Sunshine (27 page)

He’s so calm about this, like it’s nothing. Maybe he’s right. Maybe this guy is just insane, and doesn’t like change. I mean, if he still sleeps in a coffin and all, he’s probably not ready to let go of the fact that some of his kind want to be with humans and hang around them. I sigh a breath out, trying to calm myself, and it kind of works.
“I just thought I should let you know about it,” he says. “I don’t want to overwhelm you with things you don’t need to know about, otherwise I would have mentioned it earlier.”
“Don’t feel like you’re going to overwhelm me,” I say. “I can take whatever you throw at me. At least, I’ll try.” It’s the best I can do. My heart slows a little, but I’m still uneasy.
He smiles, “Anyway, what would you like to do today?”
I smile back, forcing myself to feel relieved. If there was a problem, he’d sense it, right? He would let me know. I trust Myles, and now is a perfect opportunity to show him that.
“I don’t know.” I lay my head back where it was on Myles’ lap. He starts gently pulling the bobby pins from my hair. “What do you want to do?” I ask with my eyes closed.
“It doesn’t matter.” Another pin comes out.
“Good. Because all I want to do is nothing. I want to sleep and eat and maybe take a shower. Maybe watch TV.” I realize how boring it sounds as I’m saying it. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”
“You want me to leave?” He doesn’t sound hurt, just a question.
I open my eyes and look at him again. “No,” I almost laugh. Why am I even trying to hide it? “I don’t.” He pauses, like he doesn’t want to say something. “What?” I ask.
“Are you afraid of something happening to you?” I'm not sure if he means with this Michael character or if he’s afraid I’ll hurt myself if he leaves. But either way, it sounds like he doesn’t believe that I really want him to stay just because I want him here.
But I think about the question anyway. I’m already in the process of forgetting the Michael thing. It sounds like he wants to keep it his problem and his problem only, and I’m okay with that for now. As long as this guy doesn’t involve me anymore. I haven’t even had the urge to burn, scrape, cut, or otherwise hurt myself in a long time, and I’m kind of surprised that last night of all nights didn’t make me want to.
“No,” I say, and my voice sounds kind of shocked, but I continue to explain myself. “I like having you here.”
“Oh.” He smiles.
“So I’m going to go back to bed,” I announce. “You can leave if you really want to, but I’d like it if you’d stay.”
He moves my head off of his lap and onto the pillow next to him. Then he lies down on his back too, but he turns his head toward me. We’re not too close, but close enough. “Sleep sounds nice, and I like being here.” He smiles again, thinking to himself. “So I'll stay.”
“Awesome,” I say, before shutting my eyes again.
My phone is vibrating with someone calling me and when I answer, it tells me it’s six o’clock. Not that I was really asleep. Like I could sleep after this information overload. I glance over at Myles who is turned on his side. I take my phone into the living room, shutting my bedroom door behind me.
“Hello?” I already know from my phone’s caller ID that it’s Jade.
“What happened?” He sounds concerned. “Boo just called me, he said you left the dance without telling them last night?”
Crap. I should have called him when I got home. But I wasn’t really thinking too clearly last night, so I don’t blame myself for long. “Jade, I’m fine.” Telling him I was sick is too transparent for my brother to buy, so I make up a more believable reason. “I just didn’t want to be there,” I say. “It just brought back too many memories.” I don’t exactly lie.
Jade sighs. I hear him semi-cover his phone so he can say, “She’s okay,” in a relieved tone to who I’m guessing is Stevie. “I’m coming home tomorrow,” he says to me.
“You don’t have to do that. I’m okay.” I don’t want him to drop what he’s doing because of me.
“I don't want you being alone,” he says.
“I'm not alone,” I blurt out, just wanting him to drop it.
“I know you are.” He snorts like he’s caught me in a lie. “Boo and Trei are at their dad’s house. They’ve been calling me because you won’t pick up your phone.”
I sigh. “No,
they’re
not here,” I say. But I don’t want him coming home because he’s worried about me. I’m sick of ruining other peoples’ plans because they feel the need to keep an eye on me. “Myles came over,” I admit. “We’re watching movies.” Like there’s any way I’m telling him we were sleeping.
