Surrender: The Greek Affair Series Book One (17 page)

“Yes I will come back now that Alexander is there. He will be there for a bit longer and I’ll tie things up here and go back. Maybe we can fly back together again? How long will you be in Athens?”

“Oh, not long. About three or four days to clear my head. I’ll do some things I need to do and…” She trails off and Pétro picks up her thought.

“Jesus, Hope, give yourself a break.”

They have taken separate taxis. As Hope watches the traffic congestion from the taxi window on her way home, she wonders at her love for this city. She does not have memories of it from childhood, but she remembers vividly when she came here for the first time as a tourist in her early twenties. She remembers the missing heartbeats when she first set eyes on the Acropolis. Nothing prepared her for that sight, and postcards can never do it justice. It is a curse to be born in the shadow of such a great civilization, as it can never be repeated and in many ways, holds back from moving forward.

Hope often has a conversation with herself about her sense of belonging and identity. She has struggled with this notion and often wondered if it is only she, or do other Greeks of the Diaspora feel the same? She has, over the years, simplified these thoughts for her own sanity. When she questions this, she replies to herself that it’s not always about genes, but about birth and she was born in the shadow of this great monument to the great goddess Athena, and in the footsteps of the great thinkers of the time that have left their legacy to all of humanity. This defines the part of her that is Greek.

And today as the taxi takes her back to her apartment in the heart of Athens, she remembers that first glimpse of her heritage and it still send shivers up her spine. Over the centuries most things have changed, but fundamentality things are the same. The wonderful things left behind are many: great theatre, poetry, wonderful eating habits, a huge variety of music genres that not many cultures have, but to her, it is the ability of the Greek nation to embrace the East with West and create what is theirs, and to still survive as an ethnicity with its own language and culture.

The town square lives on through the millenniums where people gather to talk, to eat and to drink, Ok, drinking was not done in public in the ancient world, so some things do indeed change.

Hope loves this unruly city. She loves its vibrancy, pulsating with culture, lots of art that somehow through its organised chaos manages to survive, having endured many setbacks over the centuries. She loves walking through its streets, coming across little Christian chapels sitting on footpaths (as some are at least one thousand years old) and it’s in these chapels and looking at the temple of Athena, The Parthenon leaves her more than wondering, but actually worshipping her heritage.

Walking the hilly streets of Athens, salivating at the windows of jewellers that are beyond her finances, she sees the art that can be created with sparkles and gold, the boutiques with smart clothes, yet different. The cafes that are found everywhere and anywhere and open 24/7. Restaurants with spectacular food serving Greek food that can only be found in Greece! It’s wondrous!

Yes, Hope knows she is in love with Athens, as well as the island. She also knows she is fickle and divided between these two, but she loves deeply and passionately and wonders as she drives through this city that has become a love of hers, why she can’t just love Jason like this without question? And she suddenly knows the answer. The city and island don’t ask anything from her. She knows what she can give to them, (just what she was capable of). But Jason wants her and she was not sure she could give herself to anyone, not because she couldn’t love him, but because of what he might want from her in the future, and she can’t give him this. At least, that was what she was thinking, that she was not capable of giving. Giving was unsettling and difficult. She could not see any future. Her only future was behind her personal protective wall and that wall was of her own creation, of her space. Behind that wall, only her son and her art fitted in. There was no room for anyone else.

Nevertheless she suspects that she just might love Jason. Yet, her emotions were way ahead of her reality. She is tortured by the speed at which these feelings descended upon her. She is scared of what seemed like a feral attraction they had for each other. It was about the way he made her feel when he had her in his embrace. The way he looked at her. The way he tried to care for her, a caring she is not familiar with, and finding herself fighting it off. In her mind this could only lead to heartbreak for both of them, as she has no space for him in her already negative, emotionally cluttered psyche.

Hope arrives home and gets on with unpacking the few things she brought back with her. It’s about 11.30pm, and she’s tired physically. She hears the street musicians serenading the diners for the price of some change. In the comfort of her home she listens to the music that is happening in her street, a street made only for pedestrians. The music is good, the musicians are mostly gypsies and they seem to be born with the music gene; it comes naturally to them, they had taken to music from a very early age. Hope loves the sound of this music and wonders how many other cities have built-in street music, actually walking the streets. But she is worn out by emotional overdrive and her lack of decent sleep. She needs a small dose of a tablet to help her relax, and a bed to sleep in, (on her own), without loving lips to distract her.

Hope is sleeping rather heavily; she had taken something to soothe her nerves and get the sleep her body needs. As she stirs awake with a hazy brain, she feels Jason’s embrace, but she knows he is not with her and she realises she is missing him already. This is not what she expected to happen to her. She drags herself out of bed with a heavy heart, wishing he were with her, and telling herself at the same time, that she is losing the battle of the “Jason addiction”.

She keeps telling herself that there is no room in her life for Jason. She has no idea what to do with him. What they would be like together? Where would they live? How would they live? She has very little money. He was just starting his work life, and he was a European man, whereas she needed to get back to Australia. But most of all, her number one priority is her son. Nothing and nobody could be on top of her list of priorities, but her son. He was allowed to be there. She was determined not to be like her parents, with their multiple marriages between them.

