Sweet Tomorrows (28 page)

“Then why are you here?” I demanded.

Greg met my look, his own eyes as dark and as resolute as mine. “I'm here to square things with you. Man to man.”

“Square what?” In my mind's eye there was nothing to square. Jo Marie was mine.

“You need to know I love Jo Marie, too. I care about her. She told me you're considering returning to Iraq. I understand this isn't an easy decision and that you're torn between doing what Jo Marie wants and whatever it is you're being asked to do.”

He had me pegged.

“The thing is, in an effort to be up front and honest, I felt it was only fair you know that if you do decide to go back to the Middle East I plan to take full advantage of your absence.”

His words had a curious effect on me. They were like a vine that wrapped its way around my torso with small thorns that dug menacingly into my flesh, drawing blood.

“And if I don't go?” I asked, pinning him with my gaze.

Greg hesitated. “I'd like to say I'd be man enough to gracefully step aside, but the truth is I won't.”

“What do you intend to do?” Although I asked, I didn't actually expect him to reveal his battle plan. After all, I was clearly his enemy in winning over Jo Marie's heart.

Instead of directly answering my question, he asked one of his own. “Have you ever been married?”

“No.”

“I suspected as much. I was. Julie died the same year as Paul.”

Greg and Jo Marie shared a common bond. So what?

“We both know what it means to love another with everything that is within us. We've both dealt with grief, a grief that has forever marked our souls. You love Jo Marie and I understand that better than you realize. I love her, too. Like I said earlier, it wouldn't serve either of us well if we made her choose between us.”

“You don't want to force her into a decision because you know she'd choose me,” I repeated. I didn't want to sound smug, but it was the simple truth.

His smile was equally self-assured. “Are you sure of that, Mark? You admitted you're a different person, but then so is she. When you moved away, leaving her blind as to your reasons, leaving her bereft and lost, it nearly destroyed her. It was a betrayal.”

“She knows why.” I wasn't about to explain myself to him.

“She knows now, but she didn't at the time. When you left it marked her. You made it clear the chances you'd be returning were next to nil. You voluntarily turned your back on her and it devastated her.”

In a defensive gesture, I crossed my arms over my chest.

“You don't seem to realize how badly you hurt the woman who loved you.”

“Are you saying you wouldn't ever hurt her?”

He didn't hesitate. “Not in the same way, because I know what it did to her when you walked away. She'd given you her heart, trusted you, cared for you, and then almost overnight you were gone.”

“To an extent that's true, but I had a friend explain after I left.”

“Bob. Yes, I've met him.”

“You've met Bob?” This felt like a small treachery to know that Jo Marie had introduced Greg to Bob.

“And Peggy, too. They're good friends to Jo Marie and have stood by her, comforted her, encouraged her, because you weren't here. I don't think you appreciate the agony Jo Marie was in for the last year, wondering if you were dead or alive, desperate for word, any word. And now you're asking her to do it again.”

I couldn't argue with anything he said. Not one thing.

“You say you love her—”

“I do,” I said, cutting him off, wanting to make sure he understood there was no room for doubt regarding my feelings for Jo Marie.

To my surprise, Greg stood. With his hands stuffed in his pants pockets, he walked to the end of the porch and then back.

He stood in front of me, his face tight and intense. “The thing is, I would never do that to her. I would never put Jo Marie through that kind of stress and doubt, because I know exactly what that feels like. So to answer your questions, if you decide to finish whatever it is you started back in the Middle East, or even if you stay, I feel I'm the better man for her. I deserve Jo Marie and she deserves me. If you think about it in those terms, I think you'll agree.”

That barbed vine I'd felt earlier wrapping itself around my torso tightened to the point that I could no longer breathe.

Greg held my gaze in a vise. “I thought it was only fair you should know.”

Perhaps Greg was right. Perhaps he was the better man. As far as I could see, there was only one response to that. To be a better man myself.

I had to admire Nick as he continued with his counseling sessions. I could already see a difference. While I was sure the counselor helped him sort through myriad emotions, I was convinced the meeting with his parents had a good deal to do with the speed at which he was healing.

With time I suspected Nick would lose his dependence on me. It was what needed to happen. More than once I'd mentioned this and did my best to assure him I was fine with it. Each time he'd immediately discounted my claim, convinced he was falling in love with me. At first I tried to laugh it off, but my attempt at humor irritated him and so I did the next best thing. I slowly started spending less time with him. Thankfully, I had a good excuse. School was about to start and I was busy with teacher meetings, orientation, and getting my classroom ready for the first day of classes.