There’s a pause. “Oh.” He sounds kind of surprised. “So I can tell Trei and Boo that you’re okay,” he says slowly. “As long as you're fine, I’ll be home on Tuesday. Steive’s going to stay an extra day and catch a ride back with his friend,” he tells me. “But if you want me to come home early, you call me.”
“I promise.”
We say goodbye and hang up. I set my phone on the counter in the kitchen, and grab a pop tart. I’m not really hungry, but I haven’t eaten anything all day, so I guess I should. I sit down on the couch for about half a second before remembering I’m covered in dried mud.
It’s stuck in the bead work at the bottom of my dress, and all over the front there are grass stains. It kind of smells, but not exactly bad. Just like earth and rain and grass. My arms and legs are also covered in the clay-like material. My left knee is bruising up pretty nicely; already turning that greenish color in some places.
Something on the coffee table catches my eye.
Three white roses arranged in a corsage with black ribbon weaving around them. It’s inside a clear plastic box with a note on top:
Your surprise from last night. I hope you like it.
--Myles
I smile as I walk back into my room quietly for some clothes. Myles is still asleep, and I’m tempted to wake him up to thank him but I don’t.
It’s not that I don’t trust Myles, I just feel weird being naked so close to him, even if it’s not that close. So I tip toe back out of my room to use the bathroom upstairs.
Managing to take a shower without thinking or trying to analyze anything about Myles and I turns out to be easy. I think about chords and lyrics and songs. I write one in my head as I wash my hair.
Myles is still asleep when I get back, so I dry off my hair with the towel I’m carrying around and decide that the song I just made up needs to be recorded so I don’t forget it. I go into my piano room, set up the laptop and the software, hit record, and start playing. It takes me a few minutes to figure out what keys make the sounds I want, but I get it. And when I’m done I play it back to myself. As I listen I write down which lyrics will go at which parts. My crazy code doesn’t resemble anything near musical notation, but it works for me.
Myles emerges in the doorway just as I’m setting the notebook back in its box. “Hey,” I say. “Thanks for the flowers. They’re really pretty.”
“You’re welcome.” He smiles. “You took a shower,” he observes, noticing my damp hair.
“Yeah.” I remember again that he’s still in his clothes he wore yesterday too. “Did you want to take one?” I ask him, kind of feeling nervous when I do. “I mean,” I add on quickly, “you could borrow some of Jade’s clothes if you want.”
I click a few random things on my computer, just for something to do.
“Okay,” he says. “That way you can finish what you're working on.”
He follows me up to the second floor of the house where Stevie and Jade’s room is. He waits in the hallway. I guess he doesn’t feel right going into their room, and I can understand that. I grab a pair of Jade’s jeans and a shirt, I get a pair of socks too. I don’t think about underwear because I can’t.

Trying to subdue the uneasy bat fluttering around in my stomach, I shut off the light in their room and bring the clothes back to him. “Everything okay?” he laughs. Damn it.
I ignore him, “Shower’s the next door on the left. You can leave your clothes in the laundry room if you want.”
“No, I can take them home and wash them,” he says, still smiling.
That’s probably for the best. What if I forgot about them and someone found them? Yeah, try explaining
that
one, Sophie.
“Okay. I’ll be on the piano,” I say, still not looking at him and going back downstairs.
I get a good chunk of the song done, and I even get some vocals recorded. I take out the notebook again and follow along as I play it back; it sounds decent. I jot down the parts where I want Boo and Trei to add things. But by the time I’m done, I have a song that I’m sure is about Myles.
Whoa.
I've never written a song “for” anyone, and it’s not exactly like I spell it out or anything. The lyrics I write are no different from any other song of mine. They’re cryptic and could mean anything, but the thing is, I know they don’t mean just anything. It means something. Something big.
I don’t think I’m ready to share this song yet.
So I save it on my computer and shut it down. I hide the notebook under a bunch of other ones. I’ll come back to it when I’m ready. Baby steps.
I go into the living room before Myles gets out of the shower and turn on the TV.
“How'd it go?” he asks. The way he looks reminds me of the night he stayed at my old house. He looks like Jade’s clothes don’t exactly fit him, like they’re too tight. But he doesn’t look scared or unsure of himself as he rubs a purple towel over his wet hair. He looks comfortable. Like we’ve been doing this forever. I kind of like that look.
“Eh,” I lie, “it needs work.”
And we watch cartoons and old movies and infomercials. We get pizza. We laugh. I like it, and I don’t try to cover up the fact.

