Struggling Free (Hidden Secrets Book 5) (11 page)

My
eyes filled with tears. Kissing her on the forehead, “It’s beautiful, a perfect name for a perfect little girl. I’m going to go tell the others. You ready for visitors?”

“Yes,
please. Now there’s happiness today,” she said sleepily.

“What
do you mean?” I asked confused.

“It’s
Eli’s birthday,” she whispered.

Stunned
for a moment, “It is. It is. I think he’s smiling on her right now.”

Kayla
closed her eyes and smiled. “I know he is.”

When
I walked out into the waiting room, everyone looked worried. No doubt thinking of their loss and worried for another.

“Kayla
and Jacqueline Ellie Gold are doing great. Jason was a champion in there. Jackie would love to meet her new family.” Everyone started heading toward Kayla’s room. “I have new found respect for you two,” I said to Carson and Tobey as I shook my head. “I understand why you guys flipped out now.”

They
both laughed. “You’ll find out soon enough, brother.” Carson joked.

My
happy mood tainted again with thoughts of why Vicky hasn’t been around. I was so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t noticed Jackson walk up.

“What’s
wrong Jake?”

“Sorry
was just thinking-”

“About
Vicky?”

I
looked up shocked at my brother. “What?”

“Please,
we’re twins. I can read your body signals like I can Shannon’s. Though yours aren’t nearly as fun,” he smirked. “Come on, out with it.”

“I
just don’t get why she wasn’t here. Or at the hospital. I understand that we were only faking about being a couple in the beginning, but I really thought things had changed since then. I really-”

“You
don’t remember, do you?” Jack asked shocked and almost sounded angry.

“Remember
what?”

“God,
brother!” He moved away from me, his hands going through his hair. “When Eli…when he… You snapped at her. Blamed her for his death. Did everything but call her a whore, but it hung there in your words. The thing is Jake, things had changed…for her. Before you walked into the hospital room, she told you she loved you. That she’d always be there when you needed her until you didn’t need her anymore. You didn’t even hear her. Sure I understand why, but after… How could you have been so cold?”

He
paused, panting almost. I thought he might have been finished, but he continued on.

“She
was at the hospital. Danger ran and got her the minute you were in the ambulance. She was in your room for a while before she ran out. She wouldn’t talk to any of us. I followed her down the stairs and out the front doors where she collapsed on the ground in tears,” his voice softened. “I tried to comfort her, but she wouldn’t let me. She ran off. We haven’t seen or heard from her since.” He stood in front of me, “That girl is amazing. She has covered for you every step of the way, probably been dragged through hell more than just those times and yet she still thinks of our family. She still put the pieces of her heart that you shattered by blaming her together and brought Amber, Ella, and EJ to us. Sometime, brother, you need to grow up and remember that the rest of us want you around. Not this druggie you’ve become.” With that he stormed out of the room leaving me there in my thoughts.

# # #

Pounding on the door, over and over again, she still hadn’t answered. I reached out and checked the door handle. It was unlocked. When I walked inside, I wasn’t sure exactly what I’d find, but it wasn’t what I found. Vicky lay passed out on the bed with pictures strung out all over the bed. Panic hit me hard.

“Vicky!
Vicky!” I shook her.

“Jacob?”
She asked groggily.

“Oh
God, I thought…Are you okay?” I kissed her face repeatedly.

Her
eyes shot open and she shoved me off her. “Get out!” She yelled with so much venom that it nearly knocked me backwards.

“Vicky,
please. Are you okay?”

“Just
go. I don’t need more reminders of how much I ruined your family,” she stumbled into the bathroom.

I
deserved that, but I wasn’t leaving her. I wasn’t letting her walk away. Forcing myself into the bathroom with her, I pushed her against the wall and kissed her. A moan escaped me as the feel of her lips warmed me.

“Go
away, Jake. I don’t want to see you again.” She said when I broke the kiss to look at her.

