Strong Signal (Cyberlove #1) (13 page)

“Kai?” Garrett’s voice had lost the commanding tone. Now there was only concern. Shit, I couldn’t let him see me all melancholy.

With an ache I felt down into my bones, I rolled my head to the side and smiled weakly. “Hey.”

He was as close to the camera as possible, his gaze slipping down my body and back again. “You okay?”

“Yeah, just sore. You fucked me good.”

His face brightened and he laughed. “Glad you think so. Sure you’re all right?”

“I’m fine. You?”

His smile softened. “I’m great. I…” he ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up. He was adorable when flustered and unsure of what to say. “You’re incredible. And not just for that…. You’re incredible because of everything. All of it added up.”

Christ, he thought I was way more special than I was. I was a hermit gamer who’d previously jacked off on camera. How was that special? My voice was hoarse as I said, “You are, too.”

“I’m outta here soon, Kai,” he said. “I’ll be home.”

“I’m so happy for you.”

“Yeah, but that means I get to see you. That means I get to finally touch you. You want to know how often I think about that? Every day. All the time.”

I was glad in that moment that he just assumed we would meet. That he didn’t ask. Because if he asked, I’d have to lie. “I think about it too, babe.”

He glanced over the laptop, then back at me. “I gotta go. Can’t get caught staying up all night. I’m gonna be exhausted tomorrow.”

“I’ll nap for you.”

“Asshole.”

“Have a good shift in the morning.” Grinning, I blew a kiss. “Don’t get in any fights.”

He brushed his fingers against the screen, and I wondered what part of my body he was touching. “Sleep well. Talk soon.”

The Skype call disconnected. I lay there for a long time, somewhere between asleep and awake. I hadn’t let myself think too much about what would happen when Garrett came home, when he found out I was seriously far from the perfect person he’d imaged.

In reality, I knew he was only interested in me because I was a good distraction. Eventually, he’d find someone with less baggage to make him happy. That thought comforted me for a minute, then a white hot bolt of jealousy had me sitting up straight.

I was fucked.

May

Garrett

Things got weird right after our first Skype fuck.

Our deployment was ending soon, but there was no word yet on the exact date. It could be as long as a month and as early as a couple of weeks. There was no way to know.

The first thing I did was tell Kai.

His response had left me cold although I blamed the limitations of text more than anything else.

I’d replied with a teasing comment about showing up at his door with chocolates and a red panda plush, and he’d been clearly delighted about the idea. Whether it was about the panda or me showing up unexpectedly was up in the air, but I was holding onto hope that it was the latter.

I began Skyping my sister more than usual, leery of coming home without warning when they’d likely gotten into a Garrett-less groove. It had happened during my last deployment, and I’d never felt more like I’d been invading their space. But my father had been alive back then. Maybe things would be different now.

“Garrett, you’re being so ridiculous.”

“No, I’m not.” I rested my face against my fist and watched my sister’s expression turn scathing. “You’re trying to tell me you didn’t get used to me not taking up space? Tell Ma that my first priority will be getting a place of my own. I’ll look when I get home.”

“Garrett—”

“My enlistment is ending, and I’m not re-upping.”

“Thank God,” Nicole breathed. “You seem so unhappy this time around.”

Understatement. My first enlistment had felt more…like I had a purpose. I had no idea what this was, but I was sure I could find something else to do with my life.

“Yeah,” I said, not focusing on that aspect. They’d just worry. “I have a plan for employment. One of the guys was talking to me about all of these companies that are big on hiring army mechanics. He said the best one is Caterpillar. If I jump on it right away, I can hopefully get a gig doing production. Might even have a shot at production management, which pays a lot more.”

I didn’t think I was management material, but I knew I could bullshit my way into the position if I had someone who was willing to hear me out. If I’d been trusted to work on military vehicles for guys going out on patrol beyond the wire, I could damn sure be trusted to supervise the mechanics working on vehicles used in the civilian world.

