Strong Signal (Cyberlove #1) (10 page)

“You must have made quite a good friend back in the States,” I said.

But his focus was on the box now, especially as he pulled out two gallon-sized Ziploc bags of candy. “Holy shit, dude.”

“Um, I hope you like it?”

Him oohing and aahing over what I’d bought was slightly awkward when all I could do was watch. But then I focused on his face—his big grin and warm eyes—and I remembered that he certainly didn’t have a boyfriend back home or anyone at base who cared about him. That was my role now.

“Of course I’ll like it, it’s fucking candy. I’m going to have to keep it stashed or these bastards around here will clean me out.” He rummaged around in the box and pulled out ten packages of baby wipes. “Nothing sexy about baby wipes, but damn if we don’t use them all the time. Thanks, man.”

All of a sudden, I wanted to reach through the screen and pull out that fucking dog. Why did I buy that? He was not a stuffed animal person. Not at all. But yet I’d mailed him one, like a high schooler with a crush. Shit, shit, shit.

“Um, Garrett…”

He pulled out the socks and shirts. “This is awesome! I always need more of these. You did your care package research, huh?”

I bit my lip as he went back to the box, pulling out the games I’d sent, including the new FPS. He was so damn happy, and all that was left in the bottom of the box was the stuffed dog I’d wrapped in tissue paper. I heard the crinkling of it as Garrett rooted around at the bottom.

“What’s this?”

“Uh, just tissue paper,” I mumbled. “So what do you think of the games?”

“Tissue paper?” he said, ignoring my question. “Nah, there’s something in here.”

He pulled out the whole bundle, and I winced, waiting for the awkwardness to hit.

Garrett

Given the squishy feel of the object completely covered in tissue paper, I was almost positive it was some kind of stuffed animal. My mouth twitched. What was he up to? Sending me some kind of
FWO
plush? Maybe an orc that could sit over my bed and menace me the way his had done in the catacombs.

“Let’s see…”

Tearing the paper down the middle, I was met with a stuffed dog’s version of my sneer. At first I just tilted my head and wondered why he’d picked a dog of all things, but then it clicked. I burst out laughing.

“You remembered that conversation! Holy shit, now I have to find you a red panda bear thing. Whatever that fake creature is.” Kai didn’t respond, so I looked up and found him cringing. “Kai, fix your face. You’re going to upset my new pet. He’s gonna hang out up here with my honey badger.”

“Honey badger?”

“Yup.” I pointed at the makeshift shelf above my bed. An ugly-ass plush honey badger was sitting there proudly. “My sister sent him to me because Honey Badger don’t give a fuck.” I smirked, wondering if he got the reference. “Now he has a bud. They can creepily guard me while I’m jacking it.”

This time it was Kai who was laughing. It sounded different than when he was performing on Twitch. Loud and kind of nervous before he covered his mouth with his hand. “You seriously like it?”

“Yes. I seriously do. I appreciate the fact that you remembered the answer I gave you. I took it way too seriously.”

“No you didn’t! I loved your answer. It said a lot about you.”

Yeah, right. I’d probably sounded like a stereotypical military dude. The ones who played up how macho and amazing they were to impress people, and posted pictures of themselves posing with rifles on Instagram.

“Do you think I should tell the guys that my e-boyfriend sent me this stuff?” I stopped carefully arranging my shelf and turned back to the laptop. He was still flushed and chewing on his lower lip. “Hey, I’m kidding.”

Kai did the thing he did when he was uncomfortable—curling in on himself with his knees raised to his chin and his arms around his legs. I had no idea how he managed to fold his body that way, but his flexibility was a continued source of intrigue for me.

“I’m not really, uh, asking you to be…my boyfriend. I don’t know. Fuck. Forget I said anything, okay?”

“No, it’s not that,” Kai said quickly. “I’m not upset. This is just—”

“—weird? Stressful?” It would have probably been better to shift my gaze away and give him time to figure out what he wanted to say, and how he wanted to say it, but I couldn’t. Seeing him unsure of himself automatically made me want to soothe him. Not that I was a soothing individual. My compassion was not dissimilar to gliding sandpaper over your ass. “Kai, if this is too much we can just stick to chat. I know you’re used to certain boundaries. I shouldn’t have pushed. I just really fucking wanted to talk to you.
Really
talk to you.”

