Take Your Time (Fate and Circumstance #2) (22 page)

“You about ready for the wedding?” I asked, breaking the awkward silence between us that felt suffocating for unknown reasons. It made me wonder what my sister had said about me in my absence, but I’d never know because I’d never ask. “You’ve got, what…three weeks left?”

Axel pulled his beer bottle to his lips to cover the cheesy grin that had taken over his face. “Yeah. Not soon enough, though.”

“You guys have forever with each other. What’s three more weeks?”

He shrugged and stared across the yard at Bree as she laughed with Clari.

“She looks happy. Really happy.” It was true. As I watched my sisters, I could see the complete and utter contentment on her face as they sat and talked, mostly laughing so loudly we could hear them from our seats on the other side of the lawn. “She’s glowing.”

“She better be happy.” He spoke with laughter in his words, even though he only held a lazy smile on his face. “She has my bun in her oven.” His words were spoken with such pride and adoration that it floored me and stole my breath away.

“She’s what?” My wide eyes snapped to him, even though he never once moved his gaze from his bride-to-be. “She’s pregnant?”

Axel’s gaze finally met mine, scowling as he hushed me. “No one knows.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” I couldn’t believe Bree was pregnant again and I didn’t know. I’d even questioned her a few weeks back when she stopped by to see me before taking me to get sized for my dress.

“Don’t feel bad. She still hasn’t told me.”

I glanced around the yard, stopping at nothing as my gaze swept back and forth, my mind trying to make sense of Axel’s words. “She hasn’t even told
you
? Then how do you know?”

“Trust me, Sarah. I know everything when it comes to Bree. I think she just found out because I haven’t seen her drink anything caffeinated in a week—she hasn’t even had a glass of wine. Her cup has water in it right now.”

My brows pulled tight as I gazed across the yard, lost in thought. “Who knows…she could be watching her weight. She has to fit in her dress in three weeks. The last thing she wants is for it to be too tight on her with no way of fixing it.”

“Oh, it’ll be nice and tight on her now that she’s knocked up.” He seemed so proud of himself, like it had been some kind of impossible feat to get Bree pregnant.

“But how would that even happen? She wouldn’t chance getting pregnant so soon before the wedding. I should know—she’s made a few comments about it over the last couple months.”

“She stopped taking her birth control last month. We talked about it, both wanting to start trying, and I guess her doctor said it could take a few months after stopping the pill to get pregnant. I knew better, though. I got her pregnant while wearing a condom the last time. No way would it take me months to knock her up.”

I couldn’t contain the erupting laughter that came over me at his egotistical words. Axel was anything but arrogant, but listening to the pride in his voice when talking about getting Bree pregnant was comical.

“Mark my words. After the wedding, she’ll make an announcement that she’s having my baby.” His grin stretched across his entire face, causing his blue eyes to sparkle and shine in the sun. It reminded me of old times, and it released an excited flutter in my belly as nostalgia hit.

“Then why hasn’t she told you?”

“I’m fairly certain she’s just waiting for the right time. She had no control over things when she was pregnant with Ayla, and I’m pretty sure she wants to do it the right way this time. I don’t care when or how she tells me, because I know no matter what spectacular way she chooses, it’ll be the best thing I’ve ever heard her say.”

We both looked across the yard at my sister, admiring the pure joy that lit her face as she sat with Ayla in her lap. Fate was all around me, in so many different forms. And it was clear that if there were ever a perfect example of how fate works, it was Axel and Bree.

I moved my attention from my beautiful sisters and niece to my dad and Bentley standing over by the grill. They seemed to be in a serious conversation, although they were pointing to the steaks. Leave it to Bentley to find food such a serious topic of discussion. And it warmed me to know that my dad now had someone to talk to, and I felt instantly at ease.

Bentley made everything seem so effortless. Dealing with grief, becoming happy again, being around family…he made it easy. Sitting with my loved ones and laughing like we used to before Christmas, letting go and just being myself like I used to be, I realized so much. I thought back to Bentley’s words from before.

I’d finally opened my eyes.

And I wasn’t falling.

I was soaring.

The day after the barbecue was Fourth of July. I didn’t have to work, and I thought I’d spend the time off with Bentley, but he had other plans. He stayed for breakfast after we woke up, but then headed out to get things ready for his surprise. He wouldn’t tell me anything about it, but the smile on his face released the swarm of flurries in my stomach. I knew it would be something special, and I couldn’t wait for it.

He called a few times during the day, just to check up on me and see how I was doing, but other than that, he wouldn’t give me any clue as to what he had up his sleeve. I actually found the suspense exciting. It’d been a while since someone had taken the time to surprise me, and anticipating what he had planned gave me butterflies in my stomach as well as a lingering grin all day.

Finally, at seven that night, he called and asked me to come over to Luke’s house. I wasn’t expecting that, and I’m sure he picked up on my hesitation. After informing me that his cousin knew of his plans and wouldn’t be home all night, I relented and headed across town.

