Sudden Hope (16 page)

“CC, wait!” I don’t turn around I just keep running. I hear mumbling but do not care to see who is talking. Thank God the limo is still out front. I run for the door and as soon as my hand hits the handle, I feel a shiver go down my spine. It is the feeling I get whenever Danny is around.

“Celeste, wait.” This time it is Danny calling me and again I freeze. It is like something you see in a fairy tale. Only the kind that should be rated R. I feel the tears fill my eyes and curse myself for letting him see me cry. I do not want him to have the satisfaction of knowing he has hurt me, he doesn't deserve it. I know I hurt him in the past with Chris but this is something I never would have thought he would do to me. I never let him see me with Chris and he knew the reason I was with him was not because I truly wanted to be.

“CC, please just wait for a moment. We need to talk.” He has his hand on top of mine. I just want to open the door and jump in. The feeling is still there, the electricity I always have for him is still flowing, but there is really nothing to say. What does he want from me? I just can't do this right now. I don't even know how to continue.

“Danny please, I'm begging you, I need to go! I can’t look at you right now.” I can feel the warmth of his body against mine but I still refuse to turn around. I can't handle the countenance on him. I can't let him get to me. As much as I love him he hurt me and there will be no coming back from this.

“I need to go now. Please.” I open the door and climb into the limo. I hold my tears until the door closes. I can't control them anymore, the release doesn't help it just seems to make everything worse, this whole thing is so wrong. When did my life become so impossibly hard?
Danny is the one that was supposed to be there for me. He told me I would always have a place with him. And now I feel truly alone. He was the one that held me when my dad died, he held me when Matt cheated on me, but where is he now? He is in the arms of another girl. He is the one that should be here holding me now but I ruined that. Why does everything have to go so far beyond belief, that even I can't tell the difference between my reality and my nightmares? This definitely has to be one of the worst nightmares of my life.

As
I walk into my room I don’t even worry about the ten or more people in my living room.

I will deal with them and their mess tomorrow. I can't even make it to my bed. I slid down the wall and bawl into my knees. I don't remember ever crying so hard before. The pain is just unbearable. Only the loss of my father can compare. The cold hard floor is just what was warranted, just what I deserved. Maybe I brought this on myself. They do say Karma is a bitch.

Chapter Eighteen

It is still dark when I w
ake. I can feel the moisture in the air. As much as I hate winter and the cold, the New York spring is always damp and makes life seem depressing, not that it wasn't depressing already. Life at the moment is distressing to say the least, but even in the happy times the weather helps.

Today is
Sunday so I decide I will go see Ms. Gina. I miss her and we need to talk about all the stuff that was in the envelope she gave me. I figure it will keep my mind off Danny and I can make sure she is okay.

I pull up to her house and the smell of sauce is already in the air. It‘s only nine am and she is already bouncing around the house cooking and singing something in Italian. She is a sight to see, and I love her more than anything.

“Miss Celeste. How good to see you, you’re early.” She points to her bare wrist like it has a watch on it.

I walk over and kiss her on her cheek. She always has the smell of garlic and cheap perfume. It’s a smell that I will never forget.

We sit at the table and have espresso and Italian pastries. We talk about everything. We cry and laugh for hours. Every once in a while she gets up to stir her sauce or gravy as she calls it. It is a wonderful morning and who knows how many more I will have left to spend with her.

I stand to leave and Ms. Gina hands me another envelope.

“Celeste, I want you to have this now.” She lays her hand on top of my hand with the envelope in between our hands.

“What is this? You have already given me everything. I can’t take anymore.” I try to push it back
towards her but she simply shakes her head at me.

“You take
, Celeste.” She says in her broken accent. “You take and buy yourself something nice.”

“Fine, Ms. Gina. I'll take it, but I want you to know this is really too much.” I sa
y with a soft smile. “I love you.” I give her a hug and she pinches my cheeks like I am five again.

She watches me pull away from her front porch.
As I look at her I have a dreadful feeling I might not have a moment like this again.

