Suffocate (6 page)

My lips crash against his knowing what he wants is something I can’t give him, but can’t say it because it’s the only thing I want. His mouth parts to invite mine in and the hand that was just stroking him, runs itself through his soft hair, to keep him in place. Our tongues dance briefly before I pull away just enough to whisper, “You will never be just another face to me.”

A relieved hum comes out of him before he yanks me by the shirt back into a kiss, this one more frantic than romantic reminding me of our night on the roof. I capture his bottom lip between my teeth causing a pleased groan.

“How many times?” I question my hand now caressing to stroking his cock that’s begging for my attention.

No need to ignore it. That’s just rude.

“How many...how many times what?” he breathlessly replies.

“Have you thought about fucking me?” the word causes him to moan and I smirk to myself stroking faster. “About taking me? Pinning me against something? Driving into me?” Luke’s breathing becomes more erratic with each passing syllable. “How many times have you thought about fucking me until I can’t think straight? Coming deep inside of me?”

“God...” he croaks a shutter running through him.

“I need to see you come again Luke,” my words aren’t as steady as I was hoping. “I need to be the one that makes you lose that control.” After he strains again clearly fighting the desire to let go, I jerk faster at the same time demanding, “Do it.” Luke shakes his head continuing to battle. “Do it. Prove to me you want me as much I want you. Come for me.”

At that I drop to my knees and enclose my mouth around his cock giving it one good suck before Luke’s hands wind through my hair calling out, “Fuck!” Excited at his shift in behavior, I roll my tongue around the tip, down his base, and back up again, desperate to consume all of him. Only a few sucks make it out of me before he clutches my head and ferociously declares, “God I’m coming!”

Suddenly my mouth is given short powerful spurts of everything it was craving in unison with my name being offered up in sacrifice. The moment he finally stops, my mouth slides off his softening cock, swallowing the contents of it while watching him try to regain his composure.

His eyes that are now more a gorgeous slate blue than gray are shining at me full of a look I’m not sure any lover has ever given me before. Complete adoration.

I’m in trouble. How the hell am I supposed to walk away from someone who looks at me like he’s sees more than just what he can use me for? Got any tips? Because right now I need all the help I can get.

Chapter 12

Luke

It has been hell. Pure and utter hell. And I love what I do. I love helping people. I do so well in the ER because I manage to keep a level head in situations most people panic, but the shifts are long and the things that seeing the shit I do can do to you, take their toll if you aren’t fortunate. Or if you don’t have a support system like I do.

“Can you stop looking at me like that?” Maxx whines shoving a spoonful of green Jell-O in her mouth. “It’s sugar free for crying out loud. I’m eating this blasphemy of dessert because of you,” she points the spoon at me, “insisting that I cut down my sugar.”

“I would rather you not eat it at all.”

“Well that’s not happening, so make your peace with me eating this jiggly disappointment also known as Jell-O.”

“After what happened I just...I worry.”

She almost lost the baby and I feel it was my fault. I should’ve seen it coming. I should’ve predicted it. I should’ve paid attention to the signs. Another reason I don’t think getting involved with Stuart is a good idea. I can’t afford to not have all my attention ready to take care of Maxx if something goes wrong again. And before you go calling me a Debbie Downer, I’ve heard three stories of miscarriages this shift alone.

“I know you do.” She reaches her hand across the table. “You mean well.” I give her a short nod, which is when she pushes, “What’s up? You’re bumming kind of hard. I mean more than typical bumming. Something happen?”

The pair of lifeless eyes of the 16 year old we couldn’t save from an overdose flash through my mind.

I know I can’t save everyone, but I can at least try, especially those that I love.

“Ready?” Stuart surprisingly appears at the table beside Maxx.

“What are you doing here?” I question rudely.

“Well hello to you too,” he chuckles.

Shit. Manners. Remind me. I hate how he does that to me.

“Kellar put me in charge of driving Maxx—”

“I am not Ms. Daisy.”

“And I am not Morgan Freeman, so we’re good,” Stuart’s quick comeback causes her to nod in agreement. He turns his words to me. “Kellar knew she wanted to come see you since you had been working back to back shifts so I offered to drive her while he went to the gym.”

“He’s hiding.” Maxx stabs the jiggling dessert that’s mocking her.

Curious I raise my eyebrows. “Why?”

“Well right now he says the wrong thing about 99 percent of the time.”

“He’s always said the wrong thing about 99 percent of the time,” I counter. “That’s not new.”

“Well now instead of his entire foot in his mouth, he’s learning to deep throat his calf.”

“Imagery.” I shake my head rapidly. “This family and graphic images.”

Maxx proudly snickers, as my eyes land on Stuart who quickly offers, “Wanna stretch your legs with me while she finishes the tiny green blob in her bowl?”