It felt strange pulling up to the house after not being there for so long other than the two times we stopped by for Bentley to grab something from his room. But I hadn’t spent any real time there, and I wasn’t sure how to react to being in that house again. It almost felt as though it was a small stab in my sister’s back. But I had to tell myself that Clari knew about Bentley, and she’d made it perfectly clear that she had no interest in Luke anymore. I had to trust that to be true and stop worrying about it all.

Bentley met me at the front door with a kiss that curled my toes, and then he led me through to the kitchen where dinner sat on the table. I could tell he’d put a lot of time into preparing it. Candles lit the room, glowing around us, and it immediately set me at ease. He always knew exactly what to do to calm me down.

“Yesterday at your dad’s house was nice. We haven’t really discussed how you felt about being there around everyone, but you appeared to be happy. I wanted to talk to you last night about it, but you kinda fell asleep early.”

I offered him a small smile while swallowing my food, appreciating his gentle way of broaching the subject. I hadn’t made it easy for him in the beginning, but over time, it’d become easier to open up with him. “I was exhausted. That Ayla can really tire me out. I don’t know how Bree does it with her.”

“She’s really cute. It makes me wish I had nieces and nephews. Nothing makes things better than having kids around.” The way he spoke of children made my stomach dip, and I had to swallow hard past the lump in my throat caused by the questions his words provoked. But before I could say anything about it, he kept talking. “Were you ever able to talk to Clarissa like you’d wanted to?”

“Yes. I talked to her before we got there—while you were in the shower. Turns out, Luke was telling the truth about Clari being the one to call him. But it doesn’t really matter because it seems like Clari is happy with how things turned out for her. I really believe she made the right decision by marrying Joel.”

“So you’re fine with it now?”

I shrugged, not really knowing what to say about it all. “I mean, it was never my business to begin with. It doesn’t really matter who made the call or what transpired after that. I think I was just hurt by you knowing and not telling me. It was like you were keeping it from me for a reason, and I didn’t like that.”

“I’ve told you why I didn’t tell you.”

“I know. And I understand. But I’d always thought that you were a stranger to me—and you were. But I was never a stranger to you. I’ve had a hard time working that out in my head. Figuring out what was coincidence and what was planned. You know?”

Silence filled the room, and when I hesitantly glanced up, I realized his dark eyes bored straight into mine, dancing in the soft glow of the candlelight. A heaviness settled over the table as he stared at me, his gaze flitting between my eyes. “Sarah…it was never like that. I swear. It’s not like I had all this information about you or anything. I simply knew who you were.”

“I know. I know that now, Bentley. And I’m fine with it. But at the time…” My shoulders hunched forward as frustration over not having the right words settled in my chest. “I don’t know. I can’t explain it.”

“Can you try?”

My gaze dropped to the table between us as I thought about it—about the fears I’d had and the paranoia that surrounded me since finding out—but I couldn’t bring myself to explain it to him. I couldn’t find the right words without sounding too serious too fast. I knew how I felt about him—or at least I
thought
I did. And the last thing I wanted to do was open my mouth and spill everything, only for him to tell me he didn’t feel the same. So I decided to keep my mouth closed and my thoughts to myself.

“No. I’m sorry, Bentley. But I can’t explain it.”

His posture softened as he started pushing his food around on his plate. I reached across the table and placed my hand over his, feeling his hurt deep in my bones and needing to rectify it.

“It’s not because it’s bad. I promise. I just don’t have the words right now.”

“Is it because of me? Or something I’ve done? Is it Luke or your sister? If you’re fine with it now, I don’t understand why you can’t talk to me about it. I thought things between us were going well. We’ve been talking about all kinds of stuff for weeks now. You’ve opened up and come out of your shell so much it’s like the girl I found sitting at the bar doesn’t even exist anymore. And yesterday at your dad’s house, you—”

“Bentley.” The strong, determined man seemed buried behind insecurity I’d never seen before, and I needed to make it go away before my ribs cracked under the pressure his defeated presence caused. “It has nothing to do with any of that. You haven’t said nor done anything bad. It’s not about Luke or my sister. Well, kinda. But not really.”

“You’re not making any sense, Sarah.” The corners of his mouth were tight as he tried to fight his smile. I had replaced his ramblings with my own and could tell he found my inability to say anything coherent comical. The humor in his voice afforded me the chance to breathe normally again.

“I know. And that’s why I can’t explain it. Because no matter how hard I try, I won’t make any sense. But I promise, once I get it all straight in my head, I’ll share everything with you.”

My explanation seemed to pacify him for the rest of dinner. And once we finished eating, we both worked together to clean up. It only took us a few minutes to finish the few dishes we used. But those few minutes were spent in silence, with Bentley suddenly acting strange.

“What’s going on?” I asked once he closed the dishwasher and set it to start the cycle.

His chin tilted and his eyes blinked in confusion, but once he realized I’d questioned his quiet mood, his expression relaxed into an easy smile. “Nothing. I don’t want to miss the second part of our date. I must’ve been focused on getting everything clean so you wouldn’t miss anything.”