It was my one hope, and my one ticket out of the shithole town Nicole and I had grown up in. Worst-case scenario was being stuck there, or anywhere near there, to be a grease monkey barely making pocket change. It was the fate most of my high schools friends had met earlier on.

“I’m gonna get a job,” I said. “Don’t worry.”

“Garrett, shut the fuck up!” Nicole clapped her hands to silence me. “No one is hustling you out the door, you fool! We
want
you to come home. You think Mom doesn’t want you in the house?”

“No, I don’t think that. But who knows what’s going to happen now that she’s dating some joker.”

Nicole rolled her eyes. “I never should have told you about that. You’ll come back, take your damn time finding a job, and then you can worry about moving. Just take it easy for a while.”

I planned to. With Kai.

Which reminded me that I’d have to tell my family about him eventually. The very idea roiled my stomach. The last thing I wanted was to cause my mother more grief, but I couldn’t go through life lying about girlfriends just to keep her happy.

“Garrett, are you listening?”

“Yeah,” I lied. “You were talking about Mom.”

Nicole’s mouth twisted to the side. “Uh huh. But specifically the fact that she and her boyfriend
have
been seeing a lot of each other. All I’m saying is, he isn’t as bad as I made him sound. Just give him a chance.”

“We’ll see.”

“Oh brother.” Nicole heaved a great sigh. “Well, I’m going to get ready for a date of my own. I’m taking him to the shooting range. It’s couples night!”

I smirked. “Romantic.”

“Aren’t I?” Nicole batted her eyelashes at me. “Don’t be so stressed, big bro! You’ll be home soon. That’s exciting!”

It was. More than she knew.

We disconnected, and I started to shut my laptop but paused right before the lid could click. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t bug Kai today since he’d been MIA on Twitch for a couple of days and his subscribers were starting to get antsy, but I couldn’t help myself. Even if we hadn’t spoken much in the past week, I still…wanted to see him. Hear him.

I was insane.

Twitch loaded, and I was amazed to see Kai’s channel packed with users. There were several thousand people watching, and at least a couple hundred talking in Chat. They definitely had missed him and were very vocal about it. The usual stream of “I love you, Kai!”, “you’re awesome” or “you fail at gaming, faggot” scrolled through Chat as everyone typed to their star. My star.

As usual, Kai just smiled and went on blithely talking about the game he was playing. He’d gone back to
FWO
and was wiping other players across the floor in the PVP arena. If nothing else cheered up Kai, I knew killing some noobs would always make his day. Especially if they were mouthy.

“I don’t understand this guy’s setup,” Kai said aloud. On the
FWO
screen, he was staring at another player’s character profile. “He’s a frost mage, but he picked up all of these random fire skills instead of advancing the ones he already has.”

Kai cocked his head to the side. “Guys, should I mentor him?”

A bark of laughter ripped from my mouth. I considered my mood improved.

The laptop clicked shut, and I was out the door of my tent within minutes. For the past couple of months it had been harder and harder to focus on my work when I was yearning for Kai’s voice and jokes. I wondered if that craving would cease when he was
really
in my life. Once we were more than pixelating images constantly disrupted by the satellite that could never hold a signal. Somehow, I didn’t think so.

Something told me we’d be amazing together. But I was also cynical enough to know I was thinking with a hopeful heart and an eager dick, and ignoring all the ways this could go wrong.

For the first time in weeks, I was afraid of the future. I had real employment options waiting for me—things I’d been unaware of in the past when I’d spent my enlistment working as a mechanic on US bases. Now, I knew how to go beyond that. I’d apply to companies like Caterpillar or Navistar, and get my real life together.

What did scare me was the possibility of Kai not wanting me in person. Of him realizing how stoic I could be. How I tended to hold things close to the vest. How overprotective and paranoid I got sometimes. When he realized that I’d fallen in love with him via the Internet while across the world.

I was exactly the kind of person I’d always mocked, but…when I looked in his eyes and his guard was down, I could tell he felt it too.

