Swans Landing #1 - Surfacing (17 page)

A memory of the night before flashed through my mind, that moment when he had pulled me back to him and kissed me. My neck grew hot inside the brown scarf wrapped around it and a tingling sensation passed over my lips.

Elizabeth spotted me right after Josh did. Her expression turned hostile as she looked me over. “Well, well, well,” she said slowly. “The new girl is all by herself today. None of her little friends around to keep her company.”

My hands clenched around the edges of the book in my lap as I stared back at them. Looking at Josh made me feel like I was tumbling headfirst down a dark hole, so I kept my gaze locked on Elizabeth, who looked back at me with open hostility.

“Where’s your bodyguard?” she asked, stepping toward me.

I didn’t answer, but my entire body had tensed, ready to pounce if needed. The look in Elizabeth’s eyes was frightening.

“Is he a little preoccupied today?” Elizabeth asked. “Not available to help keep little old me away from you?”

My gaze slid to Josh for a moment, waiting for him to step in and say something. But he had half-turned away and looked at the floor, his hands buried deep in his pockets. As if it weren’t really happening if he didn’t see it.

“I don’t get why this school tries to protect your kind,” Elizabeth said, her voice lowering into a menacing growl. “We all know what you did. You freaks shouldn’t be allowed to walk around this island.”

My head spun, trying to make sense of anything she was saying. I’d done a lot of things since coming to Swans Landing, but she was the one who had attacked me with her Diet Coke.

“Don’t have anything to say in your own defense then?” Elizabeth asked, sneering as she stepped closer to my corner. “You usually have a lot to say. Or are you only brave when you’re with your little friends?”

Something inside my stomach clenched, but I stood and met Elizabeth’s gaze. “I don’t need anyone else to defend me,” I told her. “I don’t know what your problem is, but you can back off and leave me alone.”

Elizabeth let out a short bark of a laugh and she looked over her shoulder at Josh. “Did you hear that? She doesn’t know what our problem is.” She stepped forward again, moving close enough to let me see how dark and shadowy her green eyes had become. “I know you’re not as naive as you want everyone to think. You know exactly what the problem is and eventually, one of you will pay for it.”

The grin that curled at the corners of her lips no longer looked annoyed, but very, very dangerous. Whatever it was that could fuel such a reaction, it seemed to be a secret that everyone else on this island was in on except me. From the way people looked at me to the woman screaming on our front lawn, something was going on and it was stepping beyond harmless misunderstanding into a fight for my life.

“Your mama should have listened to her gut and ran away long before she got mixed up with Lake Westray,” Elizabeth said. “The only thing people like him do for you is get you killed.” She smirked. “Guess your mama learned that lesson in the end, huh?”

I didn’t stop to think about what I was doing. My thoughts had filled with the need to make Elizabeth shut up and to work out some frustration at Josh for standing by while all of this happened.

It wasn’t until I heard the satisfying thud of my fist making contact with Elizabeth’s lip that I realized what I’d done.

Chapter Nineteen

Lake arrived looking as if he hadn’t slept in a week. His skin sagged, making him look older. He wore the same clothes he had left the house in last night and he brought the strong scent of saltwater into the room with him.

“Fighting?” Lake asked, letting out a long sigh.

I stared back, not responding, as the school counselor’s door opened and Mr. Richter stepped out. “Mr. Westray, Mara, please come in,” he said, opening the door wider for us.

I followed Lake inside and collapsed into one of the hard chairs in Mr. Richter’s office. Lake sat stiffly next to me, his hands gripping the armrests.

“So,” Mr. Richter said as he shuffled through a folder on his desk, “Mara was caught fighting with Elizabeth Connors during lunch.”

“I’m sorry,” Lake said. “I’m sure this isn’t like her.” He shot me a look like he was waiting for me to agree.

I crossed my arms and didn’t say anything.

“Unfortunately, this isn’t an incident that we can overlook,” Mr. Richter said. He pressed his fingers together into a steeple below his chin. “Fighting is a serious offense here and it means suspension.”

I had missed a lot of school in the past year, but never because I’d been suspended. My stomach twisted as I absorbed Mr. Richter’s words. Maybe I’d never been the best student, but I did want to make it through high school in one piece, with a diploma, if for no other reason than that I could escape this island and go to college far, far away afterward.

“How long?” Lake asked.

“One day,” Mr. Richter said. “But I have to warn you, Mara, that anymore fighting incidences will result in a much longer suspension or possibly even expulsion.”

Lake visibly stiffened next to me, as if he were holding back an explosion of words.

“Don’t I get the chance to defend myself?” I asked. “I was minding my own business when Elizabeth found me.”

“From the looks of things, Elizabeth is the one with the bloody lip,” Mr. Richter pointed out. “I don’t think she did that to herself.”

“Maybe she was asking for it,” I told him.

“That may be,” Mr. Richter said, and I detected the hint of a smile curling at the corners of his lips briefly before it disappeared, “but you cannot punch another student in school. I know things have been extremely difficult for you, but there are rules that we all have to abide by. You may not get along with some people, but you can’t use violence to solve your problems.”

Not getting enough sleep the night before had caught up to me and Mr. Richter’s soft, monotone voice put me in danger of drifting off. “Fine,” I said, letting out an exhausted sigh. “Next time I’ll make sure we’re not on school property when I give Elizabeth a fat lip.”

Lake glared, warning me with his eyes that this was not a joking matter. Why he was even here in the first place was a mystery. Was he trying to pretend he was actually a father?

“I think,” Mr. Richter said, turning toward Lake, “that Mara could benefit from some counseling sessions, to talk through any anger she may have about recent events in her life. I already counsel a few other students and I would be more than happy to schedule Mara in as well.”

