Tainted Love: contemporary womens fiction love story and family saga (Behind Closed Doors Book 1) (21 page)

“But Daddy promised.” Her eyes were wide when she pulled away and they looked so jaded, far beyond the years of an eight-year-old. “He said he wouldn’t do it again and he lied.”

“I know, sweetheart. I believed him too.” I looked away for a moment. I had to. Cal hadn’t changed. He’d never change. I had to remember he promised Caitlyn he’d change and then he broke the promise. I couldn’t ever risk him hurting her that much again. “He’s good at making you believe him when he’s telling lies, and that’s why we move so much. So he can’t make us believe lies.”

“Cate,” John said, “There are lots of different people in the world. There are horrible people and they do horrible things to everyone, regardless if they love them or not. And then there are good people with bad problems, and they hurt the people they love because of that problem.” He took her hand and she let him take her from me. “I don’t know enough about your dad to tell you which one he is, and it’s not a decision you have to make today. You can think about it for a few years if you want.” He smiled at her. “But if you’re scared of anything, especially about me and your mom, I need you to tell me, okay?”

“You were shouting the other day.” She looked down. “And Mom’s been acting strange since Christmas, like when we lived with Dad. I thought...”

“John would never...”

“She won’t believe you,” he said quietly. “You and me kiddo, we’re gonna fix this. We’re gonna fix your mom, because your dad broke her. And we’re gonna fix you, because he broke you too. And we’ve still got a lot to do to fix the house, because the spiders keep breaking the house. Deal?” She nodded. “But first, we’re gonna have chocolate brownies.” A smile lit up her face. “Go tell Lisa and Zoe.”

And just like that, everything was right in her world again.

He stood up, walked towards me, and swept an arm around me. “How long were you married?”

“Twenty-five years next month. Present tense.”

“So, technically, you’re cheating on your abusive husband, and I’m the other man?”

Did he realize the fear of God he’d just put in me? That didn’t sound good. Cal would NOT like that.

John’s lips burst into a grin. “You really went off the rails when you broke free, didn’t you?” I gasped. How insanely inappropriate! “Meh,” he shrugged, “I’m all for profiteering from his loss.”

I laughed.

“God damn that man. I’d have had you in bed on the Fourth of July if it wasn’t for him! I saw you checking out how big my hands are, and you know what they say about big hands...”

So not true, but now I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. “Stop it!”

“You know, when you blush... you look so... so... there’s no other way to describe it. You’re adorable.” My insides cringed. I think he noticed the instant change in me, because John said, “I promise never to say that word again.” My eyes met his. “What a fool he must be, Kimmi.”

“Faith,” I said, “My real name is Faith McKenzie.”

His gaze caught mine. His breath stopped on the way in, and his smile faded. “I don’t care. I thought you were ending it between us.” He smiled as he took my face in his hands. “So now would be the right time to tell you I love you, yes?”

My heart sang. I flew so high I felt like I could reach outer space. Little brother, this is how it’s supposed to feel when the man you love tells you he loves you for the first time.

I just nodded, blinked, and wiped away tears. “Yes.”

Chapter Forty-Five

Date: 04/16/2003 10:23:30 PM

Subject: I am NOT happy with you!

Why didn’t you tell me you’d contacted the police, Darryl?

Or that Cal is a wanted felon?

You see, I’m seeing a police officer and these are things I am going to find out. I guess maybe I wouldn’t have if he’d left well enough alone like I’d asked him. But after I’d told John what Cal was like, he wasn’t into the idea of him coming around here. EVER!

John and Lisa have moved in. I think it’s only supposed to be temporary. But I think it’s one of those things that may never change back... does that make sense? I think maybe we’d be fooling ourselves to think it will. He does have his own bedroom, and it’s full of his things. He never uses it.

It’s not official that we’re living together, so I wasn’t expecting any of his family to visit but Drew nearly hammered in my door and didn’t wait for an invite. He just waltzed right in and demanded, “Where’s my brother?”

“Ah,” John said, walking down the stairs. “I know that face.”

“You do a license search in my station without telling me?”

