Stuck On My Stepbrother (18 page)

Suddenly, I stopped marching through the mall. I’d seen something familiar. A white mannequin, its skin like polished marble. And the tightest, most revealing dress I’d ever seen.
 

The dress I’d dismissed as most definitely ‘not me’ the last time I was in here, buying a dress for my first meeting with Adam.

Well, I don’t know what it was this time – I wasn’t thinking straight, I guess – but I found myself walking into the shop, and asking the sales assistant, a girl, maybe not even eighteen yet, if I could try the dress on.

‘Sure,’ she smiled, her gold hoop earrings wobbling around enthusiastically as she spoke. ‘I
love
that one. No-one’s been, like, brave enough to try it on yet!’

She went over to a rail of hangers near the window. ‘What size are you?’

I hesitated. I
was
a size two… but since I’d been eating Adam's special diet, I’d put on a lot, fast… ‘I’d better try a four,’ I replied, feeling the fat on my hips, and the new, womanly shape I was developing. ‘And a six.’

I went into the changing rooms, feeling strangely euphoric, despite, or maybe because of, the anger that was still burning inside me. I took off my knee-length, plaid dress, and looked at myself in the changing room mirror. I certainly had curves where there had been nothing but straight lines before. My ribcage didn’t show through my chest any more. I looked healthier, and I guess, sexier.

I decided to start with the smaller of the two dresses, the size four. I pulled its short, tight skirt over my hips. It was a little tight if anything, but I figured something like this was probably meant to ‘cling’.

Then I grappled, like a complicated game of Cat’s Cradle, with the straps at the top of the dress, squeezing them over my shoulders, pushing my arms through the tangle of straps, until I managed to get the two thin black triangles of shiny fabric (barely) covering my breasts. My navel was completely on show, with just two thin black straps down the sides. I turned to look at my back in the mirror. The three straps across the back ran all the way down to the base of my spine, where the skirt began. It was the most naked with clothes on I’d ever been.

‘You okay in there?’ called the assistant. ‘Can I, like, help you with anything?’

Bravely, I pulled back the curtain, and stepped out to show her. It was early, fortunately, so I was the only customer in here.

The girl’s jaw draped when she saw my standing there in it. ‘Oh my
god
,’ she said. ‘You look
amazing
.’

Either the girl was an extremely good actress, who works on commission, or she was right. I looked back at myself in the full-length mirror, trying to be objective about it, and I figured that maybe she was right. This dress reminded me of something, but I could figure out what. I felt like I’d seen myself wearing it in a dream before, or something.
 

I spun around as the girl continued to gawk. ‘That’s, like, the hottest dress I’ve ever seen,’ she cooed.

‘Okay,’ I said to her. ‘I’ll take it.’

Without thinking about it any further, I went into the changing cubicle and put my clothes back on. I took a moment to enjoy the dopamine rush of having made decision to do something crazy on impulse, and following through with it. It felt
wild
.

Even better, when I came out of the cubicle, the assistant told me the dress was only eighty-five dollars. Eighty-five dollars, for an adrenaline rush lil this! It was a bargain. Particularly now I’d received my first Global paycheck, which was – let’s just say – considerably higher than my hourly rate at The Chronicle.

The girl wished me an enthusiastic ‘good day’, telling me that if she had a figure like mine, she’d be buying the dress in an instant. I smiled and thanked her, and practically skipped out of the store with excitement.
 

Back in the mall, I realized that my mouth was watering. I could smell something delicious. What was it? I looked a few stores up ahead of me, and spotted it. McDonald’s. I walked towards it, visualising a double cheeseburger.

For the first time in a fortnight, I was about to decide what
I
wanted to eat.

I was about to break Adam's rules. And it felt good.

So, unbelievably, I passed my exam. By half a percent. But a pass is a pass, right? I was now proficient in beginner’s shorthand! Now don’t get me wrong, there was still
buckets
I needed to know. But I knew a few initial squiggles and how to use them, and that was what mattered. I found out the news on Tuesday morning, and Tegan was so pleased she actually
hugged
me. Gee, that girl wasn’t such a badass after all. I called Mom on my morning break, and I’m pretty sure she actually cried when I told her! She hadn’t cried when I got my English Language Degree. A qualification in something that was actually vocational made a world of different to my mom. She told me we were getting Chinese takeout to celebrate tonight. I told her I had plans (I was possibly losing my virginity to Patrick tonight), so he said we’d get takeout tomorrow instead.

