Taking Flight (21 page)

“Negative, Dave-a-rino,” I retorted, only half paying attention to him as we made our way across town toward Collinsville High. “Just because my nose is used to the smell of crap doesn’t mean I don’t still know it stinks.”

He laughed heartily at that, and I raised an eyebrow at him. “Well, regardless, just know that I’m proud of you. You’ve been pleasant to be around, you’ve stayed out of trouble for the most part, and you’re going to school and doing well.”

“I’m going to fail AP Physics,” I reminded him. After the 60 on my first test, I’d studied obsessively with Cammie and pulled a 68 on the second. The last test was in two weeks and I needed an 82 to pass the class. That wasn’t going to happen. I’d studied harder than I ever had before for that second test and still failed.

“Cammie will help you if your other friend is busy again,” he insisted. I hid a frown. I’d hoped he’d forgotten about Maddie.
Cammie
certainly hadn’t, but thankfully she’d refrained from asking questions. “You’ll be okay, Lauren.”

“I’ll take regular Physics next semester,” I told him. “It’s no big deal. I’ll still graduate on time.”

“Still, don’t write off your class. An 82 might seem impossible, but I think you underestimate how intelligent you are.”

“Ahm more smarter than y’all country folk,” I drawled, and he laughed again.

We pulled into the school parking lot, he dropped me off, and I proceeded through my day as I normally would until around the end of Physics. I now sat on the opposite side of the room from Maddie, and relied on Cammie to explain what had happened in class that day once we’d gotten home. With her being sick, I was totally lost on yesterday’s lesson and so far was equally confused about today’s.

If there was ever a time to fix things with Maddie, now would’ve been it, but I couldn’t so much as get near her these days without her glaring two holes through my face. I somewhat deserved it, but it was still frustrating. I’d yet to even get the chance to apologize.

When class ended, the hallways flooded with students. Most of them were headed toward the cafeteria for lunch, but Maddie, as usual, went in the opposite direction, toward the library. I glanced over my shoulder, intending on just getting a quick glimpse of her, but instead I turned just in time to see the notebook she’d been carrying get slapped right out of her arms. The guy who’d done it smirked at her. “Dyke.”

I moved without thinking, and intercepted him even as Maddie stooped to retrieve her notebook. “Hey,” I snapped. “Don’t fucking do that again.”

He grinned and let out a laugh. “I’ll do whatever the hell I want.”

Maddie cut in there, surprising me. “Leave me alone.” She wasn’t looking at the guy, but at me. “I don’t need your help.”

“Ooh, catfight. Have fun, ladies,” the boy said, and then left, high-fiving one of his friends as he went. I rounded on Maddie, frustrated.

“Really? You’re gonna be pissed at me for standing up for you?”

“I’ve been handling this myself for years before you showed up. I don’t need you now.” She turned and tried to move away, but I reached out and grabbed her arm. She yanked it out of my grip and snapped, “Don’t touch me.”

“Look, Maddie. Can you hear me out for two seconds?” I lowered my voice and checked around us for eavesdroppers. The hallways, luckily, were beginning to thin out, and in a few moments we’d be alone. “I’m sorry that I screwed up. I’ve been doing that a lot lately. With everyone.” She watched me, eyes narrowed, as I continued, “I was wrong. I suck at relationships, I suck at communication, and… a part of me did know I wasn’t being totally honest with you. I’ve never really met someone who wanted to be with me for more than one night. You caught me off-guard, and I threw away a really good friendship. I’ve wanted to say that for a while.”

She studied me for a moment, and, at last, echoed, “Friendship.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I don’t think I’d be very good at an actual relationship, and if I’d known for sure that that was what you wanted, I would’ve never gotten involved with you in the first place. So… we could’ve been really good friends.”

