Take My Dress Off (25 page)

Dillon settled over me, his tongue teasing into my mouth as I raked my hands up and down his back. He scent was all masculine, soap and desire, his skin still damp from the shower. Droplets of water slipped from his hair onto my chest as he unbuttoned my blouse with one hand then tugged at the clasp of my bra. He tossed both to the floor and gazed down at me admiringly.

“Is this really happening?” he whispered. “I feel like I’m dreaming.” His eyes swept over my breasts. They were heavy and full and I took them into my hands, squeezing them to relieve the ache.

“Jesus, Paige,” growled Dillon. “You’re so beautiful.”

He lowered his face to my breasts, his tongue swirling and sucking my hardened nipples. I moaned, the ache becoming more and more pleasurable with each stroke of his tongue. I tugged at the waistband of his sweats and wrapped my hand around his length. His hand slipped under my skirt and the flesh between my legs tightened viciously. His fingers slowly, cautiously, glided over my slick folds. He was apprehensive. And how could I blame him? I had always pushed him away. But I wasn’t this time.

He inhaled deeply and pulled away.

“Paige, we should stop,” he whispered and rolled onto his side. His dark eyes were wide and wild, his lips wet and full.

“Do you want to stop?” I asked and sat up on my elbows.

His face softened as he brushed the backs of his fingers over my cheek and murmured, “No, of course not. I’ve been waiting, wanting you for so long. But I know how upset you are. You’re not thinking clearly.”

I had never been so sure of anything in my life. My eyes locked with his as I slowly twisted out of my skirt and then my panties. His gaze followed as I offered myself to him.

“Dillon, I need you to fuck me senseless right now. Can I be any
more
clear?”

He stared in disbelief for a moment then gave me a look that promised exactly what I asked for. He wriggled out of his sweats and yanked the covers from the bed, leaving me bared and exposed in front of him. I covered myself with my hands as Steve Perry crooned
.

“Oh no, you don’t,” he growled and crawled up my body. “You’re all mine now.”

He reached into the nightstand and searched for a packet. He slipped it between his teeth and dragged it over my breasts. The sharp foil edges scraped against my smooth flesh and I cried out from the harsh sensation and the need for more. He sat back on his knees and pouted in that dark brooding way that always drove me wild. “Put it on,” he growled.

I rose up and brought my lips to his, accepting his challenge and took the packet from him with my teeth, dragging it down his chest. I paused over his groin, dropping the packet as I tightened my hand around him. He was so hard, so ready.

“Fuck,” he inhaled sharply as I lowered and wrapped my lips around him. I really wasn’t thinking, just reacting. I had to taste him. I swirled my tongue around the engorged tip with just the right amount of pressure.

“You… have to… stop,” he said through clenched teeth and reached for the packet. He quickly tore it open and slipped it on, then pushed me back onto the bed. His lips sealed over mine as I guided him into me. I sucked in my breath and tightened my legs around his waist, my body burning and stretching to accommodate his girth. He stilled and caged me with his hands on either side of my shoulders.

“Okay?” he whispered, his face inches from mine.

I nodded.

He twisted his hands through my hair, giving that extra little tug as he reached the ends of the strands. The ache between my legs growing with each pull. I thought of all the times he had tugged on my ponytail and whispered something wicked to me. How he’d had that dark, seductive look on his face, the one that made my heart race. The look he had now as he sank into me.
Is this what he was thinking about each time he had pulled my hair?
I moaned and arched my back. My sex clenched around him, my hips rising up to meet his, the tension building and building as it threatened to consume me.

“Yes,” he hissed. “Let go for me,” he said and pushed in deeper.

I swayed back and forth underneath him, the waterbed offering no support. My hands clawed at the sheets, desperate to steady myself as I brought my hips up to meet his slow thrusts. He was so deep, hitting deliciously tender spots I didn’t even know I had. Each thrust took more of my breath away as I stretched to my limits with pleasure and pain, not knowing how much more I could take.

