Summer Solstice (9 page)

Sure, I was somewhat relieved that Rich wasn't pissed, but on the other hand, he'd known what I'd done with Seth and was acting like it was a secret. "Stop trying to push me out of the bar!" I yelled. Rich stopped, looking surprised at my outburst. "How the hell did you know?!"

"I told you" Rich began, but Seth cut him off.

"He found your underwear on my floor when he got home from work that day," Seth answered and embarrassment flooded me. Rich took a threatening step towards Seth, but Seth shook his head angrily. My brother knew? He knew and he hadn't said anything to me? He'd pretended like he hadn't known? "May as well be honest with her, Rich. Tell her why you didn't let her know that you found out and had a rather heated discussion with me."

Rich looked surprised that Seth was standing up to him so boldly. "You're sleeping with my sister, Seth! You're my best friend!" He pointed at Seth as if to emphasize a point. "Best friends aren't supposed to sleep with their best friend's siblings!"

"Then why did you sleep with me?" Sarah asked boldly, pushing her way through the crowd and right into Rich's personal space.

And once again, shock nearly knocked me over. "What?" I asked softly. If we hadn't been causing such a scene, my nearly whispered question wouldn't have been heard in the noisy bar. The ruckus we'd started however, had drawn everyone's attention and made my small question seem like a shout.

"Not now, Sarah," Rich said, turning his attention back to Seth.

Sarah wasn't having it though, as she pulled on my brother's shirt and yanked him around until he was facing her. "Yes, right now," she declared. "Tell me why it's okay to have sex with me when you're wasted, but your best friend can't go after the one girl he's been head over heels for, for years?"

"It's not the same thing!" Rich exclaimed.

"It fucking is!" Sarah yelled right back. "The only difference is that Seth actually feels something beyond friendship for Lexi!" She stepped forward and poked Rich in the chest. "You and I were some drunken night of stupidity, but it was sex all the same. You're being a hypocrite to judge Seth so poorly when you should be judging yourself, Rich. Seth loves your sister. At least he has some integrity."

"Would someone please tell me what the hell you're talking about," I said loudly, crossing my arms across my chest.

Sarah looked at me, worried. "I slept with your brother a few months ago while you were still away at school. It was only once and it never happened again," she explained quickly. "I tried to tell you more than once, but with everything going on, I never found the right time"

I suddenly flashbacked to the nights in the bar and the club when Sarah had told me that she had to talk to me, but both times I'd gotten distracted and the conversation had never been finished.

"Please," she whispered. "Don't be mad at me."

I shook my head quickly. "I'm not." Because I wasn't. I know that Seth and I had been terrified about Rich's reaction to the two of us being together, so I really couldn't allow myself to be upset about her and Rich.

Suddenly, I was exhausted by this whole situation. Stepping forward, I grabbed a visibly shaken Sarah by the arm. "Let's go," I said to her, softly. "I'll drive you home."

Turning, we waded through the crowd of onlookers and outside into the warm summer air. Sarah was breathing heavily and I could tell she was trying not to cry. "It's fine," I kept repeating. "Really."

We got to the car and I opened her door. When she was safely inside, I walked around to my side when Seth called out my name. Sighing, I turned to look at him. After everything he'd just confessed, I owed him that much respect. I couldn't just jump into my car and leave him in the dust.

When he reached me, I made sure to keep a bit of distance between us. Sure, he'd said the words that I'd been dying for him to say, but after learning what had gone down between Seth and Rich and Rich and Sarah, I wasn't going to let myself crumble.

"Lexi, I
…
" he began, but I held up a hand and cut him off.

"Seth, just stop," I said softly. "I'm going back to school in a few weeks and after everything that happened tonight, I can't wait. Things are a mess now with Rich and you and Sarah and everything else."

"Lexi," he said, reaching forward and putting a hand on my shoulder. Stepping away from him, however, I shook my head and cut him off once more.

"For years, I dreamed that you'd say those three words to me," I told him honestly. "Because for years, I've been so crazy about you, but if the last few days are any indication, we'd be terrible for one another."

"Don't say that," he whispered.

"But it's true. We knew how Rich was going to react and chose to ignore it even though we knew how upset it would make him. So I think we both secretly knew deep down that when he found out, it would be over.

"But I'm not going to be the thing that stands between you and Rich," I continued. "I could never live with that." I opened up my car door, wanting to protect my best friend and get her home in one piece and I couldn't stand feeling my heart break around Seth any longer. "And I just don't think that I could ever get over seeing you with that girl the other night. I may have danced with that guy at the club, but you took it beyond that."

Seth shook his head adamantly. "Lexi, I love you," he said simply, his arms wide as if he was offering the only thing he knew that I wanted: himself.

"But maybe you don't," I whispered, the words and the thought breaking my heart because I was totally, irreversibly, one hundred percent in love with him. "Maybe it was the thrill of getting caught of sneaking around, of having the one thing you knew you shouldn't. All I know is the second Rich supposedly found my panties on the floor, you ran. You didn't stand up to him and you kept it from me, the person you supposedly love. So maybe you don't really love me, Seth, but the idea of me."

