Sweet Seduction Shadow (4 page)

I thought of Angela, my boss at Pennyworth's. Her smiling face and ever cheerful words. I thought of how welcomed she made me feel behind the counter, surrounded by expensive jewellery and sparkling gems. I thought of the multitude of breaks she gave me through the course of the day, in order to run across the street and grab a coffee for us both. Which made me think of my best friend. And I could call Kelly that. She wasn't just a flatmate, she was fast becoming someone I could tell all my dirty secrets to. Someone I would want in my life right to the end.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't - if not at least to say good-bye - leave without one last look at my all too brief perfect world. For such a short time I had a life. I needed just one more glance at that perfection, before I became nothing but a memory on the wind. Would they forget me quickly? Would they wonder why I left? Would they feel hurt I left without any warning at all?

I couldn't tell them what I was about to do, but in an around about way, I could at least let them know what they meant to me right now. I'd pay one last visit, then tonight I would slip from their lives, having at least told them that I cared.

The bus pulled into Britomart and came to a stop. The finality of the engine being switched off - end of line, everybody off - was a death knell in my head. I climbed down to the pavement, with those passengers who had travelled with me, and took a quick and natural look around. Assessing the crowd milling around Britomart, trying to spot the odd man out. Nothing registered.

I shouldered my bag and started heading towards High Street. I'd call into Sweet Seduction first, grab a coffee and mentally say my good-byes. Then I'd cross the road to Pennyworth's, and finish up the half day I was due to work. Act as though everything was perfectly normal, when inside everything was upside down and crumbling into dust.

I slipped into a public toilet and quickly changed out of my hippy gear. The beads were stashed one after the other in a pocket in my satchel and then my hair was pulled tightly and smoothly back into a ponytail. Not quite my usual standard, but close enough. The restriction of the tight fitting pencil skirt and blouse matched the clench on my heart. The pumps on my feet felt like dead weights compared to Chrystal's feather-light leather sandals. Everything stashed away, including the multitude of colourful bangles, blue lensed glasses and oversized peace symbol. Green contacts back in situ and one last look in the mirror, and I welcomed Abi Merchant back for the final performance of her life.

I wasn't sure if I would walk out of Auckland as Chrystal, but as she was the only other outfit I had on me right now, I was betting some incarnation of her would have to do. Maybe a shorter hair style and a different colour. Maybe some coloured contact lenses after all.

Shit. This sucked. Damn Roan McLaren and damn my good-looking, good-Samaritan professional tracker. The one to finally catch me unawares. After everything I'd been through, it just wasn't fair.

I pushed open the old-style English pub doors of Sweet Seduction and, for the briefest of moments, not one single problem in my life existed at all. Music met my ears, the sound of Lucas banging the portafilter sounded out across the room. Coffee beans grinding left a perfume on the air; caffeine mixed with cocoa - I would never forget that smell.

Kelly waved enthusiastically from behind the counter. Her boss and friend Gen, joined in with a beautiful smile on her lips. And I relished feeling welcomed, feeling home. Even if it was only for the next half hour..

And I'd never feel anything remotely as beautiful ever again.

"
Jenny! I'll meet you at the grocery store!
" The crowd in the shop all sung the words to the Choir Boys' song,
Run to Paradise
out loud, pointing a finger at Gen behind the counter. She just bobbed her head up and down to the music, picked up a tray laden with coffee cups and started swaying out into the centre of the shop.

Within a minute of being here, I knew I had made a mistake. I shouldn't have come. I shouldn't have tortured myself by seeing this,
feeling
this atmosphere, again. How could I leave now?

How could I not?

I stood frozen in place, just a few feet inside the doors, and tried to decide what to do next. I could feel my heart beating in my throat, at the same time I felt it ache in my chest. I'm not sure if I was breathing too well either, I felt like I was in stasis, any moment now the other shoe would drop. My eyes did a natural scan of the interior of the shop. Recognising regulars, noting a few unfamiliar faces, but clocking them as High Street shoppers and little else.

For years I've done this. Every single building I enter, I assess the level of threat. No wonder my heart rate is always sky-rocketing. No wonder I am so very, very tired. It's not healthy to live with this level of fear, this level of heightened awareness. No one should sustain this for such a long length of time. No one.

"Are you OK, chickie?" Kelly's voice fractured the freeze and I swung my gaze towards my flatmate at my shoulder. "Whoa there, sweet pea! What's put that look on your face?"

I've had practice at this too. A smile graced my lips automatically and a form of the truth instantly came out.

"I almost got hit by a car this morning. I'm a little shaken." One of the top ten rules my father gave me: when on the spot and having to cover for a crack in your hide, lie with something as close to the truth as you can. People read the honesty first and ignore the underlying falsehood.

"Oh, Abs," Kelly exclaimed, running her eyes over my frame, making her blonde curls bob around her face with the motion. "Come take a seat by the counter and I'll get you chocolate. Everyone needs chocolate when they've seen their life flash before their eyes," she declared, leading me over to a couch beside the counters.