“You said you wouldn’t.” I knew exactly what he’d done. “You said you’d leave it alone.”

“I was looking for the guy’s picture,” John explained. “If I catch him in this town, I’ll kill him. Didn’t think either of you would have a problem with that.”

“Yes, I have a problem with it,” Drew said. “I have a problem with you setting off red flags, leaving me to field calls from SVU departments all day and I’ve no idea why.” And then he spun his attention to me. “So who are you, Faith McKenzie, and why are both Washington and NYPD looking for you?”

The glass slipped from my hand. How did he know? I looked at John. He was as shocked as I was.
Washington?
My eyes closed as I smothered the cry with my hand. “He got her.” I felt John’s hand on my shoulder. “When he realized we weren’t there anymore, he took it out on Bree.”

“I need you to tell me exactly what I’m dealing with here.”

“You know something, Drew...” John wrapped his arms around me and held on as I absorbed the shock of what was I knew was the truth.

I’d been found. It meant Cal could find me. My insides began to quake.

“For the Sheriff,” John said, “you really need more sensitivity training.”

I smiled against John’s chest. I couldn’t help it. It was hard not to when the carpenter was telling the sheriff he sucked.

“I know this is a police matter, but do you have to be the sheriff right now? Just go outside put your family head on and let’s start all over again, because Faith doesn’t deserve this.”

“What if I don’t cooperate?” I said.

“There’s an outstanding warrant for your arrest,” Drew said quietly, and John tensed. The implication was clear. He’d arrest me. “Your girls were reported abducted by your husband three years ago, when you left the state of New Jersey.”

You should have told me, Darryl. I asked you not to tell anyone what I’d told you. I suppose I can understand why you would talk to Detective Wilson at the time. Why he had a copy of everything I’ve ever written until we came to Hawthorne Creek. But D, you should have told me!

Now you’re thinking, would it have been easier for me to know? And I guess it wouldn’t. I would have been worried every time I saw a police car. John and I certainly wouldn’t be together now. I’d have never stayed here. I’d have kept moving on. So maybe you did do the right thing after all, but still. I don’t want secrets between us again.

Detective Wilson wants me to put in a complaint against Cal. You probably agree. I know John does. I just want to move on with my life. You know, he hit another woman. Well, he battered another woman, poor Bree. I’ve seen the photographs of how he left her. Georgia and Caleb, they’ll probably get over that. But what he’s done to me? They’d never survive it.

So no, I’m not pressing charges. I’m just going to work at laying my demons to rest. I’m going to kick his sorry ass out of my head, out of my life, and out of my goddamn bedroom!

Chapter Forty-Six

Date: 06/07/2003 11:32:56 AM

Subject: None

You know I used to have a REALLY great sex life!

I know, I know. You and I don’t really discuss this, but it’s
so
goddamn frustrating! And you’re cathartic for me, so listen up! Or press delete... I don’t care!

It’s nearly July! Why the man is still with me, I have no idea! We’re making progress. Really. Why can’t it always be like it was last night? I know you don’t want to hear this, but he was tender and it was perfect. He knows exactly when I’m slipping away and he asks me to stay with him. Some of the time he can chase Cal away and it’s... okay, too much information.

But this morning he was there and he wouldn’t let me go. And I’m sorry, but I’m just not into threesomes with Cal! The bastard’s ruined sex for me!

Okay, my rant is over, you can delete this now.

Chapter Forty-Seven

Date: 07/08/2003 18:32:48 PM

Subject: July 4th

Caleb and Georgia came to see us for Fourth of July weekend. It was wonderful having them here. I know it’s really far for them to come, but I’m so glad they did. The younger ones were so excited to see them, even Zoe surprised me. I thought she wouldn’t remember them, but the moment I pulled up in John’s car, she screamed and ran to both of them. I was so worried about Lisa, she’s shy and she’s never met them before but my little Bunny Rabbit took to them like they’d been in her life forever.

Of course the girls entered the talent competition. Zoe won! And Cate took second place! They convinced me to put in a decorated cake this year, and yes, it did win. The local baker wants me to join his staff but Sadie tells me I can’t.

