Summon (18 page)

It was painful.

“I knew the moment you left my bed. I thought you
needed a moment to yourself but when you didn’t return….” Breandan released his
hold on me. “I knew this would happen.

Alarm hitched my voice. “You did?”

“The moment you hugged me before you fell asleep, I
knew it. Your eyes were sad.” Trying not to look panicked he held out his hand.
“This means nothing. Already forgotten. Come home.”

I stared at his broad palm, particularly the faint
lines I’d traced during the night as he slept. I’d taken a step reaching for him
before I realised what I did. All the people I sacrificed in that action.

Breandan stiffened when I retreated.

I grabbed my opposite arm, hoping the physical
barrier would keep my gooey insides spilling a confession of what Ana and I
concluded must happen to restore balance, and for the minimal loss of life.

I have to
leave, and he mustn’t follow.

Avoiding his eyes, beautiful traps set to snare, I
mumbled, “I have to go.”

“No.”

Chuckling, Tomas murmured, “Yes.”

Ignoring the bait, Breandan took a calming breath
and kept his palm extended. “Put your hand in mine, and let’s go home.”

Emotion clogged my throat. The urge to scream ‘yes’
and run into his arms was maddening. I hated hurting him. I was principled
enough to do the right thing without flaking out because of Breandan.

I’d used Ana’s unparalleled foresight to tread the
paths of my future. Nothing was set in stone. The slightest diversion
drastically altered my future. Fate only took so much wear before it split, and
the future became unrecognizable.

If I let Breandan accompany me to the Northern City
too many people died. The confrontation would be apocalyptic. Eternal conflict
that made the atrocities that occurred during the Rupture mild.

War that extinguished Breandan’s life.

I shivered at the memory of Ana’s devastated face
when she described him exploding into dust because something antagonised
Marinette into a blinding rage.

His future, and the futures of countless others
were secure if he stayed.

Breandan deserved a happy life. So did I. I didn’t
want a dream. Some insubstantial vision viewed solely through the eyes of a
Seer. I wanted life with Breandan as reality, and our family and friends safely
living their lives. Fate would keep throwing us in life or death situations
that forced our hands until balance was restored.

I have to
finish this. Higher gods, I mean there to be no more fighting.

The scared female part of me wanted to curl into
Breandan’s lap. I craved his protection. That was my instinct; letting him take
care of me. Acting on pure instinct was no longer enough.

“Rae.” Tomas’ tone failed to conceal his
impatience.

The interruption rankled. This was another reason
I’d hoped to leave before Breandan woke. My intention was to avoid stressing
him unduly. Who I’d chosen to bring on this journey would cause him unease and
panic – cause him to doubt the strength of my love. It made it hard for
me to convince him to stay behind if he didn’t feel he could trust me.

“Tomas, leave please.”

He huffed. “Rae–”

I tossed a glare over my shoulder. “This is
private.” I focused my attention back on Breandan. His face paled, but he
seemed less edgy at my detached response to Tomas’ insistence. “Wait for me at
the Wyld boundary.”

It was eerily quiet. I peeked to check he’d gone.

He hadn’t.

Flashing his fangs, Tomas’ face pinched with
annoyance.

I spun and took a threatening step.

He turned his face to hide a frustrated snarl then
blended into the shadows, disappearing from sight.

I sighed my relief and thrust a shaking hand
through my hair that ended on a manic tugging of the ends. It made it easier to
think when the cause of mistrust wasn’t hovering and spoiling for a fight.

When I gathered enough poise to turn, Breandan
adopted a stony composure.

My mood sank into murkier depths.

He became this aloof when he resolved to see
something through. The frame of mind was welcome when he battled an enemy.
Facing it, I felt a newfound respect for those who’d withstood it. The
immovability of his wide-legged stance was aggressive. It made you wonder if you
were crazy to defy him. The flinty stare of piercing blue glossed with a
silvery sheen enthralled. The wintry silence was deafening. The press of his
power a hot pressure that demanded submission.

The souls
daring enough to withstand his displeasure are courageous indeed.

Beneath the stonewalled composure, he felt
threatened. Worried he’d sacrificed everything to watch me slip away into the
arms of another.

His reaction was difficult but understandable.
  

Pushing past the urge to cower, I wrapped my arms around
him. He remained rigid though his breathing deepened and his heartbeat raced.

Lives depended on us getting past his fear of
losing me, yet I couldn’t tell him that to make this easier.

I rubbed my face on his chest. Inhaled his pleasant
earthy scent. “Breandan, I’m sorry. I-”

“Is Baako going with you?”

“No.”

“He’s your Familiar. A protector.”

“Exactly. He’ll die fighting for me, and I can’t
have that. I couldn’t get past the guilt of someone so important to me dying.”

“Leaving your Familiar is not an option.”

I swallowed, and felt horrible heat turn the back
of my neck sweaty. For the first time, I outright lied to him. “Say-so.”

He relaxed infinitesimally. “We will return to our
dwelling where we can finish sleeping. Travelling during the day is safer.
Baako will find you safe places to rest at night. At dawn, you can begin your
journey.”

Damn,
Breandan, don’t you think I know you well enough to hear the unsaid.
By then he would have either convinced me to let
him come, or be ready to follow me in secret.

“Tomas can’t travel in the sunlight. His ghostly
form materializes at night when the shadows are deepest. He’s a phantom, but
retains his vampiric traits when corporeal.”

“Not. Our. Problem.” Each word was bit out so
forcefully I’m surprised he didn’t spit incoherent syllables.

“I have to go now.” I tilted my head back to gauge
his reaction. “And you can’t come with me.”