After speaking to my mom, I’d sent a text message to Patrick.
You’re a friggin hero, RS!
He texted back, and I felt giddy with pride. Fuck Adam Cooper. Fuck BDSM. Fuck sleazy warehouse meet-ups and limo rides around town. Rose Smith was going places!

The day at work went by in a happy daze. Tegan even bought me a cookie at lunchtime to celebrate, and I, yet again, ignored Richmond’s instructions, eating whatever I wanted. Today it was french fries and potato chips. A pretty terrible combination if I’m honest – way too much greasy potato. In fact, I spent most of the afternoon bent-double at my desk with stomach ache, from all the trash I’d eaten in the last couple of days. Say what you like about Adam Cooper, but at least the man knew how to put together a healthy food plan.

Anyway, forget Adam Cooper. Tonight, I was in my bedroom, squeezing into my brand new tiny black dress, spritzing myself with make-up, applying a dark rim of eyeliner around my eyes, and jiggling my ass to ‘Foxy Lady’ on my stereo as I got ready. I’d already checked, and my spring jacket, a lemon yellow waterproof with big lapels, covered my dress perfectly, so my mom wouldn’t be able to see what I was slipping out of the house in. Part of me couldn’t believe that I was actually going to turn up to an Italian restaurant dressed up like this. Patrick’s eyes were going to
pop out of his head
. But I was way too excited about this new confidence I had begun to find in myself to start panicking now.
Foxy lady!

I gave Mom a quick kiss, and they told me how proud of me they were again, then I stepped out into the balmy evening air, and headed for the subway. I was in such a great mood I’d actually left early. I was going to take my time en route to the restaurant, take in every detail of the journey there, living in the moment, being mindful.
 

On the way to the subway, my cell began to ring. This was getting to be a habit. Did people sense I’d just left my house or something?

I grabbed my cell and was dismayed to see the name that flashed up. Adam Cooper. Again. I just don’t know why he wouldn’t get the message.

‘What?’ I answered rattily.
 

‘Rose,’ he said, ‘is everything okay?’

‘Fine, Adam,’ I said, enjoying using his first name to him, in such a scathing tone.

‘I’d like to see you, Rose. I want to make sure you’re okay in person.’

‘I bet you do,’ I muttered.

‘What happened between us, Rose–’ (why did he have to keep using my name like that? Was it some kind of power thing? Well, it wasn’t going to work), ‘–what happened between us was very intense. It was life-changing. I understand if you’ve had some mixed emotions since it happened. But I think we need to talk about it in person before you–’

‘Why?’ I spat. ‘So you can feel better about your next screw? So you can talk me round? Continue to have your dirty little way with me, then you can fuck your girlfriend without any pent-up desire to tie me up? So you can use me to let off steam?’ I became aware that I was shouting. Thankfully, the street was quiet and I wasn’t making a scene.

‘Listen. I’m still at the office, working late. Why don’t you come here and talk to me, in private? You can say what you like to me in here. Scream at me if you like. I want to hear what you have to say.’

I kept walking, my heels clacking on the pavement so quickly it felt like I was listening to the explosive pounding of my own heart.’I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I don’t think there’s anything left to say to you…’ I was aware how childish my voice sounded, even as I was saying this. If I was so
over
Adam, why was I shaking like this? Why did I feel like my entire body had tensed up, like I was about to jump off a cliff?

‘Come and see me, Rose. Even if it’s just for ten minutes. Let’s talk about this like adults.’

‘Fine,’ I said, before I knew what I was agreeing to. ‘Ten minutes it is. No more than that. I’ve got places I need to be.’ I hung up on him before he had a chance to respond, and I hurried down the subway steps. I checked my watch. Quarter past seven. I had forty-five minutes before I needed to be at the restaurant. The restaurant was just two stops away from my work, so that meant that if I was quick – 
really
quick – I could still get to the restaurant on time.