I pull out my phone and really don’t know what to think. Danny is calling repeatedly
. There are texts from Chris, Lea, Danny, and Jenny. I close my phone and throw it on the passenger seat. I am determined to have a good day and no one is going to take this away from me. I can’t handle any more bad news and crying is not an option for today.

I drive to the mall and park in the closest spot I can find to
Mandee's. It is my favorite store and I am going to take Ms. Gina’s advice and buy myself something amazing. I try on about twenty outfits with shoes to match. Finally I find the perfect set. It’s a gray and black top that has a built in beaded necklace, a pair of boot cut black jeans, with strategically placed wear marks all over them. A pair of black boots with two-inch heels, and a rhinestone black belt to accessorize. I look impressively good.

Next I go to the nail salon and have a full set of French tips put on. Then off to the hair salon. I want a change. The hairdresser looks at me like I am insane when I tell her to do whatever she wants to do with my hair. “Okay,”
she says with a shrug. “Let’s play.”

The next two hours are spent washing highlighting and cutting. The entire salon has gotten involved in the process. We are smiling, joking, and forgetting everything. This is exactly
what I needed. Ms. Gina would be so proud. For the first time in my life I am just thinking of me.

I change in their bathroom and have the stylist even do my make-up. Walking out everyone gasps. “What, do I look that bad?” Now I am concerned. The girls start jumping around.

“No CC, you look amazing. Come here!” She leads me over to the mirror backwards.

“Close your eyes.” She spins me around and stops. “Open them.” Opening my eyes and the girl in the mirror reflecting back at me is a stranger, a breathtaking knock out, but a stranger all the same. I run my fingers up the mirror. I can’t believe the person in the
mirror that I am staring at is me.

She cut my hair in a short wedge with long bangs to match my high cheekbones. It has an extreme side part for a more elegant look. Instead of highlights, she put low lights in to make my hair darker but not too dark. It is simply divine.

My make-up is much darker than I have ever worn it. Greens and gold accent my eyes to bring out the hazel, and plum lipstick brought out the fullness of my lips. I look completely different, but in a good way. I hug everyone and thank them all. This is exactly what I need.

I pull out of the salon feeling like a million bucks. Turning on the radio I play it at full force for as long as I can. I’m getting hungry so I
figure why not end this night right. I pull up to the Diner and get out.

I do
n’t notice Danny's car sitting in the parking lot. I don't think I would have noticed anything at that point. I am on the best high, but a natural high.

I sit down and a high-strung overly peppy blonde waitress appears with a menu and a glass of water. “Can I get you a drink while you read the menu?” She pulls out a pencil and licks it. I never understood why people did that but
to each their own I guess. “Nah, I don't need a menu I know what I want, thank you.” “Shoot.” She says. I order a cup of coffee, a Pepsi and a BLT on white bread with American cheese and extra mayo. It’s my usual and I can’t wait to take that first bite.

“I'll be right back with that.” She sa
ys with a smile. I start doodling on the paper place mat as I feel the sudden tingle up my back. The kind you get when you know someone is watching you. I try and ignore it but I just can’t. I turn my head and my eyes catch his. Danny is sitting at the counter and not only is he staring but he is open mouth gaping at me.

He stands up and walks over to me. There is nowhere to go so I just sit there.
Without a word he slips into the seat across from me. He still hasn't said anything and his staring is beginning to make me uncomfortable. “Are you going to speak or continue gawking at me?” I raise my eyebrow and smirk.

Danny shakes his head in response. “I’m sorry
, CC, but wow you look amazing, truly amazing.”

“I know I do but thank you.” I have never been this brass but it felt good right now. “How's Michelle?” I just can't stop I am on a roll.

“Now listen, CC. You would not let me explain last night so I need you to listen now.” He’s staring directly into my eyes and in truth they’re more beautiful than ever.

“I'm sorry. More than you ever know I'm sorry.” I cut him off before he can continue.