“What?”

“Go. Away. Jake.” She forced out through clenched teeth.

Her
mouth was telling me one thing, but her eyes were saying another. Which one did I listen to? Which one would get me my girl back?

“I’m
sorry for what I said. I didn’t-”

“Please,
don’t,” she sobbed. “Just go. Take your life back. Move on to bigger and better things. Just go away.”

As
I stumbled backwards, I watched as tears fell down her cheeks while she held herself against the wall. The only thing I was able to do was nod. My heart was breaking in my chest.

Just
as I got to the door, I turned and looked at her. “How can I take back a life that doesn’t want me in it?” I turned and walked out of the room, listening as she cried just as hard as I felt like doing.

Here
I thought things were about to fall into place. Sure, I knew an apology wouldn’t be enough but I thought I’d stand a chance. The devastation in her eyes and her harsh withdraw from me told me I wasn’t even in the ballpark to getting her back.

The
one good thing I had, the only brightness in my life, hated me now. Her tears had to be a sign that she cared. There has to be a part of her that still wanted to be with me. However small the part, I wasn’t giving up without a fight. Now more than ever, I knew I was in love with her and you don’t let love go.

Chapter Fifteen

Vicky

My
hands pressed into my chest as I held myself against the bathroom wall, hoping like hell it’d help numb the pain. The minute Jake walked out of the bathroom gut wrenching sobs took over me. There was no way to stop them or even curb them. My shattered heart was splintering into even smaller pieces. Slowly, I slid down the wall. The world I once stupidly believed I could have walked away.

Time
passed as the sobs continued to wrack my body. The coldness of the floor only serving as a reminder of the way my life had to be. The warmth that Jake and his amazing family brought into it just couldn’t be a part of me anymore. It was time to go remind myself why I can’t be anything but alone.

As
I pulled myself from the floor and into the shower, I can already feel the regret and the guilt taking over the light that once stood in my life. The water from the shower beat down on me in a steady rhythm as I washed away any reminders of what my life could have been.

As
the water rained down on me another memory surfaced altogether. One I had just about forgot about with being around Jake. A shudder ran through my body as the memory came back to me like it was just yesterday.

Adam was gone again. No doubt at the bar, probably fucking some random chick. When I first met Adam, he was the knight in shining armor. Now…now he was more the shit from the horse that the real knight would be riding on. Last month was the first time he hit me. Every day it gets gradually worse. The same thing happens. He comes home drunk, hits me, wakes up apologizes profusely promising it won’t happen again. I believe him every time.

So
I stopped listening when I stopped believing. Now it’s alcohol that helps me make it through the days. Many times, I thought about leaving, but then I realized I had nowhere to go or anyone to help.

Every
day I cling to my only friend, alcohol. If it wasn’t for the numbing feeling I get when I drink, I’m not sure I’d make it through. A loud bang from the back door caused me to jump. I’ve already had a good six glasses of wine so I stumbled. The problem with drinking so much was I had to drink more to get the feeling I wanted. Another bang and I almost dropped my glass.

Adam
came around the corner into the living room, took one look at me and sneered. “What are you doing?”

“Having
a drink? You’re back early.”

“What
did you say?” He slurred.

“I,
uh…”

He
was across the room surprisingly quickly considering he could barely walk straight. He grabbed my hair. “Look, bitch! You know better than talk to me like that!”

Actually
I didn’t because I never fully understood what it was that I was saying that was pissing him off. Whatever it was I needed to learn it quickly because I knew exactly what it was that was coming next.

Just
as the thought flitted through my mind, he forced my head into the table. The glass shattering both sounded in my ears and vibrated through my head as each shard seemed to make contact with my face. The air whipped against my body as he flung me backwards. It was almost as if I was flying until my back hit the wall and I crumpled to the floor.

