Sweet Seduction Shadow (9 page)

Ben took a couple of deep breaths in and out. I could actually see them, through the rise and fall of his chest. He didn't look at me, his eyes were all for the road ahead, but he was as aware of me as I was of him, I was sure.

Finally, after so,
so
very long, he murmured, "More."

If I was falling off the end of the world, it felt amazing. A rush I had never experienced in my life before. And in that moment, I knew, Ben Tamati would be waiting at the bottom to catch me.

"Your place it is then," I managed to murmur back.

Ben didn't even try to hide his reaction, his breath came out in a kind of hiss. He shook his head, released and then re-gripped the steering wheel tightly, and actually shifted in his seat. From the corner of my eye I could see why. I didn't even attempt to tell the blush off, as it stole up my neck and cheeks.

I started smiling, the grin just got bigger and bigger, it had a mind all of its own.

"Don't be so smug, red," Ben drawled.

A giggle slipped out.

"Fuck," he murmured, re-gripped the steering wheel
and
shifted in his seat again.

The giggle morphed into a chuckle.

Ben huffed an incredulous sound out. "Now, see, you got me wonderin' whether I can make you laugh like that when you're in my bed."

I sucked in air.

Ben chuckled.

Then I forced myself to turn just my head to look at him from under my eyelashes. He wore a grin and even in the dim lights of the dash, I could see how handsome he was. My eyes grazed over his upper torso. I think I leaned forward slightly to get a better view. His T-shirt stretched across his chest, he'd removed his jacket earlier, and the sleeves were tight around the muscles of his upper arm.

I could see that tattoo along the window ledge, too far away right now for me to touch. But the knowledge that I could be tracing it before this night was through, had my breath escaping on a sigh.

The car veered to the left of the road and suddenly stopped after bouncing up on the shoulder. Ben unlatched his seatbelt, turned around as far as the steering wheel would allow him, and reached over to wrap a hot hand around the back of my neck. I didn't even have a chance to utter a sound before his lips crushed against mine.

Firm, yet melding with me as though they were pillow soft. A growl worked its way up from the back of his throat. His teeth nipped at my bottom lip encouragingly. I moaned, let out a breath of air and his tongue charged in.

Sweet nectar of the gods, but he was glorious. My fingers dug into his shoulders, my body arched to bring my breasts against his chest. One of his hands wrapped around the back of me and hauled me tighter still. All the while he tasted, suckled, licked, and lavished my mouth.

"Ben," I managed to whimper, when he pulled back to lay kisses across my jaw and, I was thinking, to allow us both to breathe in much needed air.

"I've wanted you since the first moment I laid eyes on you, red," he rasped against my skin. "And those fucking beads," he added, twining a finger around a string of beads at the side of my face and gently tugging. "Abi keeps them, yeah?" he demanded, and my heart opened up a fraction. A feeling so foreign I almost made a sound.

But then he was kissing me again; slower, sweeter, as though he'd taken the edge off and now he was just enjoying the ride. As though we had all the time in the world to savour the taste of each other. As though he'd done this exact same thing a million times before inside his head, and finally got the chance to act it out.

"Ben," I said again, the words swallowed by his tongue and lips and mouth.

"Red," he finally replied, "I'm takin' you home to bed."

"Red, I'm takin' you home to bed."

It was on a permanent loop inside my mind. And I didn't care. For the first time in my life I was doing something truly reckless. And I
loved
the feeling. I could become quite addicted to it, in fact. Sarah Monaghan wasn't reckless. Neither was Abi Merchant, or any of the other six identities I'd acquired throughout the years.

And I... Didn't... Care.

It was stupid and silly and made no sense at all. But it felt like my insides were bubbling up in a well of champagne. I was drunk on the feeling he'd created and I wanted more. I felt dizzy and carefree and I couldn't stop smiling, even though I tried to keep the grin to myself. Whoever this man was, whatever he meant for my future - good or bad - I couldn't walk away from this.

I can't exactly say I've lived a sheltered life. Even before Roan appeared at the end of my bed, I knew what world I lived in. My father tried to keep the worst of it from me. All those who lived on the Compound and had kids, did pretty much the same thing. And those kids that embraced the lifestyle, I avoided. Still, I knew what they were up to, even if I didn't know the specifics.

Then when I left, ran away, into the big wide world of New Zealand, I saw all aspects of "normal" life. And you can hardly say I haven't had an education in reality during that time. But, right now, even though I am not an innocent in the ways of the world, I was acutely aware that I also was not an expert either. I'd had a few affairs, lowered my guard enough to experience life. But always,
always
, with my eyes on the horizon and my awareness on my surroundings.

