Take it All (Blinded by Love) (30 page)

“Beer?” he called back, moving around in the kitchen.

She smiled and called back, “Please.”

“‘Kay,” he said, the clinking of glass sounded like he was dropping ice in a cup, “Yo, love, will you go grab the eight ball we got earlier? I don’t know where you put it.”

“Okie dokie,” she said, standing up and leaving the room, heading down the hall.

Lennox fidgeted next to Caleb unsure what he meant when he said eight ball but had a pretty good idea when he squeezed her thigh then his hand covered hers and she felt herself relax a bit.

“Yo King, I bought from Snake today. That new shit he’s got everyone dealing, fuck man that shit is prime, worth the dollar amount too,” he laughed and it was a deep throaty one that echoed in the kitchen and followed him as he made his way back to the living room.

Lennox sat there next to Caleb with her eyes straight ahead, focusing on her pop can but could see Caleb from the corner of her eye; his head was turned looking in Ty’s direction, bobbing from side to side and it reminded her of a bobble head that just kept moving around on a car dashboard. “That’s what he said Tank told him; let’s try it,” he said leaning back into the couch, getting comfortable, “You need a roll?”

“Nah man, we got it,” he said sitting down in the chair Kassie had been in before leaving. “You wanna cut the lines, man? Lennox can hit it too if she wants.”

Lennox’s head whipped to the side to look at him; her head shaking ,”No, I’m good, but thanks,” she told him politely. She was curious about it though, what it felt it like, what kind of high it gave you, just the overall effect of it but it wasn’t enough to consider trying it, not ever. Snorting something up her nose to get a high just seemed completely wrong but each to their own.

Caleb sat forward and took his glass off the table and tossed back the rest of his drink then sat back in the couch and looked at her. “You okay?” he asked her in a whisper. She nodded her head even though she wasn’t entirely sure; she couldn’t help but picture cops busting through both sets of doors as they got their lines ready then haul them all off to jail where she would have to explain to her parents what had happened. He squeezed her hand before moving over on the couch, away from her, to get closer to the coffee table as Kassie walked back into the room and tossed him a round white plastic ball. He caught it in his hands then leaned further over the table and opened the plastic ball and emptied its contents on a square mirror that was sitting there.

Lennox nervously watched as Caleb separated the white pile into six neat lines across the mirror; lines that didn’t just seem too big but also seemed to be mocking her, welcoming her to his hell and telling her this was his life, this was who he was. Her mouth turned bone dry from nerves, and she tried to swallow past it but it didn’t help. She reached for her pop and took a large gulp, hearing her heart pounding in her chest as the blood rushed to her ears. Her eyes went to Caleb who had finished cutting the lines and was handing what looked to be a few tightly rolled bills with a few elastics holding them in place over to Ty, who had left his chair and was now sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table with Kassie next to him.

Her eyes dropped to the mirror to see there were now seven lines instead of six; there was enough for two lines each with one left over; two lines too many in her opinion. She watched as Ty placed the rolled bills under his nose, covered the other nostril with his finger, and in one quick motion to the right the white was gone; so quick that if you blinked you would miss it. He passed the roll to Kass as he sniffed a few times then brushed under his nose with his finger then, like nothing had happened, grabbed his drink and watched Kassie do the same thing as she passed it to Caleb for his turn.

At that moment it was as if the room went silent and everything passed in slow motion. Her eyes were glued to him, unable to look away and watching as he placed the roll under his nose, covered his other nostril, bent forward and in one quick swipe the line was gone, just as quick; the toxic flowing through his body as it entered his system, quickly taking affect and further changing the love of Lennox’s life.

She couldn’t remove her eyes from the mirror on the table as four lines were left. Four lines that felt like four giant elephants in the room, slowly absorbing the air she inhaled making it harder for her to breathe. While the three sat back with lazy smiles across their faces and talked about the new mix that was beginning to make its way around, Lennox tried to focus on that instead of the mocking piles of snow a few feet away, but she couldn’t. She had seen movies with cocaine use, television shows as well, she had even learned about it in school but it still didn’t seem real to her because she didn’t know anyone who touched it, so sitting there on the couch watching people, one being her whole world, snort it in front of her, made it real, unequivocally real and completely shocking.