“Sorry for what, Danny, for saying good-bye, for not going to prom with me, or for breaking my heart when I saw you with Michelle?” I’m not going to let him off that easy. Too many things have happened. I am hurting and for once, I’m not going to play the damsel in distress.

“I'm not going to give you excuses. You deserve more than that, but I will tell you I was not and never will be with Michelle. What you saw
, you jumped to your own conclusions.” I nod because Danny has never lied to me and I can’t say he would now. I just sit there and let him continue.

“Celeste. You are a dream I have dreamt for as long as I can remember, a hope I have wished for, a life I don't want to live without. I am so incredibly sorry for everything, but most importantly for
ever saying good-bye to you and for leaving you. Can you ever forgive me? I was confused and when I saw you with Chris, it hurt me so deeply.”

He’s crying and covering his face. The waitress walks up and looks at the both of us. She just sits down the food and walks away. It is the break I needed.

“Danny. Look at me.” As I place my hands over his.

“You are and forever will be my love, don't ever do that to me again. You left me and that I can’t deal with. I forgive you. I have never been able to stay mad at you. I love you.”

Danny stands up and reaches into his pocket. I am even more confused than ever before. What is he doing? He pulls out a small round box and places it on the table.

“I got this for you, to give you last night. I was so worried you would hate me for the night outside your house. That's why I was not in the
limo, CC, I was scared.” He is shaking and looks even more nervous than ever.

“I only said good-bye to you because I needed time to think. I needed to know my feelings were real. What I learned was to never question my feelings when it comes to you.
” He smiles at me but only a half-smile, like he is scared of what I am going to say to him.

I reach out and t
ake the box in my hand. I can’t take my eyes off of him. I open the box and a smile appears instantly across my face. It is his class ring and a gold chain.

“Oh my God Danny, you want me to have this?” Holding it to my heart a tear falls that I did not even know was there.

“Yes CC, I want you to be mine. I want everyone to know it.” Danny reaches for the necklace as he walks around me. He undoes the clasp and put the necklace around my neck. He rests his hands on my shoulders and kisses the back of my neck softly. I hold the ring in my palm as it rests on my chest. This really is the perfect day. “What do you say, my love?” he whispers in my ear.

“I say always and forever
,” I answer.

He kisses me softly on my forehead and whispers, “Thank God.”

We sit and talk for hours. I am sure the server is mad we were there for so long but I really don’t care. I have Danny back and that is all I care about. We get up to leave and he walks me to my car. It is a cool night but with Danny's arms around me, I swear it is the middle of summer. He rests gently up against my driver side door, leaning in he kisses me with a consuming passion that I have never felt before. It‘s just as before only better. This time I know he is mine. There is no Chris, no good-bye, no nothing just us. It is the perfect night and the perfect kiss.

“I'll see you tomorrow
, baby girl,” he says in between kisses.

“See
ya tomorrow,” I answer as I get into my car. I place my fingers on my lips as I watch him walk away. I truly am in heaven.

I walk into my house without a care in the world. No one is home so that makes everything even better. I am in my glory. Danny and I are officially together and nothing in this world will ever rip us apart again. I will never let that happen.

Turning on the radio, I start cleaning. This house is so close to being mine that I don’t mind the mess anymore. I am dancing around sweeping the floor. I really didn’t mind cleaning up their messes knowing that in less than two months I will be able to throw them out. I finish cleaning and think about my phone. Jenny must be freaking out at this point. I have not talked to her since the prom and that was more of a nightmare than a pleasure. Going to my room, I find my phone and flip it open. Laughing is not the right word for what is coming out of my mouth right now. Eighteen texts and seventeen missed phone calls. I love Jenny but this is just a little ridiculous. Each text was being more and more panicked by the minute. Then I get to the last text that was not from Jenny. It was Danny ‘love you, baby girl.’ I smile to myself as I text him back. 'Right back at ya babe.' Now it is time to deal with the hurricane they call Jenny.