Sweet Obsession (37 page)

The kiss did not last long. Billal pulled back and just stared into my eyes. He knew. Billal was a very intelligent person. I wish I knew what he was thinking at this very moment. He looked very emotional as he stared at me, speechless. I sighed and looked away. I knew not how to comfort him. I was in dire need of someone comforting me at this time too. A miserable silence followed as Billal slipped out of my embrace.

“I am so sorry, Billal. Please, can you forgive me?” The bitterness of my own voice startled me.

Billal stared at me in silence for several long moments. Then he scrambled off the bed and glanced sideways. “Humor me and say it wasn’t Nidal who was on your mind when you were kissing me!”

I was tired, exhausted to be exact, to feel or say much of anything at this moment as I looked up drowsily at him through my eyelashes.

“Loula, I can’t play your game at this time,” he said with a hint of sarcasm in it. “This is not a time to be playing games. This is real stuff, and I am hurting here! You can’t play with people’s lives like that!” His voice held a dangerous softness as he looked at me with a piercing gaze.

I knew a high color flooded my cheeks. I was temporarily frozen from embarrassment at his words. I dropped my face on the pillow to cover myself from his accusing stare. I heard his footsteps walk away from the bed as an agonizing sound rumbled from his throat. He was suffering. I could tell. Seconds later, the door opened, and he stepped out and slammed it shut behind him. I winced at the sound it made as the door closed, and I felt guilty about everything. I subconsciously rubbed my abdomen, and tears welled up in my eyes almost immediately. I was hurting the only person who ever cared about me, and I did not know how to stop. I was very emotional with this pregnancy. I had made a mess with everything. I knew I must apologize to Billal for my wrongdoing. He deserved a whole lot better than this. I was going to personally see to it that Billal had a smile on his face by tomorrow morning. Exhaustion took me into a deep sleep, and I passed out almost immediately.

The next morning when I awoke, I noticed that Billal was not in bed with me. Alarmed, I quickly jumped out of bed and made my way to the connecting room that was used as a reading room. I found Billal sleeping on the couch. He looked very uncomfortable lying there. His feet were hanging at the end of the sofa. He was too tall to be resting there. I walked over to him, kneeled down, and kissed his lips. Billal grabbed me by the waist and pulled me aggressively to him as he kissed me back hungrily. When the kiss ended, I was left speechless.

Billal looked at me, and his eyes sparkled. “What? You take me for a fool? I saw an opportunity to kiss you, and I took it,” he said wolfishly, and he smiled from ear to ear.

I breathed a sigh of relief.
Billal is not mad at me anymore
, I thought happily.

“Loula, you drive me mad!” Billal playfully played with my hair. “Every time I try to stay mad at you, I cannot. You have an effect on me that makes me crazy. I do not know what tomorrow will bring, but as for today, I know without a doubt that you are my life. I love you, Loula, and I will stay by your side until you ask me to leave,” he said without a trace of regret in his voice.

I recklessly threw myself at him once again, and we kissed, but this time, it was not a game. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to taste his lips on mine, and as we kissed, I did not once think of Nidal. I knew exactly whose arms I was in and whose lips were on mine, and I treasured this moment with my heart. I was exactly where I needed to be, in Billal’s sweet arms.

Chapter Fifteen
Nidal

I
t had not been easy living with me these last few days. I hated myself, and I hated everything I had become. Every morning when I looked in the mirror, I did not like what I saw. I was once innocent of wrongdoing, living my life like a child should. At fifteen, I fell in love, and my whole world turned upside down. I wasn’t good at loving. I took another’s life and destroyed it. I turned Loula’s world upside down. I did not mean to. I loved her, and that love I felt tortured me every day of my life. Everywhere I turned, her memory was there. I could smell her in the air. Her perfume lingered everywhere she visited. I could see her in my heart, mind, and soul, for her image was stamped there forever. I could hear her laughter in the wind as she ran playfully in the garden and fell into my embrace. I could feel her at night when I lay down to sleep. She was there in bed with me and in my mind as I touched myself and made sweet passionate love to her.

I tried really hard to get her out of my mind. I rejected every thought of her. I tried over and over again to erase her existence, but to no avail. She was, is, and always would be my soul mate. And I accepted that and came to terms with it. I would always love her as long as I lived, and even beyond that into infinity!

