Sunshine (19 page)

He lifts my sleeve. “Eleven thirty,” he says to himself. “Any minute now.”
“Any minute now, what?” I ask.
He ignores me again and smiles. “Do you want to sit down?” he asks.
“Why?” Myles grabs my arm and leads me down the beach. A few feet from where we start walking from, there’s an umbrella sticking out from the sand and under that there’s a blanket. I stop walking.
“Myles, what is this?” I ask.
He turns around to look at me, shoving his dark hair back with one hand. “I’m recreating the best day you ever had,” he says like I already know. “What time is it?” he asks yet again.
“Why do you keep asking me that?”
“It’s a surprise.”
I’m trying so hard not to get mad.
He sits down on the yellow and white striped blanket under the umbrella and I reluctantly sit down too. He’s across from me staring at me stupidly with that ridiculous smile.
“What?” I ask.
“You look nice when you first wake up.”
I’m a bit thrown off. “Sucking up will get you nowhere,” I cover.
He looks like he’s going to say something in response, but instead he suddenly looks up and points to the sky. “Surprise,” he says softly.
I’m confused, so I look to where he’s pointing. There are tiny white snowflakes, then bigger ones.
“I had a feeling that it was going to snow,” he explains.
I look at him in shock. How did he pull this off? “A feeling,” I mock.
Myles lies down on his back with his arms behind his head, never taking his eyes off of the sky above the ocean in front of us. The umbrella surprisingly keeps most of the cold away, probably because the snow isn’t actually falling on us.
We’re completely silent for a while. Everything is so much more peaceful when it snows. I kind of do get cold from a light wind that’s blowing. Wearing three sweatshirts instead of a coat was a stupid idea, but it doesn’t really bother me too much. I wrap my arms around myself. No way am I going inside today.
“Here,” Myles says as he sits up, slides off his jacket, and hands it to me.
“You don’t you need it?” I ask, almost forgetting who I’m talking to.
He shrugs. “I told you, I don’t get cold.”
Realizing that I’m not going to take his jacket from him, he places it on my back. I don’t feel like arguing, so I shove my arms through the holes. At first it’s a little bit colder than I am, but then my own body heat warms it up. Being so warm makes me remember how tired I really am which causes me to involuntarily yawn.
“I won’t mind if you want to lie down,” Myles says, leaning back on his arms. “I didn’t mean to wake you up this morning.”
On one hand, I tell myself to not lie down next to Myles and give him the wrong idea. But on the other hand, I think that I could lie down next to Myles because he probably won’t get the wrong idea at all. Somewhere in the middle of the two sides, I’m very, very confused.
Despite what I probably would choose if I wasn’t so tired, I lay down. Not too close to him, but I can’t really get too far away and still stay under the umbrella either. He lets the rest of his body relax so that his head is against the blanket just like mine.
Using my arm as a pillow, I face him. “Myles, why did you do this?”
He smiles but doesn’t answer me. “Do you like it?”
“No one has ever done anything like this for me.”
“But you like it?”
“Of course I like it.” I yawn again and then Myles follows. “Why are
you
tired?” I ask. “I thought you almost never get tired.”
“I don’t. I think I’m just…at peace.” He moves a little closer to me and places his hand under mine, and I surprise myself by not instantly moving away. “So was this worth trusting me?” he asks.
I think for a minute about how I should word this. “I have a hard time trusting people.” I shrug.
“Let alone people who drink human blood,” Myles interrupts darkly.
I roll my eyes. “Don’t ask me why I trust you because I really don’t know,” I say, completely honest.
“I’m sorry,” he says as he looks at his clenched fist underneath my hand. He spreads out his fingers and moves them around. I let go. “Can we please change the subject?” he asks.
I nod.
He grabs my hand again and places it on his cheek. Again, I let him. “Your hands are cold,” he states. I yawn again. “You’re tired too,” he observes.
“Guess so.”
“I really don’t mind if you want to rest a while. We have all day.”
I watch his body slowly relax. “Are you okay?” I ask. “Are you angry about something?"
“No,” he says. “I just don’t like the fact that I drink blood to stay alive.” He tries to make a joke out of it.