Chapter 25
Everyone Has Monsters
“It was a cold night, and the snow lay ‘round”-The Decemberists

Boo and Trei give me the “Oh you were sick, was Myles sick too?” conversation I prepared myself for when I greet them on Monday. I tell them about how I was throwing up and Myles had to take me home. Boo makes a crack about how I should get tested for stomach ulcers, but other than that, our story is bought.
I’m looking forward to spending time with Myles when gym medical time rolls around. I fell asleep on the couch last night, but Myles woke me up to tell me he was leaving and I haven’t seen him since.
I see a familiar puff of faded rainbow hair as I’m walking past the main office. Excited that he’s even here, I swing open the door. “Hey, what are you doing here?” I hang half in the office, half in the hall.
Jade’s wearing what I recognize as Stevie’s grey jeans, and a white t-shirt with paint splatters all over it. It’s what they do when they’re apart; wear each other’s things. When he turns his attention to me, he’s grinning and also wearing a pair of Stevie’s bug-eyed sunglasses. “I was just about to pick you up,” he said.
I step inside the office to hug him just as the bell rings. “Why?” I ask.
His arm wraps around my back. “I wanted to spend some time with you.” He shrugs.
“I’ll go get my coat,” I say, a smile spreading across my face. “Meet me outside?” I ask as we pull away from each other. He nods.
My locker isn’t far, and I shrug on my coat and glasses in record time. It’s been forever since Jade’s pulled me out of school to just hang out, and it’ll be nice to have a sister brother bonding day after the weekend from hell.
My phone buzzes in my pocket with a text from Myles as I start walking toward the main entrance of the school: “Where are you?”
“Jade’s picking me up. Have fun staying in school all day!” is my response before I shove my phone in my bag.
I find my brother waiting for me in the sunny morning. “I told you I was fine,” I tell him as we start walking. It’s definitely gotten a lot colder than it was this morning, so I wrap my coat around my body tighter. “You didn’t have to come home early.”
He shrugs, smiling. “I missed my little sister.”
I smile back. “Where did you park?” I ask after we walk for a few minutes.
“I had to park back here,” he says, pointing. I can see his dark blue pickup truck from where we are.
“So what are we going to do today?” I ask when we get there.
Instead of walking to his side of the truck, Jade follows me to mine. Leaning against the side and blocking the sun from my face, he smiles. “I have an idea.”
It’s a familiar voice, but it’s not my brother’s.
Before I can say, think, or do anything, he’s spinning me around and the upper half of my body is slammed against the truck. I try to wiggle my arm that’s clasped behind my back free, and a small, whimper-like noise hisses out of me.
Something sharp is held against my back, and I can feel it through my coat.
“Get in the car,” the voice, Michael’s voice says.
I do as he says, because there is no other alternative. I try to tell myself that he’s just trying to scare me as I scramble for the door and climb inside. He shuts the door to Jade’s truck, and before I can take a breath, he’s sitting in the driver’s side. “Alright,” he says, setting a very long knife that looks like it’s used for hunting in the cup holder near him. “We are going on a little drive.”
I try to look at him while he talks to me, but I soon find out that it makes it a
whole
lot worse. This
thing
is in my brother’s body. “Where are we going?” I stare ahead of me.
He laughs. And it’s not the warm laugh my brother has. “You cannot ruin the game,” he says this like we’re playing cards and I looked at what he has.
I don’t say anything else. I stare at the floor the whole way. I don’t look up until I feel the car stop and the engine go off. “I know you will not scream,” he says it like we both know. The only things I can think of are:
what does he want?
and
why is he doing this?
and the more obvious and a lot more scary,
what is he going to do?
I look out the window and we’re in front of mine, Stevie, and Jade’s house.
I try to concentrate on my breathing. I can’t seem to do much more.
“Won’t you invite me in?” he asks, grabbing the knife while at same time gesturing for me to get out of the car. I grasp the door handle with one trembling hand and open it, slowly climb out, swallowing hard so that I don’t throw up.
He stays a good distance behind me as we walk around to my apartment entrance. I fumble with fishing my keys out of my bag, and then I struggle with getting the key to unlock the door.