“We gotta stop meeting like this.”

“Fuck, Costigan!”

I’d only been in the shop for a few minutes when his voice had rung out. I scooted myself from beneath the vehicle I was working on, and glared up at him. Being on my back while he leered down at me wasn’t ideal, but I refused to show my discomfort.

“You like the view from down there?”

It was tempting to send my boot slamming up between his thighs to crush his nuts, but the very idea made my own eyes tear. I flipped him off.

“What you need, man?”

“Just a chat.” Costigan gripped my forearm, fingers digging in tightly, and hauled me up. “Seriously, Reid. We’re out of here soon and I don’t want us to part ways on a bad note.”

Taking a step back, I took stock of Costigan and didn’t get the sense he was messing with me. Usually I could tell when he was in the mood to lure me into a fight. His tells were the slight tilt of his lip, the set of his shoulders, and this smartass cock to his head. Now? He was curling his hands into loose fists and bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“What do you want to talk about?”

“First off, I wanted to fuckin’ apologize.” Costigan’s eyes flew around the area similar to the way mine had earlier. “It’s not easy, man. I ain’t never messed with another dude before enlisting, and you was the first.”

I arched an eyebrow. That was news to me. His eyes had lit up as soon as I’d slyly mentioned hearing about guys who jerked each other off to relieve some tension, and he hadn’t hesitated to grab my dick once I’d flicked on the porn.

“And, you know, I started looking forward to seeing you and you obviously just wanted to fuck around.”

“Wait, what the hell?”

Costigan sneered. “I was catchin’ feelings for your dumb ass, and you could barely bring yourself to say two words to me. Then Ramirez caught me eyeballing you one day, and he started bragging about how he used to tap your ass when you were both deployed in Iraq.”

There were no words in my vocabulary that could form a reasonable response to what he was saying. It was too unbelievable, and completely mismatched the idea I’d formed about him in my head.

“Long story short since you obviously are just annoyed that I’m talking to you at all,” he drawled. “I was jealous so I acted like a fucking dick, and I’m sorry.”

“It’s…okay.” I shook myself. “It’s fine. You should have said something.”

Hope flared in his eyes, and he moved a step closer. “Maybe we could hang out when we get back? Philly is only a two-hour drive from Staten Island.”

“Uh.”

He held up his hands. “Only if you want to, man. I’m not trying to be pushy. I’ve just never been friends with another dude who’s into dudes before, and I’d like to keep in touch.”

Did I want to be friends with Costigan? Maybe. He hadn’t been so bad before his descent into asshole town.

“We could keep in touch but you should know that I have someone I’m trying to get serious with at home,” I said. “So it’d end there.”

“I got no problem with that.” Maybe not, but the disappointment was illustrated by the tight set of Costigan’s mouth. “Here, I’ll give you my email.”

We exchanged information and he gave me a rough slap on the back before putting his aviators in place. I started to turn away, but he grabbed my upper arm.

“Don’t blow me off, Reid. We’re only here for the rest of this week.”

I froze. “What?”

“Yeah, man. We just got the orders and word about our flight. You better go pack your shit.”

Costigan gave me a little salute and strode off, but I stood rooted to the ground for a beat later before sprinting back to my tent.

Kai

“There,” I said, straightening Shawn’s bow tie. “You’re all set.”

He smoothed down his tux jacket. “You sure?”

“Positive. You look great! Keandra will totally put out.”

He rolled his eyes. “Stop, Kai.”

“Okay, fine,” I huffed. “Just saying.”

He was still eyeing me, and I pointedly ignored the elephant in the room. He’d officially accepted his full scholarship offer to Arizona a week ago, so he’d be leaving me in the fall. Okay, he was going to get a college degree and kick ass in NCAA sports. But because I was pathetic as hell, my brain only summarized the whole thing as being left behind. And what was ultra pathetic was that he clearly knew how sad I was about it. He’d hesitated to tell me his news—which should have been happy—because he’d been too worried about my feelings.