*

Before walking into Adam’s office, I made sure my jacket was on properly, smoothed down to my knees and hiding my dress. That my hair was in place and I looked smart. Even an angry woman needs to look respectable when she’s about to go in for The Big Confrontation.

I knocked at the door.

As I waited for a response, I resisted the urge to run away. What I was about to do now took guts. I was going to face up to the man who had wronged me. The quiet little mouse was going to have her say.
 

I knocked again.

‘Come in,’ Adam called, finally. His voice was firm and authoritative. I guessed he knew it must be me, but he didn’t sound nervous about it.
 

I opened the door and stepped inside. Adam was sitting at his desk, with a load of files and folders out in front of him. ‘Rose,’ he said, ‘thank you for coming. Please, take a seat.’

His tone of voice reminded me of the first time we had spoken here, when I’d come for my preparatory meeting at Global. How much had changed since then.

I sat on the small black stool I’d sat on during my first visit here, but this time I didn’t feel small. I felt big, and strong. ‘I know about Nisha,’ I said, deciding to put him on the back foot from the off.

He raised his eyebrows and sat up an inch higher, alert. ‘Ah,’ he said. ‘I see.’

‘I’m not going to be part of your sleazy goings on any more.’ I crossed my legs, but, quickly realizing that this act revealed more bare leg than I’d intended it to, I uncrossed them again.

‘I”m sorry you had to find out about Nisha,’ he said. ‘What happened between us was– regrettable.’

‘Excuse me if I lack sympathy,’ I said moodily.

‘I’m guessing that the fact she left work last week was the catalyst for speculation,’ he remarked. I nodded. ‘I don’t know what she’s been saying, but–’

‘She’s been saying you’re a pervert.’

Adam's face flushed. ‘Right.’

‘So I’m guessing you tied her up, too.’

He fidgeted, about to say something, but paused. Then he stood up, thrust his hands in his pockets, and began pacing up and down in front of his desk. ‘Rose,’ he began warily. ‘I’m going to tell you what happened. But you must understand that I’m telling you this in confidence, due to our unusual circumstances. I’m not telling you this as your boss, but as a friend.’

I couldn’t help rolling my eyes at the word
friend
.

‘Something happened between Nisha and I,’ he said. ‘About a month ago.’

I didn’t want to hear the sordid details, but I sat there in silence, listening, anyway. At least if I could hear him confessing it, it would give me some kind of closure, or something. Maybe.

‘She was working here for six months. Kept making eyes at me. Staying late at work, making excuses to talk. In the end, she asked me out, and, feeling lonely and flattered, I accepted. We went for drinks at a hotel bar. I know it’s wrong to go on dates with my staff. I promise you, I don’t normally make a habit of it.’

I scowled.

‘Well, Nisha was a fun girl. She made me laugh, and we had a spark. We had a few beers too many, if I’m being honest, and we booked ourselves a hotel room, at her suggestion.’

I braced myself for the
too much information
part of this conversation.

‘In the hotel room, she pushed me up against the door, and began to kiss me. Nisha was– well, let’s just say she was very forward. Quite dominant, in fact. I wasn’t used to being pounced on like that, and to be honest, I didn’t really like it. I stopped her, in the middle of kissing, and told her to
slow down
. That this wasn’t going to work if she was going to take the aggressive approach with me. That, if anything, I was going to have to be the dominant one with her. She looked a little shocked that I’d dared to stop her midway through the act, and asked what I would prefer to do instead.’

I swallowed hard. This was already more than I had wanted to hear.

‘I told her to get down on the floor. To crawl over to the bed on her hands and knees, while I thought about it. And it was that point,’ he blushed furiously, ‘that she smacked me in the face, and walked out of the room, slamming the door and shouting that I was a “pervert”. And that was the end of that. From what I’ve since gathered, there have been all sorts of rumors flying around about me ever since.’

I was breathing heavily, my throat was constricted and my mouth dry. I had wanted to run away during that entire speech, but, now that I’d heard it, I almost felt relieved. Like actually, the truth wasn’t as bad as I thought it might be. Well, that’s how part of me felt, anyway. There was another part of me that was still enraged. ‘So you’d fuck her but you wouldn’t fuck me?’ I asked. ‘I thought you weren’t into casual sex.’