Kai was shaking his head again. He leaned forward and gazed at me so imploringly that I wished more than anything I could reach through the monitor and touch his face. Just once.

“I wanted to make you happy,” he said finally. “And I’m glad it worked? I was worried you’d think it was too silly and it would get awkward. I never do this type of thing.”

“Which type of thing?”

He squirmed. “I never get this close to people I’ve met online. My Chat means a lot to me because they’re so supportive, but I’ve never had this kind of…thing with anyone.”

“Me either, dude. The Internet freaks me out half the time. Residual damage from high school.” Shit, why did I always bring that up? “But that doesn’t matter.”

“No, it does.” Kai released a huff of air and collapsed back against his chair. He was wearing a huge sweater and it slid off his shoulder, showing a swath of smooth skin and a couple of freckles. “I can tell that still affects you. Every time your back gets up when some creep comes on to me too strong, it’s obvious.”

I’d tried not to make it so obvious but as soon as I’d let that tidbit of info slip, I’d shown all my cards. It wasn’t something that would ever happen in real life. People were lucky to get a “good morning” out of me in person, but online? It was turning out real different. Words flowed easier. I shared confidences like I hadn’t spent years clutching them to my vest. And I didn’t know why.

Was it because I didn’t have to look someone in the eye and do all this talking? Because words formed easier when I was typing them? Or was it because…in the billions of people on this shitty planet that I’d never be able to meet in person, the Internet had handed me one person who seemed to be absolutely perfect for me?

“I know it seems hypocritical,” I said. “To judge those people who obsess over you when I’m sitting up here calling you my e-boyfriend, but it feels different to me. When I wanted to get to know you, I made an attempt on my own. I tried to speak to you. And I would have fucked right off if you’d not been interested. I didn’t…develop this weird possessiveness of you before I knew you were—before we got all—” What were we? This was why text was better. I had no idea what I was saying. “I didn’t know it would turn out this way. And it wasn’t my plan. So it gets under my skin when I see people…trying to imply you have this relationship with them based solely on their own one-sided infatuation. An infatuation built on them fucking dissecting you and objectifying you and not treating you like a real person.”

Kai was watching me wide-eyed. Probably because I’d just implied his entire source of income was made up of psychopaths.

“I’m not saying they’re all like that,” I rushed to explain. “But those people who give no fucks about asking you to show your dick on Twitch, or to play
FWO
naked, or who interrupt a gaming conversation to reference your XXXTube account? Those people don’t give a damn about you. They would never do that in real life. They don’t see you as a real person with real feelings. And it kills me. It makes me want to crack their skulls.”

“What does it say about me that…” Kai pressed his chin to his knees and smiled. “…That you gave this amazing speech and my first thought was how hot you are when you get angry and threaten people on my behalf?”

A laugh bubbled up my throat and probably exploded through his speakers. He joined me, and the sight of his eyes glittering and his wide mouth stretched into a smile, was more than I could have asked for.

“Look.” he said. “I don’t disagree with you, babe. But it’s part of the job, a small part. I just have to filter those people out.”

“Yeah. I get it. But it won’t stop me wanting to Hulk out.”

“I know.” Kai pressed his fingertips to his mouth and blew me a kiss. “You’re my hero.”

“Heh. Right.”

Some hero. Trapped on a mostly inactive base. Not even doing anything useful. I spent my day servicing military vehicles, not saving people. There was a huge disconnect between what people thought I did over here and the actual reality. People assumed soldiers were either douchebag action junkies or paragons of selflessness. But I was just sitting here watching the calendar and waiting for my time to be up.

“I have another demo scheduled, but…maybe we can Skype again some time,” Kai ventured.

“Yes!” Fuck, I was eager. “That would be cool. Whenever it comes up.”

“Okay. Awesome.”