My
vision was blurry from both tears and blood. His footsteps approached me. My feet began to move before I realized they were, moving me away from him and hiding under our dining room table. His footsteps stumbled past me and into the kitchen.
I could hear the crashing of dishes again. The smell of alcohol was so strong that I almost gagged. The heavy staggered footsteps headed in my direction again. The blood trailed down my arm, I could feel the warmth it left behind. The heavy breathing mixed with the uneven thuds of the footsteps. It was building inside of me. I could feel it. If I could just keep quiet, just a little bit longer.

“STOP
IT!” I screamed unable to hold it in any longer.

The
clinking of the broken pieces of what used to be my parents family china warned me of his movements in my direction. The blood from my face was blurring my eyes too much and I couldn’t see anything. No matter how many times I wiped I couldn’t clear my vision enough.

His
hand is over my face and my head is hitting the wall before I can blink. I fall to the floor in a pile of limbs. His foot connects with my stomach several times. Each one is taking my breath away.

“You
stupid whore! You think you can tell me what to do. I own you! I tell you what to do. Now, I’ll teach you a lesson so you’ll never do it again.”

His
foot hit my face knocking my head into the wall behind me. The pain I was in wasn’t registering anymore. But then something felt different for a split second I felt a massive amount of pressure on my forehead and the back of my head, but it was only for a second because after that…nothing.

Shaking my head, I vigorously scrubbed my body. Every place that Adam touched that day, I scrubbed. When I woke in the hospital, I wasn’t shocked by the damage. What I was more shocked about was that they hadn’t arrested him yet. Never in my life have I ever let myself get that low and I will never do it again. Pressing charges was the best thing I’ve ever done. That day changed my life.

Climbing
from the shower and drying off, I faced the mirror and I saw the walls teetering. Time to remember why, maybe this time I won’t forget. I grabbed my phone as I hurriedly got dressed, grabbed my keys and headed out the door.

This
was usually my favorite time of the year. I usually hike the woods out here out to the little fort I built when I was younger. Maybe I’ll do that when I get back, but right now I needed to do this.

As
I drove away from the cabin, the coldness filled me more and more. When I got back there, I needed to purge all things Jake. It will help keep me on track. I need to bury myself in work too.

The
roads blurred before me, my thoughts weren’t fully on the drive ahead. Memories began to flood my brain, each one competing with the other to play first. The tense pressure in my head from the swarming thoughts had me feeling trapped. Finally, one memory came forward before transporting me through the past.

“Victorian Renee Lancer! You get down from that tree right now.”

“Oh
, Mommy! I never get to have any fun.”

“You
won’t be having fun when you fall from there and break an arm. You are a little girl not a monkey.”

“Maybe
I want to be a monkey,” I said as I dropped to the ground.

“Well,
I’m not a monkey so you can’t be one,” she smiled down at me.

“Why
are you so sad Mommy?”

“What
makes you think I’m sad?”

“Your
eyes.”

“Your
Mommy is just thinking is all.”

“Of
something sad?” I asked, taking the hand she held out to me.

Mom
didn’t say anything for a bit. We just walked down the hill toward the cabin. The trees were thick in some parts. I like to play hide and seek out here. There are a lot of places to hide. When we got to the path that walked past the cabin, I could hear a funny noise. It almost sounded like the sound my bed makes when I jump up and down on it. Then I heard Daddy say a bad word and another noise.

“Mommy,
is Daddy okay?”

“Better
than okay is my guess,” she said, almost angrily. “Why don’t we go down to the cove and see if we can find anything interesting on the beach?”

“Yeah!”

Mommy was walking in front of me when I heard a noise behind me. Turning I saw a woman coming out of the cabin and Daddy was kissing her on the porch. A frown formed on my face. I looked toward my Mom then back at my Daddy as he squeezed the woman’s butt. The woman was pulling away, when I yelled.

“Daddy!”
His head flipped in my direction, his eyes wide. “Mommy came home early. Come play with us.”

“Just
a minute, Tori,” he yelled.

