Take My Dress Off (23 page)

Dammit, I knew something was up with Dusty.  She was acting so strange this afternoon. I should have stayed, I should have watched her…

I was in tears by the time I arrived. The Firebird slid into the gravel, my headlights shining over the shiny chrome bumper of Uncle Oscar’s truck. I ran up the drive and to the side of the house. My heart quickened when I saw the bright lights illuminating the skylights of the barn, the veterinarian’s truck next to the paddock. Chaz sprinted out of the darkness toward me and I could tell by the fallen expression on his face that the news wasn’t good.

“Where is she?” I cried.

“Paige, I’m so sorry.”

“No!” He wrapped his arms around me and I sobbed. “I need to see her!”

Dr. Armstrong came over and patted my shoulder. “I’m sorry, Paige. She had been down too long and her intestines were really tied up. There wasn’t much I could do.”

We walked over to the paddock. Dusty was down by the gate, her beautiful, long, white mane draped over her like a blanket. She was so still.

Pauvre cita
, said Uncle Oscar from behind me. “I tried Paige, I couldn’t get her up.”

I numbly went through the gate and knelt next to her. She was my best friend. Maddie had bought her for my eighth birthday.
I knew something had been wrong with Dusty, she had tried to tell me.
I lied on top of her and sniffed as I stroked her soft pink nose.

Chaz knelt next to me. “C’mon, let’s go inside.” He lifted me up and helped me out of the gate.

“I can bury her in the paddock by the trees,” said Uncle Oscar. “She’d like that, no?”

“Sure. Thank you.” I couldn’t think clearly. This wasn’t happening. Chaz and I walked over to the guest house and when we were inside I collapsed against him.

“I’m so sorry, baby.”

It felt good to cry, to have his strong arms around me. I was safe, grounded in his embrace. He ran his hands through my hair, sliding the elastic band from my ponytail as Don Henley’s
Boys of Summer
softly played in the background. Comforting hands poured through the strands, separating them from each other as soft lips kissed over my tears. I winced as my heart quickened, betraying my brain in its attempt to stand firm against his touch. I failed miserably. “I need you.”

Grief became attraction and attraction became desperation.  His mouth sealed over mine, his tongue searching, tasting. He carried me to the bedroom and set me down on his bed. Warm hands moved under my sweatshirt, caressing my back as his fingers slid under my tank top. There was no bra to bother with, I hadn’t had time to put one on. He sucked in his breath, his eyes locking with mine as he delicately fingered
his
necklace that rested against my skin. I lifted his shirt and brushed my breasts against the soft hairs of his chest, my skin delighting in the feel of his weight as he covered me. My head was swirling with colors, my body buzzing with sensation as the rest of our clothes slipped away.

My flesh clenched as I felt him press against my entrance. He eased into me slowly, rocking back and forth as I pulled him in deeper, desperately surrendering to the pain as it released, crying out from the force of it. With deep controlled breaths, Chaz buried himself in me, holding me still beneath him. He cried out as his muscles stiffened, then softened as he sought refuge in my weary body. I clung to him, my body limp. I was so exhausted from the last couple of days, now this.

“Paige?”

“Chaz?”

He began in a whisper, “I don’t want you to think this is why I brought you to the house.”

“I know.”

“I miss you so much, Paige.”

“You can’t have it both ways, Chaz. You can’t shut me out of your life and miss me too. That’s not fair.”

“I know,” he said after a long pause. He squeezed me tightly to him, tenderly kissing my temple.

Fury was building inside of me now that my grief had been released. Emptiness settled in and though his arms were around me like a vice I knew this was all he could give me right now.

I needed more.

I always needed more.

I rolled away and sat up, my back to him as my feet dangled from the bed. I slipped my arms around my neck and unfastened the necklace. It was ridiculous to keep wearing it.

“That’s yours, Paige. I don’t want it back.”

Disregarding him I leaned toward the nightstand. The chain poured from my hand as it pooled onto the hard surface. I reached for my clothes and he watched me as I dressed.

“Don’t go,” he grabbed my hand.

“I have to.” I rose from the bed and his hand slipped from mine.

Christmas came
and went and I stayed holed up in my house, hiding like a wounded animal. Danielle came back from Portland on New Year’s Eve and tried to get me to come over. Sitting like a third wheel on her sofa while she and Xavier made out didn’t seem appealing to me so I spent the evening with Dick Clark. Chaz called a couple of times but it always sounded strained and obligatory, like he was trying to prove that he wasn’t an asshole even though he was. 1986 had been a difficult year and I was glad to see it go. I hoped that 1987 would be a fresh start for me.

