Sweet Little Lies (20 page)

I
waited until I could not put it off anymore. It had been almost two weeks since the “drama.” I had to go to Steven’s apartment and get my stuff. I wouldn’t have minded leaving the clothes and shoes there, but my mini laptop was there and I had notes I needed to give Carey.

I had taken a leave of absence from Valiant and, in fact, from the world. Steven’s face was everywhere. I was all cried out and sick of it. I was just done with the whole thing. I was holed up in my house with the phone and the television off. I quit checking e-mail and I only answered the door to close friends and family.

Since the story broke, Steven’s entire life was open for scrutiny. Seemed he hadn’t shared the full extent of his street life in Chicago. He had run with some really unsavory characters back in the day. Does a leopard change his spots? I didn’t think so.

Clarke was working with him to clear his name and told me (on a daily basis) that there was more to this than met the
eye, and I was making a huge mistake. As a matter of fact, everyone seemed to be taking Steven’s side on this thing. My own mother called to tell me I was being a damn fool. Was I wrong? Maybe so, maybe not. I had decided it was easier to just be alone.

On the upside, if you could call it that, I was a hero at the office. The VNN ratings had never been higher. Snippets of my series and the panel-to-end-all-panels were on every major news outlet. There was talk of a Peabody Award nomination in my future.

Did I want an award for exposing my lover as a fraud and grand larcenist? I thought not. But again, the Js had never been happier.

I let myself into the apartment quietly, though I didn’t expect anybody to be home. Steven had a two-hour class on Mondays plus office hours, so I felt sure I could get in and get out without seeing him. We hadn’t spoken a single word to each other since that night. I was looking to keep it that way. Really, what was left to be said?

The apartment was pretty dark, but when I looked over, I saw my red crocodile suitcase sitting by the bar. Lifting it up, I set it on a stool and unzipped it. Everything I had ever left here was in the bag, including clothes, toiletries, some snacks, and a book I had been reading. Even though I had come to get my stuff, I was more than a little insulted that he had packed it all up for me. Like he was the wronged party here? It was as if he was erasing my very existence from his space, his life.

Tucked in the front zipper was my notebook and charger. Behind that was a framed 10″ × 12″ picture of me and Steven from his birthday. We were kissing beside the “I love you” train cake.

“Well, we know that was a damn lie,” his voice said from the shadows.

I jumped and almost dropped the picture.

He was sitting on the edge of the bed at the far end of the loft, which was usually cordoned off with a floor-to-ceiling room separator.

“Steven, what are you doing here?”

“Happy freakin’Valentine’s Day to you, sweetheart.”

I had been so much in my own head these last few weeks, I didn’t even realize it was Valentine’s Day. It was maybe not the best choice of a day to come by and pick up the leftovers of our tumultuous relationship.“Sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“What difference does it make? It’s a day like any other.”

“Steven.” He sounded so harsh.“Let’s just be mature about this, shall we?”

“By all means.”

“So why are you home?” I asked again.

“I live here.”

“Yes, why are you home alone in the dark in the middle of the day?”

“I’m on a leave of absence.”

I hadn’t known that.“So am I.”

“Good for you. Hope you’re enjoying yours more than I’m enjoying mine.”

I sighed deeply.“I hope things work out for you, Steven. I really do.”

“I’m sure they will. I’m just a street hustler from Chicago, right? I always land on my feet.”

“Was it?” I asked.“Was it all just a hustle?”

“Funny you should ask. I’m wondering the exact same thing.”

“You’re wondering if I hustled
you?
” I was incredulous. He could not be serious.

“Yes, Christina, I am.”

“Me? For what possible gain?”

“Oh, I think you came out ahead on this one. From where I’m standing, you got a great story, a career boost, and an enthusiastic
bed buddy for a while. It’s all wins across the board for you, sweetheart. I got shafted.”

“So Grown Man Steven is back.”And nastier than ever.

“Whose fault is that?”

“There’s no winner or loser here, Steven. What would you have me do?”

