Swallows and Amazons (9 page)

He goes back to his boat and gets in
.

POLICEMAN. And that applies to all the islands on this lake.

He rows away. The
SWALLOWS
stand in silence
. ROGER
's lip starts to tremble
.

SUSAN. Don't cry, Roger.

ROGER. Will we have to go to prison?

TITTY. No, we will not! It's all a lot of nonsense. We haven't done anything wrong.

SUSAN. Unless… John, you don't think we could have damaged that landing stage when we bumped into it?

JOHN. I don't… I don't think so. We would have noticed this morning, wouldn't we?

SUSAN. We did rather crash into it. But theft… Think, everyone: has anyone taken anything at all that didn't belong to them?

JOHN
and
TITTY. No.

ROGER. I don't think I have. I'm very sorry if I have.

TITTY. Of course he hasn't.

JOHN. It's all right, Roger.

TITTY. You know, when I was on the lake last night, I did have the strangest dream…

SUSAN. Oh, don't start with your dreams now, Titty.

TITTY. But in this dream, at least I think it was a dream, there were two pirates…

SUSAN. For goodness' sake, Titty. We don't want to listen to any of your ridiculous stories. We're in trouble. Proper, serious trouble.

TITTY. But…

SUSAN. Just be quiet!

Pause
.

What shall we do, John?

JOHN. I think we had better start packing up the camp.

ROGER. No! I don't want to go!

JOHN. We don't have any choice. It's over. Let's pack up and then go and face Mother.

Sadly, they begin to pack
.

Song – ‘Swallow's Packing Up'

SWALLOWS.

A big tin box of books and writing paper – a small aneroid barometer,

And other things that need to be kept dry – like nightclothes,

I won it as a prize at school – three biscuit tins with bread and tea and sugar,

No more bread, just a couple of eggs – separately wrapped for fear of smashes,

A frying pan, a saucepan and a kettle – mugs and plates and spoons and forks and knives,

Two groundsheets with tents wrapped up inside – half a seed cake,

A long coil of stout grass rope – two sacks stuffed with blankets and rugs,

A tin of corned beef, tins of sardines – I think we've got all that we need.

Suddenly they hear the
AMAZONS
approaching from the direction of the harbour. Reprise of
AMAZONS
chanting
.

NANCY (
speaking
). Ahoy there! We bring blood-curdling news.

PEGGY. Thunderous news!

NANCY. Timber-shivering news… But what's happening?

SUSAN. We have to leave.

ROGER. Something terrible's happened.

NANCY. What are you talking about?

PEGGY. Has someone got the plague? Or yellow fever?

TITTY. Worse than that.

JOHN. We've been accused of theft.

NANCY. Theft?

ROGER. A policeman came. We've got to go to the police station.

SUSAN. He's gone to talk to our mother.

TITTY. And look…

PEGGY. ‘No Children'? But…

TITTY. It's the end of everything.

SUSAN. Apparently there was a crime committed on the lake last night and…

PEGGY. We know. That's what we were going to tell you.

NANCY. It's Captain Flint's houseboat. It was broken in to!

JOHN. The houseboat!

NANCY. He was away but he got called home first thing this morning.

PEGGY. The motorman passed by and saw the cabin door banging about and a terrific mess on deck.

NANCY. And something precious has been taken.

JOHN. Captain Flint! So, that's who's accusing us!

TITTY. We should have guessed.

ROGER. I hate Captain Flint! I hate him!

JOHN. We had nothing to do with it. I swear.

NANCY. Gaskets and bowlines – we know that!

SUSAN. John, if it was the houseboat that was broken in to…?

JOHN. The message! Of course!

NANCY. What message?

SUSAN. We went to see the charcoal burners…

JOHN. And they asked us to give a message to you to give to Captain Flint.

SUSAN. They said they had heard some rumours, and that someone might try to break into his houseboat.

NANCY. Thunder and lightning!

JOHN. I couldn't deliver the message because… well, I just couldn't.

SUSAN. And we haven't had the chance to tell you until now.

JOHN. If only I'd managed to give him the message. If only.