Stepping towards my open car door, I turned to look at him once more. "I get that you didn't want to involve me in the situation with Rich, but I already was involved. I was involved with you, which means that we should have dealt with Rich together. Instead, you ignored me and found comfort in some girl you met at the bar
…
and I'm sorry, but I just can't forgive you for that."

And once that was said, I knew that I had to leave. "See you around, Seth," I whispered and climbed into the front seat of the car and then drove away.

ten.

October.

"So how's your paper coming?" I asked Sarah over the phone as I lazily flicked through the channels on my television.

"Oh God," she groaned, then launched in to a ten minute long rant about her paper topic and the hard time she was having finding such obscure sources.

After I'd driven her home that night after the scene in the bar, she'd spilled everything to me. How she'd been at the bar getting drunk over a botched mid-term and how Rich had been there. The two of them got inebriated together and she went home with him. It was a one-time deal and she kept reassuring me that she had no hidden crush on my brother.

And I meant what I said before. I really wasn't mad at her. Sure, I was a bit freaked out that she and my brother had had sex, but I wasn't her mother. I wasn't going to chastise her for it, especially when it was so obvious how guilty she felt about the whole thing.

Rich on the other hand was a whole different story. We'd pretty much steered clear of one another until I'd left for school. I think he knew how upset I was with him and his hypocrisy.

"Just shoot me and get it over with," Sarah moaned, bringing me back into the present.

"No thanks," I said, turning the channel on the television once again. "I think I'll keep you around even if you don't want to be."

We chatted for a few more minutes before hanging up.

Being away from home for a while had allowed me to clear my head. It helped that the drama was halfway across the country. It also helped having tons of schoolwork to do in order to finish up my degree a semester early.

Also, not having the distraction of worrying about running into Seth or Rich made getting over the whole thing much simpler.

That's not to say I was over Seth.

No. For some reason, the love I had for him just wouldn't die. The absence made it grow fonder just like that stupid Hallmark saying that they print inside greeting cards.

A sudden knock woke me out of my reverie. Shutting off the TV, I stood from the couch and went to my front door.

I can't say I was surprised to see Rich on the other side of the door. We'd always been close, so being angry at him and ignoring him was really difficult for me. It wasn't a surprise that it seemed to be taking such a toll on him.

"Hi," I said to him.

"Hey." He rocked back on his heels nervously. "Can I come in?"

Opening the door further, I let him in to my apartment. "Nice place you have here," he said, looking around. I nodded dumbly, hating the small talk.

"What'd you come here for?" I asked. "It must be important if you were willing to fly here."

"To apologize," Rich said simply. "For being such a hypocrite and for being so hard on you about the whole thing."

"I'm sorry too," I sighed, sitting on the couch. "I never should have gone behind your back with your best friend like that."

Rich took a seat next to me and shook his head. "Don't apologize, Lex," he began, "because you don't have anything to be sorry for. I knew how you felt about Seth."

This surprised me. "How?" I asked. I thought I'd hidden it so well.

"You always kind of wore your heart on your sleeve when it came to him," Rich said simply. "Maybe not boldly, but I could still see it." Rich stared at his hands for a few moments as if weighing his words. "And I could read Seth just as well as I could read you. I knew how he felt about you. I just didn't think he'd ever actually do anything about it."

Rich knew Seth liked me and that I liked Seth?

Before I could respond, he kept on talking, "And I'm sorry for sleeping with Sarah and keeping it from you. I think we both knew it had been a one time thing and for me to get so angry at you and Seth for something that Sarah and I had done that didn't even have the emotional attachment that you two do was completely wrong of me."

"Rich," I cut in, "I don't care what happened with Sarah. That's your business. Just like my relationship with Seth is my business. Rich nodded and sighed. "But don't tell me that what Seth and I had was any different from what you and Sarah had."

"What's that mean?" Rich asked, sounding confused.

"It means," I began, "that to Seth, it wasn't anything more."

"That's where you're wrong." This conversation was taking a bizarre turn. "Lexi, Seth is so in love with you, it's pathetic. Ever since that night at the bar, he's become somewhat of a hermit. He wakes up everyday and goes to work where he throws himself into the task so that he won't think about you. He rarely goes out with me. He mopes around the apartment like someone stole his puppy."

I took a moment to let what Rich was telling me sink in. Seth really loved me? Really cared about me?

"But he slept with that girl," I whispered.

"He didn't."

"But"

"Lexi, I'm telling you that he didn't."

"Doesn't matter anyway," I began, "He pretty much ignored me after I slept with him."

"Lexi. Let me tell you what happened that morning."

And he did.

Apparently, Rich had gotten home from work somewhat awake still and super hungry. Because he hadn't been around much lately, he went into Seth's room to see if he wanted to go to breakfast, when he stumbled across my underwear.