I sat down as instructed and worked on fortifying my persona, covering any cracks that had appeared in my façade. I've never stopped to think of the fact I am lying to people daily. It's just what I do. What I have had to do. But I've never become friends with someone I really, truly like. I like Kelly. I hate lying to her.

When had my conscience joined in on all the fun?

"Here you go, roomie!" Kelly said, settling a plate covered in delicious looking chocolate morsels in front of me and a steaming mochaccino beside it. "Get your laughing gear around that."

"Thanks, Kelly," I said, trying to infuse genuine gratitude into my voice. It wasn't a lie, at least.

Kelly threw herself onto the couch beside me and swiped a chocolate off my plate. How she manages to stay slim, with a hint of curves and nothing more, working and eating in an establishment like this, is beyond me. I'd be twice the size I am now, if I worked here.

"So, did you have a go at the dickhead driver that almost squashed you?" Kelly asked around a mouthful of bliss.

I let a small laugh out, as she expected it. "No. He was very apologetic, even offered to give me a ride."

"Ooh. Was he cute?" she asked, licking her lips. She could have been licking her lips to get the remnants of chocolate, but this was Kelly Quayle. She was licking her lips in anticipation of a good bit of hot juicy gossip.

"No,
he
wasn't," I said and realised my mistake before I'd even shut my mouth. Shit.

I waited for it. I didn't have to wait long. "Oh, then if he wasn't who was?"

I hadn't planned on mentioning Roan's tracker, but now I'd stupidly gone and put my foot in it. Why had I said that the way I said it? Just because I couldn't seem to get the image of that man's face out of my head, or the familiar wash of his scent, was no excuse to lower my guard and forget how to hide. Hiding, meant keeping things simple. The tracker, the man who flew from the shadows, was not a simple part of this story.

Shit.

As close to the truth as the lie can get.

"There was another guy there, he pulled me out of the way of the oncoming car." The lie was in the omission. Even if the statement was entirely true.

"Ohhh. And
he
was a cutey?" Kelly surmised. "How cute? Ten-out-of-ten cute? Take-him-home-to-meet-the-folks cute? Or wrap-him-up-in-satin-sheets-and-ride-him-'til-he-screams cute?"

This was why I loved Kelly. Life was one big adventure to her. Nothing fazed her. Nothing got in the way of her having fun. Kelly was everything I wanted to be. Everything Sarah Monaghan could never have. And everything my current chameleon persona was not meant to be. Through Kelly, I got to experience life. In the short amount of time I have lived with her, she's had three different guys over to stay. Not that I want to have a stream of men through my bedroom - shit, even one would be nice now and then - but there is something about Kelly Quayle that screams a life lived well. She doesn't hide who she is. She just is. And I love her for it.

And I'm jealous of her because of it.

I considered her question, and considered Roan's shadow dwelling man. Even if I had made a stupid, stupid mistake by mentioning him, it was done now. No going back. So, why not enjoy a little of what makes Kelly, Kelly, and answer the way
I
would want to answer, for once in my lie-ridden life?

"He was breath-stealing," I admitted the truth softly and Kelly all but sprang off the couch in glee.

"Tell me!" she demanded, sitting forward on the couch eagerly, whilst reaching over to nab another chocolate from the plate. "Spill the beans, sister, and don't leave anything out. Hold on!" she added abruptly. "This requires a powwow. Members of the sisterhood need to be summoned."

"Ah, Kelly. That's not really necessary," I began. She just raised her hand at me imperiously and then shouted at the top of her lungs.

"Gen baby! Get your arse over here and join in on a hottie breakdown!" I cringed as several eyes in the shop moved towards us. Some of them mildly amused, but not surprised in the least at Kelly's behaviour. Obviously regulars to Sweet Seduction.

"Alrighty!" Gen shouted back. "But this needs serious musical accompaniment." She turned her back on us to mess with the stereo behind the counter. Within seconds Avril Lavigne's
Hot
blasted out of the speakers. I just shook my head and Kelly grinned at Gen, as she approached us.

"So," Gen said perching on the armrest beside Kelly. "What's this about a hottie breakdown? Who's the lucky guy?"

I looked up into their expectant faces. Two sets of beaming smiles, two sets of beguiling blue eyes, two sets of blonde haired beauties waiting patiently for me to talk about a guy I shouldn't have even mentioned. Shit. What a mess. But what did it matter? I'd be gone by tomorrow, just a memory to these women. Nothing more. What harm could it do?

"He saved me from a speeding car," I said, watching Gen's face morph into an expression of excitement mixed with alarm.

And OK, I was stretching the truth now, because Pete's Ute was hardly speeding, but I was beginning to get into the swing of the hottie breakdown spirit. So, a stretch of the truth was entirely allowed.