I feel bad, so I try to relate. I stare at my hand as he lays it back on the blanket, his finger only touching my knuckle now. “I don’t like feeling like I have to immediately jerk away when people show me that they care,” I say quietly. “But it’s a part of who I am.”
Myles nods, placing his hand completely on mine again. I take a deep breath and let it out. “I guess we both have issues to work with.” He smiles.
I smile back, “Everyone does,” I say. “Ours are just a little stranger.”
Myles is quiet as he stares back at the sky. “I thought we were changing the subject,” he says gently.
“Okay,” I say through another yawn, not wanting to make either of us feel any more uncomfortable. “What do you want to talk about?”
I watch him as he thinks of something. I know that he isn’t cold, but I can’t help but think that he’s freezing in nothing but a t-shirt and jeans. So I shrug off one arm of his jacket and share it with him.
He smiles politely while at the same time placing his arm over the black material, I’m guessing so both of our arms won’t be under it, which would make me really uncomfortable. I’m thankful he thinks of it.
Myles looks like he wants to hug me, but he also looks like he’s scared that if he does, I wouldn’t like it. Instead of letting him worry about it, I take his hand and place it on top of my shoulder so we’re half hugging. It’s a compromise. One that makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, but it’s nothing I can’t ignore.
He seems uneasy hugging me like this; I’m betting I look pretty similar, but neither of us pulls away. “So what do you want to talk about?” I repeat to take both of our minds off of it.
“I’m thinking,” he says softly, his eyes closed. Behind him, it’s still snowing. Still peaceful. “I have a question,” he says. “But you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”
“What?”
“Why do you
really
not want to go to winter formal?”
Even though I try my hardest not to, my muscles become rigid. “I told you,” I say in the most composed tone I can manage.
“No, you didn’t.”
I don’t answer. I don’t know how I’m supposed to answer that.
“Is it because of me?” he asks. “Do you not like me, or do you not want people to think we’re together?” he asks quietly.
I shake my head because ultimately, it’s not really about any of that.
He’s quiet as he thinks, then he opens his eyes to look at me. “Is it the same reason you got so tense when I told you to close your eyes?” he almost whispers.
I sigh. Why does he have to do this now?
“Okay, okay. You don’t have to answer,” he says, squeezing my shoulder in a comforting way. He closes his eyes again and he’s quiet for a moment. “But I really would like it if you went with me.”
I shake my head again.
“I promise nothing bad will happen,” he says. “And we can go as friends.”
I believe him. Deep down, I know he would never do anything like what Jack did to me. But I can’t just show up at the dance with Myles. I mean, what if Jack is there? Myles could know everything in a few seconds. Then he would never want to talk to me again. Who would want to be around a whore?
“Maybe,” I answer. “Big, big, maybe.” I give him this hope just so he’ll drop it.
I’m almost positive that Barbie will drag Jack to the dance, but if I know for absolutely certain that he isn’t going, maybe I’ll go. Maybe. As friends. With Myles.
Myles looks satisfied with my answer. He rests his chin on top of my head so my cheek is almost against his chest, but I don’t feel like I’m going to puke or anything. I yawn again.
“You should close your eyes for a while,” he suggests.
“I don’t want to miss one second of this day,” I say.
“The snow will still be here.”
“I know.”
“So, is this anything like your best day?” he whispers as I close my eyes.
I can hear a few seagulls that never leave the beach, even in the winter, the ocean in the distance. “This is much better,” I whisper, not wanting to interrupt the sounds around me.
“Why?” he asks.
I open my eyes for a split second, reaching his hand that’s resting on the blanket. I give it a slight squeeze before closing my eyes again. “Because I know for a fact that I’ll remember it.”

Chapter 18
Going with it
“How much time do we have left before it's midnight and you see that
I was never the right size?”-The Dresden Dolls

I don’t remember falling asleep, only the feeling of being trapped between sleep and consciousness. I want to wake up, but I’m too tired to open my eyes. There are muffled voices. Angry, distressed, voices, but I can’t make out what they’re saying or who they are.
I remind myself that I’m at the beach and that the voices are most likely some kids playing in the snow. Myles has probably fallen asleep too, so I keep my eyes closed so I won’t disturb him. It feels like seconds later when I really do wake up. I’m suddenly, painfully aware that I’m not at the beach. There are no little kids in the distance, and Myles is not here. I can hear a faint beeping noise somewhere in the background and even though my eyes are open, I can’t see anything. I’m also aware that my left arm feels like it’s on fire.
