Take it Deep (Take 2) (32 page)

“Things are now though
, aren’t they?” she asked.

“Yes, I know.  I will tell him. 
I promise.” 

She smiled at me and took my hand.
  “Do you need me to come later?  I can make an excuse and come with you if you need me.”

I squeez
ed her hand back.  “No, that’s okay.  Jake will get suspicious if we leave together anyway.  Don’t worry, I’ll be fine,” I tell her reassuringly. 

I don’t know whether I was just trying to reassure myself more than anything.  I knew I couldn’t keep on
like this much longer.  It was simply getting beyond ridiculous now.

I took a deep breath thinking I had to go and tell Jake about my fictitious dental appointment.  I just hoped he believed me and didn’t start asking questions.

I knocked on Jake’s door and he bellowed for me to come in.

“Ana, what can I do for you?  O
r do I really need to ask that question?”

I was nervous for some reason.  Why should I be nervous about asking for time off to go to the dentist?
Maybe it’s because you’re not going to the fricken’ dentist!

“If you don’t mind I need to leave before four today?  I have a dental appointment.” 

I bit my lip, a sure sign I was nervous.  I really hope I’m not giving myself away too much.

“Sure, no problem.
  I’ll see you later perhaps and we can visit Matthew together?”

“That would be
great; I’ll text you when I’m done.”  I looked at him for a sign of mistrust or doubt that what I was saying wasn’t true.  I was being really paranoid now.

“Ok
ay, make sure you do.  Is that all you wanted to tell me or is there something else I can do for you?”

He looked up at me quizzically, smiling
like the beautiful God that he is.  I was sure there was something he could do for me—and he’d do it extremely well—but I was too nervous about today to do anything about it.

“No, it’s ok
ay.  I’ll go back to work.”

My heart must have dropped once I shut his door.  I felt rotten about keeping this from him.  I practically slumped in my chair once I got back to my desk.

“What’s up, Missy?  You don’t look too good.” Jessie said.

“I can’t do this anymore
, Jessie.  I’m going to have to tell him and be damned of the consequences.”

Her face beaming
, she replied, “Oh, thank fuck for that.  When are you going to do it?”

“He wants to see me after work
so we can visit Matthew together, I’ll tell him after that.”

“Great, because quite frankly this has been killing me, so I dread to think what it’s been doing to you hiding it away from him all these weeks.  Are you still worried that he’ll be mad at you?”

I nod my head, “Yes, I don’t want him to push me away again.  The thought frightens me to death, Jessie.  I really don’t think I could take another rejection from him.  He’s my Barn Owl.” 

Jessie looks at me like I’ve gone insane.

“Excuse me, what?”

“Barn Owl.
  They mate for life.  Apparently the male is very aggressive when it comes to sex, that’s why they remind me of Jake.”

She twists her face up.  “Ok
ay, maybe that was too much information there, I’ll have to take your word on that, but I’m glad you’re doing this.  I personally think you have nothing to worry about.  I just wish you would have told him sooner.  He could have gone with you today.  It’s wrong that he’s not there on all kinds of levels, Ana.  He’s the father and he has a right.”

“I know, I know.  I’ll tell him tonight,
and then he can decide where we go from there.  At least the ball will be in his court and I will know where we stand with each other.  I just don’t think you realize how terrified I am.”

“Ana, this is not good for the baby.  You need to focus on that
, okay?  No matter what happens, Jake will not abandon you.  Just remember that for me.”

I nod my head as she is right.  I’m getting myself too stressed out and it can’t be good for the baby.  I can’t just think about myself anymore.  There is a very important person on the way that needs my devotion, and I’m going to make damn sure he or she gets it.

When it gets
around half past three, I decide it’s now or never.  I was so nervous about whether everything was going to be okay with the scan that my head was swimming.  I wanted everything to be perfect.

I said goodbye to Jessie and headed for my car.  I don’t even remember making the journey as my head was just everywhere but the road.  I parked in a space near to the Reston clinic.  It was kind of strange as it was surrounded by shops.  There was a Walmart next to it and other shops
beside it.  It’s quite possible the clinic thought it was a good idea to put it there so the mother’s and father’s to be could go baby shopping after.  I smiled thinking maybe that’s what I will do once I’m finished here.  As long as everything is okay of course.  The thought had my stomach twisting in knots.

I walk through the door, depression hitting me as I see all the happy parents sitting waiting for their scan
—and there was me, all alone.  I gave my name to the Receptionist and she told me to take a seat as my OB/GYN was running a little late.  Great, that was all I needed.

I sat trying to bury my face in a magazine, but it was no use.  I fidgeted and played with my phone wondering whether I was doing the right thing being here.  Just like Jessie said, it
was kind of selfish of me to keep this from Jake.  He was the father and deserved to be here.  I was starting to think that maybe today was a bad idea and that I should reschedule to give myself some time to tell Jake and see what he wanted to do.

I buried my head in my hands trying to come up with a suitable conclusion and every one of them terrified me.  In the end I thought it best to tell the Receptionist that I had to be back at work, so could I
reschedule.  That would be a good enough excuse.  At least then I could blame some of it on them.

My mind satisfied with its conclusion,
I pulled my hands away from my face and looked up.  That’s when I saw a figure in front of me.  I gasped and tightened my hand to my chest.  It was Jake.

“Jake, how did you—
?”

“I followed you.  I knew something was going on.  I had my suspicions, but I had to check them out for myself.”

“You knew?” was all I could muster.  It was painful to think that I had put us through all of this when he probably knew all along.