"He swept me up into his arms and pulled me out of the way of the car," I added, feeling a level of excitement in me I hadn't experienced for some time. It was matched by the excitement evident on my two friends' faces. I felt a kinship with them in that moment, that filled me with unbelievable joy. "He was so fast and strong," I added, really getting into the swing of things now, only to be interrupted by Kelly.

"Yeah, yeah. But was he ripped? Did you get to squeeze his biceps?"

"Or stroke his triceps?" Gen offered.

"Or cup his glutes?" Kelly added.

"Or lick all over his pecs?" Gen suggested.

Both Kelly and I stared at her.

"What?" Gen asked, feigning innocence. "Don't knock it 'till you try it, 'sall I'm saying."

"Ignoring Genevieve's licking fetish," Kelly said, giving Gen a mock frown, then turning a sweet as pie smile on me. "What we really want to know was, was he
hot
?"

"Yes," I said simply, because he was the hottest guy I had ever laid eyes on. In my life. Those half-lidded chocolate brown eyes, that seemed to eat me up with a simple grazing over my entire body. How they morphed into a hard granite, when he obviously felt an emotion he wanted to keep in check. His - and here is where I was going to use one of Gen's fantasies - lickable mocha coloured skin. The way he felt pressed against me, strong and capable arms wrapped around me. How his body simply fitted into mine. His voice. Shit, I could write a poem about that voice. So low and gravelly, it roughed up my heart rate, and threatened to undo me all with a delicious friction made from sound alone. Forget about how it would feel to have him touch me and talk to me at the same time. I was coming apart from the memory of his voice next to my ear and little else.

"I guess he did it for you then?" Kelly asked, a supremely amused smile gracing her lips.

"What?" I said, rather rudely and most definitely not how Abi Merchant would talk.

"A gravelly voice that roughed up your heart rate," Kelly clarified and blood rushed to my face. Shit oh shit. I'd said all that aloud. "Gotta say, chickie. Never seen you this animated over anything before now."

I closed my eyes briefly and cursed my need to be a part of something real if only for a moment in time. I should have kept my stupid mouth closed. I'm twenty-three years old, after all. Hardly a teenager with a crush.

"So, did you get the hottie's name?" Gen asked, nabbing a chocolate morsel off the plate I was yet to touch. I just shook my head in answer.

"Why the hell not?" Kelly demanded, munching on her own chocolate. Her
third
chocolate. "Fuck, I'm gonna have to go to the gym tonight," she announced with disgust.

"Or call Spike for a workout," Gen suggested, licking chocolate off her fingers one by one.

"The boy is good with his hands, I'll give him that," Kelly admitted with a knowing smile.

"It's not his hands you want to work out, Kels," Gen said in mock seriousness.

"Well, he's good with other parts too, if you really want to know," Kelly said, leaning back in the seat with a glazed look in her eyes.

"Stop reminiscing!" Gen chastised with a swat of her hand on Kelly's arm. "This is Abi's moment to regale us with luscious memories."

Kelly sat upright again. "Too true. So?" She raised her eyebrows at me. "What did he look like? Obviously well buffed, cute-as, and with that lickable mocha skin, I'm going with Māori or some such deliciousness. What else set your panties on fire?"

I looked away from their piercing eyes. Of course there was something else I couldn't stop thinking about. Other than the fact that the smell of his cologne haunted my dreams, he was also one of Roan's men and I shouldn't have been having any thoughts about him at all, let alone luscious ones. But admitting I wanted to trace the pattern of his tattoo was too much truth, even for a moment of stolen "real". My time with the Devil's Henchmen had made me appreciate body art. They took pride in their markings. Wore it with honour. And a truly well done tattoo
is
art.

Roan's shadow man had art on his sleeve, that I couldn't stop fixating about.

"He was tall, really tall," I hedged, forcing myself to meet their eyes. Like I have had to do with so many people in the past, in order to make them believe what I was saying was the truth. I was good at it too. I'd had to be. When I really needed someone to believe what I was saying, I could make them see the truth in the lie with ease.

Except today it would seem.

"Yeah, tall," Gen said disbelievingly.

"Nah-uh, sweet pea," Kelly said, wrapping her arm around mine and hauling me closer to her side. She leaned in to whisper in my ear, "Just who the fuck do you think you are talking to, sister? I can smell a juicy tidbit a mile off, and this little secret, has
juicay
written all over it. Spill!"

I let a beleaguered sigh out and received two chuckles in return. I only had myself to blame. I'd walked myself into this mess, I'd just have to wade through it to the other side. So, I'd told them about Roan's shadow man. I'd even admitted that he was hot. What harm would there be in admitting his tattoo pushed all my womanly buttons? I was
not
going to mention his scent featuring in my erotic dreams. But as he was undoubtedly from down South - how else would Roan have hired him? - once I left here tonight, he wouldn't stay long. The chances of him crossing Kelly and Gen's paths was minuscule. So, in the spirit of a stolen "real" moment, I could divulge.

"He's got this tattoo," I said, looking down at the near empty plate of chocolate shapes on the coffee table in front of where we sat.