I have never let go of that. That need to be careful, to not trust, to never open up to another. To never forget why I was running, and why I couldn't stop.

Except in my dreams.

And I didn't feel like I was stopping now, I still had every intention of grabbing Chrystal's ID when it was finished. But, I had never stood so close to the fire before, and welcomed the burn. Ben was more than fire, he was an inferno. He was following me for a reason I had yet to determine. But how does that saying go? Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Not one my father had ever employed, but it felt appropriate here. Or maybe I just wanted it to be.

And I
was
tired.
So very
tired of running. I just needed a rest, for a short while, to replenish my reserves. Then I could face the next few years. I was sure of it. Ben was going to be my recharge. A chance to let my guard down in some ways, while still keeping options open for escape. If I could just get through the next three days until my ID was ready, using Ben as my shield, as the giant who stands between me and Roan, then I might just make it out of here alive.

I could never trust him. But then, he should never trust me either. I am a survivor. And I will do whatever I need to do to survive.

As Auckland's glowing skyline came into our line of sight, I was happy with where I had got my head to. I knew what I was doing was dangerous, but part of me recognised the danger for what it was. The reason behind feeling alive. Ben was forbidden, perilous, captivating fruit. I couldn't forget that, but I also knew I couldn't walk away either.

He'd gone very quiet since we'd had our little moment on the side of the road. Not that I was much of a conversationalist right now, too wrapped up in my head to talk. But I noticed the closer we got to the city, the tighter he held onto that steering wheel. The whiter his knuckles became. I may have got my head in the right space to do this, to taste the forbidden fruit. But I was thinking Ben was having second thoughts.

I decided to distract him, but even as I opened my mouth, I had no idea how to achieve that.

"So, where do you live?" I asked the first thing that popped into my head, shifting on my seat to be able to gauge his emotions by the look on his face and stance of his body.

He cleared his throat. "Downtown."

I paused, waiting for more information, like say, an address. Nothing. I pulled my satchel closer, hugging it to my chest.

"When did you first start following me?" I asked, and then promptly frowned. Distracting him did not involve reminding him of why he shouldn't take me to his bed.

His fingers flexed on the steering wheel and he stretched his neck.

"The day you tried a Raspberry Mocha for the first time at Sweet Seduction."

There were so many things to take in from that short sentence. The fact that I tried that drink three weeks ago. The fact that he knew I hadn't tried it before. The fact that he remembered such details. The fact that I couldn't remember feeling that itch between my shoulder blades that day at all. He'd been shadowing me for several days before I cottoned on.

"It was a nice drink, but too sweet," I said, to cover my increased respirations.

He made a soft grunting sound and nodded his head.

"You prefer a Zebra Mocha," he announced, as though my strange drinking fetishes were common knowledge.

"How do you know Gen?" I asked the one question blaring in my mind right now.

His eyes flicked across the car to me. He held my gaze for a second, maybe two, then looked back at the road again.

He didn't answer the question though.

I let a long breath of air out in frustration. Now he had me thinking twice about going to his bed.

"There are things I'm not gonna tell you," Ben suddenly said into the strained silence. "That doesn't mean I don't want you stayin' at my place. In my bed. I'll break some rules for you, red, but not all of 'em."

He didn't trust me. It was what I had only just been thinking; that he shouldn't. That I don't trust him. So, why did it make my chest hurt?

"OK," I said quietly.

Silence reigned for several long seconds.

"No one's ever been to my place before. Not even those I call friends." His statement stunned me and I realised he was trying to give me something, maybe something he considered special, to make me feel better about not getting answers to everything I asked.

My eyes flicked up to his face, it was set in hard angles, his eyes staring steadily out the front of the car.

"You're a strange man, Ben Tamati," I said quietly.

"And you're a curious woman, Abi Merchant." I wasn't sure if he was saying I was too curious for my own good, or if he thought I was curious, as in a puzzle he wanted to solve.

I shook my head and huffed out a laugh. "What you see is what you get, Ben. Just not necessarily what I am."

"See, that there is curious," he shot back, but I heard the smile in his voice.

"Glad I can entertain," I offered, my own smile tipping my lips up at the edges.

Ben laughed, it was deep and resonant. It filled the car. And I decided I liked it very much, probably because the Ben I think he really was, the person he showed the outside world, didn't laugh much at all.

Suddenly I wanted to know more about this man. "What do you do when you're not hanging out in the shadows?" I asked.

"Work out, run, hit the ring."

"Hit the ring?"

"Boxing ring. I keep fit. What about you? When you're not runnin', what do you do?"

"I'm never not running," I said and turned my head to look out the window.

"Never?" he asked, and he sounded genuinely interested to know.

"As soon as I arrive at a new place, I plan my next destination."