In addition, I felt it was time I moved out of the inn and found a place of my own. This was a discussion I needed to have with Jo Marie and I intended to do that soon. This week for sure, possibly that day after I was finished at the school.

Mark was recuperating and the two of them needed privacy. I'd seen them cut off far too many conversations as soon as I entered the room.

I'd let go of the apartment I'd been ready to move into a few weeks before because Jo Marie needed my help. But Mark was out of the hospital now and gaining strength every day. Jo Marie didn't need me any longer, and it was well past time for me to find a place of my own and get my furniture out of storage.

The school where I would be teaching was relatively new. The area was growing and the building was only a couple years old. I took pride in making my class as colorful and bright as I could. For many of my students this would be the first time they'd spend more than a couple hours in the classroom. I had printed each of their names and set about decorating them with colorful designs when I sensed someone standing in the doorway.

Expecting another teacher, I smiled, ready to introduce myself. But when I glanced up, it wasn't a staff member. It was Nick. While my smile might have faded, my heart took exception. I shouldn't be this happy to see him, but I was. It'd been nearly a week, and in that time he'd readily accepted my excuses. Part of me wished he hadn't and insisted we find time to be together. He hadn't, and that told me a lot. He was getting ready to move on and that was only natural. I didn't fault him. Sure, it hurt, but the pain was a whole lot less than if we'd continued and then he'd decided he wanted out.

“Hi,” I said, making a sweeping gesture with my arm. “Welcome to kindergarten.”

Looking amused, he came into the room and glanced around. “You've been busy, I see,” he said. With his fingertips tucked in the pockets of his jeans, he wandered to the back of the classroom, near the story area. I had a big circular rug with bright primary colors in a geometric design where the children would sit. The white bookshelves were stacked with an assortment of picture books.

I stood up from behind my desk. “You were at counseling today?” I asked.

He nodded.

“How'd it go?”

Again he answered with a nod. “I stopped by to take you out to dinner.”

“Out to dinner as in a restaurant?” I asked, remembering what had happened the last time we'd attempted an outing. Eating in a crowded restaurant had been way out of his comfort zone.

“I'm ready, Em.”

Despite my reservations about the two of us spending time together, I smiled, pleased for him. “That's wonderful, Nick.”

He smiled back at me. “Can't think of anything I'd enjoy more than taking my girl out to eat.”

My girl
. That gave me pause.

I checked my watch, automatically looking for an excuse. “It's a bit early for dinner.”

“I'll wait.” He sat down on top of one of the tiny desks, his massive figure dwarfing it.

I hesitated and made busywork while my mind feverishly came up with an excuse to avoid an intimate dinner with Nick. Fragile as he was emotionally, I didn't want to hurt him, and at the same time I needed to protect myself.

“When does school start?” he asked conversationally.

“Right after Labor Day.”

He crossed his arms and kept a close watch on me as I continued walking about the room.

“I know what you're doing, Em. You've been avoiding me and I know why, but you're wrong.”

“Am I?” I doubted that, but it would be pointless to argue with him.

“Yes. Not going to make a fuss, just want you to know I'm aware and I'm not going to let you do it.”

“Nick, please.” I clenched my hands in front of me.

“You can try telling me you aren't attracted to me, but I know otherwise. Every time we touch there's electricity. You feel it, too, so don't even try to deny it.”

He was right and so I kept quiet.

“It could be you're reluctant to get involved with a guy who's messed up in the head.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know that's not true.”

“Didn't think so. Glad you didn't, 'cause I would have knocked it down.”

Again against my better judgment, I smiled. “We've all got issues, Nick. Some are more obvious than others.”

He stood then and walked closer to me. “Speaking of issues, when's that wedding?”

James and Katie. I'd completely put the date out of my mind and realized the wedding was set for the upcoming weekend. I'd already decided not to attend and had actually tossed the invite.

“From the doe-eyed expression you're wearing, I'd say you've decided not to go.”

“Yes, I told you that earlier.”

“Would have called you a lot of things in the last few months, but
coward
never entered my mind.”

I shook my head. “Call me what you want; there's no way I'm attending that wedding.” I could just imagine the pitying looks from our friends. If I was foolish enough to go I'd be forced to put on a brave front and smile. No one would be fooled. I'd probably end up an emotional mess, blubbering all over myself. Not gonna happen.

I walked a circle around him, needing to change the subject. “Did you know I was the one who sent that real estate woman to the house to see if you were interested in selling?”

“Guessed that was the case.”

“You didn't.” He'd never said a word. “I love that house and have from the first moment I saw it.”

