She had been alone, seeing no faun or other male, as the island was normally uninhabited except for the guardian monsters. She had avoided the monsters by using a secret entrance. Then, thinking herself secure, she had used the Mask, as she often did in the lonely evenings. And the first image on the screen was that of Che Centaur.

Oops. She loved him from that moment, but could do nothing about it. Until Demoness Fornax contacted her.

What could she do but agree to be the Demoness's agent? She knew it was the only way to get Che, who would otherwise be true to Cynthia Centaur. Pyra had nothing against Cynthia, and wished her well in finding another mate. It was simply that she had to have Che. When she told Surprise that she knew the elixir's power, she was speaking literally.

So here she was, working to help corrupt a girl to whom she had no animus. Surprise was a nice young woman. But that was the point: was she nice enough to be beyond corruption? Demon Xanth had bet that she was. Pyra had to help Demoness Fornax prove she wasn't. It was ironic that Pyra had to encourage Surprise to indulge her temporary passion for Che. Pyra would gladly have taken her place in that respect, but of course he had to clear his own temporary passion for Surprise first. Love was complicated.

There was one other thing: if any of the other participants—Che, Surprise, the three children, or the pet peeve—realized that this was a setup, a Demon bet, then the bet was off and nothing counted. They would revert everything to just before things started, and set up a new bet elsewhere with other participants. The stork would lose his chance, and Pyra would lose hers. Indeed, they would hardly know what they had missed, though some faint memories of the erased event might linger. So though they were on opposite sides, Stymy and Pyra had a common interest in seeing that no one caught on. That meant that they could not be too obvious in pushing their cases.

The danger was the tyke, Woe Betide. She was an aspect of Demoness Metria, who had once been Fornax's agent in the past. If the waif had any real memory of that, she might indeed catch on. That would ruin everything. So she had to be treated very carefully. Both Pyra and Stymy Stork were well aware of that. So completion of the bet was by no means assured, let alone the reward Pyra craved so ardently.

Actually, she knew she would be good for Che. In the course of this adventure he was learning that he did not have to be married to another centaur. He could be with a straight human woman, as was the case in the third reality. It wasn't necessary for her to change forms, either, or to use an accommodation spell. There were ways and ways, and what she wanted mostly was to ride him across the Land of Xanth and see all the sights. He would soon love her, and if not, a mere sprinkle of the elixir of the swamp would fix it. If its effect faded, she would sprinkle him again, and again, making sure he would not revert. Her own passion for him, unabated, had become set; she wanted him in the same state.