Strung (Seaside) (11 page)

I cursed and pulled the car over to the side of the road. “Wanna tell me right here and right now so we can get this over with?”

“What do you mean?”

I laughed and looked out the window. Wow. She was going to play totally innocent. “I think you know exactly what I mean.”

Her breathing picked up as she looked away and swallowed then pressed her hand to her chest as if she was trying to calm herself down.

I cursed. “My brother is off limits. I don’t share.” Been there. Done that. The toy broke. And my heart was lost in the process.

“And I do?” she blurted. “What about the cheerleader you were making out with at the party?”

I hit the steering wheel and cursed. “I thought you were over that! It was a mistake! Alright? Besides this is different.” And it was different. Girls didn’t understand how guys worked. I don’t even remember the chick’s name. I didn’t care then, don’t care now. It’s possible for us to be just… physically all over someone without having an emotional attachment. That girl meant nothing — while Nat meant everything.

“It’s different how? You want me to trust you? Then you have to trust me!” Her voice shook.

“He’s my brother, Nat. There are things you don’t know. It wouldn’t be the first time a girl had the hots for both of us and went for it, okay?”

“I’m not that kind of girl.”

“You sure?” I snapped, mainly because she was about as unconvincing as a person could get.

“That was uncalled for.” Hands shaking, she opened the door to the car, climbed out, and began walking up the street in the opposite direction.

“Nat, stop!” I ran after her and pulled her into my arms. “I’m sorry, I just get so damned jealous. I see the way he looks at you. The way you look at him.” I was fishing for information — for anything that would tell me which direction her thoughts were heading. I was already sunk — in way too deep. If she pushed me away now — well, how could I survive it? When my heart had just started to heal? When my soul still felt so fragile I wanted to sob like a little kid? Hell, maybe I still was that lost little kid, needing acceptance, needing someone to tell me that it was okay to cry, that it was okay to be sad, that it was okay to feel.

“It’s not like that.” Her eyes were glossy with unshed tears. “It won’t ever be like that. Believe me, he’s made it very clear where his loyalty lies.” Well shit. He rejected her. My brother went and fell on his own sword.

I sighed, looking away from her so I could process the information. “But have you made your intentions known? Have you made your choice, Nat?” When she didn’t answer I tilted her chin towards me and whispered against her cheek. “Because up until now, I’ve had my doubts.”

Her eyes flickered for a minute before shutting me out completely. “I want you.”

Wow. That hurt. More than I thought it would. Our first lie. Our first fight. The first time I finally realized that our relationship would never be equal. She’d always want him. And me? I’d always want her.

How messed up was that?

Furthermore how messed up was it that I was so desperate for anything from that girl that I was willing to take whatever she wanted to offer me. Damn it, if she would have trampled on her own heart and then handed it to me, I would have received it with all the humility and gratefulness I possessed. Nat was a treasure. One I vowed that one day, I’d win. I’d deserve.

Starting now.

I forced a wide grin. “You mean it?” I kissed her lips. “Tell me you mean it.” My hands went to her hair, threading it through my fingers.

“I mean it.” She returned my kiss, pressing her lips against mine then retreating as I spoke against them.

“I really care about you, Nat. I’ve never felt this way before.” My tongue caressed her lower lip, then slid into her mouth.

“Me either,” she said, her little body was shaking so bad I wanted to sob.

I kissed her again. Our mouths met and it was like a decision was made in her mind. She wrapped her small arms around my neck and held on for dear life.

My body trembled beneath her touch. Had she any idea what she did to me? What just her touch did to calm my aching soul? I kissed her again but was interrupted by someone honking their horn. We pulled apart and laughed.

“Food?” I asked.

“Food.” She nodded and held my hand.

I never wanted her to let go.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Alec

FUNNY HOW DAYS
turn into weeks. Weeks turn into months. The outside world changes, yet my heart? The way I felt about her? Stayed exactly the same. I tried everything. I stayed away — watched from afar like a total creeper, and let Demetri be Demetri.

I laughed when he told me stories of Nat. I even went with them to the movies a few times.

