Sweet Nothing (19 page)

“You want
pity
now? Is that it? Man the fuck up. Whether you see it or not, you have a life most have only dreamed of.”

He scoffed, shaking his head. I knew guys like him didn’t expect to struggle, but no matter where we came from, life was cruel. I knew that firsthand. Bad things happened to good people, and sometimes, God liked to shine his magnifying glass down on the biggest ant just to watch it squirm.

“Sometimes it’s hard to see the silver lining,” he said.

“You have a wife, children, a home, and a six-figure salary. What more could you possibly want?” I tried to keep from raising my voice. His jaw tightened, and I widened my shoulders at the silent exchange between us. “Avery is off the table.”

He smirked. “Is that a threat, Josh?”

“No. You won’t be a very good doctor if you have two broken hands.” I slapped the book against his chest. “That’s a threat.” I held his gaze for a moment longer before hurrying down his sidewalk and into my car. I needed to see Avery or I was going to lose my mind.

Just as I stepped out onto the sidewalk, a golden leaf drifted from the maple tree that stood in front of my building, and rested on my sneaker. I pulled my scrub jacket tighter around me, looking for Josh’s car. He’d just dropped me off from work, and then said he’d be right back, but he’d been gone for half an hour, and the sun was beginning to set.

Glowing Jack-O-Lanterns flickered on our stoop, and plastic ghosts hung from the trees lining our street. Night clouds were beginning to build in the west, making the breeze feel colder. Halloween was approaching, one of my favorite seasons, but fall felt wrong this year. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but even with the chill in the air and the spooky decorations, I felt time slipping away from me.

An older car slowed to a stop in front of me and honked. The lime green practically glowed against the thick black stripe down the side. The car looked angry, and strong, and bright enough that no one would accidentally run into me again.

Josh killed the motor and then jumped out, grinning from ear to ear. “She runs!” he said. He patted the black hood with the palm of his hand before jogging to where I stood on the sidewalk. He squeezed me to his side, staring at the beast of a car like a proud parent.

“It’s great,” I said.

He turned to me, his eyebrows pulling together. The adorable double lines between them made me a little giddy. We were at that phase where every little thing he did was magical, and for the most part, he could do no wrong, but now he was looking at me like I’d just eaten his last favorite cookie.

“Great? She’s yours, Avery. I’ve been working my ass off to get her ready for you.”

“Mine?” I said in disbelief.

“I do not appreciate your dubious tone,” he said, still frowning.

I reached up to smooth out the lines I loved. “You showed me an avocado-green beater. This is a shiny, um … what is it?”

“This, my adorably clueless lady, is a 1970 Dodge Challenger in Sublime Green. A nice step up from the baby-shit color of your last car that was left smeared on the highway, I may add. She just needs a name.”

“This is … this is too much.”

He placed his hands on my cheeks and kissed my forehead. “Sweetheart, for the bargain price of three ninety-nine and free labor your rather dashing, brilliant mechanic boyfriend gifted to you, this shiny Dodge fucking Challenger is yours.”

I turned toward the Challenger in disbelief. “Stop. This isn’t funny.”

“I told you that you’d have wheels by your birthday, didn’t I?”

“But … my birthday isn’t until next week,” I said, still lost in utter shock and awe. I’d been a little down about the approach of my mid-twenties, but Josh standing in front of me, giving me the best gift I’d ever been given, trumped the pang of turning twenty-five.

He placed a cold set of keys in my palm. My jaw unhinged, my mouth hung open.

“Oh my God,” I said, still staring. I blinked and then threw my arms around him. “Oh my God! I have a car?” I asked, leaning back to look him in the eyes. He nodded and I hugged him again. “I have a car! I’ll pay you back. Every penny.” I grabbed my penny necklace. “I love it! I
love
it!”

“You love the car? I’m getting kinda jealous,” he said, his sweet grin wrinkling his five o’clock shadow.

I looked into both of his eyes, one after the other, back and forth, just like the girls in the movies. I wasn’t sure which one I should tell the truth to. I wished I could look into both of them at the same time. “Don’t be jealous. I’ve loved you longer than the car.”

Josh laughed once, waiting for me to admit I was joking. The longer he didn’t respond, the more nervous I got.

He closed one eye, turning his head to hear me from one ear. “You love me?”

I cringed, not sure what the right answer would be. “Yes?”

He pulled in a deep breath and then let it all out at once with a laugh. He tightened his arms around me and he buried his face in the crook of my neck. His voice was muffled when he said, “I’m just going to hold you for a minute. This is, um … this is more new stuff for me.”

“No pressure. You don’t have to say it back,” I said.

His head popped up. “Say it
back
?”

“I mean …” I shook my head, feeling closer to vomiting every second. “You know what I mean.”

Josh kissed me once, and then again, a tiny, slow kiss that meant something. “I’ve been saying it this whole time, Avery. You just haven’t been listening.”

I looked up at him, unable to stop the ridiculous grin spreading across my face. It was so much easier to fall for someone without pretenses, without worrying about judgment or rejection.