The day before school went back in session Chaz called and asked if I wanted to grab dinner. I declined and I could tell he was hurt. I couldn’t hang out with him, it was too painful. He didn’t seem to understand what “break up” meant. Maybe someday we could be friends again, but not now. I had been in bed all day watching old black and white movies on TV and was planning on staying that way but Danielle had other ideas. She showed up at six-thirty looking vampy in a shiny silver dress with fishnet stockings and silver pumps. We hadn’t seen each other much since she began spending every waking moment connected to Xavier’s lips.

“We’re going out. Go put on something to rock your bod.”

“On a school night? No way,” I grimaced.

“Too bad. We’re going to Rumors tonight. They’re having an eighteen and over party. Xavier has to work and I’m not going without you. Everyone’s going to be there!”

Rumors was one of the few bars in Vista that didn’t play country music and had a real live DJ with a huge screen for music videos. Chaz and I had talked about going and so of course now the thought of it made me nauseous.

I pulled the covers over my head.

“You don’t have a choice. I’m not letting you drown yourself in self-pity and Oreos.” She walked over to my closet and selected a black leather mini-skirt, pairing it with a slinky, sheer, black tank top. “Shower,” she said and yanked me out of bed.

“I don’t like you,” I glared as I stomped to the bathroom.

Danielle curled my hair and applied my make-up too. I couldn’t remember the last time I had worn make-up. The Holiday Show? I had barely been functioning the last few days Post Chaz. I slipped on gold pumps, chandelier earrings, and a few bangles.

“Now there’s the Paige I know and love.” Danielle’s eyes swept over my appearance appraisingly. “You look fierce, it’s time to get you back in the saddle.”

***

Rumors was packed when we arrived but Xavier’s brother Manny was bartending tonight so he gave us over-twenty-one wrist bands. We skipped to the front of the long angry line and were ushered right in by a muscled bald guy with a handlebar moustache. Prince’s
Baby I’m a Star
pounded over our heads as we settled on tall stools at the bar.

“What should we order?” asked Danielle.

“Something strong for me.”

Danielle ordered vodka sodas. It was awful and burned my throat but after the second one a warm happy feeling spread through my body and pushed out the knotted pain that had taken up residence in my chest. It had been so long since I had felt this happy, this free, albeit chemically induced. Danielle headed out to the dance floor and I ordered another vodka soda.

“Take it easy, Paige.”

A familiar face hopped up on the stool next to me in black cargo pants, black boots, and an army green sleeveless jacket with heavy metal zippers.

“Donny!” I cried and threw my arms around him. I felt like I hadn’t seen him in so long. He looked positively dangerous.

Manny set another drink down in front of me on a small napkin.

“Thanks, put it on our tab.”

“Xavier’s got it,” winked Manny.

I turned to Donny and grabbed his arm. “Xavier’s so nice. I really like him. Do you like him?” I asked. “I like him.”

“How many of those have you had, Paige?” Donny’s kohl rimmed eyes scanned mine.

“A couple, who cares?”

“You’re pretty fucked up,” he chuckled and slid the drink away from me. “How ‘bout you back off?”

I
was
getting fucked up. That was my intent tonight. I wanted to forget my tragic life and have fun.

I smirked up to him, “What are you, the fucking sobriety police?”

“Not me,” he chuckled. “Just slow down, honey. Take a break.”

“Take a break…Chaz wanted to take a break too. Everyone wants a fucking break.” I took slow sips of my drink. Since when did Donny become responsible? Arms curved down over my shoulders and I looked up to see who was behind me.

“Dillon,” I smiled, tipping my head back. He looked like a walking wet dream in black Calvin Klein jeans and a tight gray sweater. “You look funny upside down,” I giggled. I leaned into him to steady myself.
Okay, maybe I did need to back off.

“Take care of her,” said Donny sliding off the barstool.

“Dillon,” I said slipping from the stool. “Are you mad at me?”

“No, Paige.” He pushed me back onto the stool. “Where’s Danielle?”

“Are you my friend, Dillon?”
Why was I asking him stupid questions?
I tried to stay in control but my mouth had other plans.

“Of course I’m your friend.” He placed his hands on my waist to steady me. “Where’s Danielle?”

“She’s dancing. Dance with me, Dillon.”

Dillon lowered his face to mine and kissed the tip of my nose. He took the drink from my hand and tossed back what was left.

I slipped down from the stool and he wrapped his fingers around my wrist, pulling me behind him as he pushed through the crowd onto the dance floor. His strong arms circled around my waist and my heart fluttered with a renewed sense of energy as I reached around his neck and relaxed against him. It felt good to have him supporting my weight as we moved to the music.