"Your escape?" he guessed. I just nodded, still staring out the window. He didn't say anything for a while, I welcomed the silence. Then, "Ever found a spot you wanted to stick around in for longer than just a few months?"

How much did I let him in? How much did I expose myself to this man, who could be my downfall? How much did he need to know, in order to be my giant for just three days? How much did I risk?

Everything
.

"Here. Auckland. I like Abi," I said, shifting in my seat to see his reaction. His eyes were on me, I don't know how long they'd been off the road. I didn't scold him, I felt trapped by his gaze, by the way he was trying to see past the disguise, to get right down to the truth. Little did he know, I'd just been more honest with him than I had ever been with anyone since my father.

"You like the tight skirts and stiff hairdo?"

I smiled. "The heels are kind of cool."

"Makes your legs look good," he said gruffly.

"I hate the contacts," I suddenly admitted.

His eyes came back to mine. "Switch the light on, I wanna see."

"You're driving," I pointed out.

"I can multi-task," he replied, nodding towards the overhead light switch.

"I'm not sure I want you to."

"You'll think differently when we get to bed," he shot back, deadpan.

I huffed, but switched the light on as instructed, then leaned over so he wouldn't have to move too far to see. I told myself it was to make his driving safer, but it could have been to feel that heat I'd felt before, when he'd been flush against my breasts.

"Green," he stated, once he'd got a good look. "I'd like to see the blue."

I stayed leant over, almost on top of the centre console, and just looked at his face. His eyes flicked back to the road briefly, then returned to me.

"Well?" he said.

"How did you know they were blue?" I breathed the words out, watching as his eyes dipped down to my lips, then back to the road, and then finally rested again on me.

Then he reached into his back pocket of his jeans, making me return to my side of the car as his body had almost collided with mine, and pulled out a well worn photo. It was of me. When I was eighteen. The day before I left the Compound.

It was my father's.

I sat stunned, staring at the photo, unable to wrap my head around why Ben Tamati, my shadow man, would have that particular one. I wanted to ask, but my mind was frozen, my blood thundering in my veins, my breath stolen. That was my Dad's. He'd taken it, developed it, and shown me. Then he'd placed it in his wallet.

My eyes flicked up from the photo - young Sarah Monaghan with short, spiky, punked platinum blonde hair, almost translucent cream skin, and the palest of baby blue eyes - and landed on Ben. He was alternating his gaze between the road ahead and my face. He also looked concerned, his brow furrowed, his lips pressed in a thin line.

"Did my Dad hire you?" I asked abruptly.

"No," he replied, just as succinctly.

"Then why do you have his photo?"

"It was attached to the file I was given when hired to shadow you."

"Who hired you?"

"Can't say, red."

I sat back in my seat and hugged myself. What did this mean? Was Dad OK? Had he given the photo to whoever hired Ben? Or had the photo been taken from him, and he'd been in no fit state to stop it from happening?

The interior of the car swirled before my eyes. As though I was suddenly in the vortex of a tornado. Everything spinning out of my control. I wanted answers. No, I needed them. And Ben Tamati knew, even if he wasn't saying; doing that holier than thou,
not-gonna-tell,-red
thing. He
knew
.

And suddenly, keeping Ben Tamati, my possible enemy, close, had never been as important as it was now.

My hands shook as I reached up to remove the contacts. I felt Ben stiffen at my side. I fumbled in my satchel for the liquid-filled containers to hold them in, and sloshed a little solution on my hand as I did up the first lid.

"You don't have to do this," Ben said softly.

"You've already seen them," I stated in a slightly flat voice. "You might as well see them for real."

"Red," he murmured, but I ignored him, removing the second contact and storing it safely away.

I blinked a few times, savouring the feeling of having nothing between my eyeballs and the air. I'd certainly got used to wearing contact lenses over the years, but nothing beats going bare.

The overhead light was still on, so I took a deep breath in and turned in my seat. My eyes remained staring unseeing at Ben's jeans-clad thigh. After several seconds, his hand came over and his forefinger and thumb cupped my chin. He gently tugged my head upwards.

I hadn't even realised we'd made it to the city itself and left the motorway. Ben had pulled the car over on the side of an inner city street. We were stationary and there was no need for him to look out the front of the car anymore.

I felt naked and way too exposed.

My eyes closed before my head tipped right back. It's not that I hadn't had identities where contacts were not worn. But there was something very intimate about this moment. In a way, more revealing than any tidbit I'd divulged to Ben to date. They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Mine are, nine times out of ten, covered, shuttered. Protected. Ben has only ever seen my eyes when they were artificially green. Sure, he'd seen what they looked like in a five-year-old photo. But he hadn't seen
me
.