Stubborn Love (7 page)

I automatically turn to
thank him and grab Mia’s beer, reluctantly handing it to her as she pulls her
hands away from the front of my jeans, leaving me feeling empty.

“Should we head back?” she
asks me, taking a sip of her drink, my hand now falling away from her neck.

I watch as the liquid runs
from the bottle into her mouth, her throat as she swallows it. I want to lean
in and kiss her again, see what that beer tastes like on her lips. I’m just
about to say fuck it and do exactly that, when I feel someone slap me on the
shoulder. Turning, I see Luke as he stands in front of both of us. I
immediately freeze, wondering just how much he saw. I glance quickly at Mia and
see that she’s thinking the same thing. Neither of us says anything.

“I managed to get off
early, so thought I’d come down,” Luke says, leaning over to pick up Ben’s
beer. “You having fun?” he asks, turning to Mia.

Mia flicks a quick glance
in my direction again before turning back to her brother. “Yeah, I am,” she
says. “A lot of fun.”

My heart pounds at her
words and I watch as Luke wraps his arm around her shoulder. “Should we go find
Ben?” he asks me.

I nod and the three of us
head back into the crowd of people, Mia now with Luke, and me following behind
them, wondering now if that kiss really did happen or if it was only in my
imagination.

Today, 1:09am – Mia

“Will you please let me
explain it all to you?”

The words hang between us.

“Yes,” Jared finally
answers and I exhale a sigh of relief.

I watch as he reaches over
and takes a sip of water, before turning back to face me, not saying anything. I’m
hoping he asks me to crawl under the duvet with him like that first time, as
though it could all be that easy, but he doesn’t. I’m dressed in sweat pants
and a long-sleeved t-shirt this time and even though it’s the middle of winter,
I’m not too cold.

I take a deep breath,
knowing it’s now or never.

“Jared, you have to know,”
I begin. “I never, ever meant to hurt you. That was the last thing I ever
wanted to do to you.”

Jared says nothing, just
looks at me with a blank expression on his face.

“I loved you, I still do,
and that has never changed. But back then, I was stupid and I was scared. I
thought I was doing the right thing, thought I knew what was best, but I
realise now, it was actually the dumbest thing I could’ve done.” I take another
deep breath, look down at my hands, which are twisting around
themselves
in my lap again. “So more than anything, I want
to tell you how truly sorry I am,” I continue, looking up at him now. “For
everything.”

The room sinks into
silence as we both sit here, watching each other. I’m silently pleading with
him to say something, anything, just to acknowledge he has even heard me.

Jared lets out a heavy
breath, running his hand through his still wet hair. “You weren’t the only one
who did some stupid things, Mia,” he finally says. “I know I owe you an apology
for a lot of the things I said to you too, especially at the end.”

“You were angry,” I
quickly say. “And confused. You had every right to say those things to me.”

He crooks his mouth at me
in a weak smile. “Yeah, I was. But you still didn’t deserve all of that, some
of it was just cruel.”

I smile sadly back at him.
His words at the time had hurt, but they were nothing in comparison to what I
was doing to him, to how much I was hurting him. Nothing in comparison to how
much I was hurting myself, either. It almost felt good, in a sick sort of way,
having him yell them at me, like they were exactly what I deserved to hear. All
the pain associated with them, what I deserved to feel.

“It’s okay Jared, really,
please know I forgive you for all of it, even though I don’t think there’s
anything to forgive. You aren’t the one who fucked up here.”

His feet shuffle under the
duvet now, moving closer to me as though seeking me out. I don’t know if he is,
but I don’t even think about it when I reach out and put my hand on them,
gently squeezing his toes through the covers.

“I’m sorry Jared,” I say quietly,
my hand still on his feet. “For the things I said, the things I did…I really am
so very sorry.”

He nods silently at me now
and for the first time since any of this happened, a tiny bit of hope starts to
weave its way into my heart.

“And you have to know,
with all my heart, that I regret everything I did, everything that happened,” I
say, my voice breaking a little.

“Everything?” Jared asks
me.

I nod at him.