He blew me another kiss and disconnected, and I was left wondering about the relief in his voice. Did he feel uncomfortable with Skype because he had to be “on” the way he had to be for Twitch? I understood that, but…what did that imply about the future?

Was there a future? I kept thinking about what would happen when my deployment ended, but it hadn’t come up between us yet. In some ways, parts of this still felt so one-sided. I watched him on Twitch even when he wasn’t speaking to me, and I’d seen him at his most exposed on XXXTube, and yet he was the one sending me gifts. He gave me a lot. What did he get in return?

For the first time, I didn’t watch his Twitch stream. Instead, after considering my options for the next couple of hours, I decided to repay him in the form of an email.

Kai

The email came at two in the morning. I’d had too much coffee while defending my castle against invading hoards in the game I was demoing, and hadn’t been able to sleep. Instead, I’d worked out—crunches, push-ups, pull-ups, and the hated plank. Fatigue had set in but I wasn’t tired.

The computer emitted a ping so I hauled myself to my feet. There was an email from Garrett, which was weird because he was rarely around at this time—it was midday over there—and the last time we’d emailed had been…over a month ago.

I wasn’t sure what my face was doing. Surprise? Excitement? Shock? Arousal? Okay, maybe all four. Holy fuck, I didn’t know. But the attachment was there. It had no label, just a file name with a bunch of numbers. I guessed it wasn’t super wise to have a file titled “Me Jerking Off” in his tent when his roommate might snoop at any time.

Crap, now I was having Army porno fantasies again.

I took a deep breath. I had to watch it. Garrett would expect me to watch it, and I wanted to even if it killed me.

Sir, what’s your emergency?

Oh, nothing, just about passed out watching my online Army boyfriend beat off.

Sir, please don’t use this line for non-emergencies.

Have you seen my Army boyfriend? You’d have a heart attack too.

Sir, I’m hanging up now.

Right, so, I needed to just watch it.

I double clicked and set the video to fullscreen. The first thing I saw was a hand move away from the camera and then there was a body. His head dipped so I caught a glimpse of his face, and yeah, that was Garrett. My Garrett.

He shifted on the bed, and his dog tags clinked against his muscular chest. I bit my lip, because honestly, this was porn enough for my starved body. I pulled my knees up to my chest with my heels on the edge of my chair, and leaned in as Garrett tugged down his waistband. I was as close to my monitor as I could get while still keeping his image in focus. When his dick sprang free of the confines of his pants, I drew in a breath.

It was gorgeous. Cut and curved a little to the right. Dark hair was sparse around the base. Was he able to trim over there? Jesus, he could just sit like that, his pants to mid-thigh, his dick framed by his forefingers and thumbs at his groin, and I’d be a happy camper. But no, he had to go and touch it now, wrap those long fingers around the hard shaft.

I seriously considered grabbing my phone in case I went into a full-scale meltdown and had to call 911.

Garrett leaned back in his bed, and I could only see the bottom half of his face—his strong jaw and those full lips. I’d have to work with him on better webcam positioning, but whatever. His dick was the star of this show, and I could see that baby just fine.

I could hear my own moans and gasps emitting from Garrett’s laptop, and knowing he’d been watching my video was even hotter. I shifted in my chair as my dick began to harden but I didn’t reach for it. I didn’t want to do anything but pay attention to Garrett right now. This was my present, and I wasn’t missing a moment.

In fact, my body was on another plane than my mind. My sole focus, purpose, everything, was on his hand as it slowly stroked his cock. He spit in his palm, and I could hear it, the obscene sound of his saliva-slick cock pushing through his fist. His lips parted, groans mingling with the sounds of my on-screen panting, and it was almost like I was right there with him. I wanted to close my eyes and imagine it, but kept them open as Garrett shifted and those lips began to move. At first, I couldn’t hear what he was saying because of my own video playing so loudly, but finally I stopped moaning, and I could actually hear him.

And oh fuck, I was so glad I did.

He was talking to me, or at least, the Kai on the screen, and I regretted not being able to see his eyes wild with passion.