Suddenly, I shrieked! I came apart beneath him, my body riding out the pleasure as I desperately held onto his hips. He quickened his pace, my name a chant on his lips as he thrust violently into me. His orgasm consumed him, rolled through his body like a wave as he released into me. He rolled over, pulling me with him, his hands raking through my hair and stroking down my back. I sat up and straddled him, greedily grinding my swollen center against him until the burning heat washed over me again. I shuddered and collapsed onto his neck.

“Fuck, Paige, you are wild!”

We clung to each other, drenched in sweat. As our heart rates slowed I let out a huge sigh. Happy tingles were pulsing through my veins, spreading from my fingers to my toes. I had dreamed about this moment for so long.

Chaz.

What?
Why was I thinking about him? And why did I feel guilty about being here with Dillon? I felt like I was cheating on Chaz. He had lied to me about who he was, what he was, and I was worried about betraying him?
I was seriously screwed up.

Dillon’s breathing became steady and even and his grip on me loosened. I untangled myself from his arms and gazed down at him resting peacefully, a small smile on his beautiful face. “Love you, Paige,” he said huskily as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

My eyes widened as adrenalin shot through me.
Did he really say that?
Chaz had said he loved me too and look how that turned out.

I wasn’t ready for this.

I searched around the room for my clothes and quickly dressed. I hopped on one foot as I searched for my other boot. When I reached for the door a knock came from the other side.

“Dillon, open the door,” called Donny.

I stilled next to the door.

Dillon’s eyes fluttered and he fixed his gaze on me. “Where are you going?”

“Paige, I know you’re in there, open up.”

“Donny?” called Dillon.

“I know she’s in there. Open the fucking door or I’m knocking it down!”

I opened the door and Donny came in, closing it behind him. He glared at both of us, his arms crossed over his chest. Dillon climbed out of bed and reached for his sweats. I blushed and turned away.

“What the hell, Donny?” barked Dillon

Donny’s gaze went from me to Dillon and back to me.

“Damn, honey, you don’t waste any time.”

“Fuck off, Donny,” called Dillon. “What do you want?”

“Chaz is upstairs. He wants to talk to Paige.”

Dillon’s eyes darkened as he pulled his t-shirt over his head.  “Like hell he is,” he glared. “Tell him to get the fuck out. She doesn’t want to see him.”

“Why don’t we ask her, since she’s right here,” Donny directed over to me. “He knows you’re here.  The least you can do is talk to him.”

“The least I can do?” I sneered. 

Donny raised his brows.

“Fine,” I snapped and grabbed my bag.

“What?” Dillon reached for my hand. “You don’t have to do this. You don’t owe that son of a bitch a thing.”

“I know. But I need to see him. He needs to know that I know he’s a fucking liar and he owes me an explanation.”

“I’ll come with you.”

“No. I have to do this myself.”

Donny led the way down the hall to the stairs. I followed up behind him. Chaz was sitting on a white sofa leaning on his elbows, his chin resting on his clasped hands. I froze on the stairs as I took him in, wrapped in light, the afternoon sun streaming in through the windows behind him. Sensing my presence he looked over to me, his emerald eyes warming.

“Paige,” he whispered. His eyes narrowed when he saw Dillon appear on the step behind me, his hand possessively snaked around my stomach.

Chaz winced and rose to his feet. “Paige,” he began softly. “Can we go talk somewhere?”

“You can talk right here,” barked Dillon.

Chaz shot a hard glance to Dillon then returned his gaze to me, his face stiffening when he noticed Dillon’s hand splayed over my belly. “Paige, please.”

I turned to Dillon. “I have to go,” I whispered. It tore my heart to leave him but I had to. I had to do this if we were going to have a future together. I twisted out of his grip.

Chaz met Dillon’s scowl with a triumphant smile. “We’re even.”

Dillon leapt at Chaz but was quickly blocked by Donny.

“Let her go,” said Donny as Dillon struggled against him. “Let her do this.”

Dillon relaxed and stepped back. “If you lay one fucking finger on her I swear…”

Chaz ignored Dillon and we continued out to the driveway. The Mustang was parked between Dillon’s Charger and my Firebird. Seeing the Mustang was like a slap in the face. I thought of all the time we had spent in it. I turned to him and leaned against my car.