“You regret kissing me in
the first place?” he asks. “The non-drunken one I mean.”

I’m shaking my head. No,
no, no that’s not what I meant at all. I don’t regret any of that, I only
regret ending it,
how
I ended it.

“The first time I kissed
you was never a mistake Jared, never. Even if I was doing it for the wrong
reasons,” I say, my voice firm. “And the second kiss, the one in the club when
we were watching Damien’s band…” I trail off, smiling at the memory.

“What?” he asks when I
don’t
continue.

God, standing next to him
in the club that night had been excruciating, even if I only had myself to
blame. And I did, because I’d deliberately moved so our arms touched, whenever
possible. I knew I was torturing myself by doing this, I just didn’t realise
how truly agonising it would be. Being so close to him was one thing, but
touching him, his skin brushing against mine, eventually it just became
unbearable. When he’d said he was going to the bar to get drinks, I’d
immediately seen my opportunity to do something about it, put myself out of
misery, even if it was the last thing I was supposed to be doing. The one thing
I’d promised myself I wouldn’t let happen. But I’d ignored the stupid voice
inside my head that was telling me this was a very bad idea and without
thinking about what I was doing, or why, I’d gone with him.

And damn, had it been
worth it. The kiss was everything I’d wanted it to be and more. Nothing from my
memories of the drunken kiss we’d shared only months earlier could compare to
the real thing that night.

“Mia?” Jared asks, pulling
me from the memory.

I smile at him, or maybe I
already was. “I know I might not have acted like it Jared, but I always wanted
you, always. I just thought I could control it, or myself anyway,” I say,
shrugging. “Apparently I couldn’t.”

I watch as he takes a deep
breath. “Neither could I,” Jared eventually says, a tiny smile on his face now.

 
“You’re pretty hard to resist you know,”
I whisper, not sure he even hears me.

Jared exhales, running a
hand through his hair. “That fucking bartender though. I’ve never wanted to
not
tip a bartender so much in my life.
Talk about ruining the moment, asshole,” he says, apparently lost in the memory
now too.

I laugh, remembering how frustrated
Jared had been at the interruption. I’d needed it just so I could come up for
air, Jared’s kiss almost overwhelming me. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”

We sit here in silence for
a moment and I wonder if we are both remembering that moment the same way. I
know for me, it was a moment when I finally just stopped thinking about what it
would be like to kiss him again, and instead, I just did it. And as soon as I
did, I realised it
was
everything I
remembered, but
So
.
Much.
More.

Kissing Jared was like
drowning in liquid chocolate. His taste, his touch, his smell, all of it was
amazing and unbelievable and completely overwhelming, but in such a good way.
The way his arms had felt, wrapped around me, pulling me so close against him.
The feel of his lips on mine, his
breath
in my mouth
as he slowly, but completely, unravelled me. I couldn’t stop myself, as my arms
wrapped around him, as my hands slid under his shirt and against the warm skin
of his back. The sounds of his moans as his tongue gently touched mine. God, I
loved it, loved every single kiss that came after it.

Missed each and every one
of them now.

“I never realised if you
meant to do that or what,” Jared suddenly says, bringing me back to the
present. “I didn’t understand what that kiss was all about.
”

I exhale, looking at him
as he sits watching me. “Even I didn’t know at the time Jared,” I tell him.
“Didn’t understand why I did what I did. The only thing I knew is that I wanted
to. I just wanted to kiss you again, so in the end, I stopped thinking about it
and just did it.”

“And then we spent the
rest of the weekend not touching or kissing or anything,” he says quietly.
“Acting as though it hadn’t happened at all.”

I’m nodding as he’s saying
these words, remembering. It hadn’t been as awkward as that first kiss, but it
hadn’t exactly been comfortable either. Luke hadn’t worked for the rest of the
weekend and seeing as I was supposedly in town to visit him, it didn’t make
sense that I’d spend it holed up in Jared’s room, even if that was exactly what
I’d wanted to do.

“I know,” I say quietly.
“It was difficult with Luke around.”