She shook her head, unsatisfied. “You know, I really don’t get what the deal with you is. You’ve got this weird hang-up, like you’re so damaged you can’t catch feelings for anyone, and it’s bullshit, Lauren. Can’t you just grow a pair and admit I wasn’t the right person? Stop hiding behind your stupid player shtick. Anyone can fall for someone. You’ve just chosen to close yourself off to it, maybe because you’re afraid of getting hurt.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“We’re in a class together with Cammie, Lauren. Just because you’re scared to make eye contact with me doesn’t mean I haven’t been looking at you. And
you
, as it turns out, spend a lot of time looking at
her
.”

I felt my face heat up at record speed. “That’s—”

“But you definitely just want to sleep with her. That’s all it is.” She nodded, feigning sincerity, and I flushed deeper. “If she’s the reason it didn’t work out with me, then I get it. But if you’re not going to admit it, unfortunately I’m still going to operate under the assumption that you’re just a manipulative ass. So, you want things between us to be okay again? Be honest. Right now.” She crossed her arms and waited, and I stood silently with her, glancing around us. We were completely alone. Inwardly, I groaned.

“Okay. I, uh… I don’t know how I feel about Cammie,” I said at last. “It’s kind of new to me.” I didn’t make eye contact with her; instead, I examined my fingernails nervously. “I just like being around her. Hate when she’s with Peter. That kind of stuff. We’ve gotten pretty close.” I shook my head. “But I’m not dwelling on it because she’s straight, so. Yeah.” I looked up at her and sighed. “Honest enough?”

To my surprise, she was trying to hide a smile. “That was pretty painful, wasn’t it?”

“Incredibly.”

“Well.” She took a deep breath and then sighed. “Alright. Look, you’re still an ass and I’m still pretty pissed at you, but give a little more time to cool off and then we’ll talk. You’re lucky I’m a nice person.”

“I know.”

“And yes,” she added, shooting me a frustrated look, “I’ll help you study for the Physics test, you douchebag.”

She left, and I headed for the cafeteria, put only somewhat at ease by our conversation. I’d fixed things with Caitlyn, and now Maddie was at least willing to talk to me. But she’d given me something to think about.

I felt close to Cammie in a way I hadn’t felt with Maddie. But acknowledging that I could feel something,
anything
deeper than a solid friendship and aesthetic attraction to her was utterly terrifying. Her religious family would crucify me, and there was a mild chance that she’d help them do it. Let alone actually return my feelings.

And if by some miracle she felt the same way – which she didn’t – I’d be in new territory. Vulnerable in a way I’d only been back when I’d been young and naïve and so adoring of my own parents. That, obviously, had crashed and burned and left a permanent bruise on my chest. Loving Cammie certainly would leave the same result. And handling a new father-daughter relationship with David was precarious enough; love absolutely did
not
need to be thrown into the mix.

I shook myself out of my thoughts and focused my gaze to the end of the hallway. There was a janitor’s closet at the end of it, just past the cafeteria, and I’d looked up just in time to see Peter slip out of it, grinning at someone still inside. I didn’t have to see her to know it was Tiffany.

I carried a weight in my chest for the rest of the day. Cammie didn’t love Peter, and she’d said she didn’t care what he got up to with Tiffany. But I no longer loved my dad in the way I’d used to, and it still hurt when he disappointed me.

*   *   *

David and I drove home together, and he took note of my silence right away. Familiar with his tactics by now, I should’ve realized he’d be more likely to start interrogating me, but I was lost in thoughts of Cammie, Tiffany, and Peter. I knew she should know that I’d confirmed her suspicions, but I hated the idea of being the one to tell her.

“You’re awfully quiet,” David said, when he could take my silence no more. “Everything okay?”

It occurred to me that maybe David could be the one to tell her. I cleared my throat and glanced to him. “I caught Cammie’s boyfriend with her best friend today.”

David adjusted his grip on the steering wheel, and his eyebrows furrowed. “…Peter and Tiffany?” he asked at last.

I nodded. “Yeah. She said she kind of suspected it, but now it’s for sure.”

“What are you going to do?” he asked me.

I shot him a disbelieving look. “Me? Don’t you want to tell her?”

“Well, I think she’d probably prefer to hear it from you, to be honest.”