Then I begin to smell things; the main two being rubbing alcohol and coffee.
Shit. I’m in the hospital.
I rub my eyes with the hand that doesn’t feel like it’s going to fall off and get an instant burning pain in the left side of my forehead. Now I can see, but I can’t really make out anything around me besides white. I’m extremely cold and shaky. All I have on is one of those blue hospital gowns that show all your goods if you stand up. I feel like I’m going to throw up.
“What the hell?” I whisper to myself.
Someone touches my hand. When my eyes focus, it’s Trei. She looks upset, maybe even like she’s been crying. Boo’s sitting next to her in a chair, and Stevie and Jade are standing behind them.
“Hey there, Sunshine,” Jade says.
“What’s going on?” I mean to sound louder, more forceful, but I can only whisper.
“He said that you fell asleep and he didn’t know…” Trei trails off.
“What? Who?” I ask.
“Myles told us that you both fell asleep outside and by the time he woke up the sun was out and you were all burned up,” Boo answers for her.
I reach to my forehead and touch the scratchy gauze that’s covering my burning skin. Then I touch my hand where all my fingers are hot, and I feel more gauze.
It’s strange how real everything is, but at the same time it doesn’t feel like it’s happening at all. Maybe it’s all the drugs pouring into my veins through the IV in my arm, but it takes me a second to get back to reality. “Wait, Myles brought me here?” I ask.
“Yeah,” Stevie answers quietly.
“Then where is he?” I ask.
Everyone stares at the ground.
“Stevie?”
He looks at me and tries to force himself to smile. “Sophie, I’m sorry, but Myles called Adam to tell him what happened, and Adam called your mom, and then she called Dr Helmet. They both kind of ganged up on Myles.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
Stevie clears his throat and continues. “Myles was sitting in a chair next to you. Your mom and Dr. Helmet were yelling at him. They were saying how irresponsible he was, how he could have killed you. And Myles was just sitting there taking it. He didn’t say anything.”
I wait for him to finish.
“After they were done making him feel like crap, they left and Myles just sat there, not saying anything to anyone. Then he just got up out of nowhere, went over to Jade, and told him that he was sorry and that he wouldn’t bother you anymore.”
“We tried calling him,” Trei says, “but he won’t pick up.”
Of course not. It’s not exactly crazy to think he’s disappeared again. He tends to do that for no reason all the time. Could he be doing just that right now, because of me?
I yawn. “I’m sure he’s fine. I’ll try calling him again after I get some more sleep.”
“Okay,” Jade squeezes my hand. He looks like he doesn’t want to leave, but he turns and everyone else follows. “We’ll come back later.”
“Hey guys, if it isn’t too much trouble, could you make sure Mom and Dr. H leave me alone? I really don’t want to talk to either of them.”
“No problem,” Boo says, getting a mischievous smile on his face.
I pretend to go to sleep. When I’m sure that all of them are gone, I try to sit up and think things through. I have a cell somewhere. I could call Myles and tell him to come back. I don’t want him thinking this is his fault. My clothes are in a neatly folded pile on a chair in the corner. After digging in my jeans pocket for a few seconds, I find my phone. I dial his number at least four times with no answer before I start to get really worried. He should be answering if he sees it’s me.
Or maybe he really has disappeared.
I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m not in the best state of mind. So it all very well could be a dream. A very vivid dream in which I skillfully unhook all of the monitors attached to my body without the alarms going off, rip off the IV so that only the little plastic part is still in my hand, get dressed, stumble as slyly as I can through the hospital, and catch a bus to Myles’ house without anyone stopping me.
Before I know it, I’m leaning against his front door, feeling beyond exhausted and all but throwing myself up against it. It’s cloudy and cold again because that it just my stupid luck. The sun is drawn to me like a freakin’ magnet. My head’s pounding and I feel like blowing chunks and I’m not sure if I’m shaking because I couldn’t find my sweatshirt at the hospital or because I’m sick.
When someone finally opens the door, I feel like I’m going to pass out. I’m expecting Phyllis to answer, but it’s Myles’ shocked face that greets me. “Sophie, what…” he starts with wide blue eyes.