“Oh? There’s more?”

“There’s always more, my lo—Sarah.” He turned his attention away from me, clearly uncomfortable with what he almost said. His slip up hadn’t bothered me one bit; in fact, it excited me, for all of two seconds before he corrected himself, appearing regretful.

I was stricken silent, not knowing how to respond to that. I wanted to tell him it was okay, and that it didn’t bother me that he’d almost called me “my love,” but his reaction forced me to keep my mouth shut. And then I thought about things he’d said to me before, about having a broken heart when coming here and needing support and time to heal. Someone had clearly hurt him, and it made me wonder if he used to call
her
that—the one who’d broken his heart. Maybe it was habit and had absolutely nothing to do with me. But that made me feel worse, thinking that someone else might still own his heart when I fully believed I’d already given him mine.

He took my hand and led me out back, not once speaking or glancing at me. The deafening silence overpowered me as he pulled me along, leading the way to the back yard. Our unspoken words, mine of love and his of…regret over his slip up, were all I could think of. My steps faltered a few times, making me stumble in the dewy grass as I fought to keep up with him, but it had nothing to do with his pace and everything to do with the pounding in my head and chest. Once we got closer to the lake, I knew where we were headed—to the same spot where he had me paint my feelings on the dock. Normally, remembering the closeness that’d developed between us that night would’ve induced excitement. But now I couldn’t seem to shut off my mind and make my worried thoughts go away. They filled my head and cast a gloomy haze over my mood.

When we finally made it to the small dock, I noticed he’d set up an elaborate pallet of blankets and pillows. There were a few unlit candles around the edges in small glass jars. Bentley helped me down to the pile of blankets that added a comfortable layer of cushion to the wood below, and then lit the candles on either side of us.

“The city has their fireworks display just over the trees there. It took me forever to make sure we can see them since Luke didn’t live here last year, but the neighbors all told me this is the perfect spot to see them. We won’t have the lights of the buildings to take away from the view like they do downtown.” He sounded normal again, as if the exchange in the kitchen hadn’t happened. But it did little to ease my apprehension.

He’d set out pillows for us to lie down, but I couldn’t seem to relax enough to do so. Instead, we both just sat next to each other, practically shoulder to shoulder with our legs pulled up close to our bodies, our arms wrapped around our shins, staring silently out into the darkness over the calm lake.

“You’re very quiet.” His whispered observation sounded full of trepidation, and it made it even harder to look his way. I didn’t want him to see the anxiety on my face.

Instead, I kept my gaze off into the distance, giving myself a moment to work through my nerves. I needed to say something—anything, I knew that much. But I had no idea where to start or how much to share. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin his night with a passive-aggressive argument. But it was too late to lie. He’d see through it before I even had two words out.

“Just thinking,” I answered, keeping it vague in the hopes it would give me more time to find the nerve to speak the truth. My heart thudded angrily, frantically beating against my ribs, and my hands shook, which only made me clasp them together more to keep him from seeing it.

“About?”

“You…me…us.”

He was silent, but still, I couldn’t turn his way. I wouldn’t allow myself to witness the apprehension I knew I’d see in his eyes once I finished talking. It was better if I continued to keep my line of sight straight ahead at anything and everything—except Bentley. Otherwise, I’d never be able to get it all out, and then I’d spend the rest of the night with my thoughts eating me alive.

“I’m just really confused about everything. And I know we decided to wait until after Bree and Axel’s wedding to cross this bridge, but I don’t know if I can anymore.”

“You don’t know if you can cross the bridge?”

“I don’t know if I can wait.”

“Then don’t. I never want you to hold anything back from me. Look at me, Sarah.” He gently held my arm, waiting for me to give him my attention. After hesitating a moment, I finally turned my head, noticing how the soft glow of candlelight danced in his eyes. “If you’re feeling something,
anything
, I want you to talk to me about it. I know what we said the other night about waiting, but if you want to talk about it now, let’s do it. Let’s talk. Tell me what you’re thinking about.”

My chest squeezed tight as he spoke. His every word hit me like a head-on collision with a freight train. I had to wait a few seconds until I had the ability to speak again. His words had given nothing away as to how he felt, but I thought I’d picked up a hint of dread in his tone.

“Bentley…” I had to shake my head and turn away again, his intense gaze stealing the words from my tongue and the thoughts from my head.

“If you’re done with me…if you don’t want me here anymore, please…just say it. Just get it over with so we can talk about it.” The complete desperation in his hoarse, gritty tone forced me to snap my attention back to his face. His gentle expression offered me a small amount of hope and courage.

“That’s not it at all. It’s the complete opposite, to be honest with you. But I don’t know how you feel, so I’m scared to say anything.” I waited for him to respond, to give me something, but he didn’t. Instead, he kept his eyes glued to mine, his heated hand never leaving my upper arm. “Fine. Here goes nothing. Rejection be damned.”