Superstar (10 page)

“Really?” Thad said because he couldn’t
imagine anything worse.

“No.” She picked up the bottle again and put
it to her mouth. She nearly drained it before speaking again. “No,
the worst ones are the relapsing dreams. I see myself using again.
They seem so freaking real. They’re terrifying and soul-destroying.
My counselors say after you’ve been using for a while your body
starts depending on the drugs. It thinks it needs them. You know,
like vitamins or proteins. So it does anything it can to get them
again. Including fucking with your head.”

“Is that the one you had tonight?”

“Yeah. I dreamed I was out clubbing and
scored some E along with everything else I could get my hands on. I
thought it was real. I always think it’s real.”

The eerie echo in her tone was horrifying.
She sounded so devastated that he ached for her. “Poor baby. How
long have you been having these dreams?”

“Since I stopped using.”

“When do they go away?”

“Apparently they don’t. One of my sponsors
has been clean for twenty years and she still has them. Not as
often as I do, thank God, but she still has them.”

Thad shook his head. “Jesus. Maybe that’s
why they don’t tell you about it. If it was common knowledge nobody
would ever get clean.”

She smiled again and this one was more
natural as she leaned against him. “You might have a point. The
only thing worse than getting clean is continuing to use.”

He scooted back on the bed until his back
rested against the high quilted headboard. She did the same then
rested her head on his shoulder again. He pulled the cover up over
both of them and wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her
closer.

“Did it help?”

“Yeah. Yeah it did. You’re a good listener.
I have my sponsors and Kwai and even my parents sometimes, but it’s
hard because there is stuff I don’t think I can ever tell my folks
or even Kwai. I don’t want them to know some of the things I did,
or how many changes I’m still going through.”

“Why not?”

“My folks already feel guilty enough. They
blame themselves. I think Kwai feels the same way. She and Renita
were right there and didn’t realize how bad off I was.”

“I assume you did a good job of hiding
it.”

“Yeah, until I couldn’t anymore.”

“Right, but they don’t get that.”

“I think they do, but it’s hard for them to
deal. You weren’t there. You don’t have anything invested. You can
listen and not judge.”

He nodded before he leaned down to place a
gentle kiss on her forehead. Her skin felt satiny smooth beneath
his lips and he inhaled the subtle perfume of her skin. Almost
without thought, he moved his lips down until they met hers. He
moved his lips back and forth tenderly against her lips,
luxuriating in the feel of her velvety soft flesh. Taking his time
he didn’t demand entry just waited until she decided whether to
grant him access. Right when he was about to pull away, her lips
parted and the tip of her tongue came out to meet his. Just that
brief touch was enough to turn that gentle touch into something
decidedly sexual, graphic, carnal. His lips met hers again,
begging, pleading, seeking the feel of her tongue against his own
again. That silken glide was enough to melt his bones while setting
his body ablaze with desperate need.

The temptation to just take what she was
offering, what he wanted more than his next breath was almost more
than he could stand, but somewhere deep down he knew there was
more
. He didn’t know what more was, wasn’t even sure how he
knew it was there, but he knew that he wanted it. Wanted the very
essence of this woman and if he settled for mere sexual
satisfaction he’d never have it. So, with that core-deep certainty
he somehow found the strength to pull away
again
. She didn’t
even resist, just draped herself over him with a level of comfort
and familiarity that was almost as good as a good sexual romp.
Almost as good. With a heavy sigh he lay back and pulled her
closer.

Awakened from a deep sleep, Thad lay still
for a moment trying to figure out what had awakened him. It took
only a moment for him to realize it was the buzzing of Sioux’s
phone. She grabbed it almost instantly and sprang from the bed in
nearly the same motion. After she hurried into the living room he
could hear the soft tones of her voice. He glanced at the clock.
Who the hell was calling her at three in the morning?
She
stayed in the living room for more than thirty minutes before
slipping back into the bed. Long after she returned to a sound
sleep he was still pondering that question.
How did she do that?
The woman could drop off like switching off a light.
It wasn’t
the first time she’d gotten a call in the middle of the night. He
wondered if it was a boyfriend, though she’d denied having one. She
had no reason to lie. Of course that left him with the question of
why did he care? And he had to admit it. He cared. He cared a lot.
Finally with a grunt of disgust, he rolled over in the bed and
forced his mind still so he could rest. Even so it was a long time
before he was able to sleep.