“So you think I should tell her?”

He seemed to struggle for an answer. “Well… I’m not sure I can answer that objectively. As a father, yes, she should know. As a therapist, what you share is your decision. But would you want to know?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I’ve never been in a relationship.”

“You know Cammie very well,” David told me. “I think you know what she’d want.” I could hear the silent implication in his words. He may as well have said, “Dear God, please tell my daughter so I don’t have to be the one to watch her heart get broken.” But I did know Cammie very well. Possibly better than David did. And I honestly didn’t expect tears from her.

We got home a few minutes later and I cringed at the droplets that splattered against my head and shoulders as I abandoned David’s car. It was beginning to sprinkle out. I hated the rain back home, despite its rarity, and I hated it even more here. Here at the Marshall’s, a rainy day today meant a muddy one tomorrow.

I went to Cammie’s room to drop off my backpack and was surprised to see her out of bed and drawing at her desk. “Hey,” I greeted her, and she jumped and moved to block the paper. I scoffed. “Oh, c’mon. I know all your secrets; let me see.”

“Never,” she retorted, quickly putting her things away. She swiveled around to face me. “How was Physics?”

“Gross.
That’s
the first thing you’re gonna ask me?” I dropped my backpack onto the floor and collapsed onto my bed. “You seem better, though.”

She nodded. “Mom fed me soup and medication all day. Sniffles are gone, fever is nonexistent. I’m good as new.”

“That’s good.” We fell silent, and I looked around the room, suddenly uncomfortable.

“What’s up?” she asked me. When I finally made eye contact with her again, she seemed concerned. “Did something happen?”

I hesitated, and then nodded. “Yeah.” I bit my lip. It was best to just get it out now, before I talked myself out of it. “Um, I saw Peter coming out of a janitor’s closet with someone earlier today. Right before lunch. When I got into the cafeteria, I didn’t see Tiffany at her table.”

She sucked in a breath, raising both of her eyebrows. Her hands rested on her knees. “…Oh.”

“I know he wasn’t your favorite person in the world, but… if you need… I don’t know…” I shifted, only growing more uncomfortable. “If you need someone to vent to or something. I’m, you know, here.”

She sat still for a moment, and then, to my relief, shrugged her shoulders and relaxed a little. “Thanks.” A small splat on the window beside her caught her attention, and she twisted her body around. “Is it raining out?”

“It was sprinkling a couple of minutes ago.” I was confused by the abrupt change in subject. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk about Peter?”

She got to her feet and shot me a knowing look. “I’m not holding anything back, okay? You don’t have to try so hard to figure me out sometimes. My mom’s gonna be much more disappointed than I am. I’ll just find another guy, I guess.”

“Find another guy?” I echoed. “Why? It’s okay to be single. Your mom will understand, Cammie.”

She didn’t answer me. Instead, she moved to stand directly in front of me, her hand outstretched. “I like the rain. Come outside with me.”

“My hair,” I retorted instinctively, only to be yanked to my feet by her instead.

“Don’t be such a brat,” she said, amused, but I resisted.

“Wait. Can’t we just talk for two seconds? Besides, you’ve been sick all day!”

“And now I’m better, which means my immune system is at the height of its power.
You’re
more likely to get sick than I am.”

“All the more reason not to go outside in the rain…”

“It’s sprinkling.” She released my hand and crossed her arms, giving me a judgmental look. “You asked what you can do to make me feel better. This is it. We’re going to stick our tongues out and drink rainwater while spinning around in circles. Like adults.”

“If this is some metaphorical Baptism, I’m out,” I retorted, but changed into my one pair of tennis shoes and followed her downstairs nonetheless.

“No Baptism necessary. Peter didn’t define me, and losing him doesn’t mean I’m starting anew. I’m the same person I was half an hour ago. I just want to get out of the house and away from my mom before she finds out and goes crazy. Trust me, Peter cheating on me is not going to go away for a while, as much as I’d like to just forget about it and move on.”