On the outside — everything was fine.

On the inside? I was shredded.

It didn’t help matters that Demetri had asked me to take Nat to Homecoming because he couldn’t go. He’d changed. That was all there was to it. I was a man divided. One side of me was thrilled that Nat had helped Demetri turn into the brother I’d always hoped he could be. While the other half wanted to strangle him with my bare hands for stealing her kisses — when I wanted to save them for myself.

Demetri wanted to go back to LA to help with a volunteer theatre program; it was only going to be for a week or so.

I couldn’t say ‘no’ to him I wanted to say ‘no.’ I wanted to run screaming in the other direction.

Instead. I grinned — and said ‘sure why not?’

It was the weekend. I’d just finished my last final and was making my way down the hall when I saw Nat emerge from homeroom and do a little dance in the hallway. Crossing my arms, I leaned against the lockers and watched in amusement as the girl went into full out choreography. Damn, I wish I were that happy to finish a final.

“Is that from High School Musical?” I joked.

Nat froze, her hand mid-air as if she was doing Saturday Night Fever or a clock move, and turned. My grin was so wide it actually hurt my face. I lifted my phone into the air, snapped a few pictures and quickly sent them to Demetri.

Nat groane., “Please tell me you didn’t take a picture.”

“I didn’t take a picture,” I confirmed.

She exhaled.

“I recorded it and just uploaded to Youtube,” I lied.

“No!” she gasped barreling towards me.

“Nah.” I shrugged, loving the blush that crept up her cheeks. “But I did send it to Demetri.”

Holy shit she was scowling at me! It was the most we’d talked in three weeks. Most words we exchanged were yes or no answers to questions.

She exhaled and put her hands on her hips. “What do you want?”

“Don’t ask a question you don’t want the answer to,” I said darkly. Ah, and there it was, the pent up frustration and emotion just begging to be released. Damn what I wouldn’t do to get the chance to slam that pretty body against the lockers and kiss her senseless. I pushed the memories of her lips down into the darkness of my brain — into the black hole of my heart and offered her a casual smile.

“Sorry.”

I shrugged. “Demetri wants me to take you to Homecoming.”

Nat was quiet for a minute then said, “Demetri is very trusting.”

“Demetri knows where my loyalty lies.” Wow, that totally sounded like some cheesy movie line.

“So do I,” she said quickly.

We stood there glaring at one another for what seemed like hours.

“Look…” I cursed and walked towards her, she had to know that it would be okay. I mean I could control myself; I wasn’t that immature. “We’re friends. Let me take you. It would suck to go by yourself.”

“True.” She folded her arms across her chest, drawing my attention to the low V of her t-shirt. My eyes flickered down and then away from her body. “I just don’t know if it’s the best idea.”

“I’ll be the perfect gentleman.” Says the guy who just checked her out and had visions of mauling her. Right.

Nat hesitated briefly. “I’ll go with you. Thank you for asking.”

Why the hell did it feel like she’d suddenly opened the door and let sunshine into my life? I felt like a weight had been cut away from me. I couldn’t help the smile that parted my lips as I realized… I had a date. With Nat. It may not be a real date, all things considering, but I’d imagine it was. And when the night was over, I’d have that memory to hold me over for the next few weeks.

We said our goodbyes. I watched Nat run to her truck and get in. She seemed happy that things worked out — while I was… absolutely, thrilled. Lame, never thought I’d see the day where going to a high school dance would make me want to break out in song.

CHAPTER TWENTY

Demetri

AIRPORTS WERE NOT
my happy place — and this time it was worse because I wasn’t with Alec.

By myself. I was all by myself.

I checked my phone. Nat had texted me. God, I loved that girl. More than life, more than air, more than freaking Starbucks or my guitar or —

Cursing, I shoved my phone back into my pocket.

That was why.

It’s not like I wanted to test her loyalty or anything. I just loved her — I wanted her to be able to go to her Senior Homecoming even if I wasn’t going to be the guy to take her. Ironic, that I didn’t trust anyone but my brother to do the job. Especially considering he’d confessed not but a few days ago that he liked her.