Caleb and I had a heart to heart. He told me he knew about everything. I could deny it all I wanted, but his mom would never just take off because she was unhappy. His mom wouldn’t move to the other side of the state because his dad had an affair. And his mom wouldn’t disappear without a word and stay gone for months on end. He knew I had reasons.

He says Georgia won’t believe him. She thinks her dad isn’t capable of something like that but Caleb volunteers in a domestic violence center in Boston, and he told me I’d be surprised by who is capable. He says his only regret is I couldn’t talk to him and I went through this alone. But I haven’t really been alone, have I, D? So I told him Uncle Robert helped take care of the physical stuff, and you took care of my heart, my mind, and my spirit, which is what I set out to do when I left Cal.

I think he understands why I didn’t tell him about the abuse and why I asked you to keep this from them and I think he’s in a better place for taking some of the awfulness from his mind. I helped. I was his mom and it felt wonderful.

I made progress with Georgia, too. She’s still on Daddy’s team, and still really angry with me for leaving him, for leaving New York, for moving so far away, for finding someone else. I don’t think that list is inclusive. She doesn’t like John, but I don’t think it’s John so much, it is what he represents: Cal and I are definitely over.

You know, we sat having dinner the night before Caleb and Georgia left, and we were talking about the plans for the future. Caleb wants to specialize in Domestic Abuse and Georgia is going into Child Psychiatry. She’s always had a soft spot for children. When they asked me, I told them I wasn’t planning on coming back to New York. I’m happy here, the girls are happy here, and they’ll always find me here.

John smiled at me and said, “In that case, Faith, will you marry me?”

You know, the question hadn’t even registered in my mind before Georgia was on her feet. “Are you stupid?” she snapped. “She’s already married.
To my dad.
”

Georgia’s not said very much since, but I know exactly what she’ll do. She’ll go home and report to her father. She’s going to tell him where to come so he can take me back home but I won’t run this time. I have a life here in Hawthorne Creek. It’s over, D. When he does come, I’m going to tell him I want a divorce.

Chapter Forty-Eight

Date: 07/17/2003 19:32:00 PM

Subject: Call me

It was just a normal day, D. The girls were at school and I was at work in the diner. The lunchtime rush had cleared and we had entered the afternoon lull. I served a lovely couple their regular coffee and grilled cheese when I saw him. He sat there in a corner booth under the window, perusing the menu.

I think he knew the fear he instilled inside me the moment he smiled. I think he could taste it. The dishes smashed into the floor. I ran. I ran into the kitchen. I grabbed my bag and I went out the back door. I didn’t look back.

I never dreamt he’d come here this quick. Instinct took over and the instinct was to run. The instinct was to get the girls and get out of there as fast as I could.

I’d not thought about this for a long time, but I knew exactly what we’d need. Jeans, PJs, underwear, sweaters, t-shirts, socks, sneakers. I had the girls’ things packed already, I’d cleared the necessities from the bathroom and was I cramming the important documents we’d need into my backpack... license... registration... change of name documents... bank account statements... checkbook... health insurance ... I wasn’t bothered about things for me. I’d think about that later, when we were far away from here, away from Cal and away from any danger.

The bedroom door swung open. John scared me half to death. He looked at me with big blue eyes and puffing from lack of breath. “I got a call. You ran out of the diner. Where is he?”

I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breathe.

“What are you doing?”

I managed to speak then. “What does it look like?”

“No!” John marched forward and snatched the bag from my hand. “Not this time.”

I looked at him. Didn’t he realize he was condemning me to death? He didn’t know what Cal was like. He hadn’t lived with this man for twenty-two years. He hadn’t been chased from state to state. He hadn’t been beaten, raped, or left unconscious. He wasn’t the one with hands around his throat! Squeezing until I couldn’t breathe anymore.

“He'll kill me!” I gasped.

“No, Faith.” He threw the bag on my bed. “No more running. It’s not a life for those girls.” He grabbed my shoulders and forced me to look at him. “You’ve stopped running. You’re divorcing him. He'll never lay a finger on you again. I promise."