He stood and marched forward. He was in a pair of navy sweatpants with a Columbia T-shirt. He looked tired and really angry. His eyes were almost forest green. He yanked the picture out of my hand.“What would
I
have
you
do? What would I have you
do?
I would have you honor this!” He pointed at the words on the cake. “I would have you believe in me, believe in us, stand
by me
. I would have you just once put me above those fears you can’t seem to let go of.” He threw the picture across the room and it shattered against the wall.

I cringed in the face of his anger; I’d never really seen him like this. He had been irritated with me before, but this was the first time he really seemed to have no positive feelings for me at all. Whatever he had felt for me seemed to be gone. It gave me pause, but at the heart of it I just didn’t believe him. In a small voice I said,“You lied to me.”

His entire body went visibly tense.“You have some damn nerve saying that to me. Out of every man you have ever lain under and pretended to care about, I am the
only
one to be up-front and true. I never lied to you. Not once. Not ever. In the entire time I’ve known you. Not even those sweet little lies you seem to like so much. I have always dealt straight with you. Can you say the same to me?”

That took me aback.“Wait—you think I set you up? For what?”What kind of conspiracy theory had he created to assuage his guilt and culpability?

“What else? For your career, the only thing you really love,” he said bitterly.

Curious, I probed deeper. “And I put this master plan in place when?”

He shrugged.“I have to wonder if you didn’t walk into my classroom last October with a plan.”

“Wow. So this is where we are.”

“Pretty much. This is where we are.”

“Do you ever think about that red-eye flight?”

“What about it?”

“Do you ever think what would have happened if I’d just watched my movie and you’d just read your book?” I thought about that all the time. All the what-ifs and should-haves and could-haves …they drove me crazy.

“What difference does it make now? Here we are. Unlike you, I don’t second-guess fate and destiny. I take life as it comes. Come what may.” He turned around and walked back toward the bed.“You can leave the key on the bar when you go.”

Guessing there was nothing left to be said, I zipped up the suitcase, took the key off the ring, and set it on the counter. Without looking back, I let myself out and walked away.

“I
am not feeling it, Jimmy,” I said as another group of tight-skirted girls teetered by in sky-high heels. Seemed like every ten minutes or so, a new set walked by with the same coy glances, giggles, and outfits. They all started looking the same to me. Jimmy and Rob talked me into coming out to a happy hour at whatever the latest hot bar in SoMa was. Hadn’t been to one of these in years, and I was quickly reminded why. I know the guys wanted to cheer me up and get me back in the game, but like I said … I wasn’t feeling it.

“I know, bro, but you’re going to sit out here and have a couple of drinks and pretend like there are more women in the world than Christina Brinsley, okay?”

I sighed. This was one more thing to be really pissed off at Christina for. Because of her nonbelieving behind, I was back on the market. Dammit. There comes a point where a man does not feel like dating. He thinks his dating days are behind him, and you know what? He’s happy about it. I didn’t want to play the games, ask the questions, learn all the little things you have to learn about someone new. I thought I was done with
all of that. If not forever, for a long, long time. I was extraordinarily pissed off to find myself in this situation.

“Professor Dub—are you listening?” Rob asked, waving a hand in front of my face.

“Yeah, I got it.”

I saw him and Jimmy exchange glances as the waitress dropped off a round of beers with an appetizer platter. I picked up a beer and took a sip.

“Enough is enough,” Jimmy said. “Please pick out one of these tasty treats eyeballing your pretty ass, have some rebound revenge sex, and let’s get on with living, shall we?”

“Seriously, Jimmy. I’m fine.What does my sex life have to do with you anyway?”

“Listen, son—if you’re not with Christina, you’ve cut off my access to the fancy and fine sisters in this fair city. I’m left to collect your castoffs from these types of places. So please, my brother, dial up that thousand-watt smile and make it rain.”

I had to laugh. Jimmy was perfectly capable of pulling women on his own, and he knew it.“Aren’t you seeing somebody?”

“Didn’t work out.”

I looked at Rob.“Aren’t you seeing someone from VNN?”

“It’s just a physical thing.”

