Sweetness (Bold As Love) (7 page)

Emily stopped walking and reached out to touch my arm. I faced her and tried to hide the sadness from my face. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, looking directly at me now. Next thing I knew, she was hugging me tightly and repeated her apology.

I clutched her tighter to me and rested my chin on the top of her head. Taking a deep breath, I confess, “Sometimes, I just really miss her.”

She leaned back and once again looked directly at me. “What was she like?”

“
Let’s get to the park and I’ll tell you all about her,” I tell her. Our hands return to our pockets and we walked the short distance to the empty park.

We sat down on a bench under a light. After a few minutes, Emily surprised me once again. She took my hand intertwined our fingers, and hugged my arm resting her head on my shoulder. She was trying to give me strength. She amazed me. Here was a girl who was scared of others and she was giving
me
strength.

I began to tell her about my mother. Her jokes and how she was a strict mother, but so fun and full of life. I told her about how well she took care of us and always made sure we were respectful. She always made sure we were happy. If we had any questions or if we needed to talk to someone, she was always there.

“
She sounds like she was a wonderful person,” Emily said with a clear voice.

“
She was,” I replied. We sat in silence for about ten minutes while I recollected myself. “You really shouldn’t be running at night, you know.”

She laughed a quiet laugh and said, “I know, but that won’t stop me.”

I leaned my head against hers. “Are you really okay with us coming to the game with you guys?”

“
Yes. I mean, my dad is going so if I’m going to be a little uncomfortable, then I might as well add you two to the bunch. Plus, I really wanted Drake to go. He was too excited about it.”

“
Oh, I see. You just want my brother to go. Tsk. Tsk.”

She laughed. “I wanted you to go too.”

I looked down at her with a raised eyebrow. “Oh really?”

She laughed again and said, “Absolutely…just not as much as I wanted Drake to go.”

I faked a horror expression, making her giggle, and said, “Well, maybe I should just stay home.”

She leaned her head back on my shoulder and said, “Too late. I already ordered the tickets. You are now in the same boat as me; you are going whether you like it or not.”

I chuckled. I decided to take a leap. I didn’t know how Emily would react, but I wanted to know what happened to her.

“
You know about my mom,” I began in a low tone, “will you tell me about yours?”

Emily tensed. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked. “Never mind, we should probably head back and go home.”

“
No. I - I’ll tell you just a little.”

I sat and waited for her to explain.

Emily sighed and spoke in that fragile voice of hers. “My mom verbally abused me. Happy now?”

“
No,” I say wrapping an arm around her. It seemed that was all she was going to say. I waited five minutes.

“
My mom was my best friend. She still is. She blamed me for my father leaving. She drank and was a drug addict. After a bad breakup, I believed what she told me. I still do. That’s all.”

My heart tore at her words. I stood and brought her up with me. I was still holding her hand and she was standing close to me. She wasn’t looking at me when she asked, “Why do you care?”

“
Do you want the truth? There are a few reasons, but one main one.” All she did was nod. Here I go. “Besides the fact that I want you to see your self-worth,” I paused, lifting her face to make her look at me. “I like you. I really like you.”

Emily

Looking into Jake’s green eyes, all I could think about was the heat coming off his body and the words he just said. His face was so close and I made the mistake of glancing at his lips. Suddenly, our lips crashed together. My arms made their way around his neck with my fingers running into his hair. Jake’s arms snaked around my waist and pulled me closer to him.

Our lips parted and our tongues danced to their own tune. The kissing seemed more demanding and intense. I needed a moment to breathe and I pulled back. Locking eyes with Jake and taking two deep breaths, I found myself returning to his full lips and getting lost in his warmth.

Something clicked in my head and I realized exactly what I was doing. I pulled away abruptly and pushed Jake away from me. I looked at him with eyes full of sorrow. “I…I’m so…sorry.” I took off running wanting nothing more than to escape from what was surely a mistake. I heard Jake frantically calling my name, but I kept going.

I could hear his running steps getting closer behind me but I was already going as fast as I could. Tears welled up in my eyes; I needed to get home. I felt a hand grasp my arm and he turned me around to face him. All the fight left me with one quick glance and I buried myself in his embrace.

“
It’s okay Emily. It’s fine,” Jake whispered in his deep soothing voice.

“
I’m scared,” I mumbled to his chest.

“
I know, I know.”

“
No you don’t. You don’t know the full story. You couldn’t even begin to understand.”

“
Then make me understand.”

“
There’s something else that happened with my mom that no one knows.” I push away from him again, not wanting anyone touching me.

“
Do you want to talk about it?”

“
Not really. It’s probably worse that anything my mother said.”

He’s silent and I debate about whether I should tell him. How do I know that I can trust him? An ache in the pit of my stomach wants to get this information out. I’m tired of holding this in. Finally, I rush those horrible words out of my mouth. “She pimped me out.”

“
Oh, Emily. I’m so sorry.”

Fresh tears leaked from the corners of my eyes. After a good crying session, I ever so softly whisper four words.

“
I like you too.”

He chuckled. “We can go slow,
really
slow. Or nothing at all…whatever you want.” Whatever I want. I squeezed my eyes tighter. There we were standing on the side of a street embracing in the middle of the night.

“
I just want to go home,” I said still talking to his chest. I didn’t want to look at him.

“
Okay, I’ll walk you.” He reached behind his back, took my arms from around him and intertwined one of my hands with his. Stepping back from Jake, I avoided looking at him and began to walk home. We didn’t talk, but every now and again, I could feel Jake glancing at me.