“Take him.” Maxx waves us off. “He needs a pick me up and listening to me bitch about why this tastes better with alcohol clearly isn’t helping. Besides by the time you walk back this way I will have managed to get un-wedged from this seat.”

I stand, nod at Stuart, and lean down to plant a kiss on Maxx’s forehead. “You’re gonna be okay. Call Kellar and make up.”

She mumbles something that sounds like ‘asshole’ as I walk off with Stuart out of the cafeteria door. Once we’re alone in the almost vacant long hallway, he inquires, “So what’s eating you Nurse Man?”

“Why do people keep asking that?”

“Because you don’t hide your emotions well.”

“Thanks.” I bite.

Okay so maybe I don’t, but don’t agree with him. My team remember?

“It’s not a bad thing.” Stuart gently nudges me sliding his hands in his pockets. “There are enough phony ass people in this world without adding to it. Take Mr. and Mrs Ducane for example. To the world they look like a perfectly groomed politician and his adoring wife. Loving couple and sweet parents. In reality, he’s fucking his interns and she’s taking pills like Skittles while both trying to figure out ways into manipulating their only son to be more like C.J.” His speech stops me in my tracks and he quickly follows it with, “But even C.J. didn’t wanna be ‘C.J.’ My point is, I like that you’re a what you see is what you get kinda guy. And that you accept people just the same. You see their flaws or troubles and wanna help, not hurt.”

The two of us start walking again this time closer together. After a few more moments of silence I say, “There was a teenage girl who came in for an overdose. Suicide. Couldn’t save her.” Stuart stops again when we round the corner. “And I know I can’t save everyone, but she was...she was so young ya know? And tall. And thin. And gorgeous...”

“She looked just like Erin didn’t she?”

I nod and fold my arms across my chest. “It was eerie. Miscarriages...”

“Reminding you of Maxx.”

“Yesterday I had three patients die. It’s just.” My hands run through my hair. “Not a good work week.”

Stuart turns his body and embraces me in a hug, a simple action that anyone rarely offers me first.

It’s not like I’ve never been hugged or that we aren’t an affectionate family. Typically I initiate it because I can sense they need it. Can’t remember the last time someone hugged me because I needed it. Is it weird that I like the idea of someone taking care of me a little? Because I feel guilty about it.

After a brief hesitation I wrap my arms around him and squeeze him close to me, the simplicity of having him hold me releasing some of the stress on my shoulders. Stuart slowly moves his face so his cheek is brushing mine before his lips feather touch the corner of my mouth. The second I feel the tip of his tongue, I shift my mouth to devour his. Stuart doesn’t resist as I harshly explore his tongue ring, obsessed with every feeling it gives rolling against mine. Without second guessing my actions I shove him against the wall roughly, my hands that were just holding him now sliding under his button down shirt against his abs.

The graze of my traveling hand across his hard on elicits a whimper from him that echoes, yanking me out of the sex haze that blurs my judgment any time he’s too close. Letting go I take two steps back. Immediately my eyes zone in on his swollen lips and his rapidly rising chest.

A little love at the office isn’t a bad thing right?

My eyes glance at the empty hospital room on the other side of him.

I shouldn’t. That’s absolutely unacceptable.

Stuart’s tongue wets his lips, the toy pierced on it taunting me. Tempting me.

I can’t do this. I’m the responsible one remember? I’m not like Maxx and Logan who just jump each other’s bones whenever the impulse appears. I’m—

His eyes drop to my dick that’s straining in scrubs at the same time he bites his bottom lip.

Fuck it. I’ll do self-control exercises later.

In a low voice I point to the door. “That room. Now.”

With the wicked smile I fall more and more in love with every day, he winks at me and does as instructed. After glancing down the empty hallway to make sure we’re in deed alone, I follow him.

Inside I lock the door behind me before walking towards him slowly.

Before you start going off on what happens if a patient needs this bed, these beds are for the staff. Couple extra rooms for those who need a power nap on shitty shifts. I’ve slept in them more than once in my life.

“We have to make this quick,” I say my hips now pressed firmly against his, the feeling of his turned on state fueling mine.

“Hard and fast?” the words cause me to groan and shove my lips on top of his.

He grips my shirt for leverage as I hurriedly unbuckle his belt, his jeans, and slide my hand inside to graze his heated member. Stuart’s moans rush my actions to yank his pants down with his boxers, spin him around, and push him forcefully to bend over the bed, presenting himself for the taking.

“How are you this irresistible?” I mutter more to myself than to him during the process of pulling down my own bottoms.

“Combination of my charming personality and hours of squats.” Stuart looks over his shoulder at me and winks. He lets out a small laugh that forces my hand to pop him on the ass, a moan falling from his lips. “Feel free to keep that up.”

Is spanking universal? Does everyone enjoy a little roughness?

One hand lands on his hip while I start rubbing myself slowly at the sight that I have been dreaming about, yet it only gets better each time I actually get to see it. Mid-stroke it hits me that I don’t have a condom in my wallet.