Maybe if I get into my house fast enough, I can lock him out. I know he doesn’t need to be invited in because he’s too powerful, but maybe I can keep him away from me longer if I just slam the door in his face. At least until I can think of some way to get myself out of this. Maybe I won’t even have to. Maybe I just need to distract him until Jade wakes up or whatever.
Despite how terrified and how sure I am that this guy has nothing but bad things in store for me, I can’t risk him hurting Jade. I mean, if he really wanted to, he could just walk him into the middle of a highway and let him get hit by a car.
“Come in.” I try to make my voice sound as even as I can.
“Come in...” he trails off, stepping closer and closer to me. He holds the knife up like it’s a prop to make sure I know he’s dangerous.
“Please.” I almost throw up right there.
He tucks the knife into my brother’s pants and guides me into my apartment, closing the door behind us. The sound of the lock sliding into place is one of the loudest sounds I can hear. The other ones include my heart feeling like it’s going to bust right out of my chest, and my heavy breathing.
“That’s better,” he says to me as he takes off the sunglasses. He says it like this is nothing out of the ordinary. “There is
never
an excuse for poor manners.” And then he smiles. The way he contorts the muscles of Jade’s face to make it smile is strange.
“Why are you doing this?” I blurt out.
He turns toward me. “I suppose we should get to it, then.” He stands in front of me, taking my own sunglasses off of my face and placing them on the coffee table. He ignores my question. “Where is your bedroom?” he asks, looking around my apartment.
The knot in my stomach jumps into my throat. I don’t want to know why he wants to go in there; I don’t say anything because I can guess.
He sighs and reaches behind him, taking out the shiny knife again. “I can kill you,” he says like he’s reminding me of something he’s already told me. He sighs again and replaces the knife in Jade’s back pocket. Slowly, he moves closer. His face is right in front of mine. I shut my eyes. I’m pretty sure I start praying to myself.
Please, not again. Please.
He moves my hair out of my face and I flinch. He starts talking into my ear. “Humans are so predictable,” he says.
Then it feels like he punches me in the stomach, only I don’t feel any pain. All I know is that his hand slams into me, and then nothing. I can’t feel anything. I can’t move.
“Open your eyes,” he says. I feel it in my gut that I have no choice in the matter. I also just know that if I try to move anything on my own, it won’t move. He’s in control of me now. My eyes bolt open as soon as he says it. Jade’s face with Michael’s eyes on it is right in front of me. I want to scream, but I can’t even open my mouth.
“Walk to your bedroom.” He smiles. “Please.”
When I try to speak, I get a choking feeling in my throat, and nothing comes out. My legs start to move in slow, jerky movements as he follows me into my room. I try to will them to stop, but they won’t.
“Sit down,” he says when I’m standing in front of my bed. My body obeys. He sits next to me, taking the knife back out of his pocket and setting it down on my comforter between us. Thankfully, my eyes seem to work, so I can stare straight ahead of me rather than at his face.
“I am just curious,” he says after a few minutes. “What did your friend Myles tell you about me?”
My best option is probably playing dumb. If I tell him the truth, that Myles told me that he’s insane and doing horrible things, It’ll probably make things worse.
“Of course,” he says to himself like he’s forgotten about something.
He touches my throat, and like someone’s cut a rubber band from around my vocal chords, I feel like I can speak again. I gulp in air before I try. “To be honest,” I barely say, “not a lot.”
He laughs to himself as he stands up. “Of course he did not.” He stands in front of me and kneels down so I have to look into his eyes. Jade’s green ones have been replaced with black coal. “There are things you do not know.” he says. “I suppose he told you that this entire thing was about us. But it is not. It is about
you
,” he says this like he’s telling me a bedtime story. “Of course it is not your fault. We cannot help who we are chosen to be.” He strokes the side of my face, but it feels too rough.
“I didn’t choose to be kidnapped by some vampire who stole my brother’s body,” I spit out, a hot flash of nausea hitting me.
He smiles to himself, but continues his speech. “That ultimately does not matter,” he says this gently, but it doesn’t make it any less scary. He pauses before saying anything else. “Lie down please,” he commands. I try with everything I have to fight the urge for my body to do as he tells me, but it’s no use. My head is already touching the pillow. What’s worse is that I can’t move my head to see where he’s gone. I can only see the white of my ceiling above me. I shift my eyes back and forth and I can’t see him. That doesn’t last long, because like he materialized there, he’s lying next to me. I stare at the ceiling and try to breathe, too afraid to shut my eyes.