“We eventually managed to
find a way though,” he whispers and I blush because I know exactly what he’s
talking about.

Four years ago – Jared

Mia is back to visit.
She’s only here for the weekend this time, but I’ll take whatever I can get
these days. After our kiss at the bar last time, I never got a repeat
performance, but at least it wasn’t awkward and we now know Luke didn’t see it.
We’re still talking or texting, nearly every day now. They’re
kinda
getting flirtier I guess,
although it’s always me that starts it. And just like last time, we still aren’t
talking about the kiss. But, I’m taking it all as a step in the right
direction, a slow one, but in the right direction at least. I just keep hoping
she continues to play along, because I know there’s no chance of me stopping or
saying no now.

We’ve been out watching
Damien’s band again, and a part of me was hoping that what happened last time
would happen again tonight. Luke is still at work and isn’t joining us this
time, but there’s been no kiss so far, not even a hint of it happening. Mia’s
spent most of the night talking with Steve, the guy we’ve roped into joining
this make-shift band we’re trying to string together.

“When am I going to get to
see you guys play?” Mia asks me during a rare moment when we’ve had a chance to
speak to each other.

I smile at her. “Probably
when we actually learn to play together.”

“It’s not going well?” she
asks, looking genuinely concerned.

I laugh at her, shaking my
head as I say, “No it’s fine, it’s just new and we’re all really busy and I
think we’d be booed off stage if we tried to play for anyone in our current
state.”

Mia laughed, reaching out
and squeezing my arm and nearly causing me to drop my beer. “Do you
wanna
get some practice in on
Guitar Hero
while I’m here?” she asks, her cheeky smile lighting up
her whole face.

“Ha
ha
miss,” I reply, flicking the end of her nose.

Mia bit her bottom lip and
I was thinking now was as good a time as any to lean in and kiss her again.

“It’ll get better,” she
suddenly says, her voice serious now. “It has to, I promised I’d come and watch
you play, remember?”

How could I forget?

I stopped laughing as she
said those words to me. I wanted them to be true, I wanted more than anything
to be able to play up on a stage in front of her. To show her what I could do,
some bullshit romantic idea that if she saw me play the guitar in front of a
bunch of screaming fans, including her, she’d see me differently, that I’d be
like a rock star to her. I wanted to say something to reassure her that day
would come. But she stared at me in a way that felt like she was reading my
mind. Like she could see what I was thinking and there was no need for me to
say anything at all. So I swallowed the words and kept my mouth shut.

But right in this moment,
I knew something had changed between us. A tiny connection, which had only been
flirted with in our kiss last time, was somehow silently being strengthened. As
with most things with Mia, I was never a hundred per cent sure about what I was
seeing, or what I thought she might be thinking. The girl kept those walls of
hers up and it was only every now and then that I found a spot to break though.
But tonight, in the club, it felt like one of those times. Whatever it was, it
took root between us, becoming something more, something tangible. And this
time, I was going to hang on to it as hard as I fucking could.

Mia and I take the stairs
to the apartment in silence. Luke is still at work and it’s just the two of us
again. Whatever happened back in the club is still circling between us. We
didn’t really speak after that moment, only when I asked if she was ready to
go, but everything feels very different, tense, but in a good way.

Once inside, I shut the door
behind me. “Do you want to…
”

My words
are cut off by Mia
. By Mia pushing her mouth against mine, by her lips
on my lips. By Mia kissing me, again.

I am so shocked after
thinking this wasn’t going to happen tonight, that I actually pull back asking,
“What are you doing?”

She smiles at me, a sexy
little smile that makes my stomach
flip
. “Kissing
you,” she says with a low whisper.

“What?” I ask.

“You don’t want me to?”
she asks, uncertainty in her voice now.

I run my thumb across her
bottom lip. “Fuck, Mia, you know I do.” I’m looking at her face, her flushed
cheeks, and the confused look she’s giving me. “I didn’t think
you
wanted to,” I whisper, not exactly
sure why I am even saying this, when she’s just made it clear she does.