His smile showed his approval. He loved that house, too, and the work and effort he'd put into modernizing it showed as much. “What in the love of heaven were you going to do living in a five-bedroom home?” he asked.

“Adopt children.” I figured letting him know I never intended to marry would sound overly dramatic. That was the plan, however, and one I was fairly certain would be part of my future.

He nodded as though he approved. “Good plan. That was what Brad intended to do.”

“I'd still like to buy the house.”

“Not for sale. You can live in it if you want, though. With me.”

“Nick.”

“You think I'm not serious?”

I could see it was going to take more than me avoiding Nick to get the message across. My plan was to ease my way slowly out of his life and let him get involved back in the world again. Once he did, I was convinced that whatever he felt for me would eventually fade like the sun lowering, a mountain sunset.

“I'd like a break,” I said, forging ahead.

“Good, you've been working way too hard.”

He'd misunderstood. “Not from this,” I explained. “From you.”

His eyes widened as if he wasn't sure he'd heard me or if he had it'd angered him. “You've got to be kidding me.”

“No.” I rubbed my palms together and wondered if that was another tell of mine that he'd picked up on. Afraid it was, I dropped my hands. “You're getting better and better, Nick, which is great. When was the last time you had a panic attack?”

“I'm about to have one now.”

“Not funny, Nick.” I could see that he was saying that only to get a reaction out of me. “How long has it been?”

From previous conversations I knew at one time he had suffered from them nearly every day. He'd been in a dark place.

“Longest time since Brad died.”

“See,” I said, happy to have the confirmation I needed. “You don't need me any longer.”

“True,” he agreed, “I don't in that way. But I still want you in my life, Em. I enjoy spending time with you. You make me want to be a better man. Before the accident, I lived entirely for myself. I don't want to do that any longer. You give me purpose, and that's a good feeling.”

“If you feel that way in six months, then we can talk.”

“Six months? You gotta be joking.”

“Six months.”

“Not happening, Em. I'm not living without you for six months.”

“Four, then, with the understanding that you'll get involved in life again.”

“Four months without any contact with you?”

“Definitely no contact.” He seemed to think this time apart would be easy for me.

He frowned and I could see the question in his eyes, the doubt and the hesitation. “Why are you doing this?”

“I need to be sure what we feel is real.” I included myself in this.

That gleam was back in his eyes. “Babe, this is as real as it gets.”

I tossed out the challenge. “Prove it.”

Nick stood and walked to the far side of the classroom and back. “I don't want this. Think it's a bunch of crap, but I'll agree if you do something for me.”

“You won't try to contact me.”

“If that's what you want.”

I did and at the same time I didn't. “I do.”

“Okay.”

“You'll see other women.”

He hesitated, removed his baseball cap, and scratched the side of his head. “Never had a woman ask me that before. You're something else.”

I attempted a smile. “You going to agree or not?”

“Fine, if that's what it takes to prove what I feel for you is real. Downright ridiculous, but if it makes you happy, then so be it.”

I nodded.

“You need to do one thing for me in that time, though, before we are in agreement.”

That seemed only fair. “Name it.”

“Attend that wedding.”

My shoulders sank.

“It's a deal breaker, Em. You have to go.”

Slowly, hating the very thought of it, I agreed. “Okay, but I don't like it.”

“Now kiss me. If I have to go four months without any contact with you I'm going to need something to hold me until then.”

I wasn't given an option. Nick pulled me into his arms and was ready to kiss the very life out of me before I planted both hands against his broad chest and pushed back in order to look him full in the eye.

“Something you need to remember in the next few months, Nick. I'm not going to suddenly grow a uterus.”

“Know that, babe. Accept it. It's not your uterus or lack of one I love. It's you.”

And then he kissed me and the earth moved. This was a man who knew how to kiss, and he didn't hesitate to show me what an expert he was. I could have melted in his arms and practically did. When we broke away I was lightheaded enough to faint. I planted my hand over my chest and heaved in deep breaths while the world continued to spin.

“That hold you?” I asked, when my brain recovered enough to form intelligible words.

“Not hardly, but it will have to do.”

I don't know how I got through the rest of the day. As soon as I was finished working in my classroom, I headed back to the inn. My heart was heavy, and while I was the one who'd asked for this time, I dreaded it. I'd grown accustomed to Nick being in my life. Other than Jo Marie and Dana, he'd become my best friend. I'd shared more with him in the short months we'd known each other than with anyone, including James. Nick knew all my secrets in the same way Jayson had. I could so easily be in love with him if I was willing to admit it, and at this point I wasn't.