Swallows and Amazons (10 page)

Parley, parley, talk with me, I'll talk with you.

CAPTAIN FLINT (
speaking
). So, are we all friends now?

NANCY. Friends! We don't want to be friends!

CAPTAIN FLINT. I see. Enemies then.

NANCY. Mortal enemies.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Good idea.

TITTY. What would happen if someone found your book? I mean, if someone thought they knew where it might be?

NANCY. That would make that barnacle-sucking policman take his sign down and we could have a hideous war immediately!

CAPTAIN FLINT. Wait, Captain Nancy. Why do you ask that, Able Seaman?

TITTY. Because, you see, when I had to sleep in the lake on
Amazon
… I was having these strange dreams, and then I saw these pirates rowing by and…

SUSAN. Oh, Titty, don't. Please, don't take any notice, Captain Flint. She often makes up stories and…

TITTY. But I'm not making it up. It might have been a dream, but the two pirates had stolen some treasure and they were saying how heavy it was and how they would have to hide it and then…

PEGGY. But Uncle Jim's book wouldn't be heavy.

NANCY. Heavy-going, maybe.

CAPTAIN FLINT. But it was! By jiminy, it was! It was with my typewriter and all my old diaries and locked up in my big cabin trunk! I'd put a huge padlock on – that's why the thieves took it, you see – they thought there must be something valuable inside.

TITTY. That's it then! They took it to Cormorant Island and hid it there!

SUSAN. Oh, please don't listen to her.

CAPTAIN FLINT. But I think we should listen to her. Which is Cormorant Island, Able Seaman?

TITTY. The small one between here and your boat.

ROGER. Where the harpies live.

FLINT. They left it there, you say?

TITTY. Yes. They said ‘until the fuss has died down'.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Come on then, crews – to the longboats! No time to lose.

SUSAN. But…

JOHN. She does have a very vivid imagination.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Sign of great intelligence, I say. If you're mistaken, Able Seaman, fear not. But it has to be worth a try.

TITTY. Yes. Thank you.

CAPTAIN FLINT. To Cormorant Island!

NANCY. Cormorant Island it is!

CAPTAIN FLINT
and the
AMAZONS
rush off
. SUSAN
and
JOHN
give
TITTY
reproachful looks
.

SUSAN (
reprimanding
). Titty.

Then they leave
.

TITTY. Come on, Roger.

ROGER. Couldn't you have said another island?

TITTY. No. You do believe me, don't you?

ROGER. Yes. But I'm not happy. Not happy at all.

She leads him off
.

Scene Six

The two boats, with everyone aboard, sail up to Cormorant Island
.

TITTY. Look, Roger – the harpies are flying away. We've scared them off.

ROGER. Good.

FLINT. Do you think this is where the Pirates landed, Able Seaman?

TITTY. Well… there were a lot of rocks where they landed. They crashed against them.

JOHN. The whole island is full of rocks, Titty.

FLINT. Let's spread out.

NANCY. Be on your guard, everyone! There could be land crabs or alligators or enemies of all kinds!

PEGGY. The treasure may be buried beneath hundreds of dead men's bones!

TITTY. Or the pirates might have set traps and snares! We may all lose our lives finding it!

SUSAN. Do be quiet, Titty. You're making it worse.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Anything, anyone?

PEGGY. A load of smelly old fish bones.

ROGER. Victims of the harpy!

JOHN. I don't think there's anything here.

NANCY. Wait a minute – what's this?

They rush to where she's standing by the water. She holds up a scarf
–
rather wet and muddy
.

TITTY. It's one of theirs! The pirates were wearing those! This must be where they came ashore. I must have been moored just over there.

JOHN. You were, come to think of it.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Excellent. An excellent clue.

TITTY. So they pulled the chest this way, across this shingle and then… and then…

PEGGY. Did they dig a hole?

TITTY. I didn't hear much digging.

SUSAN. So where is it, then?

PEGGY. Look! Tracks!

They rush to her
.

JOHN. They are!

PEGGY. Something was dragged this way.

NANCY. Something heavy.

ROGER. Follow them!

They do so
.

PEGGY. This is where they stop.

TITTY. Nothing. I don't understand.

SUSAN. Wait a minute, what's this?