“You got me out here to talk, so talk.”

“Not here, Paige.”

I glanced back toward the house. “I don’t think you’re in any position to make demands.”

He slipped on his Ray Bans and pulled his keys out of his pocket. “I don’t want to talk here with your pit bull ready to jump out and attack me at any moment.”

“Dillon’s not my pit bull.”

“Then what is he?”

I turned from him, hiding my eyes. Why did I feel ashamed that I had run to Dillon?  Did I do it because I knew how much it would hurt Chaz? “Let’s go.”

We rode in
the Mustang back to Chaz’s house. Neither of us spoke a word and he didn’t turn on the radio. He didn’t tell me we were going to his house but I knew that’s where he would take me.

And I was dreading it.

I couldn’t escape him, escape
us
in that house. Our ghosts were everywhere. After what seemed like an eternity he turned down the long drive. It seemed like a lifetime ago since I had driven down this gravel road though it had only been a couple of weeks. My gaze swept over to the pasture where Dusty used to graze. The mound of dirt from where she was buried was just starting to show yellow dots of mustard grass, the gate to her stall frozen half-open from the time it last had been entered. My heart was frozen too and pain seared through me as I flashed back to the last time I was here on that horrible night. How I had given in and slept with Chaz, using sex to distract us from our problems.
As usual.

I followed him past the pool to the guest house, the ache in the middle of my chest growing with each step. This was where our love had been born, nurtured, and died…if it had ever been real at all.

If it hadn’t then why did I mourn it?

Chaz opened the door and I stepped onto the tile entry. Time seemed to have stood still. Everything remained just as it had been. I sucked in my breath when I saw my neon pink bikini still hanging from the hook on the back of the bathroom door, like I had never left. I took a seat on the small sofa as Chaz brushed past me and pulled out a chair from the dining set.

He sat down to face me. “I didn’t want you to find out this way.”

“What exactly do you think I found out?” I asked.

“Donny told me, about what happened with Todd today.”

Fucking
Donny. I told Danielle he would tell.
“So, you’re… gay.”

Chaz hesitated. “No. I’m bi…I’m like Donny. I guess.”

Blank space hung in the air between us.

I stiffened and sat straighter. “No, you’re not like Donny.” I was trying to keep my voice at an even tone but it was rising with each word. “Because Donny isn’t a fucking liar like you are.” I felt the anger coming at me like a wave, building and swelling inside of me, churning, white-capped.

“I can’t explain it to myself let alone you.”

“That’s a bullshit answer and you know it.”

“I’m not a liar,” he said flatly.

“So you’re really not into men? You didn’t seduce me? Make a fool out of me just to get back at Dillon for something I had nothing to do with, knowing full well that every time you told me you loved me it twisted the knife into his back a little further?”

“No, that’s not how it was.” He rose from the chair and towered over me. “You don’t understand the kind of pressure I’m under!”

I lowered back onto the sofa. “No, I don’t. Because you never fucking told me any of this.”

He paced the small interior of the living room. “Everyone expected…wanted something from me. Dad, Mom, my uncles.” He stopped in front of me, pinning me with an icy glare. “You.”

The anger simmered in my gut. “I never expected anything from you. You were the one hoping I could be pregnant, all that ridiculous talk of marriage.”

“You were buying into that dream too. You had visions of moving in here with me.”

I shook my head. “It wasn’t a vision, it was a premonition. One I wasn’t ready for. Evidently, you weren’t ready for it either.”

Chaz leaned back against the dark wood dining room table, his long fingers tightening against the edge. He took a deep breath, collecting himself, as he lowered his eyes to the floor. “I always knew there was something different about me,” he began. “Ever since I was little I tried to be who everyone wanted me to be, who my family wanted, expected me to be.”  He pinned his eyes on mine. “What you
wanted
me to be,” he grimaced. “I couldn’t do it anymore.”

“You son of a bitch!” I spat and lunged toward him. I struck his beautiful face and he let me. “You made me think it was me, that it was
my
fault! That I wasn’t doing something right! I was too demanding, I needed too much. That I wasn’t enough for you!” I slapped at his chest. “You made me believe in you, made me believe in us!” I shrieked, my voice breaking.