He brushed his lips across mine and slid his hands down the curve of my ass. Grinding my hips against his, we both got lost in the seductive pulsing bass of the music. I could feel how much he wanted me and decided in my alcohol fueled haste there was no reason to wait any longer. I wanted him too. Tonight. I whispered this in his ear and he lifted me up, swinging me around our small confined space on the dance floor. His lips found mine and he kissed me, hard. I never did find Danielle and when the song ended I pulled Dillon off the dance floor and over to a dark corner near the bar.

“I don’t think you should drink anymore.” His fingers playfully twisted through my hair as I nibbled on his neck.

“I think you’re right. Maybe I should drink some water.”

“I’ll get it for you, stay here.”

Dillon propped me up against a mirrored column and I scanned the crowd for Danielle but I didn’t see her anywhere. Dillon returned with a Perrier and I gulped it down quickly. I felt hot, sticky, and my hair was plastered to my face. I excused myself to the restroom.

The line was long and when I finally got in I wrinkled my nose. The restroom was a disaster! The counters were littered with paper towels and there were more on the floor. Lipstick was smeared across the mirror and two of the toilets were clogged. I steadied myself against the sink, buzzing with alcohol and the promise of sex. I dampened a paper towel in the sink and patted my shiny face.

“Slut!”

I raised my eyes to the mirror. Sloane’s reflection stared back at me, her almond eyes pulled into an accusing squint.

“Excuse me?”

“YOU are a whore,” she spat. “I saw you with Dillon. Does Chaz know about this?”

I turned to look down to her, my confidence fueled with vodka. She stiffened as I embraced her. “You poor baby, you’re so jealous that Dillon will be inside one of us tonight and it won’t be you.” I couldn’t hold back the smug smile that crept across my face.
Did I just say that? Holy shit!
I pushed her away, knocking her against the paper towel dispenser.

Dillon was waiting for me when I came out of the restroom. He grabbed my chin and possessively took my mouth, his tongue darting in with fast licks.

“Paige!” Danielle pried me away from Dillon. “Where in the hell have you been?”

“Dancing.” Heaviness settled over my eyes and I fought to raise them to Danielle’s.

“I’ve been looking all over for you.”

“Well…” I swayed. “Here I am,” I slurred, spreading my arms. Dillon placed his hand on my lower back and steadied me.

“Dillon, can you take her home? Donny and I want to stay a little longer.”

“I can stay too,” I said.

“You’re trashed, Paige, you should go.”

Danielle grabbed my and Dillon’s hands and spun us around. “Get her out of here,” she barked to Dillon. “Now.”

Dillon led me out through the crowd. When we entered the dark hallway that led to the exit he paused and pressed me up against the wall. “Paige, that mini-skirt is killing me,” he groaned.

My hands stole up into his hair as he kissed my neck.

“Let’s get out of here,” I said and nipped at his ear lobe. He hooked his arm around my neck and we walked out to the parking lot, pausing to kiss every few feet.

I glanced at Dillon as he guided the Charger out of the lot. His eyes reflected the headlights of the oncoming cars and the corners of his mouth turned up in a sexy smile. As the miles from the club slipped behind us, the more uneasy I felt and the more nauseous I became. The reality of how I had handled myself began to settle in and sobered me. This wasn’t how I wanted to start this year. I couldn’t drink the pain away, it was going to take time to heal on its own and I couldn’t expect to seek comfort in Dillon, that wasn’t fair to him. I wanted to be with him but I wanted to come to him without the fear of being alone.

Dillon pulled into the driveway and turned off the car. “Come here,” he growled and tugged me onto his lap. My mini-skirt rode up and he settled his hands on my thighs. “Is Maddie home?” he asked, his breathing staggered as the tips of his fingers skimmed under the hem of the leather skirt.

“No.”

He ran a finger under my jaw. “We can go to my house if you want.”

“I can’t.”

He slipped his hands under my tank top.

“Stop.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry, Dillon. I want to but I can’t.”

His hands stilled against my back.

“I’m sorry,” I cried. “I want you but I’m so drunk, I want to remember it.”

The air rushed out of him and he pushed his head back against the seat, his eyes closed.

“Are you mad?”

“No.”

“Yes, you’re mad.”

“I’m not mad. I’m horny. And disappointed.” He cupped my chin and kissed my nose. “I’ll get over it.” His hands slipped away from where he cradled my back and he pulled my top back down. “C’mon.”

Dillon kicked open the car door and held my hand as I slipped from his lap onto the driveway. He walked me to the front door. I fumbled with my key but I couldn’t line it up with the lock. He took the keys from me and opened the door.

“I’ll see you in class tomorrow?” I asked.

“I won’t be in class tomorrow.”

“Why not?”

“I’m going to the college fair in the morning and then I’m ditching the rest of the day.”

“Lucky.”

He pressed his lips to my cheek and walked away.

“I’m sorry, Dillon.”

If he heard me he didn’t show it.