Sudden Hope (13 page)

I walk to my car still weak in the knees and smiling bigger than I should be, knowing exactly what I am about to do. I drive straight to Chris' house. I need to break it off with him now and get back to Danny. I casually walk up to Chris' house and ring the bell. I should have realized he wasn't there when I did not see his car but I really have other things on my mind, much bigger things. I pull out my cell and call him but it goes straight to voice mail. Now what? I think to myself. I look at my phone and realize school has started.

“Okay, I'll just go to school,” I mumble to myself. I will tell him after school and then I'll go back to Danny. I smile just at the thought of being with him again.

Chapter Fifteen

School is the normal hustle and bustle as always. Prom is coming so all of the halls are decorated in what most would say is festive prom décor. I sometimes think it is a bit too much but I am not the most cheerful person these days. I go to second period and Chris is sitting in his normal seat right next to mine. I smile a soft smile and take my seat. He leans over and brushes the stray piece of hair from my face. I look at him and mouth the words “Thank you,” to him. He smiles and winks at me. I grab my book and start writing the notes that are on the board. Thank God, I think to myself that we are having a test. Chris will not be able to talk to me. Who does that? Thanks God for a test. Hmm, I think to myself again, I must be losing it.

The bell rings and I pack up my books as quickly as I can. Chris is already behind me before I can get out the door.

“Whoa slow down, babe.” He grabs the strap of my backpack and I come to a halt. “Baby, what’s the rush?” He puts his arms around me and leads me to my locker.

“Sorry Chris, I'm just running late today and I don't want to be late for third period.” Okay now I am officially lying. I need to tell him but not in the middle of school. Not here with everyone around.

“Well calm down you won’t be late, CC, your class is right down the hall.” He is right but I do not want to be alone with him right now. I take a deep breath and open my locker. I am trying to stall as much as possible but it is not working. He brushes his hand against the small of my back and I jump. Everything tumbles out of my locker and onto the floor. I kneel down to pick it up and Chris kneels down to help. He is inches away from my face and all I can think is, I need to talk to him about Danny. I shove everything into my locker and close the door. I look at him intently. He really is a stunning man. His eyes are captivating, charming. He always has had a sexy look to him. Any girl would be blessed to call him hers, any girl that is except me. My heart is with Danny and that's where I need to be.

Chris catches hold of my shoulder and spins me around. My back is pressed up against my locker and he is pressed up against me. The air becomes thick as my stomach goes into knots. I do not want him to kiss me, but it is too late. His lips meet mine and I feel the bile in my throat start to rise. I try to pull away but there is nowhere to go.

“Really, are you serious?” That’s all I need to hear, it is Danny. Chris turns and goes to say something to Danny, but Danny is just staring at me. I try to speak but I have no idea what to say. He puts his hands up and closes his eyes. A knife to the chest cannot even come close to what I am feeling. I look at Chris and he is completely lost to the whole situation. I feel bad but I just blurt it out.

“Danny, I love you! I'm so sorry! I was going to tell Chris after school.”

“What?” Chris steps away from me.

“Chris, there is a lot that no one told you about the time that you forgot. So much had happened and Danny and I were kind of a couple.” I am speaking to Chris but my attention is completely on Danny.

“No CC, obviously you have no idea what you want. If you loved me you would not be standing here kissing someone else.” He is walking away and my heart is leaving with him.

“No Danny, please!” I am pleading for him to stay but he is racing away. I move to follow when Chris stops me.

“CC, what is going on?”

“Not now
, Chris!” I don’t know if I expect it to work or if I am just fooling myself.

“No CC, now. You owe me an explanation.” I hang my head in defeat. He is right I do owe him something more than just walking away.

“Come on, Chris. We have to talk, you’re right.” We leave school and go down to the pier.

I can’t deal with being in the building anymore and it doesn’t matter at this point anyways. All that matters is fixing this.

Chris and I pull up to the pier and sit in silence. I do not know how to start the conversation but I know I have to.

“Chris, let’s just start from the beginning, okay?” He is sad but if he really is a true friend and cares about me at all, I know he will understand.

“Alright CC, the beginning would be nice.” I tell him everything, the restaurant, the fight at the Hideout, the kiss. He just keeps his head down until I get to the part about the walk he and I took on the fateful night.

“I thought we took that walk because we were together
, CC. I thought I finally won you over.” His eyes are glazed over and I am hoping he will not cry. “Why did you pretend to be with me for so long?”

“I did not want to hurt you. You saved me and I thought I was doing the right thing. I’m really sorry. I realize it was probably the worst thing to do, but I was so confused.” I am staring out the window at the ocean. With every wave that breaks I wonder if he will ever forgive me.

“I love you, CC, but if it is Danny you want and Danny you love then go to him. More than anything I really want you to be happy.” I never dreamed he would be this understanding. I reach over and hug him.

“I'm sorry
, Chris.” I really am. He tilts my chin up and says the words I so want to hear.

“I forgive you, but promise we will always be friends. If you need me for anything I will be here.”

“I promise, Chris, I will come to you if I need anything.” With everything inside of me I know I will and I know I can. I mean every word of it.

The ride back to school is as normal as ever. He totally understands and is right back to the same friend he always has been. How could that have been so easy? Nothing in my life is ever easy. He will make an amazing boyfriend for the right girl someday and I hope he finds her.

Immediately, I call Jenny and tell her everything that had happened but of course she already knows. It is all anyone is talking about at school. I think she is a little stunned at Chris' reaction, but who wouldn't be. I drive to Danny's house as fast as I can. I am so happy that I can finally be with him. My dream has finally come true.