He grabbed my wrists to stop my assault.

“How could you do this to me? Todd Guthrie? Seriously? That’s who had to tell me? That little man-whore Todd Guthrie knew about all this before I did? Fuck!” I sobbed. “Who am I kidding? Everybody knew about this before I did.”

“Paige, I swear I didn’t want you to find out this way. I wanted to tell you first.”

“Then why didn’t you?” I cried. Chaz’s eyes were pleading and for a millisecond I felt sorry for him. Then I became angry all over again. “Have you had sex with anybody besides Donny? With other men?”

“Don’t do this, Paige,” he pleaded.

“Answer me!”

“Yes,” he said and looked away.

I sucked in my breath and forced out the next question.

“While we were together?”

“No. Of course not,” he said, seemingly shocked that I would even dare ask. “I love you, it was only you.”

Tears began to spill down my cheeks. He stepped forward and took me into his embrace. I didn’t want his hands on me but I was so broken I didn’t have the strength to fight him.

“Is this why you insisted on rubbers?” I asked, my voice cracking.

“No, Paige, that’s not the reason. You knew why.”

I thought back to the last month we were together, when he wanted me to get pregnant. We didn’t use protection. “Should I be worried?” I cried. I knew so little about Donny’s lifestyle. Which apparently was Chaz’s too.

“No.”

I felt the nausea tear through me. I twisted out of his embrace and ran to the bathroom. I fell onto my knees, dry-heaving violently into the toilet as I grasped the sides. Chaz slid behind me and held onto me until I was finished. I collapsed against the cool porcelain. He rose and ran the water in the sink. A warm washcloth was placed into my hand.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered into my neck. “I never meant to hurt you. When I met you that day at the community center Dillon took me to the side and said to stay away, that you were his. After that I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

I wanted to scream, to plug my ears and not hear any of it but I forced myself to listen. I kept my back to him, my fingers gripping onto the plastic toilet seat like a life preserver.

“Paige, I wanted to be that guy for you. I could see how much you wanted it and I wanted to believe it too. Dammit, Paige, don’t you see? I fell for you. I began to think that I wouldn’t need men in my life if I had you. That I could be the person that everyone wanted me to be, the person I was supposed to be.”

I felt another wave of nausea creeping up my throat, the bitter bile tightening my dry mouth.

“When my dad died I told myself this is what he would have wanted. This was going to be my life now. Whatever other feelings I had, or might have, they wouldn’t matter. You would be enough for me. Can’t you see that? I love you.”

“You have a fucked up way of showing it Chaz,” my voice echoed into the toilet bowl. The muscles in my stomach clenched again and I braced myself but there was nothing left.

“Todd didn’t mean anything to me, except make me realize how much I need you.”

“I’m so flattered that you’ve decided to settle for me.” My words dripped off the sides of the toilet bowl. Missing the pain and sarcasm in my voice, Chaz’s fingers softly grazed my neck as he swept my hair from my shoulder and nuzzled against my back. I was too emotionally exhausted to fight him off but then he stiffened and pulled back of his own accord.

“You smell like sex.”

I turned to face him.

“You fucked Dillon didn’t you?”

His pierced green stare shot through me and I was sure a slight twinge of guilt flashed through my eyes. I quickly shoved it down into that place in my brain that I kept locked up like Fort Knox.

“Who I fuck is none of your business anymore,” I challenged.

Chaz stood up and ran his hands through his hair. “Goddammit!” he roared and hit the bathroom door with his fist. “How could you?” He paced back and forth like a tiger in a small cage. “Anyone but him,” he muttered. “Jesus, Paige, do you hate me that much?”

I leaned my back against the base of the toilet and raised my eyes to his. “Yes.”

He scrubbed his face with his hands. “He took Miranda and the baby from me. She ran straight to that clinic and never talked to me again. All because of him.”

“You’re wrong, Chaz. It was your lies that drove her away.”

“I’m not a liar,” he insisted. “And what do you know? You’re just a girl…a beautiful, innocent girl who doesn’t understand that actions have consequences.” He pressed his hand into his chest. “The real world is hard and unforgiving to people like me.”