She picks up a torn piece of paper
.

ALL. What does it say? What does it say?

SUSAN. ‘Aca… pul…' Half of it's missing…

NANCY. ‘Acapul'… It doesn't mean anything.

JOHN. Acapul… co! Acapulco!

CAPTAIN FLINT. Acapulco! It's one of the labels from my trunk! Now we're really onto something!

PEGGY. It must be buried.

ROGER. Perhaps they put a big X over the spot! All look for an X!

NANCY. But if Titty didn't hear much digging…

CAPTAIN FLINT. Nowhere obvious to hide it.

JOHN. Unless… What happens when a big tree falls down?

TITTY. It leaves a big hole! The tree! The tree!

They all rush to the dead tree. Behind it, its roots sprawl up into the air, leaving a big hole at the base
.

JOHN. Lift all the stones away!

They do so. Suddenly the trunk can be seen
.

TITTY. It's here!

ROGER. We've found it!

CAPTAIN FLINT. That's it all right! My cabin trunk! I say!

SUSAN. I don't believe it.

NANCY. Hurrah!

ALL. Hurrah! Hurrah!

PEGGY. All help get it out.

They pull it out of the hole. It is a large trunk covered in labels from all
CAPTAIN FLINT
's travels around the world
.

ROGER. It's got a huge padlock.

CAPTAIN FLINT
takes a key from his pocket and opens it. He lifts out his precious manuscript
.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Good as new.

JOHN. So you weren't dreaming, Titty. I'm sorry.

SUSAN. So am I. Really sorry. I should have believed you.

TITTY. Apologies accepted.

ROGER. Not very interesting treasure.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Oh, there's treasure and treasure. Able Seaman, all of you, I can never thank you enough. And this changes everything. The crime is solved. And you, who were once the suspects, are the heroes of the hour.

ROGER. Will the policeman take the sign down?

FLINT. Oh, yes, Ship's Boy, I'm sure he will.

PEGGY. And can we attack your boat now?

FLINT. Attack my boat? I tell you what, tomorrow will see the greatest sea-battle of all time. The Battle of Houseboat Bay!

ALL. Hurrah!

NANCY. You do mean a real battle? You will defend yourself to the death?

FLINT. I most certainly shall. I shall be ready to repel boarders and sink both your ships. The scuppers will be red with blood.

ROGER. Crikey.

FLINT. Shall we say, three o'clock?

JOHN. Three o'clock it is.

PEGGY. I hope you've got a good plank.

FLINT. Now, can I borrow the
Amazon
, Captain Nancy, to get this back to my ship?

SUSAN. But what are you going to do about the real thieves?

NANCY. They should be hanged on Execution Dock!

ROGER. Hanged and drawn and quartered!

FLINT. Do you know… I'm not going to do anything at all. I only wanted my book back, and now, thanks to you, I have it. If the policeman tracks down the culprits, I'm sure he'll have a quiet word with them.

JOHN. They'll be disappointed enough when they come back and find the treasure gone.

TITTY. Let's leave them a note!

FLINT. Good idea.

JOHN. Yes. Who has paper and pen?

ALL. Not me. No.

JOHN. Then we'll carve it – on this.

JOHN
picks up a flat piece of driftwood, and takes out his penknife
.

NANCY. It' ll have to be short, then.

SUSAN. What about ‘Ha, ha'? That's bound to annoy them.

PEGGY
and
NANCY
smirk
.

FLINT. Very good, Mister Mate. I think that's it.

JOHN
starts to carve it out
.

ROGER. And… and then we could put… we could put… ‘You are very nasty, bad pirates…'

Unseen by
ROGER,
a cormorant is coming up behind him
.

SUSAN. Roger…

ROGER. And we, the Swallows and Amazons, are the terror of these seas, and…

TITTY. Roger…

ROGER. And when we find out who you are we will come to you in the black of night and…

The cormorant nudges him with his beak
.

And…

He turns. The cormorant screeches
.

Ah!

ROGER
runs. The cormorant chases him. The others laugh
.

Help! Get away from me! Get away from me!

SUSAN. Roger, calm down.

ROGER. Help!

He runs into the sea. The cormorant comes after him
. ROGER
starts to swim. The cormorant loses interest
.

JOHN. Roger? You're swimming!