The day has barely started and she is tired already. She wishes she could pack things up and go and live on the island, but she can’t, as there is a young adult to consider. But she also knows she would quickly get bored with the provinces. No theatre, no live music, no museums, no galleries, not many choices for movie theatres and she has also managed to make at least one friend in Athens, since she moved here, plus Pétro. And who would she talk to on the island in winter, when everybody she talks to in the summer has gone to some city in the winter months, ether in Greece or in another country, to live and work?

She drags herself around for the day paying bills, seeing her lawyer about her Greek citizenship, and putting other things together that she needs to take back to the house on the island. She rings Pétro. “I’m in the travel agency. Do you have a return ticket or shall I buy one for you too?” She wants to leave Athens now. She needs to escape her reality. She’s decided. She wants and needs to go back to her dream. And this summer, her dream has taken on another dimension with Jason in it.

“When are you leaving?” Pétro asks

“Let’s go together. I can leave almost straight away, as I have done just about all I need to do.”

They agree on the day and what time and she hangs up. She buys the tickets and suddenly she’s excited again, as if it’s the first day of summer and she’s off for the season. She knows deep inside that it is more than that.

It’s really all about Jason, and whatever is left over from this, so-called love affair. But she’s also wary that he might not want her back after the way she has treated him. She has come to understand that she can be a corrosive personality, as she doesn’t know how to take something that is given to her with good will, run with it and give back and accept the love, even though she craves for just that. Whatever the case may be, she will go back and bask in the sun on her island, as was her original intention, without Jason or any other intrusion.

The next two days are long and quiet. She wishes Jason would ring her but he does not, and in her mind he is ignoring her, and she knows she has no right to screw around with someone’s heart like that. She had been right. It was just about lust and they purged that. They got it out of the way and now they can go on with whatever was happening before fate had them connect so strongly.

Pétro and Hope are at the airport. They have checked in and are ready to go. They have opted to travel with a morning flight so as not to lose another day from the island. They are both excited. He, because he knows Alexander is waiting for him, whereas Hope’s excitement is with the usual trepidation, only now it’s not only, should she allow herself to get involved, but also, is he still there for her? “What is the matter with me? Why can’t I make up my mind about what I want?”

Pétro senses her fear. “Send him a text message for god’s sake! Be proactive. Let him know you still care.”

“But he has not been in touch for almost a week.”

“Dah! No wonder! The way you treated him, what do you expect the man to do? Don’t be such a selfish bitch.”

“Shit, is that what I am?”

“Look baby girl, I know you’re not, but I know all your history and understand why you have all these hesitations, but others don’t, and so, yes. You can come across as a little self-obsessed. Self-absorbed!”

With that, she sends a very short text and hopes. “Coming back today.” She leaves it at that. She shows it to her friend.

“Jesus, Hope you could of put a kiss at the end; something a little endearing. He is a lover, after all. He’s not your doctor!”

Hope knocks her brain around and concedes that she can’t seem to do anything right. She’s damned, no matter what she does.

But she does hope that she sees him again.

Chapter Fifteen

For Jason the week has been long and empty. Hope was on his mind constantly. He worked, ate and slept, only because he had to. He was not sure if she would come back, and he wanted her back. He had decided to give her this time alone, and give her the space she thought she needed. He understood that she was scared, but he also wanted to prove to her that she had no reason to be scared.

He is trying to figure out ways to show her why she should not be afraid about being with him. But logic tells him this is not easy. He guesses if he was not in the army and had already made inroads in his career he would have had a fighting chance with her. He is sure it was not just his age that got in the way, but the circumstances as well, and even if he never held her again this time around, he would go back to the UK, start his career and woo her back. He has to have this woman! He knows that his life without her would never be the same again. His phone pings and he ignores it for now. He is busy, and his desk is full of paperwork he must finish. He moves away into the coffee room and makes a small Greek coffee.

He is not sure if and when Hope would come back, but he knows he will try and find her. With that thought he knows he has to set life plans for the future. He sighs and remembers the text message he had not read. He picks up his phone and sees there was a message from Hope, and his heart misses a beat. If he opens it up and she tells him that she does not want to see him anymore what should he do? But then again it might just be a greeting. He wants to hold her so badly his body was aching. He opens the message. “Coming back today.”

He could not believe it!, It was the first time she had ever acknowledged him in any significant way. It might not be much of a message, but she wants him to know she will be here again on this island. Why would she bother if she didn’t want to see him again?

Jason has never had doubts about himself. When it came to women, getting their attention was easy, and being around them was easy. He loves women. He loves them as friends, as sexual partners and loves their company.

Hope is the most difficult woman he had ever been around. She is extremely challenging on all levels, which makes him want to fight for her. She is sharp, has high intellect, is creative, and tender, but she also has a very damaged soul.

“She’s back today. Oh heavens with twelve gods, you have heard my heart” He lets out a big sigh and is aware for the first time that he might have been holding his breath all week. It is mid-morning and there are two flights daily. She has not said on which flight, but he would sneak out in the afternoon and see if she has come in on the morning flight.

Hope is back on her island. She wishes she could always feel this serene as she always does when she sets foot on this island. Her home here is very small compared to her apartment in Athens, but it is magical. She has had a wonderful day together with Pétro and Alexander; the three of them lay around the beach, ate too much and at some stage went to rest, as it was too hot to be outdoors all day. So they make arrangements to meet this evening. It is wonderful to be back and she is happy to see Pétro happy. Her friend somehow makes relationships seem easy.