“Yeah, that’s how they start,” I said with a sigh. I felt old all of a sudden.“Anyway, sorry to cut your supply line to the fine and fancy.”

“I’ll survive,” Jimmy said soberly.“Will you?”

Rob piped up, “Remember, we were there the first time you two went your separate ways. If we need to line up the tequila shots and the ladies of questionable virtue to get you through it, we will do it.”

“Ha!” I laughed shortly. “I’m not twenty-six anymore. Ladies and liquor aren’t the cure, but I appreciate the gesture.”

“Dr.Williams?” a young female voice said from behind me.
I swung around to see Sarah, one of my students—former students—standing there. She was in her little black dress with heels and more makeup than any one woman should wear.

“Hey, Sarah,” I said kindly. This right here was the reason I quit coming to places like this.

“Um, we really miss you in class. When will you be back?”

“I don’t know. Hopefully soon.”

“Can I buy you a drink?” she asked nervously.

Can a nineteen-year-old baby buy me a drink? Oh hell, no.“Thank you, Sarah, that really wouldn’t be appropriate.”

She turned bright red.“Oh, okay. Have a great night. Hope to see you back in class soon.”

As she walked away, I turned back to Jimmy and Rob. “Can we go now?”

“That was painful to watch,” Rob said.

“Tell me about it,” Jimmy added. “Listen, when are you going back to work? The university said they had no grounds to suspend you.”

“I know, but I’m working with Clarke and Collin. It looks like this whole thing was an inside-job setup.”

“Well, we knew that.” Rob put his hands up in an “of course” gesture.

I set my beer down with a thud and stared at it. That was the reaction I’d wanted from Christina. Unconditional, unwavering trust in me. Hadn’t quite turned out that way, now had it?

Jimmy clapped his hands together to get my attention. “Damn, son! What did he say?”

“Sorry, it’s nothing. Just a bad thought.” I shook it off.

“So who’s the inside guy—Lance?” Rob asked.

“Probably.Why do you say that?”

“Never liked him. He was always just a little too slick. You remember that girl both of you had a date with way back when?” Jimmy asked.

I frowned and thought about it.“Vaguely. I know she double booked us and we both left, but I don’t remember her name or what happened to her.”

“Well, your boy Lance went back a week later to have that date and a little something more. Then he went around campus telling everybody she chose him over you.”

“What? Why?”

“’Cause you’re the golden boy and he wanted some of that shine. Looks like he’s still trying to steal it,” Rob added.

“Why is this the first I’m hearing about this?” I was as-tounded. Was I just as blind as Christina when it came to people? She only saw the bad, I only saw the good? Had I been telling myself the same kind of lies I had accused her of hiding behind? The thought was sobering.

“It never seemed important. I thought you knew he was jock-riding, waiting for his opening for the number one spot. He wanted to be you, son.”

I shook my head.“I never saw it.”

“That, my friend, is because you suffer from nice-man-itis,” Jimmy teased.

“Damn, I thought I’d really grown. How did I misjudge people so close to me?”

“Don’t beat yourself up. You kept Lance around for his financial genius, and that he is. You wanted Christina because she’s an amazing, beautiful woman, and that she is. Both of them just have a few issues to work through. But there’s nothing you can do about either. Some folks just got to find their own way,” Rob said.

Jimmy shook his head. “Isn’t this fine table talk to attract the women? You two are killing my game.”

“Then my job here is done. Can we please get the hell outta here?” I asked.

Rob signaled for the bill.“We’ll back off for now, but you need to either get your girl back or get back out there.You’re a testy brother when you’re by yourself.”

“Amen,” Jimmy agreed.

“Get my girl back? Are you crazy? You want me to take back a girl who believes I stole money, hustled for a living, and lied to everyone I know? Really?”

“She didn’t mean it,” Rob said.“She’s just confused.”

That was an understatement.

“C’mon, man, you know she loves you,” Jimmy said.

“Wel, she has a hellified way of showing it. That’s all I know!” I raised my voice a little at the end.

They exchanged glances again. Rob took some bills from his pocket and tossed them on the table. “Okay, brother, we can go.”

I was more than ready to leave.