Strong Enough (16 page)

“Reece,” he says a bit breathlessly. Still
so very close to my face. The feel of his whiskers from his scruffy
neatly trimmed beard could be felt as his lips suddenly softly
brush mine.

His touch so light and sensual that my eyes
close trying to capture the feeling to memory. He stills with his
lips on mine, not pushing further but I can feel the desire. “I
need to get you home,” his lips say against mine. Still sitting
frozen I am barely able to whisper okay.

His lips leave mine and it causes me to open
my eyes and see him still gazing at me. He smiles slightly then
pulls away and exits the car shutting the door. Seconds later he
climbs into my driver seat. Drunk or not I am agitated about him
driving my car. No one has ever driven my car but me. Unfortunately
for me there is nothing I can do about it now so I sit quietly
staring out the window as he exits the parking lot.

Did he really just kiss me? Is it possible
that I’m so drunk that my lips have taken on a feeling of their own
and they imagined him leaning further in then he actually was? Is
it possible that I wanted him to kiss me so badly that I am
suffering from some kind of phantom kissing disorder? I must be
really drunk because I haven’t wanted anyone to touch me in any way
like I want him to.

Watching the movement outside the window is
causing my stomach to shift and my head to swim. I lay my head back
and close my eyes. This has been one hell of a day. How did it go
from gym time with Sterling, to date with Sterling, to Sterling
getting physical and scaring me to Zane rescuing me, going out with
Zane, and now who knows with Zane? Oh and me getting shitfaced in
the process?

“You okay over there?” He asks glancing at
me with concern. “You’re not going to throw up are you?”

“No, not going to throw up,” I say softly
moving my head side to side against the headrest. “Just
thinking.”

“Oh yeah, what about?” His eyebrow lifting
in question when I open my eyes to glance at him from my rested
position.

There are a lot of ways I can answer his
question. After all, I am thinking about a million things it seems.
Rolling my head toward the window I open my eyes and look out. The
sky is dark with a deep purple and blue haze. The moon can barely
be seen but light is still showing through the clouds. It’s
actually very pretty. This is one thing I love about Texas, the sky
is so pretty at night and normally the stars shine bright.

“It was a training accident.”

“What was?”

“My dad, he died during a military training
exercise. He was with the military police in the Air Force. He had
been to war, went all over the world to fight terrorism and protect
the United States. He served twenty one years in a hundred
different dangerous situations, many of which he should have died.
But that wasn’t the case. They called it an accident, careless is
more like it.” Pausing I reach up to wipe the tears that are
running down my cheeks before I continue. “Dad was part of a sniper
unit, when they weren’t out on missions they were on base running
drills. That day, dad agreed to help out with weapons live fire
training. They had just finished shooting and dad was inspecting
weapons. He never knew what hit him.”

Choking out the words still staring out the
window, I can’t seem to catch my breath trying to continue. Zane
reaches over and lightly rubs the back of my neck, it’s a subtle
touch that calms me to be able to breathe.

“The airman didn’t put the safety on. We
don’t really know exactly how it happened but his rifle discharged
and dad was in the line of fire. They say he died instantly and
didn’t feel pain. I have tried to use those words to comfort myself
but it hasn’t worked. I was 12 when he died. My world ended that
day. I’ll never forget being at the park across from the house
with…”

Silence fills the car, memories fill my
head.

“With who?”

“With Adam. We saw the car pull up and the
Chaplain rang the doorbell. The minute mom answered the door she
knew. From across the park I saw her face turn white and her knees
buckle. It was that moment in time that my world stopped turning. I
don’t remember much after that. I barely remember the funeral. Adam
wouldn’t let me out of his sight. The hours slowed, the days
stopped and living was nonexistent. I was so angry, I wouldn’t talk
to anyone except Adam and it was pretty minimal even at best. It
didn’t take long for mom to fade. She lost her world too. Nothing
mattered to her, not even me. The booze started pretty quickly, it
relieved the pain briefly. When it wasn’t enough to kill the pain
she started with the pills. Most days she didn’t even leave her
room. If it wasn’t for Adam I’m not sure I would have had anything
to eat. The downward spiral with mom sped up pretty quickly. Within
2 months, she was useless. Danny stepped in to take care of things
financially. Being a military brat you learn how to care for
yourself quickly. Mom stopped worrying about me and my needs and
started focusing on her next fix. Once we had to leave base
housing, well that’s when things really got bad.”

Zane’s hand left my neck only for him to
gently wrap it around the top of my hand that is resting on my leg.
Gently squeezing my hand for me to acknowledge and accept his
touch, I willing accept his touch and rotate my hand up and accept
the warm comfort of his palm in mine. I can’t look at him as I
continue.

“By the time I was 14 I was completely
taking care of myself as well as the small house we lived in. I
cooked, cleaned and even helped Danny make sure all the bills were
taken care of. When I wasn’t in school, cleaning or cooking, I was
with Adam or in the bar with Danny. Mom was never home. The rare
occasion she was it was with some random guy and she didn’t even
acknowledge or notice me for the fact that she was so messed up. By
the time I was a sophomore, mom latched on to some guy that had
money and didn’t give a shit that she was always messed up. She
never came home anymore. When I turned 16 is when the hatred for me
developed. When she found out about the money my dad left me in his
will, she lost it. Told me I was a spoiled rotten brat who didn’t
deserve it when she was the one that lost her husband. Adam left
that year to join the military. He left me alone. I had no one.
Things never changed. I left and went to college the next year. I
haven’t seen or heard from my mom in well… fuck I don’t even know.
Danny keeps track but I don’t ask.” I finish still gazing out the
window shaking my hand loose from Zane and rubbing my sweaty palms
down my legs.