“I don’t need counseling,” I said.

“I think that would be a great idea,” Lake told Mr. Richter, ignoring me.

Mr. Richter picked up his cell phone and pressed a few buttons. “I have Wednesdays free, right after the last period. Mara, you’ll be out of school tomorrow for your suspension and then we can talk when you come back the next day. How does that sound?”

“I don’t need to talk about anything,” I said, enunciating the words slowly and clearly so they had no excuse for not hearing me.

“Obviously you do,” Lake snapped. “Or else you wouldn’t have punched someone.”

“Self defense,” I said.

“Did she hit you first?” Lake asked.

“No, but I was defending my right to have peace and quiet.”

Lake’s gaze flitted to the ceiling and he breathed deep for a moment. Then he looked back at Mr. Richter. “Wednesday afternoons are fine. Mara will be there as soon as she’s dismissed from her class. I’ll make sure of it.”

Lake stood to shake hands with Mr. Richter. “Thank you, Mr. Westray,” the guidance counselor said. “You may take her home now. I’ll see you on Wednesday, Mara.”

Lake steered me out of the office and then out the front doors of the school, his fingers digging into my elbow. He didn’t say a word as he led me to the Jeep and we climbed in, him slamming the door hard.

“
You’ll
make sure of it?” I asked. “How exactly do you plan to make sure I’m at counseling? Follow me around every minute of the day?”

Lake scrubbed at the dark stubble along his chin. “If that’s what it takes.”

I laughed. “You’ve barely spent more than five minutes with me since I got here.”

The Jeep roared to life and Lake gripped the steering wheel tight, but he didn’t put the car into drive. “I think counseling will be good for you.”

“I think you’re insane.”

“Just go, Mara.”

I watched a seagull swoop low over the school before flying off into the distance. My exhaustion had given away to jittery energy. My body craved saltwater so badly that my mouth watered for it. Even through the closed doors of the Jeep, I could hear the crash of the ocean waves on the shore beyond the homes and trees. “I don’t need counseling. What I need is for my father and everyone else on this island to stop hiding things from me. Why does Elizabeth talk about
my kind
as if I’m not even a person?”

Lake pressed his lips together, twisting his necklace into a knot. The lines on his face formed a winding map of wrinkles and age. I had no idea who this person sitting next to me was, and my time on the island hadn’t made anything any clearer.

My pulse pounded in my ears and a hot flush crept up my neck. My eyes stung, threatening to spill tears down my cheeks. “You want to know why I’m so angry? It’s because you sit there, like you’re doing right now, and you don’t say one single word when I ask you a direct question. You run away, just like Mom did, and you pretend that nothing is wrong. I’m not going to hide and I’m not going to let this go until you tell me what is going on around here.”

Lake bowed his head, leaning forward to rest his forehead on the steering wheel. “These aren’t easy answers, Mara.”

“Then give me
one
answer,” I said, swallowing hard. “Did you make Mom leave? Did you tell her to go?”

Lake was quiet for a long time. Inside the school, a bell rang and then voices filled the hall. Students walked past the windows. It was time for fifth period. I should have been on my way to history. Instead, I sat in Lake’s rusty Jeep in the parking lot, trying to figure out my own history.

“Yes,” Lake finally said, in a voice barely above a whisper. “I told her to go.”

So that was it then. The reason Lake never came after us was because he didn’t want us around. He had forced Mom to go and he hadn’t cared.

My seat belt snapped back into place, slapping the side of the car.

“Mara,” Lake said as I jumped out of the Jeep.

I slammed the door behind me and started walking toward the street, swinging my backpack over my shoulder. The driver’s door creaked open and then the crunch of Lake’s shoes on the sandy parking lot followed.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Away from you,” I said through clenched teeth.

“Get in the car. We’re going home.”

“No. If you had wanted me, you wouldn’t have told Mom to leave with me.”

“Mara, you don’t understand,” Lake called.

I walked faster. Lake wouldn’t come after me. He never had before.

I didn’t know where I was going, only that I wanted to get away as quickly as possible. I crossed my arms tight across my chest, kept my head down, and walked. It was impossible to see through the veil of tears in my eyes anyway. A few cars drove by, one beeping its horn because I stepped out into the road a little too far.

Eventually, my feet crested over the sand dunes and the roaring ocean stretched out in front of me. The wind whipped my hair, slapping it against my cheeks. I scrubbed at my eyes, erasing the tears that still brimmed along my eyelashes.

Why did I let things Lake said hurt me so much? It was obvious long before now that he never wanted me. I’d known it my whole life. Mom had never actually said that Lake didn’t want to be a father, but it wasn’t hard to figure out.

The beach was quiet and empty. I could pretend there was no one else in the entire world for thousands of miles. If I focused on the water and turned my head just right, I could almost swear it called my name, urging me to walk in until I was completely immersed.

I took a few tentative steps forward, closer to the water but still far enough away that I wasn’t in danger of getting wet. The call grew stronger and I wanted to drink large mouthfuls of the saltwater, inhaling it deep into my lungs.

My body was a live electric wire, buzzing with energy that needed to be released. A few steps more and the water lapped at the toes of my brown boots. I looked down, watching the foaming water puddle around me.

What would it be like to dive into that frigid water and never come back?

The thought took me by surprise, but it felt natural. My body needed the water and it called out for me. A look around the beach confirmed that I was alone, so I pulled off my shoes and socks. My jacket landed on the wet sand behind me.

The call of the ocean was strong. I could feel it even more now that my boots weren’t there to keep the water from touching my skin up to my ankles. I stood shivering in the cold wind for a long time, thinking of everything I had lost when Mom died. My best friend. The only parent I had ever known.