She gently bites my thumb
as it rests on her lips, nearly sending me to my knees. “I do want to, Jared,”
she says softly. “I just wanted to do it somewhere quiet, somewhere we wouldn’t
be interrupted.”

My heart practically stops
in my chest at her words. Last time Mia was here and she’d kissed me at the
bar, I didn’t really understand why. I hadn’t questioned it or stopped it, not
like the first time, but it was a mystery that I hadn’t managed to solve yet. I
have no idea what would have happened that night had Luke not shown up when he
did, and I’ve never had a chance to find out.

But tonight, there is no
Luke. It is just Mia and I. Both of us are a little buzzed, but it’s fun drunk,
drinking because we were having a good time. There is no sadness, no fucked up
family thing hanging over Mia right now, and I’m wondering if this time, our
kiss is actually going to happen. That it isn’t going to be stopped by me
trying to do the right thing, or an interruption we didn’t expect.

I wonder if this time, our
kiss isn’t going to go a whole lot further.

I trace her cheekbone with
the same thumb. “I want to as well, Mia,” I tell her. “I’ve always wanted to.”

“So kiss me Jared,” she
whispers. “Kiss me like you want it.”

I’m pretty sure I stop
breathing. Actually, I’m surprised I’m even standing. My heart is pounding in
my chest and a million thoughts are running through my brain. “Do you really
mean this Mia?” I ask softly, knowing it’s the only one that really matters.

She turns her head and
kisses my palm, as she moves so her hips now rest against mine. “Yes Jared, I
really mean it.”

And that’s it, that’s all
I need to hear. I pull her into my arms, wrapping them around her as I kiss her
hard on the mouth. Months of pent up desire and desperation for her, pouring
out of me. The anger at what had been so badly misinterpreted the first time we
kissed, the frustration at our interrupted second kiss, it all pours out. I’ve
finally been given the chance to kiss her again, kiss her properly this time,
knowing it is something we both want and something neither of us is going to
stop.

I hear Mia gasp, hear her
sexy laugh as I pull her even tighter into my arms and feel her body melt against
me. I kiss her everywhere, her mouth, her cheeks,
her
neck.

“I wasn’t sure if you
still wanted this,” she finally says, her voice breathless and sexy as hell in
my ear.

I pull back to look at
her. Holding her face in my hands, I look right into her dark, ocean blue eyes
and let her know exactly what I want. “Mia Taylor, I want you so fucking badly,
it hurts.”

She laughs now and all I
can do is stare at her, watch as my words and their meaning sink in. Leaning
in, I kiss her again, gently this time, my hands cradling her face as I finally
get to taste her again.

There’s no laughing
anymore, just Mia’s soft moans as I keep kissing her. Just her breath on my
skin as I pull her to me, slide my hands under her sweater and kiss her neck,
her face, anywhere I can. I want to get as close to her as possible, to touch her
everywhere. Right now, I feel as if I could crawl inside her and stay there
forever. But a part of me is scared, scared of pushing too hard, too fast.
Scared of Mia suddenly changing her mind and pushing me away this time. Scared
of an interruption, even though I know this isn’t likely to happen. So I just
kiss her and kiss her, my body shaking as I hold her against me.

Eventually though, it’s
Mia who takes things further. I feel her hands as they slide up under my
t-shirt. I think I’m going to explode just from her touch, from the feel of her
fingers on my bare skin again, her nails as they dig into my back. Fuck I
want this
,
want her
. I am desperate
for her and I know she must be able to feel what she’s doing to me. I’m as hard
as a rock now and I couldn’t hide it even if I wanted to. I try to angle my
lower half away from her.

“Are you okay?” she asks,
pulling back a little to look me in the eye as she presses her hips harder
against mine and feels everything she is doing to me.

I stop and look at her. “Definitely,
are you?”

Smiling she pulls away and
takes my hand. “Almost,” is all she says as she leads me through the living
room, past the closed door of the spare room and into my bedroom, where she
closes the door behind us, locking both of us in here, alone.

Fuck, it really is going further.