“Don’t. Say. Anything,” It comes out as a whisper but I’m supposed to be yelling.
I shove him with my good hand. I feel winded, but I keep trying to yell at him anyway. I push him into his house.
“Sophie, sit down.” He sounds almost scared.
“What is wrong with you?” I half-gasp. What I really want to ask him is why he would listen to my mom and Dr Helmet. Why would he just leave me there?
“Sophie, please…just sit down and we can talk.”
It sounds like a good idea, but I can’t answer him with everything going black and fuzzy.
God, I hate blacking out. Especially when I’m trying to yell at someone.
I wake up in the most comfortable bed with Myles’ dog, Malakhi’s head on my lap. He stares up at me with his one blue and one brown eye.
There’s a white and blue quilt covering me, finally making me feel warm. I take a look around. It looks like any other teenager’s room. White walls, posters, CDs, bookshelf, computer, dresser. It takes me about half a second to realize I’m in Myles’ room. In Myles’ bed.
Before I can react to this, I hear talking in the next room.
I recognize both of the voices. I know that one of them is Myles right away, but the other takes me a second to figure out. There are two figures moving through a crack in the door. Myles’ back is facing me, blocking who he’s talking to completely. I try to make out what they’re saying.
“So, here are some of her things. I didn’t know how long she would be here.” It’s Adam’s voice.
I try to sit up, but I instantly feel sick again. Malakhi perks his head up and pants at me. I lie back down and he does the same. I continue to listen to their conversation.
“Thank you,” Myles says quietly.
“Just so you know, Myles,” Adam speaks again. “I know that Sophie is here because she wants to be here. And even though I don’t think she should have left the hospital, I know that Sophie will be taken care of. And that’s probably why she came here.”
Myles doesn’t say anything.
“I know we can trust you, Myles, and I hope you don’t think any of this is your fault.”
“Well…” Myles begins.
I see Adam’s figure hug Myles. “You were just trying to do something nice for her. Accidents can happen.”
“I still feel like I should have done something.”
“Myles, let me tell you something, I have not seen Sophie this happy in a very, very long time.
You
make her happy, and I wouldn’t let what certain people say ruin that.”
They’re both quiet for a moment, or maybe I’m drifting back to sleep. Eventually, I hear the front door shut.
When I wake up again it’s to the sound of Myles’ door squeaking. I open my eyes the tiniest bit.
“Go back to sleep,” he whispers.
I try to close my eyes, but I feel him staring at me so I have to open them again. “I can’t,” I say in a hoarse voice.
Myles has his eyes fixed on Malakhi affectionately. “He likes you,” he says quietly.
“Can you get into his head too?” I ask.
He holds up his hand and moves it from side to side, making the signal for
so-so.
He doesn’t look at me.
“I guess you don’t have to. He sat with me all day,” I offer.
Myles doesn’t look at me when I talk either. He blinks slowly. “He’s worried about you,” he says even softer.
I have no response. Myles sits there with his eyes closed and I stare at his face and Malakhi pants at me every now and then. Then he suddenly opens his eyes and looks at me. He places his hand so gently on my arm that isn’t wrapped in gauze that if I wasn’t looking at him, I probably wouldn’t have noticed it at all. “I’m sorry,” his voice cracks like he’s going to cry.
All I want to do is hug him. I try to sit up to do it, but I start shaking again so I stretch out my arm and hope he’ll be able to take the hint.
He takes it just fine.
Myles, seeming almost exhausted along with looking like he’s going to have a break down, rests his head on my shoulder with his face near my ear.“This is all my fault,” he whispers.
“No, it isn’t,” I say as gently as I can.
I feel him shake his head. “I should have seen this coming.”
“Myles, can you control the weather?” I’m half joking, half curious.
He shakes his head against my shoulder, laughing slightly in my ear. I turn my face toward him so that our noses are almost touching, and I'm not uncomfortable being so close. There’s a long pause in the conversation.
“You did a pretty stupid thing, Sophie,” he finally says. He sits a little bit more so he can look at me.
“Maybe.”
“Maybe? You could be dead right now.” He sounds serious.
“No. There is no way, even if I got hit by a bus on the way here.”
He smiles the littlest bit at my answer. “Why?”