Breandan stared over my head. I winced hearing his
back teeth grind. “You are doing this because of last night. We spent time
together, and I thought you were happy. I misread you.” His face twisted in
confusion. “Though we slept through it, today was the best of my life. I woke
in my bed, turned, and there you were. I cannot express how that made me feel.”
His eyes narrowed in pain. “Now you leave me. You did not enjoy our time
together?”

I cupped his face. “More than anything.”

“Give me the reason you act this way?”

I couldn’t speak. Him
choosing
to come with me triggered a future worse than the one set
off if I
asked
him to go with me.

Latching onto my silence as a chance to coax me
into his way of thinking, he stroked my back, and applied steady pressure until
we took a jerky step closer to his dwelling, and further from the boundary.

“Come home,” he pushed. “We will talk. Just come
home with me.”

My hold on his face tightened in reluctance then
let go. Maybe if I repeated the same words enough they’d sink in. “I love our
home, but I have to leave–”

“No!” The panicked outburst rocked his body. “Not
this again.”

“Please make this easy.
Please
.”

“Tell me what is happening.”

Dampening a wave of emotion that brought tears to
my eyes and a tremor to my voice, I kept my face impassive. “No.”

“Let me help.”

“Your family needs you here.”

“They will find their way.”

“Lochlann is scared.” I attempted a different
approach. “The Tribe is falling apart because they don’t trust him.”

Breandan rubbed the middle of his forehead. “This
is what he wanted.”

“They’re rejecting him because of you. Because of
what you convinced him to do.”

“They are upset because he has feelings for a
vampire.”

“You’re sure?”

His gaze wavered. “He was responsible for your
death.” After a moment’s silence, his face reddened. “Partly responsible. He
would not dare deny me the chance to bring you back.”

I touched his face. The stroke ended with my finger
brushing the tip of his ear. I traced the curved shell hoping the caress would
soothe him and diminish the severity of my words. “Consequences of the
resurrection will hurt those who participated. Nobody gets a free pass.” I kept
my gaze steady. “Lochlann suffers because of what you did. Your sacrifice was
immense, but nothing compared to what he faces losing.”

“Nothing?” Face slackening, he put distance between
us. “Rae, I cannot
touch
anyone
without withering the life within them. Anything that lives dies at my hand. It
feels … it feels….” Shoulders drooping, he directed his empty stare heavenward.

What he couldn’t bring himself to say is that it
killed him. Someone who fought for life, and revered it above all was cursed to
end it with a single touch because he’d resurrected someone destined to give
life.

“The only thing I can touch and not hurt is you.”
He winced. “And you leave me.”

“Your family needs you,” I pressed, ignoring the
feeble quality sucking the passion from my voice. I sounded hollow. “Mine needs
me too.”

“Cael.” He spat the word. “You are going to him
after what he did. Why?”

“He needs me.” Brave face discarded, I broke and
leaned into him. “Please understand. He needs help. He does.” I nodded when
nothing but sceptic thoughts reflected in his expression.

“Tell me the real reason I cannot come.”

If Breandan discovered the Loa were at the Coven
Wyld there’d be hell to pay. “I can’t.”

His eyes turned bitter. “I am not oblivious. I know
Tomas wants you.”

“Breandan. No.”

“Why are you so desperate to leave me?” Mouth
distorted in a snarl, he grabbed my shoulders. “
Tell me
.”

“It’s not Tomas, it’s you. I’m cleaning up
your
mess.”

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Rae

Flinching,
Breandan made a pained noise.

The moment the words wrenched from me the dull ache
in my chest lightened, but my stomach knotted. “I take it back.” I bent a bit.
Regret manifested as physical pain. “I take that back.”

“It was the truth.” Movement slow and jerky, he let
me go. “Do not be afraid to speak the truth.”

A tear slipped past my defences and rolled down my
cheek. “There was balance. I
died
for
balance, yet everything is screwed up because I’m here. Because Obe manipulated
the situation.”

I scrubbed at my cheeks, hating how stuffy and hot
my head felt.

It wasn’t fair.

Papa Obe helped me after Roland rescued me from the
Temple and the Sect torture. In Breandan’s place, I would’ve extended my trust
to him.

Realizing Brenadan needed more to let me go, I
said, “I have to stop Cael from joining the Loa. You, Cael, and me are the only
beings powerful enough to fight them. Cael aligning himself with them means
it’s over, Breandan. We fail. Our loved ones
suffer
, horribly, for a long time before another is born that might
save them.”

“We will fight,” he said hoarsely. “Until we have
nothing left to give. Together. We are stronger if we fight side by side.”

I rested my head on his chest and gripped the edge
of his waistband. The beat of his heart was quick and strong under my ear. The
booming sounds the most significant in my world, a powerful reminder to remain
committed.

“We can’t fight if we’re destroyed. Not dead,
destroyed
. If the Loa overpower us
there’ll be nothing left of us.” I risked much telling him, but I had little
fight left. He knocked my barriers down. “Ana won’t be able to summon us back.”

“You know this.” Arms finally lifting, he hugged me
and angled his head down to aim me a look so deep, I swear, the back of my
brain tingled. “You are not guessing. You know what is going to happen.” My
eyes drifted from his. Snapped back when he murmured, “Ana. You can only be so
sure if Ana told you.”

My heart skipped a beat, and my hands turned damp.
He encroached too close to the truth.

Running my hands up his body, I placed my hands
either side of his neck and raked my nails down his throat. “Your family needs
you. Maeve is struggling with being Priestess. I thought she’d handle it. She’s
got a huge decision to make when it comes to her relationship with Alec, and
soon. Don’t you want to support her? Lochlann isn’t making it easy.”