The day I found Billal sucking on Loula’s breast was almost the end of my life. I almost killed myself, unable to handle the scene I witnessed. It was like the end of the world. The walls closed in on me, and I suffocated. During that time, I saw something else, the bigger picture. I looked on the brighter side for the first time. She was alive and well. She was in good hands. I knew Billal loved her too, and above all, she was not in any immediate danger from the king. Let everyone think that Billal was her lover. That would keep her safe until I came up with a plan to whisk her away from here and into a life with me, living happily ever after, together in bliss. So even though my heart hurt to know that she found solace in Billal’s arms, I knew in my heart that it was only temporary and I soon would be the one to hold her and make sweet love to her for the rest of her life. She was mine and would always be mine. To death do us part. And even then, my soul would find her, and we would live together thereafter, wherever that may be.

When the fire happened, I was beside myself with grief. Those innocent children and servants did not deserve to die like that. When I saw Loula, my heart, running into the burning building, I almost died right there and then. My heart stopped, and I was left speechless. I did what I had to do to get Loula out, even when she went back in and almost caused me to have a heart attack. I pulled her out of the fire and stepped back as Billal came running to her and took her in his arms. I allowed it because it had to be that way for now. It guaranteed her safety.

At the funeral, I cried for all the victims who died in the fire. My heart went out to Loula. I knew she was in a lot of pain. She had loved those children as her own. I too felt pain in my heart for all the lives lost unnecessarily in the fire, a fire that my father likely started.

I hate him. He is evil. My mother is trapped in this marriage with nowhere else to go. I can’t do anything about it. This is her fate. There is nowhere for her to run. But for me, it is different. I will run. I will take Loula and run like the wind out of here one day.

The king, my father, is a very ruthless man, and he has his eyes on Loula. He is waiting for a chance to strike against her. He sees Loula as a threat to the crown. The real threat is the king himself. He is the one who is the threat to his own crown. He is self-destructive. This country cannot and will not flourish with him in reign. One day, his kingdom will collapse. But I do not care. I will be long gone by then. I will take Loula and run the hell out of this land. We will live our lives without animosity. We will live in love.

Loula says she is pregnant, and she claims her child’s father is Billal. I do not believe her. I know she has not slept with Billal yet. Therefore, the child she carries is mine. I allow her to think that I do not know. It ensures the child’s safety. If my father knew or even suspected it is mine, he would destroy the pregnancy, and I would die a thousand deaths, knowing that two of my babies have died. So for now, I will watch Loula get big with child and adore her from afar.

At times, I cannot hold back, and my anger gets the better of me, like the times I fight with Billal. It feels so good when I punch him. He wants Loula, and he thinks he can take her just like that. I will never give her up, not to him or anyone else in the world. She is mine and mine alone! When Billal spoke to my father about taking Loula to be his wife, the king agreed and was relieved to see that things were going smoothly for him. What he doesn’t know is that I will never ever allow Loula to be wife to Billal or anyone else either! She is mine, all mine now and forever until death do us part. This I swear by all that is holy. If I can’t have a life with Loula, then I will kill myself, for there is no life for me without her.

Today as I lay in bed with Shaeena—yes, I now sleep in the bed with her—I am not afraid. I can control myself. I do not lust for the princess. I lust after Loula. As I lie here looking up at the ceiling, I wonder what the future has in store for us. Shaeena is sleeping restlessly. As she tosses and turns, I look at her and see a sleeping beauty. She is very beautiful, and she could have the whole world in the palm of her hands if she chose to. Instead, she insists on marrying me and claiming her child as mine. She is greedy and ruthless just like the king. I know the baby in her stomach is not mine, but I play along with her games for now. It is very crucial that she believe that I am getting comfortable with her, for that is the only way I can keep her from hurting Loula, but when I am ready, I will strike, and she will not know what hit her.

The princess moaned. As she turned toward me and opened her eyes wide, she let out an eerie scream and clutched her big stomach. “Nidal, our baby. I think it’s time. Call for the doctor quick.” She screamed again.

I quickly jumped out of bed and ran to the door. I opened it and called down the corridor for someone to hear me. Almost immediately, a few servants and a guard came running, and I told them to get the doctor hastily. I ran to the king’s chamber, opened the door, and called my mother’s name, hoping against hope that she had slept here last night.