Soon enough we were standing in front of my house. Jake walked me up to my door. He leaned down, kissed my forehead and said sweet dreams. “Sweet dreams,” I replied opening the door quietly. I closed it behind me and locked it. Taking a deep breath, I went to my room and promptly fell asleep.

School had been boring so far. My mind was in a jumble as I avoided eyes and talking, all the while thinking about that kiss. I also doubted myself in the decision to tell Jake about my mother. Would he tell the whole school?

I was sitting at my usual table alone at lunch when Jake’s deep voice said hello. I looked up as he sat down in front of me.

“
What are you doing?”

“
I’m eating lunch.”

“
No duh. Why are you sitting with me?”

“
Well I can’t exactly sit with them after Saturday,” he said nodding his head towards where he usually sat with Claire and the others. “Plus, I rather sit with you,” he added. I looked slowly around the cafeteria. Many people were looking our way. It wasn’t everyday that a star hockey player sat with the girl who didn’t talk.

“
You are causing too much attention,” I said softly.

He shrugged his shoulders. “Okay, time to begin.”

I looked up at him, curious. “Begin what?” I asked.

“
I said I was going to help you and that’s what I intend to do. Let’s start with eye contact and talking. I’m going to close my eyes and I want you to look at my eyelids. I’ll ask pointless questions and you answer them.”

“
How will you eat without looking?”

“
I’m going to take quick breaks.” He closed his eyes. “Okay. Favorite color?”

I looked at his eyelids. “Blue.”

“
Favorite day?”

“
Saturday. Jake, this is weird.”

One eye opened and he smiled. “Would you rather I open them?”

I shook my head and he closed his eye again. He began asking me about all my favorite things and then switched to things like my name, his name, etc. “When’s your birthday?”

“
October 11
^th
. When’s your birthday?”

He opened his eyes and said, “Hey! I’m supposed to be asking the questions.” I giggled and looked away. “It’s February 3
^rd
. That’s good enough for today.”

I had to ask the question that was on my mind. I stared at the cafeteria food on my Styrofoam plate. “You won’t tell anyone will you,” I ask, referring to my past.

“
Absolutely not.”

Relieved, I was able to finish my meal before the bell rang to dismiss us for class. My next and last class was the one with Jake. He walked by my side to class. It was making me uneasy. People noticed and I didn’t want to be noticed. Jake leaned down and asked me, “Are you okay? You don’t look so good.”

“
I’m fine,” I snapped and rushed into the class, leaving him behind. My iPod was in my bag and I was trying to decide if I wanted it or not. Nerves getting the best of me, I reached down and grabbed it. I put in my earphones and found John Mayer. His music could always sooth me. I didn’t want to listen to Monster today. I was able to make it through class without talking and simply listening to John Mayer sing.

The bell rang to dismiss us. Everyone started standing up and leaving. Placing my iPod back in my bag, I made my way to the door. “Emily!” I turned and was facing Jake’s chest. I looked up at him and he smiled.

“
I just wanted to let you know that practice will run late tonight.”

“
Okay,” I said, trying my best not to glance down at his lips. Why did he have to stand so close? My eyes made their way down his nose and to his lips against my will. Catching my glance, the lips turned into a smile. I quickly looked away, “I should get going.” I turned on my heel and walked out, ignoring the chuckles behind me.

I stopped by my locker then headed down the hallway to leave. I made it to my car without incident. I pulled out and made the short drive to Drake’s school. He was excited to see me. He told me about his day on the way to my house. He had a pop quiz and completed many activities.

At my house, we went into the kitchen and started on our homework. Drake was finished in no time and I told him he could either play with his car or watch TV. His day must have made him tired because he chose the latter. My homework, however, took much longer to complete. I had papers to write, math to calculate, and tests that I needed to study for.

I took breaks every so often to watch TV with Drake or to fix him a snack or something to drink. I was working on my last paper when I heard my dad come in. He went into the living room with Drake, waving as he went and started talking to him. I kept working and wishing I were done already. Even after I finished my paper, I would still be working because I had to study!

I’m in school all day-7 hours- and I had to come home and work two to five hours everyday, plus work on the weekends. I was still working on that paper when I heard Jake come in. He made idle conversation with my dad and Drake. He was sitting on the arm of the recliner and he kept sneaking glances at me.

It was hard to be productive when I could feel someone looking at me. Every time I glanced up, Jake smiled at me causing me to blush. I had decided to stop looking and focus. I didn’t need him distracting me. I could hear my dad and Drake get up to go outside and play with Drake’s car. Jake declined saying he was going to get something to drink.

I didn’t look up when he came into the kitchen. I was focusing. I could see him out of the corner of my eye disappear behind me to the fridge. I heard it open and then close. I felt his fingers lightly touching the back of my neck, causing me to freeze. He moved my hair aside and kissed my neck. I could feel his breath still on my neck and the heat from his body behind me as he said, “Hey.”

I kept writing and mumbled a hello. He chuckled and sat down across from me. I let out a breath as his heat left me. “Did Drake do his homework?” I nodded. I was about to finish my last sentence, but I didn’t want to. If I finished, then I had to face Jake. Ah hell. I scribbled the last words and started placing things back into my bag.

I could study later. “You’re not going to make another midnight run, are you?” I looked up at him as I zipped my book bag closed.

Smirking I said, “I might.” He laughed. I stood, picking up my bag and made my way to my room. I put my bag on the floor beside my dresser and turned around to run into Jake.

“
What are you doing?” I exclaimed. He smiled, placed a hand behind my neck to bring me closer, and leaned down to kiss me. It was just as good as yesterday, but the demand was gone. It was slow and intense. I was so lost in the kiss and in Jake that I could have kissed him for a long time.