I stand, unable to move as
Mia walks towards me. I can’t speak and I can’t take my eyes off her. She’s
smiling at me and I feel like there is no one else in this world but her. We
are finally alone, with no chance of interruption and both of us finally on the
same page about what we want here.

I watch mesmerised as she
pulls off her top to reveal an unbelievably sexy black bra. Her hands move to
her jeans, and I watch as she pushes them down, silently undressing in front of
me, but never once taking her eyes off my face. The look she gives me when
she’s standing there in nothing but her underwear is what undoes
me,
finally gets me moving. I can’t take it any more so I
step towards her, holding her eyes as I take her hand in mine and bring it to
my mouth, kissing each of her fingertips. Stepping even closer, I kiss the bare
skin just below her collarbone. Kiss all down her arm to her elbow, her wrist,
the
palm of her hand.

“You are beautiful Mia, so
fucking beautiful,” I murmur into her skin. It smells like vanilla, a scent I
forever associate with her now.

“You make me feel
beautiful,” she whispers softly and it almost breaks my heart hearing her say
that. How could she possibly think she isn’t beautiful; how could she even
doubt it?

But I don’t get a chance
to say anything else as Mia slides her hands under my shirt and lifts it over
my head. Her hands trace their way down my chest, sending jolts of electricity
all through me. Her fingers find my belt now, undoing the buckle and buttons,
before pushing them down my hips. I help her out, shoving them down my legs and
over my feet, flinging them somewhere across the room. Mia bites her bottom
lip, her eyes still on mine as she reaches out and slips her hand inside my boxers.
I suck in a hard breath when her hand finds out exactly what she’s doing to me.

Fuck I want her,
so bad
.

I look down into her eyes,
which are still fixed on mine. And this time, I see everything I want to see. I
see Mia’s eyes are focused and determined. I see that she knows
exactly
what she is doing, and I see the
want and desire I know is definitely in my eyes too.

“Hey you,” I whisper to
her, smiling as I step closer so our bodies are touching.

“Hey yourself,” she
answers, smiling back at me.

I lean down and kiss her
again, the taste of her mouth on mine pulling a groan from my throat, as I wrap
my arms around her. Mia has one hand on my chest, the other on my dick, gently
stroking me and I know I’m
gonna
lose it very quickly if she doesn’t stop soon. Somehow though, I can’t bring
myself to ask her to.

“Do you have any
protection?” she murmurs into my mouth.

Thank fuck I do, I think
to myself as I whisper, “Yes,” against her lips, because my balls will surely
explode if she makes me stop right now. I back her towards the bed, where I
gently push her down so she’s sitting on the edge. Smiling at her, I reach over
and open the drawer beside my bed, pulling out a row of condoms to show her.

Mia laughs a little when
she sees them, before gently biting her lip and saying, “Isn’t that a little
ambitious?”

I look down at her smiling
face, unable to wipe the grin off my own. “Is that a challenge?” I ask,
wondering if she remembers.

“Think you’re up for it?”
she asks me, the adorable smile on her face telling me she does.

“I told you Mia,” I
whisper as I lean down to kiss her, my hands resting on either side of her hips
now. “Anytime, anywhere.”

My lips are less than an
inch away from hers when she says, “So that’s a yes then?”

I gently nibble on her
bottom lip, run my tongue along it as I answer, “That’s a fuck yes, Mia.”

Mia laughs now as she
grabs my hips and slides her hands around to my ass, pushing my boxers down so
I am completely naked. She pulls me down onto the bed beside her, her hands
sliding all over me. All over my chest, my stomach and my hips. I am dying to
taste her, but I want to make this moment last, so I force myself to take it
slow, even as she starts to drive me crazy with her hand on my dick again.

“Mia,” I practically beg,
as I slide my fingers up her back and undo her bra.

She just laughs, before
kissing me again, her fingers still holding me. I throw her bra across the room
before reaching down and grabbing her wrist. I pull her hand back to my mouth
where I kiss her palm, gently bite her thumb. She laughs again and I roll over,
bringing her with me, so she’s lying on top of me now.

“These,” I say, sliding my
fingers into the side of her panties and pushing them down her hips. “Need to
go.”