I know! I know! I’m a nurse! I know better! I just...there’s always been a plan and steps that allowed for adequate planning.

As if he can hear me, Stuart glances over his shoulder and smirks. “I gotchu covered.” My eyes cut to the condom package and small bottle of lube in his hand.

Should I be concerned that maybe he was expecting to sleep with me? What do you mean maybe he was a Boy Scout? Have you been hanging out with Logan?

Impressed I grab the condom first and slide it on before opening the lube to make this fast and hard ride smooth as possible. Two oiled fingers push inside Stuart and he hums in pleasure. Pushing them in and out I do my best to loosen the area. Patience quickly lost, I replace my fingers with my dick. He moans deeply and I grab the back of his hair for balance while sharply thrusting into him, each one more powerful than the last. With one hand splayed on his back burying his face into the bed and gripping his hair tightly, something savage inside of me causes my hips to jackhammer faster. To declare that I’m the only one who belongs like this with him. Getting lost in the moment, I forget about the stress of my job, the weighing anxiety from the family I swore to take care of, the fear that Stuart is just willing to say what he needs to get me into bed and let myself be free. Several muffled cries later, I’m falling apart inside of him.

My heart beat is racing. After a beat, I slip out of him realizing how selfish of a lover I just was.

I’m getting bad about that.

“You didn’t...” the end of the sentence falls as I pull off the full condom.

He turns to start putting his clothing back in place. “Doesn’t mean it wasn’t good.” Stuart zips his jeans. “Damn good.”

I smile, dispose of the condom, and redress myself as well.

When we both look presentable again, Stuart gives me a playful smirk. “Oh Nurse Man, what am I gonna do with you?”

“Keep me?” I flirt.

The comment flashes mirth in his eyes but only briefly.

Shit. Was that wrong?

Seeing the sadness now replaced where his typically playful joy I crave lies, I tilt my head concerned.

Stuart clears his throat. “I should get Maxx and take her home.”

With a nod I motion my hand towards the door for him to exit first.

What the hell just happened? How did I screw that up? How can I tell everyone else the right things to say, but mess it up for myself? Please tell me all relationships are this complicated.

Chapter 13

Stuart

“You can’t possibly be this fucking stupid!” C.J. yells at me while pacing back and forth in front of my T.V.

It’s a good thing I paused the movie I was watching. However, it is taking everything in me not to laugh at the fact that Mr. Conehead’s angry face is frozen beside C.J.’s when he stops moving. Shave his head and give him scary teeth and they would look identical.

“You don’t need a child,” his voice adds another level. “You know why? Because you are one!” I open my mouth to object when he screams again, “I’m not working around the clock looking for loopholes and ammunition to fight against Sara’s iron clad agreement for you to throw it away because you can’t keep your dick to yourself! We aren’t sixteen anymore! The choices you make have real fucking consequences! And I don’t mean possibly ending up in a tabloid, I mean losing your son!”

The lecture forces me further down onto the couch. My head falls backwards as I close my eyes. “Is all this about me or does some of this anger have to do with your situation with Erin too?”

C.J. mumbles under his breath before saying louder, “Mainly you.” I lift my face with a smug smirk. His anger soars again. “Don’t smile at me like that! It’s like you don’t comprehend the level of crazy Sara is. She’s most likely having you followed.”

I mutter, “Wouldn’t be surprised.”

“And you’re still fooling around with Luke.”

Don’t correct him. Just let him huff and puff til he thinks he’s blown my house down.

“Have you even put your apartment up for sale?”

“It’s sold.”

“And another thing—” he cuts himself off and tilts his head at me. “What did you just say? Did you say this place is sold?”

“Yeah.”

C.J. looks around. “And are you going to pack?”

“Movers will be here in a couple weeks. I’ve got time.”

To my surprise a pained expression hits his face as he folds his arms across his chest. “I hate that you have to move back.”

“Me too.” I clear my throat and reach for the remote. “Now do you mind letting me enjoy my last few days in my favorite apartment in peace?”

“Can you promise me you’ll end this thing with Luke?” I give a short shoulder shrug not agreeing to give up the first guy I actually want to spend more than a few months with.

Isn’t that my fucking luck? The first time I get a chance with a guy worth sticking it out with and it comes at the simple price of everything.

“Stuart.”

Do I have to end it end it? Can’t we just keep sneaking around? What if I explain it to him?

“Stuart!”

“I heard you. I’m not gonna lose my son.”

He raises his hands in surrender. “I’m gonna go. I’ve got a case to review for custody of a five year old. Not to mention making a list of reasons why my parents shouldn’t join your parents in visiting next week.”

C.J. grabs his suit jacket and exits my apartment leaving me alone with the sinking feeling that no matter what I decide happiness isn’t going to be a part of the end result.