Talk of the Village (3 page)

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with his broadcasting fees and all the trips abroad he'd had with the Union and the expense account, things had improved considerably.

Sitting at her bow-fronted dressing table, Sheila heard the bathroom door slam shut. Ron came in stark naked.

'I've told you before, Ron, not to walk about like that.'

'Who's to see me?'

'Well me for instance, and it's not nice.'

Tm not concerned whether it's nice or not I'm too occupied thinking about how to stop those damned cats from ruining our garden.'

'I thought Jimbo had rather a lot too much to say. Such a temper he has . . .'

'Barbed wire that's the answer. Cat powder only puts them off when they've got in, I've got to stop them getting in at all.'

'Barbed wire? We'll look like Colditz.'

'I don't care. Barbed wire it is. Or else we'll get a bigger dog who'll kill the blasted beggars.'

'Ron, you know I don't like language like that.'

'There isn't a word in the English language that fits those blasted cats.'

'In any case Pom wouldn't like another dog here. It would upset him dreadfully.'

'Might do him good, brighten his ideas up a bit. You make him too mamby pamby Sheila, I've told you about it before. He only comes alive when Perry comes to stay.'

'So you say. I think he's all right on his own. You should never have volunteered to have Perry. Three months' honeymoon in Australia, I ask you. That Muriel Hipkin's never been further than Bournemouth I should think, not till Sir Ralph came back. First Rome and now Australia . . . she's played her cards right, and no mistake. Managed to land him at last. What on earth he sees in her I shall never know. Ron, do you think they'll . . .

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you know . . . ?'

'Eh? Oh that, I haven't any idea about that. I might as well put on the clothes I'm wearing tonight at the reception. Wish it could be my tweed suit. Bloody cats.'

'It wouldn't have been suitable anyway. People like us have to show the villagers the right way. You need your funeral suit love. With that nice spotted tie Bianca bought you for Christmas.'

'I'll look like a dog's dinner. You know I don't like that suit. I should never have let you persuade me to buy it.'

'Men in your position need to look smart. Whatever would they think if you went on telly with a ginger tweed suit on? Right country bumpkin that would make you look.'

'When I ordered that tweed outfit you said it would make me look like a country squire.'

'Well it does, but the telly people wouldn't see it like that would they?' Sheila concentrated on her nail varnish. One stroke down the middle of the nail and then one each side. This pale apricot would look splendid with her new dress. She couldn't wait to put it on. She'd never bought anything in Thorns & Curtis before, but one did have to set standards in the village. So easy to let things slide. The clothes that Caroline Harris wore, considering she was only a rector's wife, were unbelievably beautiful. Still, she had been a doctor all those years so she must have earned a lot of money in the past. And she did have style. Those twins, though, they must be hard work. Hardly any sleep at all some nights. They were lovely babies. Amazing how like Peter the little boy was. They say that about adopted children, how they start to resemble their new parents as they get older. But they must only be about eight weeks old at the most. Wonder what Harriet Charter-Plackett will wear tonight. Another of her Sloane Street creations no doubt. Still, wait till they see me in my outfit.

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Sheila got up from the dressing table now her nails were dry and took the dress out of the wardrobe. She had little pot pourri bags hanging from each coat hanger to keep her clothes fresh. She bought them from a local girl who made anything and everything, edged with lace. Sheila was always popping in for something. One of her best customers she was. The dress was made of lime-green flowered brocade with a pleated peplum around the back which went flat as it came over the hips and across her stomach. It had a stand-up collar with large revers which crossed over just below where her cleavage began. Either side of the collar below her collar bones was a neat design of pearls sewn around the shape of one of the brocade flowers. She'd seen Ron look askance when she'd tried it on in the shop. She knew he didn't like her to display herself, but the dress was so right she couldn't resist.

She laid it on the quilted white satin bedspread and slipped offher neglige revealing a dumpy figure clothed in a Marks & Spencer slightly-too-tight underslip. When the dress was on, she turned this way and that inspecting herself in the mirrors on her wall-to-wall wardrobes. Yes, it was just right for the occasion, and just right for church in the summer, too. She'd make their heads turn. They were all beginning to accept that she was the lady of the village now. Her flower arranging and her organisation of the Village Flower Show had given her a real solid position in village life. They couldn't manage without her in Turnham Malpas now, no siree. Her black strappy high heels were uncomfortable but they'd soon wear in.