“And what? Just because I’m a stupid girl I can’t possibly understand what it means to have my life turned upside down? That revenge makes it okay to use people, to use the love they have for you against them?” I brought my legs to my chest and tightened my arms around them. “You want to know what I think? I think Miranda did the only thing she could have done after seeing you for who you really were. Not for being gay, but for being a coward.”

Chaz reacted as if he’d been hit and leaned back against the wall for support. I rose to my feet and leaned over the sink, splashing water into my mouth to rinse.  He quickly regained his composure and studied me as I tried to find mine.

“Your toothbrush is still in the drawer,” he said, meeting my eyes in the mirror.

I pulled open the drawer. There it was, a painful reminder of what I had lost. My pink toothbrush lay next to his red one along with ponytail elastics, some of my makeup, and… my birthday necklace. It might as well have been a knife, it stabbed into my heart just the same. I plucked the toothbrush from its partner and brushed my teeth, leaning against the counter for support, weak and exhausted. I hadn’t eaten much and I knew my blood sugar was low. Chaz watched as I staggered over to the bed and collapsed. He took my gesture as a white flag and scooted next to me.

“When did you last eat, baby?” He reached out to stroke my cheek.

“I don’t know,” I whispered. Fresh tears dampened my eyes.
Why couldn’t I stop crying?

“You’re exhausted.” He wrapped his body around mine. “I don’t want to fight. We’ve both made mistakes but we
can
get past this. I love you so much it hurts.” He sighed and kissed the top of my head. “Let’s sleep on it and when we wake up we can figure this out.”

I curled into him. He stroked his hands through my hair and I knew I should have left. Dillon was probably going out of his mind but for some twisted reason it felt good to be back here with Chaz. It was safe, familiar, and for a brief moment I could pretend that the nightmare of these past few weeks had been just that, a nightmare. If I tried really hard I could go back to that night when it was raining and we had made love all night, when everything was perfect.
Or so I thought.
Chaz kissed me softly and I relaxed into him, his strong arms holding me tightly against his chest as I inhaled the familiar scent of Polo cologne mixed with sweat.

I rolled away, knowing it was the last time he would hold me.

***

I stirred awake.

Chaz was gone.

It was dark but light streamed in from under the bedroom door. My heavy eyes strained to focus on the nightstand clock which flashed back a blurry red six-thirty. Voices came from the living room.

“Look, you promised you would never put me in the middle of this and here I am, right smack in the middle. Go get her or I will.”

I squinted and turned away from the intrusive light when the door opened.

“Paige, let’s go,” boomed Donny’s voice from the doorway.

“I said I’d bring her back, let her sleep,” called Chaz. “She doesn’t feel well.”

I sat up and ran my fingers through my hair.

It was time to go.

“Give me a minute, Donny,” I called.

I went into the bathroom and took my swimsuit from the hook on the door. I grabbed my toiletries and make-up out of the drawer and stuffed it all into my bag.

I left the necklace.

I was never coming back.

Chaz rose from the sofa as I walked into the living room.

“You don’t have to go. I can drive you home in the morning.”

Donny leaned against the breakfast bar, his dark eyes darting from me to Chaz. I walked up to Chaz and rose up on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

“I have to go,” I whispered. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

“Please.” He exhaled slowly, his sage eyes glassy. “Baby, don’t go.”

“Let her go,” said Donny and urged me forward with his hand on the small of my back.

We walked into the cool of the night, the moon shining so brightly it illuminated the yard like floodlights at a Panther football game. The Charger
sat idling in the circular driveway with the parking lights on. When we approached, the bright headlights raised and the engine roared. Dillon hopped out of the driver’s seat and slid into the backseat after me, Bryan Adam’s,
Run to You
pounding from the speakers in sync with my anxious heart. He didn’t look at me, didn’t say anything. He stared straight ahead, the muscles under his jaw tightening as his hands flexed restlessly in his lap. He was pissed at me and he had every right to be. I had left him in a very vulnerable state and I had left with Chaz. I wouldn’t blame him if he never spoke to me again.