ROGER. I am? I am!

He is so excited, he forgets to swim for a second, and starts to sink, but then immediately rights himself
.

Hurrah!

ALL. Hurrah! Well done, Roger!

Scene Seven

The following afternoon. The Battle of Houseboat Bay
.

CAPTAIN FLINT
is standing on the deck of his houseboat. He is wearing a sun helmet, and has a red handkerchief tied around his middle. His parrot is on his shoulder
.

The houseboat is flying a green flag with a picture of a large walrus on it
.

CAPTAIN FLINT
scans the surrounding waters
.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Come on – show yourselves! I know you're out there! Come on, you pestilent sea dogs, come and do your worst! If you had the pluck of a weevil in a biscuit you'd show yourselves!

Suddenly, the
Swallow
and the
Amazon,
with their crews aboard, emerge from the haze, singing. They advance on the houseboat
.

Aha! That's more like it! Prepare to swim with the fishes! Them that die'll be the lucky ones!

The boats draw near
. ROGER
suddenly blows a loud whistle repeatedly, and the attack begins
.

ALL. Hurrah! War! Attack!

They begin to hurl their arrows at the houseboat
.

FLINT. Ha! I have an answer for that!

He immediately fires his cannon at them
.

Take that, you swabs!

TITTY. And you take that, you old codfish!

TITTY
and
SUSAN
begin to hurl pine cones at
CAPTAIN FLINT.
Most of them fall short, but a few reach him, and he pretends to be caught in their explosions
.

FLINT. Ah! Ah!

ROGER
throws twigs
.

ROGER. And that! And that!

JOHN. Slacken away your mainsheet, Amazon! Come alongside!

NANCY. Aye, aye.

CAPTAIN FLINT. I'm still standing! I've got you now!

ROGER. He's going for the cannon again!

PEGGY
throws firecrackers
.

PEGGY. See how you like these!

CAPTAIN FLINT. Ah! Ah! Dastardly! Devilish!

JOHN. Prepare to board!

NANCY. Aye, aye!

The boats are now alongside
.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Marauders, Polly! Prepare to repel! Prepare to repel!

POLLY. Pretty Polly!

JOHN. Cutlasses at the ready! Attack!

The
SWALLOWS
and
AMAZONS
pour onto the houseboat
. CAPTAIN FLINT
grabs two cushions and begins to whirl them round his head –

CAPTAIN FLINT. Ah… h!

They charge at him, and he bashes them over the head
. PEGGY
spots his stockpile of cushions
.

PEGGY. Here! Here!

She throws them out and they all attack back
.

NANCY. At him, all hands!

TITTY. Take that and that and that!

CAPTAIN FLINT
is disarmed
.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Ah! Ah! Ah!

JOHN. Get his legs!

CAPTAIN FLINT. Ah! Oomph!

He is brought crashing to the deck
.

ALL. Hurrah! Got him!

CAPTAIN FLINT. Help, Polly, help! Reinforcements required! Peck their eyes out! Feed them to the piranhas!

TITTY. Here, Polly, you come to me…

She holds out her arm. Polly comes willingly and squawks
.

POLLY. Pretty Polly!

The others cheer
.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Treacherous bird!

NANCY. Yield!

CAPTAIN FLINT. Never!

NANCY. Yield!

CAPTAIN FLINT. Not while my flag still flies! Walruses! Walruses for ever!

PEGGY
and
ROGER
run off and take down the green flag
.

SUSAN. Your flag is struck – we've won!

CAPTAIN FLINT
sits up and sees that the flag is gone
.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Why, so it is.

He lies down again
.

JOHN. Surrender!

CAPTAIN FLINT. I surrender. I surrender.

NANCY. Bind the prisoner!

PEGGY. Bind him! Bind him!

They set about binding his arms behind his back
.

At this moment, a rowing boat appears
. MOTHER
and Fat Vicky are aboard, and
MR JACKSON
is rowing
.

SUSAN. It's Mother!

TITTY. You mean, Queen Isabella! Oh, look!

MOTHER
is wearing a flowing veil and coronet of flowers
. MR JACKSON
has been forced to wear a tea cosy on his head, by way of an Elizabethan hat
.

They all look
.

NANCY. Thunder and lightning!