“You are not supposed to be here.” Michael’s voice comes from somewhere above me but I can’t see him. “You are not natural.”
I get how being around someone of his kind would make me seem unnatural to him. No normal human would want to hang around vampires. But he doesn’t know Myles, or me, obviously. And still, the way he says it makes me think he’s referring to something else, but what?
“I d-don’t understand,” I struggle. I feel cold but I’m sweating at the same time.
He touches my face. “Of course you do not,” he tells me like the words are soothing. “And you do not have to.”
Before I can try to process anything, his hand is clamped over my lips, and small, bitter objects are touching my mouth, my teeth. Absorbing all the moisture inside. At first, I don’t know what it is, but somewhere in my head it clicks.
Pills.
I know that whatever they are, they can’t be good. And there are a lot of them. I can’t swallow. They’ll probably kill me if I do.
My breathing comes in short gasps as I try to think of some kind of a plan. I can’t just let him do this. I’m so thankful to find that the ability to close off the back of my throat is still there, so I do. I use all of the strength I have to push the pills away from the back of my throat and toward my teeth.
Obviously Michael notices this. He uses my brother’s hand and places it on my side. At first I think he’s just concentrating on watching me suffer, but I feel him move a finger.
And at least one of my ribs snaps beneath it.
It feels like he’s kicked me in the side. I stifle a scream in order to hold the pills where they are. My side is beginning to throb with intense, burning pain.
“You should swallow,” he says calmly, placing his hand on my face now. He shifts my head so I’m looking at him; his black eyes staring out at me from Jade’s body. “I will break your jaw next.”
I already know it’s no use. The pills are dissolving in my mouth anyway. He lets go as they slide down. My throat feels raw and I’m not sure if it’s the pills or the absolute dread I feel that makes my stomach turn.
“Please do not take this personally,” he says to me. “It is only that you cannot exist. It is not right.” I still don’t know what he means, but I’m leaning more and more toward the fact that he really does have something wrong in his head.
I’m more aware of my ribcage throbbing now, making it hard for me to breathe.
“I know it may seem as though I am being cruel,” he continues, getting up and walking around my room. “But this is the most humane way,” he says this like I’m a horse with a broken leg and the alternative was shooting me. Like this is a part of life.
I’m confused, terrified that I’m going to die, and frustrated because I can’t think of a way to make it all stop. I’m not sure how much time passes, but I know he’s still here, watching me. I start to feel dizzier and dizzier. I’m already feeling too relaxed, like I’m floating. My eyesight is beginning to blur. I refuse to fall asleep.
It isn’t fair.
Finally, I’m beginning to get my life back in order and think and act normal; I get over the fact that I put all of my trust into a guy who isn’t. I’m letting myself see Myles as something good in my life in every way. I finally let myself like him.
Trust
him. I give myself the option of in the future, maybe even letting go enough to love him like he says I already do.
And this happens.
Hot tears snake out of my eyes and down my face, streaking my cheeks and neck.
“It will be over soon,” Michael suddenly says. He leans over me now, and he actually wipes away a tear. “And if it is not, I will know. And I will come back. And next time I will not be so kind to you.”
I realize as he’s walking away that I can move again, but I don’t dare until I know for sure that he’s gone. I’m assuming that he’s not just going to up and leave with Jade’s body.
I count to fifty before I try moving. It seems to take a lot of energy to turn onto the side that isn’t punched in. It doesn’t hurt as much as it did, but I guess that has something to do with the pills.
Everything in my room seems to be moving like it’s made out of jell-o. My hands and arms feel like they don’t belong to me, and I have a lot of random flashes of color popping up in my vision.
But I’m alone.
Soon I figure out that moving fast is pretty impossible. Having my eyes open only makes my head pound, so I close them before groping blindly for the box spring, then the carpet. Dragging my upper body, the rest of it slams onto the ground. My legs are too wobbly to support my weight, so I begin pulling myself toward the door. My cell is in my bag, which was left in Jade’s truck. I have to get to the house phone.
Somewhere between my head feeling like it’s too heavy for my neck, and the fact that anytime I move anything on my right side, my ribs start burning and throbbing, my forearms connect with the cold linoleum of the kitchen. I have to fight the urge to rest my head there.