Turning
around, I hurried to catch up with Mom. When I was close enough, I could see the tears falling down her face. Wrapping my arms tightly around her, I hugged her while she cried silently.

“What’s
wrong Mommy?”

“My
heart just hurts, my sweet girl.” She wiped her eyes and smiled. “Now let’s see what we can find. I want another one of your necklaces.”

We
started searching all over the beach for any shell or pretty thing that we could find. Mommy was finding a lot of pretty stuff. Daddy grabbed me around the waist and spun me around in a circle. I laughed.

Setting
me down on the ground, he asked, “So what are we looking for today?”

“Pretties!”
I exclaimed. I looked in my Mom’s direction, and then crooked my finger at Daddy. “Mommy’s sad. She was crying,” I whispered.

“Did
you ask what was wrong and give her a big hug and a kiss?”

“I
did,” I nodded enthusiastically. “She said her heart was hurting. Should we take her to the doctors?”

Daddy
looked at Mom sadly. “No, Tori. Daddy will try to fix it.”

My
eyes widen, “You can fix hearts?”

He
half smirked and half frowned, “This type of pain…I hope so.”

I wished I had fully understood then what was going on with my Dad. Maybe I could have saved my Mom if I’d understood what he was doing with that woman. I was only six when I saw them. My Mom’s heart was hurting because my Dad was breaking it. The fucking bastard had the best woman in the world and he had to fuck somebody else. As if that wasn’t enough, it took his daughter to make him see what he was doing. Did that stop him? Hell no!

Punching
the steering wheel, tears coursed down my cheeks.  Shaking my head vigorously, trying as hard as I could to get that memory out of my head. So many other memories were bouncing around in there, why did that one have to be the one to come forward. Another memory came back to me.

“What are you doing,” I laughed.

He
spun around. “Hey, you’re back early,” he said as he waded out of the water.

“The
last client had a family emergency and had to reschedule.”

“
Mmmm, have I ever said how sexy you look in your work clothes?”

“Stop.
What were you doing out there?”

“Working
out, but now I have a new way to work out,” he started to stalk toward me.

“Oh
no you don’t. You’re soaked.”

An
evil grin appeared on his face. Thankfully, I had kicked my shoes off when I saw he wasn’t inside, I turned and ran. He ran after me.

“You
know I’m going to catch you. Give up now. I’ll make sure you enjoy your surrender,” he growled huskily from behind me.

“Oh,
you know me by now, I don’t give up,” I shot him a saucy look before I hiked up my skirt and took off running down the beach.

He
taunted me as we continued our game of cat and mouse. I’m laughing so hard the tears are blurring my eyes. When he almost caught me, I took a sharp right into the trees. I hurry around a little and climb up into a tree. The leaves are thick this time a year, so they hide me from view.

After
a few minutes, I climbed down from the tree and looked around. Quietly, watching where I stepped, I made my way back out to the beach. Just as I stepped out of the trees, Jake was pinning me to one.

“I
told you I’d catch you. Now that I have you, I’m not letting you go,” he growled before he took my lips with his.

Tears fell for the loss I felt deep in my heart. How could I have been so stupid to fall in love with him? He was a great guy and one hell of a catch, but then I thought that about my father until I knew about the truth.  All men were the same. They thought with the wrong fucking head.

Pulling
to the curb, I parked. Staring at the building in front of me, I could already feel the ice settle in the veins. Just being near was working, but I knew I needed to walk inside to fully cement it in my head. It was the only hope I had to forget about Jake.

Walking
to the door, I pressed the buzzer. After a few minutes, the familiar gurgled voice filled my ears.

“Ms.
Lancer, this is a surprise.”

“I
know it’s not my normal day, but I need to be here right now.”

“Okay,
we’ll get him. Have a seat.”

The
ice in my veins began to thicken, blocking any kind of warmth that my heart tried desperately to send out. Yes, this is what I needed to do. I could feel it working already.