I watch as he slowly brings his hand back to
the steering wheel after getting the hint that I wasn’t into
holding hands anymore. I almost can see the dejection on his face
as he stares out the front windshield. His strong jaw clenched and
eyes focused and a little strained as he concentrates. His left
elbow rests on the door while his hand guides the wheel. His
stature shows his strength but his face shows intensity.

“Is your dad dying and you essentially
losing your mom what you’re hiding from the world?”

His question seems a little brazen. I’m not
one for self-pity but fuck. Biting back to not answer so bitchy,
“I’m not hiding. I’m here, see me,” I say as I slap my hands
against my chest. “Hiding would be no one knowing I existed. So no
Zane, I’m not hiding.”

He ignores my comment. “What else happened
to you Reece, what else have you lived through that you can’t be
you?” He finishes as he pulls into my apartment complex and parks.
Killing the engine he sits there same position with his arm resting
on the door. I don’t know what to say with the vibe being so
uncomfortable. My vulnerability meter has reached its max.

Shifting quickly in my seat to look at him,
the car spins a little faster causing me to briefly shut my eyes.
Giving myself a minute with my eyes closed to adjust, I suddenly
feel his lips press against mine and his hand slides up my arm and
into my hair. Weaving his fingers through he grabs the back of my
head and presses gently intensifying the kiss as our lips are
pressed closer together. I don’t want to open my eyes. I don’t want
to ruin this moment and I don’t want him to stop. My hands slide up
the outside of his arms running over every muscle slowly up over
his shoulders until they reach the back of his head. His frame is
so much bigger than mine I have to shift closer to him as my hand
runs up the back of his neck and into his hair. He moans slightly
on my lips as I gently massage his head. He pulls back slightly as
I open my eyes. His eyes filled with desire, the same desire I am
feeling. No words are exchanged just a look. He pulls me back to
his soft lips caressing my bottom lip with his tongue. Shivers run
down my spine as I pull him closer, accepting his tongue. The kiss
deepens as our bodies press into each other.
Damn car console
. With his hand still tangled in my
hair he pulls down slightly exposing my neck as he leaves my lips
and kisses his way oh so slowly down. His lips are like fire on my
skin burning from the desire I have for him. Gently moving across
my skin kiss by kiss until he finds the spot under my earlobe that
drives me insane. His thumb runs under my ear before his lips land
there as he slightly nips then sucks on my skin. My fingers dig
into his shoulders as the sexual desire floods me. He moves away
from my neck and back to my lips in a feverish movement as our lips
meet again. This time it’s me moaning into his mouth. I can feel a
smile spread across his lips as he takes my lower lip into his
mouth and gently sucks and releases it to follow up with a small
nip. God how I love that. Pulling back his smile is all I can see.
I don’t know if the cloud of haze is from the alcohol or his
kisses. Either way I haven’t felt this good in a very long
time.

“I need to get you inside,” he says,
whispering close to me.

Still in a bit of a daze. “You can take me
anywhere you want.” Was the ridiculous comeback I had.

“Oh is that so….” He chuckled at me.

“At this very moment, yes, that is very
so.”

“Let’s start with just getting you home.” He
smiles.

I lean back away from him as he opens his
door and gets out. Falling back against my seat I’m trying to wrap
my brain around what is going on and how I feel about it but my
damn head is still spinning. I have said more to him than I have to
anyone, and fuck I don’t like that feeling. I do like the feeling
of his lips on mine though. I swear there is something about him I
recognize, connect with and I’m not sure how I feel about that. I
can’t let a hot guy, with an amazing body and very kissable lips be
the reason my guard goes down.

Just then my door opens and his hand reaches
down waiting for me to take it, but I don’t. Unbuckling my seatbelt
I swing my legs out and stand up on my own. He steps back a bit
with a questionable look on his face while still holding my door
open. I offer a small smile and proceed to walk toward my
building.

I hear the car door shut and his shoes
against the asphalt parking lot. “You ok?” He asks as he slides his
arm around my back and to my waist.

I quickly step out of his grasp but the
alcohol is still in effect and I stumble back into his arms. “Whoa,
careful.”

“I’m fine!” I sort of yell as push out of
his grasp and keep walking.

“What is wrong Reece? We were great in the
car, now you’re just…”

“Just WHAT Zane? Just being a bitch? Being
me?”

“I didn’t say that Reece…”

“Look Zane, I’m not the girl you want me to
be, I’m not open and friendly. I’m the opposite actually. I don’t
have friends, and I don’t talk about my life or my past. Letting
you in tonight, that wasn’t me. I’m not comfortable. My god Zane,
it took me getting drunk to open up. And what happens you KISS me…
Why? Why on earth did you kiss me? Why did you make me forget who I
am? Why do you want to know me so bad? Am I some experiment to you?
None of this makes sense. I don’t understand Sterling and I sure as
hell don’t understand you.” I finish as I walk quickly to the
stairs that lead to my apartment.

“Reece stop, it’s not like that, please just
let me explain…” he yells as I run up the stairs.

“Don’t bother Zane, let’s just forget it.
It’s better for you that way.” I yelled down over my shoulder right
before I reached the top step.

“Hey Reece!” He yells quickly.

Turning to look down the stairs from the top
of the landing, I see he’s half way up and tosses my car keys at
me. He wants to say something but I get to it first. “Thanks for
getting me home and for the Sterling situation,” I quickly said and
then turn and walk the few steps to my apartment. Shutting the door
behind me I lock the bolts and turn resting my head against the
door. A sudden rush of immense regret, loneliness and sadness
washes over me. Falling to the floor head in my hands I can’t keep
the tears from coming. I don’t know what is causing them, talking
about my dad and mom? Remembering Adam? The feeling of being in the
parking lot again and seeing it all happening? Or could it be that
I just pushed the one man that made me feel something out of my
life?