“Because the urge to kick your ass is too great.”
Something in his eyes changes slightly, but I don’t think he sees me notice. He keeps his voice composed. “You’re angry with me. Why?”
“You left because of what they said. You left me there.”
He closes his eyes again. His face still looks somewhat composed, but he doesn’t respond.
“You know my mom is insane, right? You know that you shouldn’t listen to her,” I try to joke.
He sighs.
“Myles, believe it or not, this is the risk that everyone takes when they’re around me. It could have just as easily had been Boo, Trei, Stevie, or Jade. It’s no reason to up and leave.”
“But it wasn’t one of them,” he almost spits out.
“That makes no difference,” I’m getting pissed.
“The difference is that you trust all of those people, that they have known you for your entire life and you love them. Not to mention the fact that they are all air breathing, and have heart beats,” he sounds angry now.
I’m kind of taken back by what he’s saying, and the way he says it worse. “Myles, I do trust you. And I don’t see what being…warm-blooded has to do with that.”
Myles opens his eyes like a thought suddenly occurs to him that hadn’t before. “Why do you care so much in the first place? Your life would be less complicated without me.”
Now I shut my eyes. So he
was
going to disappear. “Because I don’t want you to leave,” I say, almost like a little kid.
“I know that. Why?” his voice sounds gentler than before.
I don’t know how to answer him.
Myles places his hand gently on mine. I have to look at him. “Why can’t you just tell me?” he asks quietly.
I look down again, only that’s hard with the way we’re sitting, so I stare at his arm. “Myles, I don’t want you to leave because you have a stupid reason for leaving and you’re like, one of my best friends. Besides, I
do
trust you and you make me happy and….” I’m babbling now.
But before I can continue in my not-making-sense-ramble, I’m cut off.
I’m cut off by something weird. It feels like a jolt of electricity going through me. I can’t really breathe too well, and I feel like my heart is pumping on overtime.
It takes me a second to realize that Myles is kissing me.
His lips are cold, but they warm up more and more the longer they’re pressed against mine. I can barely concentrate on anything besides my chest wanting to explode.
Wait, Myles is
kissing
me?
My head jerks away.
I stare wide eyed at him, almost shaking from the shock of it.
“I’m sorry,” he says, his voice raspy.
I close my gaping mouth.
“I shouldn’t have done that.” He moves further away now.
I swallow and try to talk. That doesn’t work, so I take a deep breath and try again. “No, it’s okay,” I say. I don’t sound very believable, but I really, really want to.
Myles gets up and sits at the end of the bed. He slumps with his head in his hands. “That was so stupid,” he whispers to himself.
“No, it wasn’t. I’m fine.” I’m still kind of freaked. “I just wasn’t ready for that,” I admit.
“You feel warm. Warmer than usual.” His eyes are somewhere else.
“I probably have a fever.” I shrug, not ready to change the subject.
We’re both quiet.
“I’m so sorry I did that,” he suddenly says again. “Sophie, I don’t know what I was thinking. I know that’s not what you want.”
I don’t know why, but I get offended. It’s like
he
is rejecting
me
after he kissed me. “So you can read my mind now?”
He laughs a little. “What are you talking about?”
“I don’t know…” I admit. “I don’t know what I want.”
He turns to me now, his lips twitching. “I
shouldn't
be mad at myself right now?”
“I’ll give you a solid maybe,” I say after a few seconds of silence.
Myles smiles at me before cautiously placing his head back where it was on my shoulder. He pets Malakhi. After sitting like this for a while, I start shaking for no reason. I’m not cold. I’m actually really hot. My shoulder is the only part of me that feels cool at all and that’s because Myles’ head is there.
“Your fever might be breaking,” Myles says quietly. He covers me up more and places a cool hand on my forehead. I close my eyes. “Do you want me to leave you alone so you can sleep?” he asks.
“No, I want you to stay here,” I say groggily.
“You’re not angry at me,” he states, slowly wrapping an arm around my waist.
I shrug and we’re quiet again.
“Why did you kiss me?” I finally ask.
“I like you,” he says without hesitation.
“Why?”
I feel his lips move into a smile against my shoulder. “I feel connected to you. That’s the only way I can describe it.”
I playfully poke him in the side. “Shouldn’t you be kissing girls your own age?”