Not for the first time in her life, Sioux
wondered why she gave her best performances when she was at her
absolute worst emotionally. Tonight the crowd was in the palm of
her hand. Unlike the audience in Toronto or even Chicago these
people came knowing she was the opening act. Though some of the
gossip was still quite nasty, overall the reviews had been good.
She knew B.T. was doing nothing to stem the ugliness. According to
Thad, he was probably blowing it up as big as possible. Having a
father who was a PR master she knew even bad publicity and gossip
could spur ticket sales. The man was absolutely ruthless when it
came to making money.

She made the smooth transition from “Killer”
to “A Girl Named Sioux.” She was still adjusting the song, though
Thad’s arrangement was still the best she’d tried thus far. She
wasn’t settled on the lyrics either, but the chorus was static and
some in the crowd sang along. She had heard there was some bootleg
videos of the Chicago show up on YouTube, but hadn’t had a chance
to look. With the way the crowd was singing with her, she had to
assume it was true.

Just as she reached the last song of her
set, she felt Thad watching from the wings before she even looked
in his direction. The awareness was so intense she could all but
feel his touch. He was wearing one of his typical “geek chic”
outfits, including a dark colored shirt and sweater vest, though in
the low light she couldn’t determine their color. His eyes though,
glowed a rich gold and even from the distance she could see the
desire there. Their gazes connected and suddenly it was though they
were cuddled together on the bed they shared, murmuring sleepily to
one another, revealing dreams and ideas. Through the thin cotton of
her t-shirt, her nipples stood erect, signaling how much she wanted
him. Her body was determined to let him know what he was missing
despite his repeated rejections. His eyes narrowed as though he
could see them from the distance and she watched as he licked his
lips. Even if she wanted to she couldn’t keep the response out of
her voice, which grew huskier and caressed each note like a long
lost lover. She swayed as she played, her body undulating in time
to the music calling her lover to her. As she watched he actually
took a step, then turned and walked away just as she played the
last note of the song. Having forgotten the audience was even there
she was startled by the raucous applause. Well at least she
wouldn’t be the only one having wet dreams that night.

Sioux walked down the hall as quickly as she
could. Though not trying to hide, she thought it best if the other
band members didn’t see her slipping into Thad’s room. The band
always took at least one floor of a hotel, sometimes more,
depending on how many family members were with them. The crew was
on various other floors. Storm Crow didn’t have a large entourage.
A Honeychile show usually had a minimum of two hundred roadies.
Storm Crow had less than half that. Thad had given her a key to his
room shortly after they checked in and she used it now.

She gasped as before she could flip on the
light she was grabbed and pushed up against the closed door. She
took a deep breath to scream and inhaled a lungful of air.
Thad-scented air. Before she could ask what was going on, his mouth
was on hers. His kiss, if she could call it that, was all
consuming. Devouring. He took her mouth with total desperation as
though he had to have it. Had to have her.

He held both her hands in one of his over
her head as he pressed her against the door. The kiss seemed to go
on for hours until she began to wonder if she would lose
consciousness from lack of oxygen, but then he groaned and his
slipped his hands under her hips to lift her up until she could
wrap her legs around his waist. He ground against her and she cried
out, closer and closer to her orgasm. He tilted her hips until her
clit was pressed directly against his hard arousal, his lightweight
pajama pants providing no barrier to the intense heat she needed so
desperately. She ground against him harder and harder until
suddenly he pulled his lips away from her and bit her right where
her neck met her shoulder. The sudden pain seemed to arrow directly
on her clit, setting off a blinding orgasm bursting over her in a
storm of deliciousness that left her nearly unconscious.