NANCY. Well, that's jolly decent of you – I should say it serves him right that his boat's been burgled, seeing as how he's accused you of being thieves.

ROGER. And we might have to go to prison.

SUSAN. We won't, Roger.

PEGGY. First he becomes a misery-guts and ignores us all summer, then he turns into the nastiest, scurviest barbarian there ever was!

NANCY. But why does Captain Flint think it's you? That's what I don't understand. What, in the name of Davy Jones, has made him think that you'd go near his boat?

TITTY. It's because…

JOHN. Don't, Titty.

SUSAN. No, tell them, John. I think you should.

NANCY. Tell us what?

PEGGY. Tell us what?

JOHN. It was the firework – at least, that's how it started.

SUSAN. He thought it was us who set off the firework on his boat.

JOHN. He saw us sailing past not long afterwards.

SUSAN. He was very angry.

ROGER. He shook his fist like this… (
Demonstrates
.) Horrible.

PEGGY. Oh, no!

SUSAN. He came here while we were out and left a note.

ROGER. A nasty note.

JOHN. And then when I rowed out to his boat to give him the message, he… well, he just wouldn't listen.

TITTY. It was worse than that. He shouted at John and called him a liar.

PEGGY. What?!

They all look at
NANCY.
She has gone very red and livid, and is breathing very hard
.

NANCY. Right. Right. Peggy?

PEGGY. Yes, Cap'n!

NANCY. You know what this means.

PEGGY. Yes, Cap'n! And I'm right behind you.

NANCY. Commodore John, I need pencil and paper. Immediately.

ROGER. I'll go!

He runs off and gets some
.

NANCY. And a piece of your charcoal, Mister Mate.

SUSAN. Charcoal? Aye, aye!

She goes to the fire and fetches a piece
. ROGER
returns and hands the paper and pencil to
NANCY. NANCY
sits and begins to write
.

TITTY (
to
PEGGY). What is she doing?

Song – ‘The Black Spot'

PEGGY.

The black spot is what you get,

When a pirate is upset,

A decision you'll live to regret,

Though not for too long.

The black spot awaits all those,

Double-crossing slimy toads,

Who have contravened the pirate code

(Done their crew wrong).

NANCY
puts the mark of the black spot onto the letter. Everyone gasps
.

Let the black spot be attached,

To an arrow and dispatched,

Through the porthole of the entry hatch,

Of his galleon.

NANCY.

Wish me luck and wave goodbye,

No, First Mate, just me this time,

Sometimes sorrows come in single spies,

Not battalions.

She heads off to the harbour. They all follow
.

PEGGY.

When the black spot he is shown,

He will gasp and he will groan,

He will scre-ee-ee-ee-eam and go

All to pieces.

And there's much, much worse in store,

For the uncle who ignored,

His two swee-ee-ee-ee-eet adorable nieces

(You and me, sis…)

NANCY
rows off in
Amazon.

They run to the lookout point
.

When you're by the black spot cursed,

Your blood boils and your veins burst,

You will drink and drink and drink,

And still your thirst is unquenchable.

You get pustules on your face,

On your legs, arms, chest and waist,

You will itch and itch and itch,

In places unmentionable.

You're afflicted with the pox,

Bits of you keep falling off,

And you get a very nasty cough,

Which is never nice.

You get nosebleeds that won't stop,

All your extremities rot,

Anybody who receives the spot

Pays a heavy price.

The
SWALLOWS
join in and get more and more carried away. Only
JOHN
remembers that they're supposed to be watching
NANCY.
He looks out towards the houseboat, and his eyes grow wide
.

JOHN (
speaking
). Look, everyone… Everyone!

Everyone stops, except
SUSAN.

PEGGY. She's done it! She's coming back!

JOHN. Susan!

SUSAN
stops singing
.

PEGGY. But so is he.

ALL. What?

TITTY. He's coming after her. Captain Flint is coming after her.

JOHN
takes up the telescope
.

ROGER. He's not really coming, is he, Susan? Is it a joke?

JOHN. He is coming. He's in a boat and he's rowing like a steam engine.

ROGER. Oh, no! Oh, no! I don't want him to come.

SUSAN. It's all right, Roger. Calm down.