“King, you can have the extra line,” Ty said.

Caleb didn’t say anything, only nodded as he bent over the mirror and again in a quick motion another pile was gone and he passed it off to Ty and waited for it to come back to him for his third and final line. Lennox watched intently as Kassie passed the rolled up bills to Caleb then laid back on the floor as she said something to Ty who looked down at her with a lazy smile and just chuckled softly. Her eyes darted back to Caleb as he snorted the last line then fell back into the couch, sniffing and rubbing his nose.

Feeling that three lines was too much, way too much, Lennox began to panic. They were out somewhere in the middle of nowhere, where the next house over was at least a five minute drive away. She had no idea how to get back to the city from Ty’s or where the nearest hospital was in case Caleb started to OD. That’s all Lennox was seeing; Caleb passing out and falling into a coma and she couldn’t do anything about it because she didn’t know where they were; he’d die because of her just sitting there next to him, watching him do line after line, and not doing a damn thing to stop him. The room began to close in on her and her body felt like someone had covered her in gasoline then tossed a match on her, setting her ablaze.

Her chest tightened. She couldn’t sit there anymore; she needed air, and she needed it before she passed out. “I need some air,” she said as she jumped to her feet and rushed to the door where she slipped on her shoes then hurried out into the cool winter night, taking a deep breath as the door closed behind her.

She paced back and forth on the deck, worried for Caleb inside that something could happen while she was outside. Her head pounded and her heart raced, all in fear something bad was going to happen. Her head was full of thoughts; it had been since she found out about his dangerous habit, and it wasn’t until then that she realized how scared she actually was and just how much she didn’t know when she made the decision to stay with him regardless of it. It was only the beginning, and she knew that, even if thoughts of turning around and going back and ending things with him came; she knew there was no chance of that actually happening so all she could hope for was she’d be enough for him to give it up.

But she also knew she needed someone to talk to, someone she could confide in, someone who would understand and mostly, someone who wasn’t Caleb. As she grabbed her cell phone from her pocket, she knew this wasn’t the best way to do it but there was no other way; she needed someone to talk to before she completely lost her mind. She knew who to call the minute the thought crossed her mind and she scrolled through the list of names until she found the one she wanted and dialed.

“What’s shakin’ Cupcake,” Raine’s comforting voice sounded over the phone, “Everything alright?”

“Hey,” she said, not knowing what else to say, still unsure if she should be making the call in the first place.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” he asked in a rush and she could hear him shuffling around on the other end.

Deciding to just do it, she took a breath and came clean to him about Caleb and everything that happened within the last few weeks and what just went down a few minutes ago. She came out with everything she could possibly think of in one rushed breath, hoping she didn’t miss anything. It wasn’t every day you tell one of your best friends the guy you’re dating, the one you love more than anything, is not only a drug dealer but also an addict as well. But Raine did what she expected and what she needed by listening to her until she was done. The line went silent for a few minutes after she finished and if it wouldn’t have been for the deep breaths he took she would have thought he hung up on her.

“End it, right now,” he said suddenly, throwing her off guard, “I’ll come get you.”

“What– no– Raine,” she said taken aback, “I can’t, didn’t you listen; I love him.”

“Lennox, I get that but come on– cocaine–
cocaine
Lennox. That shit’s serious and you don’t even know how deep he’s into it. You need to think about you here and do what’s smart, end things before–”

“Before what, I fall in love with him? Too late already happened,” she said sarcastically and frustrated. “I can’t walk away Raine. If I could I would have but the thought of doing it... literally makes my insides hurt and my chest feel like it’s being crushed. Raine... I’m so in love with him I can’t see straight and I know you don’t understand, hell even
I
don’t understand but...” she shrugged her shoulders before finishing, “I just can’t do it.”

Raine sighed and she pictured him holding the phone with one hand and the other on his hip as he looked at the ceiling, shaking his head with disappointment. “Okay,” he began, “what do you need from me?”