He lay her down on the bed, still kissing
her, sucking and biting on her mouth.

Finally when she finally had enough breath
to do so, she pushed him far enough away to ask. “What on earth got
into you?”

“I was watching you tonight. It was like you
were singing directly to me. It was all I could think about. I have
no idea what I played tonight. Bryan totally lost his shit because
I was all over the place. I can’t do this anymore. I want you too
much.”

“Well who said you had to? I told you it was
ridiculous from the beginning,” she said before kissing him again.
He groaned against her lips before pushing her away.

“That’s what I mean. We can’t sleep together
anymore. It’s just not going to work.”

“Are you serious?”

“Sioux, you know this is absolutely
crazy.”

“Yeah, I do. You’re the one acting like a
scared virgin. I promise to be gentle, baby,” she teased reaching
for the snap on his jeans.

He grabbed her hand with a speed born of
desperation. Then caught it again when she slipped nimbly away.

“Don’t do that. I’m serious Sioux.”

“You mean you won’t sleep with me, and now
you won’t even sleep with me," she said.

“Now I know I’m going crazy. That sentence
actually made sense.”

“Well, that’s one of us. None of this has
made sense to me for weeks. Why can’t we just…”

“Because we can’t. I don’t do casual sex. I
told you that. I don’t think you should sleep with me anymore.”

She stared at him. Rage pure and unceasing
welled up so quickly that more than anything she wanted to throw a
tantrum like a toddler deprived of a toy. She couldn’t believe
she’d let him do this shit to her again. Well this was it, the hell
with his geeky ass. Unable to find words to vent her rage, she
simply stormed out without a backwards glance.

Chapter Six

Sioux slipped into the band’s dressing room.
The show was finally over and more than anything she just wanted to
go back to her room for some sleep. But some fans had won backstage
passes, and while she was sure they weren’t there to see her, she
felt obligated to show up anyway. She passed behind Thad who was
talking guitar speak to a fan who was apparently as much of a
guitar freak as he was. The backstage area was larger than most
she’d been in with room for a couple of sofas as well as some
over-stuffed armchairs. A table had been set up with refreshments
ranging from soft drinks to beer, as well as a variety of snacks.
After grabbing a bottle of water, she was about to find a corner of
the room she could hide out in until this was over when she saw a
familiar face.

“Topher!” she cried out, genuinely thrilled
to see an old friend. Topher was a local celebrity who was one of
Honeychile’s biggest fans. He always showed up whenever they were
in Seattle. She had no idea how he managed backstage passes so
easily, but he was always there. Strange how it hadn't occurred to
her he'd show up here. Topher was slim with long locks of dark
chestnut hair and azure blue eyes. She often teased him he was
pretty enough to be a model

Topher turned and grabbed her in an
enthusiastic embrace lifting her clear off the ground, which wasn’t
particularly difficult as he was a full head taller than she.

“It’s so good to see you. I am totally
loving your new sound,” he said.

“Thank you. I’m so glad. I was really
worried the fans wouldn’t be feeling it,” she said.

“Come on Sioux, you know you could sing
anything and folks would be lined up around the block to hear
you.”

They drifted across the spacious room to the
plush chair in the corner that had caught her eye earlier. Topher
sat down and Sioux perched on the arm of the chair as they
continued to chat for a few moments.

“Hi Sioux, who’s your friend?”

Sioux looked up, surprised that Thad had
joined them. She stared at Thad. He looked and sounded…jealous?
There was a tightness to his smile that read fake to her.

She made the introductions and continued to
talk to Topher, pointedly ignoring Thad. She hoped he would take
the hint and leave, but of course he didn’t.

“So, Topher, what do you do?” Thad asked
when there was break in the conversation.

Sioux frowned. Why didn’t he just go away?
If she didn’t know better, she’d swear he was jealous. Fortunately,
Topher was very good-natured, though she could see the amusement in
the smile he directed toward Thad.