At least he was finally honest. I could respect him for that, for not lying to me when I asked him straight up how he felt and if I could trust him.

It’s hard.

Hard when you love two people so much — and know deep down in your soul — they love each other possibly just as much as you love them. What’s a guy supposed to do with that? Did it make me selfish that I was willing to still date Nat when I knew that part of her still wanted him? Did it make me a horrible brother?

I pulled my baseball hat further over my eyes and handed the boarding pass to the attendant.

With a sigh I walked onto the plane and took my seat in first class.

“Champagne?” The flight attendant held a tray in front of me.

I stared at the alcohol, my mouth immediately going dry. I thought of Nat, thought about how long I’d actually gone without drugs or alcohol and shook my head. “No. I’m good.”

It seemed small. To say no to a drink.

But for me it was epic.

I wanted to run around the plane and do a little dance, possibly flash someone my nipple rings, just so I could see their shocked expression.

Instead, I pulled out my phone and stared at Nat’s picture.

A month ago I was doing it for her.

Today — was the first time I’d done something for me.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Alec

SHE WASN’T ANSWERING
her phone.

It had been three hours since she left the school parking lot — since I watched her drive away directly into the storm clouds.

Three hours where my mind went places it hadn’t gone for over a year. A place where death existed — where my heart used to exist.

“Damn it!” I tried her phone again. Straight to voicemail.

I called Demetri.

Straight to voicemail.

Why the hell did people have cell phones if they weren’t going to keep them on! I threw mine against the bed and cursed for a good ten minutes before staring out the window and willing her truck to come around the corner.

Another hour went by.

I was about five minutes away from calling the hospital. My clothes from school were still on — I hadn’t even changed into my workout clothes. Hell, I’d forgotten to workout completely.

Cursing, I jerked off my jeans and put on sweats, then pulled my shirt off and threw it against the wall. My eyes flickered to the window just as Nat’s truck pulled up into her driveway. The headlights went off. And I was absolutely seething. I was beyond pissed, beyond terrified, hell I was ready to fall onto my knees and weep at that point.

She jumped out of her truck and looked up.

Directly at me.

I stared at her, taking in my fill; she was okay. She was totally fine. I was being ridiculous. It was just rain.

But no matter how many times I told myself that — I was still frustrated as hell. I just, I needed to know she was okay — I also needed to give her a giant ass piece of my mind about NOT answering her cell phone and taking three years off my life.

Without thinking — I put on my flip flops, ran down the stairs into the outside and then used the trash can on the side of her house to launch myself onto her low roof and go over to Nat’s window.

I was going to wait for her when I noticed it was open a crack. Are you freaking kidding me? Did I need to give her a bodyguard twenty-four-seven? What if someone would have crawled through her room — someone who wasn’t me? Someone who wanted to hurt her?

Damn it. I was going to get gray hair; I just knew it.

With a grunt, I pushed the window open and stepped inside the room, shutting the window behind me. Grimacing, I looked down at my naked torso as water dripped off my body and onto the floor. Yeah, she deserved a wet floor after what she put me through. Hell, I had half a mind to give a little shake or something, create a damn pond, if that’s what it took to get her attention and to get her to LOCK HER DAMN WINDOW!

“Holy crap, what are you doing here?” Nat gasped and dropped a bag onto the ground.
What am I doing here? Oh you know, just freaking out, having a heart attack at nineteen, contemplating asking my brother where he used to store his pot so I could get high and forget about the fact that my heart is hammering so hard in my chest that I want to hold it a bit…
or maybe I just wanted to hold her.

“What am I doing here?” I repeated, running my hands through my damp hair.

“In my room,” she clarified eying me up and down.

I seriously had to take a minute so my voice wouldn’t shake, “Do you realize how worried I’ve been about you?”

“Worried?” Her face softened. “Why?”

“You disappeared, Nat! When I came back to the house your truck was gone. You weren’t at work. You weren’t downtown… I waited for hours!” Yelling. I was full on yelling at her. Shirtless.