Of course,
I should have known he wouldn't be home, he rarely is, and I am not thinking straight enough to realize that maybe I should have called. Not that it matters, his phone is going straight to voice mail. I start to think where he might go, he was so mad at school. And then I think of Anthony. That is it, he must be with Anthony! I call Anthony and his phone also goes to voice mail. The sound makes me smile. They have to be at the gym. That is the one place they always go to burn off steam and always turn their cells off.

I pull up to ‘Fitness Paradise’ and rush inside. The smell of sweat lingers in the air. This is the ultimate gym though. There are basic free weight machines everywhere. There is a large cable machine and leverage machines placed in the center of the large front room. The room to the right has probably eight treadmills, a few elliptical machines, stair step machines and all different types of abdominal machines. In the room to the left there are all the other machines, rowers, spins cycles, and mostly stuff I do not know the names of. The gym is empty of people, just the sound of ‘Dark Halo’ pouring through the sound system. Not my kind of music, but I guess some people like it to work out to.

It is mid-afternoon and most people are either at school or work. It should be easy to find him. At least I think it will be. I look through every room but I can’t find him. I know he is here, I saw his car in the parking lot. I am standing outside the locker room and that’s when I hear the sound of a punching bag. I forgot about the boxing room. I peek around the corner and the sight is amazing. He must have come straight here because he is dripping with sweat and his hair is wet like he has just stepped out of the shower. His white wife beater is see-thru and stuck to his body. I want to run to him but at the same time I want to sit and bask in all of his glorious athleticism. His muscles are contracting with every blow to the red bag. Danny is the ultimate machine. Everything about him is perfection.

He finishes his set and turns towards the locker room. I walk away from the doorframe and for the first time he sees me. I don't know if it is me or the fact that he obviously just had the work out of his life, but he says nothing, just continues to walk into the locker room.

I wait outside for what seems like an eternity. He comes out of the doors and walks right towards his car. I guess it is me that is the problem, not the workout. He puts his hand on the door handle and finally acknowledged that I am even there. “CC, please just go. I can’t handle this right now,” he is so bitter.

“Danny, come on, talk to me. I told Chris everything.” He opens his door and gets in. His eyes never meet mine as he starts his car.

“That’s not the point. It’s too late for that. CC, as much as I want you, this is just too complicated right now.”

“I don't want to complicate you, I want to complete you.” I am starting to panic. Is
this really happening?

“You can’t right now
, Celeste. You just can’t.” With that he drives away.

I am standing in the parking lot trying to figure out what just happened. I told Chris everything and came for him. This is what we both wanted I thought. This is not happening. I do not understand why he left. It makes no sense to me. I need Jenny and someone needs
to help me figure out what is going on.

I text Jenny and Lea and ask them to try to get in touch with Danny. Then I call Danny myself. It rings four times then goes to voice mail. He knows I am calling but he just isn’t answering me. Maybe he won’t answer but he cannot stop me from leaving a message. Now if he listens to it will be another story.

“Listen you need to tell me what to do, Hun! If whatever is giving you problems is me, let me know okay! It will bother me but I will back off! Truth, I may cry but I will back off. I only want you, but the last thing I want is for you to have problems because of me. Never in this world would I want that! Please call me.” That will have to do for now because it is all I can say.

I decide it will probably be best to just go home for a while. It’s probably also the worst idea I can come up with. I pull up and once again the yard looks like a parking lot. I walk up the stairs and the door flies open. The music is blasting so loud the windows are rattling. Great I think, exactly what I need tonight.

A large man comes stumbling out the front door. He is extremely drunk and falls right into me.

“Get off!” I yell at him as I push him away. This is going to be one miserable night.

I wander into the house like it isn’t mine. There has to be fifty people in here. Everyone is drunk and girls are dancing on the tabletops and chairs. It looks more like a bar scene than a house.
Right now I just cannot deal with any of this. I am floored as to how much times have changed in just a few months. If my dad were still alive none of this would be happening. My mother comes up to me and shoves a drink at me. “CC, take this and loosen up a bit.”

“Really Donna, are you serious?” I shove the drink back at her and walk over to the radio. I shut off the music and stand next to the girl on the coffee table.

“Get. Off.” I am nose to nose with her and I really don’t care. “Everyone get the hell out of my house now!” I am screaming. Everyone stops and looks to Ryan.

“Ha.” He laughs. “Don't listen to that bitch.” He barks back at me. He walks over and turns the music back on.

“I don't think so. This is my house and I said everyone out!” I cannot imagine what I look like. I never talk like this but I just can’t handle any of this anymore. I pick up the radio and throw it to the ground. I storm past Ryan and fly up the stairs. I do not think that it will make anyone leave but it feels good to let out some of my frustrations.

After shutting
my door I place a chair under the handle. No one is getting in my room tonight.

By this point I am so mad that
I start pacing. The sound of my feet pounding on the floor is the only thing I can hear. I pull my books out of my bag and the package from Ms. Gina falls out. “Well now is as good of a time as any,” I’m not speaking to anyone but myself. I pull open the tab and there are several smaller envelopes inside. I scatter them across the bed looking at the writing on each one. I pick up one and open it. It is a copy of Ms. Gina's will, listing me as her beneficiary. Next are copies of her car title and house deed, copies of her bank accounts and lawyers names and phone numbers follow. She has left me everything, even her life insurance. I am overwhelmed with emotion.

There is one more envelope left. I cannot imagine what it can be. I flip it over and recognize the writing the second I see it. It isn’t from Ms. Gina, it is from my dad. I start shaking and sit down. How and why would Ms. Gina have anything from my father? I slowly open it making sure not to damage anything of it. It is a letter.