“Want to take her for a spin?” he asked, holding a set of keys in front of my face.

I took them, noticing two keys on the chain. A bigger, silver one, and a smaller one, older and brass in color. “Is this little one the spare?”

Josh scratched the back of his head the way he did when he was nervous. “I, uh … thought you may want to let yourself in to my place whenever you want. I know Dax would love having you around more often, and a key ring with one key looked kind of stupid.”

“You’re giving me a key to your apartment?” I asked.

He shifted nervously. “Well … yeah.”

“Because your dog likes me and so my key ring doesn’t look stupid,” I deadpanned.

“No,” he said, holding his hands over mine. “Because I want you to have it. It feels … I dunno, like the next step. And that’s where I was hoping we were headed.”

“To the next step?”

He let go of me and shook his head. “Now
that
sounds stupid. This isn’t going the way I’d hoped.”

I held up the key ring, watching the sun reflect off the metal. “This is the best present anyone has ever given me.”

He beamed. “I’m glad you think so. I wasn’t sure I could pull it off at first, but I kept at it.” He stood tall. “There’s not much I can’t fix.”

I pulled Josh’s shirt into my fists. He was wearing his light-blue short-sleeved button-up dress blues with a white long-sleeved thermal underneath. I was aware of how strange it was that something as simple as a thermal shirt could turn me on, but I pulled him toward my building.

A mischievous grin crept across his face. “Baby … we’ve gotta meet Quinn and Deb in half an hour.”

“Yep,” I said, walking backward. I stepped up one stair, and then the next, continuing back until I reached the top of the stoop. I reached back, opening the door, but he held on to the doorjamb.

“Avery,” he said softly, but my name was cut off when I covered his mouth with mine.

I yanked him through the entrance and up the flight of stairs to the second floor. I had already unbuttoned his shirt and was pulling up his thermal when my back slammed against my door.

Josh smiled against my mouth, pulling my keys from my hand and reaching behind me to unlock the door. He lifted me up, and I hooked my ankles at his backside as he carried me across the threshold. With a slam, he kicked the door shut, and then we were on the floor, frantically tearing at each other’s clothes.

My skin burned as he yanked the denim down my legs, rough and careless. That is what I loved most about Josh: he didn’t hold back. Everything he felt was raw, and passion was no exception. I gripped my scrub top and, in one motion, slipped it over my head. Getting lost with him had become my favorite thing. Josh wasted no time shoving my tank top up my stomach and over my chest, palming my right breast in his cold hand. My fingers trembled, fumbling to find the button of his jeans. Once the small piece of metal was in my hand, I worked frantically to free him from the confines of the fabric.

He backed away, his hand covering mine.

“Slow down, baby.” He pressed his lips to my jaw, working his way down my neck. I groaned in frustration as he chuckled against my skin.

“What are you? A sadist?” I asked, only half teasing.

He looked up with an innocent smile, the dimple in his cheek deepening. He stretched his neck to place a soft kiss on the tip of my nose.

“Avery,” he whispered against my cheek, pulling on the drawstring of my scrub pants. “I want to do something with you I’ve never done.”

I swallowed, imagining painful, wicked things that weren’t at all comfortable. “Like what?”

He frowned, pushing up onto his hands to hover above me. “Do we really have to discuss it first?”

“Yes,” I said without hesitation. “I’m a little nervous. There’s not a lot you haven’t done.”

He looked away, brushing his chin against his shoulder. After a few moments of thought, he looked down at me. “I want to take my time. I want to look into your eyes and make love to you.”

“That’s sweet,” I said, sincere. I touched his face. “Can we try that later?”

He made a face, clearly unhappy.

I reached down into his jeans, cupping his warm skin in my palm.

He held his breath.

“I need you inside me. We can take our time later when my thighs aren’t screaming to be wrapped around you.”

“Avery,” he protested, his breathing labored.

I gripped his girth and gently squeezed. “Please.”

His lips curved up into a wicked grin before he lifted his weight from my body. His thick fingers curled around my hips as he gripped my flesh so tightly I knew I would find purple marks that would last for days. With one swift movement, he flipped me onto my stomach, my knees sturdy on the thick gray rug, my palms slapping flat on the wooden floor.

Just outside the frosted windows of my apartment, the leaves had long changed and covered the ground. Inside my apartment felt like the height of summer. Beads of sweat formed along my hairline, and a thin sheen of sweat formed between my palms and the floor.

I listened to the teeth of his zipper slowly open behind me before he slipped his fingertips under the edge of my panties, twisting and tugging until the fabric bit into my flesh and gave way, leaving me exposed to him. He grabbed my hips again and pulled me back until I was completely on the rug. With his other hand, he guided my torso lower, directing me to rest my cheek against the soft carpet.

His warm body covered mine, his lips grazing my back as his tip teased my entrance.

My fingers knotted in the fabric of the rug, bracing for him. I bit my lip hard, trying not to beg.