“I just needed to talk to someone about it. There was no way I was going to be able to keep it to myself and not go crazy.”

He chuckled, “True,” he paused and she sensed an unsaid but and before she could question it, he said, “but, I need you to promise me something.”

Holding her phone with one hand, the other came across and hugged her tightly, trying to warm up. “What’s that?” she asked.

“That you’ll be careful, and if anything, I mean anything makes you uncomfortable you’ll call me and I’ll come get you.” His voice was firm but also full of worry and concern. “Promise me.”

“I promise.”

And before she could say anymore she heard the door open behind her, followed by Caleb’s voice, “Lox, you okay?”

“I gotta go; call you later and we can talk more,” she said, then hung up quickly and shoved her cell phone into her back pocket.

She could feel Caleb as he came up behind her and how close he was, but she couldn’t turn around and tell him she was okay because he’d see it in her eyes just how much she wasn’t okay; how far from okay she was.

She was overwhelmed; it was too much in one night to handle and it was all starting to hit her. “I...” she began as she swiped the tears that she didn’t even notice had started to fall, “I don’t know... I wanna say yes but I feel like that would be a lie.”

“Dove…”

Lennox turned abruptly and faced him. “Are you okay?” she asked all of a sudden, trying to search his face but unable to see much in the dark.

Caleb moved closer and pulled her into his chest. His lips brushed over her forehead followed by her nose and lastly her lips in a passionate kiss she felt in every crevice of her body. He slowed the kiss to small soft pecks, locking his arms around her waist tightly at the same time her arms circled around him and locked behind his back. Her head fell against his chest, over his heart, and she listened to the rapid beat against her cheek like it was going to burst through his chest. “Your heart is beating so fast Caleb,” she mumbled, her eyes beginning to burn again as the fear she felt for him almost became unbearable.

He sighed then kissed the top of her head and his arms tightened as she snuggled in as close as she could to him. “Baby, I’m fine. Been doing this for awhile. I know what’s too much and what’s not enough. I know if it’s bad when I taste it. I know what I’m doing; believe me when I say
I know
.” His hand grasped her chin and lifted it so their eyes met. His hand then slid along the side of her face and into her hair, as his thumb gently wiped the tears away. “Dove, trust me, there’s nothing to worry about.”

Looking back at him she could see his face in the moonlight that had reached them and she could see the cocaine had long taken effect as his pupils looked like the size of dimes and his eyes were glazed over. Her eyes fluttered shut as she saw his head moving around like a bobble head, and she nodded, and said the words she knew she may come to regret. “I trust you.”

“Thank you,” he said, kissing her nose. “Let’s get your coat and head, okay?”

Lennox nodded, liking that idea. “I’m driving, but you’ll have to guide the way out and back to your place,” she said, sniffling.

“I’ll guide you anywhere you wanna go, baby.”

“As long as you’re with me, doesn’t matter,” she reached up and kissed his lips in a quick peck, “but tonight, let’s just go to your place.”

“I can do that.” He motioned with his head to the house and they headed in where they said good bye to Kassie and Ty then grabbed her coat and left. Just like he said, Caleb guided her back to the highway where she was able to find her way back to his place with no trouble. The drive home was silent, except the radio playing, while Caleb sat in the passenger seat, his head rolling and his teeth grinding together, a sound that Lennox couldn’t stand.

By the time they got back to his place it was just before eleven thirty and the house was empty and in darkness so it was clear Emerson was still out. Lennox took her makeup off then changed into her pyjamas before she climbed into Caleb’s bed and waited for him to finish in the bathroom. It was then, lying in his bed, the house in complete silence, when she heard the echoing sound come from the bathroom. She knew what he was doing behind the door. Her suspicions were confirmed when he came out, sniffing and wiping under his nose.

He climbed in next to her after turning the lights off and clicked the television on, flipping to a movie about racing cars. Propping a pillow behind him, he laid back as his arm slid around her and pulled her into him; her head resting against his chest, over his heart. She laid there, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Her arm slung across his stomach and rested along his tattooed covered arm for a few minutes until her fingers aimlessly started tracing over his tattoo.