The queen came running almost immediately to the door. “What happened, Nidal? Are you all right? Where is Loula? Is she all right?” she asked with a worried expression on her face.

“Mother, Loula and I are just fine, worry not. I came here to let you know that Shaeena’s baby is on its way. Soon the child will be born, and I need you to come along with me to assist with the delivery.”

The queen wasted no time, as she quickly dressed, and ran with me to Shaeena’s side. She was in labor, and she was screaming with pain. I winced at her loud screams. Even though I did not like her, I did not want her or anyone to be in such pain. I pulled a chair next to the bed and sat there holding her hand until the doctor came.

Everyone was chased out of the room, with the exception of the servants who were given orders from the doctor to get warm, clean sheets and boiling water. Everyone scrambled to do their duty. My mother insisted she stay in the room to help with the delivery. The doctor looked at her with compassion in his eyes and something more. I could not put my finger on it, but he allowed her to stay and assist him. The door was closed in my face, and I paced the hallway back and forth, as if the child she were about to deliver was mine.

The screams inside the room became louder as Shaeena wailed and cried out in pain, a reminder that I was better off being a male instead of a female and having to suffer giving birth like that. Finally after what seemed like hours later, I heard the baby’s cries, and my heart warmed. I opened the door and entered the room. The princess lay in bed, and she looked peaceful. I had never seen her look this way before.

The baby, a beautiful baby girl, lay on top of her, already suckling her mother’s breast. It was really a touching sight. My mother was standing with the doctor next to the bed, smiling down at the mother and child, proud of themselves for helping bring an angel into this world.

I was at a loss for words. It was a beautiful sight. My eyes welled up in tears, and at that second, I thought of Loula and the baby she had lost. My baby, taken from us by this woman who held her baby in her arms. Loula was right. Shaeena had her baby, but our baby was dead. And it was all Shaeena’s fault. I turned around and stalked out of there. I did not belong in there. This was not my child. My child slept peacefully in Loula’s womb. And I would do everything I could to protect it, including allowing Loula and Billal to claim the baby as theirs. It would ensure its safety.

I raced down the corridor to the double wooden doors that led to the gardens. I stepped outside and breathed in fresh air. I walked down the stairs and headed straight for the rose bushes. It was time to smell the roses. I reached over, pulled a few flowers to my nose, and breathed in the heavenly smell. Its scent made me drunk with its perfume. I closed my eyes and imagined Loula here next to me. It was a good feeling.

A hand lightly touched my shoulders, and I turned abruptly, startled, and saw Loula standing behind me, smiling. She took my breath away. She was so beautiful. I had not seen her for a few days, and I grabbed her, pulled her in my arms, and kissed her passionately. She kissed me back, and I lost myself in sweet ecstasy.

Reluctantly, we pulled apart, looked in each other’s eyes, and saw tears of happiness in them.

“I love you,” I told her passionately and didn’t wait for her to respond. I pulled her close to me again and claimed her lips one more time.

This time, Loula pulled away and asked sarcastically, “Are you the proud father of a baby girl or a little baby boy, Nidal?”

My heart twisted painfully at her choice of words. I grabbed her shoulders and shook her lightly. “I am not the father of her child. I told you before. I have not had sex with her. I did not get her pregnant! You must believe this, Loula. I am not the father!” I knew what her next words would be.

“Even if you are not the father of this baby, Nidal, you did have sex with her. I saw you, remember?” She dared me to deny her words.

I winced. I knew exactly what she meant. But that was not fair. I had been drunk, and I thought I was making love to her. “You know as well as I do that I was drunk that night. I would never have sex with anyone but you. What do I have to do to make you understand my feelings for you? You are my world, my life. You are the very air that I breathe! I cannot … will not … live a life without you! I will never marry Shaeena! You are my wife in every way that matters, and Loula, I am yours and yours alone.” I prayed that she would understand and forgive me all my mistakes against her. “Please, Loula, say you forgive me, and tell me that I too am the love of your life. Please, release me of my suffering. I am tortured every day living without you. Please say you love me still, Loula, and I will die a happy man.” I was unable to keep the tears from spilling down my face.