“I guessed by the way you’ve been acting lately
, and then there was the police function and you didn’t drink.  I’ve noticed you seem to have an ice cream fetish lately among other things, but it was the no drinking that kind of confirmed it for me.  Why didn’t you tell me, Ana?”

He places his hands on my arms and the comfort made it hard for me to look at him.  I wanted to
bawl my eyes out, but we were in public, so I forced the tears away.  I didn’t want to do this here.  He can see I’m upset, so asks me to hold on for a minute.

“Excuse me
, ma’am, is there somewhere a little more private we could go to?  I need to speak with my beautiful mom-to-be here.”

My heart instantly melted
.  He didn’t seem mad at all, he seemed calm, which was a great deal more than what I felt right now.

The Receptionist smiled at Jake, obviously taken in by his charm.  He can be intimidating, but at the same time, turn the charm on better than an expert with a snake.  He’s so beautiful, my caveman.

“Of course dear.  Miss Sinclair’s OB/GYN should be here in about five minutes anyway.  Why don’t you pop into Dr Foster’s room and you can wait in there?  I apologize for the delay.”

She moves toward the corridor, leading the way to Dr Foster’s room and leaves us in peace to wait.

“Are you angry with me?”

He shakes his
head, “Angry with you.  Ana I’m so mad.”

I dip my head down, looking at the floor ashamed.

“Madly in love with you, Ana-Lucia Sinclair.”

I look up
hopeful; his face is beaming back at me.  I quickly match his smile as he races to find my lips.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked,
breaking away.

“I was scared
, Jake.  More than scared, I was petrified.  I thought, you know, with what happened to you with Matthew and then Stella trying the same thing on you.  I was thinking you would assume I was trying to trap you.  You put your faith in me that I was using contraception, and I felt I had betrayed you.  I was frightened that you were going to reject me.”

He takes my face in his hands and looks deeply into my eyes
, with those beautiful greens of his.  The tears start and this time I don’t care.  I held onto this for far too long and it was such a relief to get it all out.  I felt so elated that he was here with me—that he still wanted me.

“Ana, those other
times were different.  I was seventeen with Matthew, young and stupid.  I wasn’t in love with her, or Stella.  I was spending my whole life waiting for you.  I knew that the very first day I laid eyes on you in La Bistro.  You were, and always will be my happily ever after.”

“Oh
, Jake,” I sobbed.  I took his lips to mine willing him to stop the tears.  I was all too consumed by him that it was startling.  I didn’t even realize Dr Foster was in the room until she cleared her throat.

Jake
turns toward her, “Oops, sorry,” he said a little embarrassed.

She spots me crying and I smile at her.  “Hormones,” I say as a way of explanation.  She chuckles at that one, striding over to
take her seat next to me.

“I totally understand, not to worry.  It’s only natural that you will sometimes feel the way you are.  Talking of which, how are you feeling?  Have
you gotten over the sickness yet?  I know you were having a hard time with it.”

Jake looked frustrated and I could tell he wanted to tell m
e off again for not telling him.  He refrained though, biting his tongue.

“I’m fine now. 
I think I’m more than fine.  I feel sort of alive, if that makes sense.  It’s strange; I don’t know how to explain it.”

She smiled, “Having children will do that to you, especially your first child.  I’m sure you will be a fantastic mother.”  She turned to
Jake, “I take it that you are—”

“The father, yes,” he said proudly.

She motioned for me to lie down and hitched up my top.  I looked across at the screen where our baby would be seen soon, and my heart raced.  Jake grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently.  He looked just as excited as I did.

“This is going to be a little cold, so I
apologize in advance,” she warned.

Dr Foster was right, it was bloody cold, but
I took it without a flinch.  I was running too much on adrenaline to care.

The image that came up made Jake and I gasp.  I
couldn’t believe that at only twelve weeks, you could see the image of a baby so clearly.  She let us take it in for a few moments before starting on the measurements.  I could only see black and white, but the baby looked perfect.  I glanced at Jake, a tear in my eye and I could see water forming in his own.  They made the color of his eyes stand out even more—if that were possible.  He smiled at me and mouthed, ‘Our baby.’  I nearly choked on the tears I was so happy.

We stared transfixed on this tiny miracle we had produced together in an
agonizing night at a hotel in Fredericksburg.  It seemed such a long time ago now.

Dr Foster printed some pictures and told us that everything was looking about perfect. 

“It seems we are all set for the 2
nd
July.  Congratulations to you both.”

She
put the machine away wiping the jelly off my stomach, before handing us the prints.  They looked beautiful.  Jake and I both stared at the pictures of our baby.  In fact, we couldn’t keep our eyes off them.

“I think we’re about done here, but I want you to know that I am here if you need anything
, okay?  If there is anything you’re unsure of, or you’re worried about anything in any way, please call me.”

We both nodded our heads still in shock from seeing our baby for the very first time.  Dr Foster smil
ed knowingly and we make our way to the car park, somewhat dazed by the whole experience.

Jake turned to face me getting on his knee
s.  “Jake, what are you doing?  People are watching.” 

I looked around and
could see we were starting to build an audience.  He stared up at me and placed his head on my stomach.

“I don’t care,” he said sternly.

I place my hand on his hair, stroking him gently.  He looks up at me again, tears in his eyes, as he places a hand on my belly.

“Our baby,” he said
lovingly.

I pull my hand up to my mouth willing it to capture the sob escaping me.  I could tell through my peripheral vision that the crowd was gathering.  I e
ven heard a couple of women go “Aww,” as he placed his hand on my stomach.