TITTY. There's nothing he can do to us.

PEGGY. Except toast us and eat us alive.

ROGER. Oh, no.

SUSAN. Don't say things like that, please.

PEGGY. Go to it, Nancy! Come on!

ALL. Go to it! Go on, Nancy!

PEGGY. Keep it up, Nancy!

TITTY. Swallows and Amazons for ever!

ALL. And death to Captain Flint!

They run to the landing place, as
NANCY
arrives, very much out of breath
.

NANCY. We're in for it now, lads!

ROGER. Don't let him land! Don't let him land!

CAPTAIN FLINT
arrives and tries to ground his boat beside
Amazon,
but the
AMAZONS
push it off again. He tries again, but they won't let him land
. ROGER
hides behind
SUSAN.

NANCY. Off with you! Go on!

PEGGY. We don't want you here!

TITTY. Go away! You're not allowed on our island!

SUSAN. Titty…

PEGGY. You've had the black spot.

TITTY. You're an enemy!

FLINT (
singing
).

Parley, parley, maybe we can talk this through…

NANCY (
speaking
). The parley rule doesn't work when you've had the black spot.

PEGGY. You're a pox-ridden outcast and you're doomed for ever.

JOHN. We don't like talking to bullies.

CAPTAIN FLINT
appeals to
JOHN.

Song – ‘The Parley
–
Flint's Apology'

CAPTAIN FLINT.

Young man, please listen to me,

I've got something I must say,

I've treated you so poorly,

Please don't treat me the same way,

Do you think that you could forgive,

A very foolish man?

I questioned your integrity,

Ignored all that you said to me,

I'm sorry, and I beg to be forgiven,

Please, shake hands?

JOHN (
speaking
). Parley then. My name is John Walker, Master of the ship
Swallow
. Who are you?

CAPTAIN FLINT. My name is James… But, I say, why, in your black spot, did you call me ‘Captain Flint'?

PEGGY. Because Titty said you were a retired pirate.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Why, so I am.

NANCY. This is Able Seaman Titty.

CAPTAIN FLINT. So it was you who knew the dark secret of my pirate past? How clever of you.

TITTY. I saw your parrot.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Ah. I am Captain Flint.

NANCY. And this is the Mate of the
Swallow
and her name is Susan.

CAPTAIN FLINT. How do you do, Mister Mate?

NANCY. And this is Roger, their Ship's Boy.

ROGER. How do you do?

CAPTAIN FLINT. I've been a ship's boy myself. It's a hard life.

ROGER. You can say that again.

PEGGY. What was stolen from the boat, Uncle Jim? I mean, Captain Flint?

CAPTAIN FLINT. My book. That's what. My book which I've been slaving over all summer. And missing out on all the fun for. And, do you know, if they'd taken anything else, I wouldn't have minded at all.

NANCY. Well, now it's gone, so you can make up for lost time. I say we have a war.

ROGER. Yes!

SUSAN. But we can't.

PEGGY. Why not?

CAPTAIN FLINT. I'm afraid the Mate's right. I'm afraid even a skirmish is out of the question until we've got ourselves out of this fix. Now, you say in this shockingly terrifying note here, that the charcoal burners tried to warn me.

JOHN. Yes. They had heard some talk in the village.

ROGER. Barbarian talk.

CAPTAIN FLINT. I see. Then the first thing I must do is find that policeman and tell him to go and speak to them. And then I must take him with me to see your mother and tell her how very wrong I've been about you.

SUSAN. Thank you. That would be such a help.

JOHN. It would be a start.

ROGER. And then will the policeman take his sign down?

CAPTAIN FLINT. I hope so, Ship's Boy, but I can't be sure. He can be quiet a curmudgeonly old so-and-so when he wants to be.

NANCY. Like you.

CAPTAIN FLINT. Yes. I really am most awfully sorry.

CAPTAIN FLINT
holds out his hand to
JOHN,
who shakes it
.

JOHN. Apology accepted.

TITTY. You're a dirty turncoat, Captain John.

SUSAN. Titty!

ALL (
singing
).

Parley, parley, surely we can talk this through,