'You're ready too soon Sheila.' Ron yawned.

'I know. I thought I'd go and sit downstairs and give my shoes a chance to wear in a bit. There's a nice programme on the telly I can watch.'

'I wanted to see the sport.'

'Well, you watch it up here and I'll go downstairs. I'll

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spoil my dress if I lie on the bed.'

Sheila let the dogs into the garden seeing as she and Ron would be out for a long time at the reception. That Pericles was a right card. Seemed to really enjoy being able to race about instead of being all stiff and starchy with that prim Miss Hipkin. She made their dinners for them and then installed herself in the sitting room. All the cushions on the beige Dralon three-piece had shiny curly fringes and huge embossed flowers in the centre. The arms were thick and solid and never failed to give Sheila a thrill when she looked at them. Perhaps they were a bit on the big side for an old cottage, but even so they added a real touch of class.

On the mantelpiece above the inglenook fireplace stood the wedding invitation card. 'Sir
Ronald and Lady Bissett'
it read. Sheila ran her fingers along the embossed lettering and smiled with pride. They'd come a long way she and Ron. She switched on the telly and got out a box of Newberry fruits. She didn't rest her head against the cushion in case she ruffled her strawberry-blonde hair. She'd had the roots done only a week ago so it was looking its best. Hope this reception was worth all the trouble, she thought as her eyes began closing.

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By six o'clock that evening there was a steady stream of people heading for Henderson's Tearoom and Restaurant. Many of the guests lived so close they were able to walk to the reception. Most joined up with others and chatted and laughed their way through the village. Two of the guests walked alone. In the dark they were barely discernible and in their black coats and hats they appeared to the fanciful eye to be ghostly wraiths wending their way to some macabre feast. In fact they were Gwen and Beryl Baxter who'd lived in the village at number two all their lives. As children in the village school they'd always been considered odd, but in later years their oddities had become more pronounced. They rarely spoke to anyone and certainly no one could remember ever having been inside their house. If their windows were anything to go by, the habituees of The Royal Oak opposite guessed the house must be filthy. They were right. It was. Only Gwen went out and that was to the Store for food. Tonight the two of them were making one of their rare sorties out into the world.

They bumped into Peter and Caroline as they pushed their way through the restaurant door.

'Good evening to you both. How nice to see you.' Peter's hand, extended to shake theirs, was ignored.

'Isn't it lovely having a village party for Ralph and

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Muriel?' Caroline tried. There was no reply.

'You go in first, ladies,' Peter suggested. He and Caroline followed them in.

Caroline looked up at him. 'Will mother be able to cope do you think? I'm so worried about Alex's runny nose/

'My darling girl, your mother has had four children and she
is
a doctor and so is your father. Just be thankful they were free to come to stay, otherwise we wouldn't be here at all. Anyway, they've only got two minutes' walk to find us, haven't they?'

'Yes, you're right. I must make myself enjoy this evening. What I'd really like to do is go home and sleep all night without a break. That's the best present anyone could give me at the moment.'

'Evening Rector. Evening Dr Harris.'

'Left them two babies, Dr Harris? Hope they're in good 'ands!'

Peter and Caroline acknowledged the greetings. It was obvious the villagers were hell bent on enjoying themselves. Peter took his wife's arm and gently guided her through the crowd into the bright lights of the restaurant. Jimbo and Harriet had decorated the two rooms with pale turquoise and white flowers, and streamers complemented by silver garlands and bells. The food was already laid out on the tables, and an enormous three-tier wedding cake stood on a table by itself surrounded by a circlet of delicate white blooms.

Ralph and Muriel stood in the entrance greeting their guests. Muriel reached up to kiss Peter. 'Thank you, Peter, for conducting such a lovely service this morning. Ralph and I did enjoy it. You said all the right things.'

'I was only too delighted to take the service for you. My best wishes to you both. I know you'll be very happy.'

Caroline kissed Ralph and then Muriel. 'I do hope you

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will, no, I'm sure you will, both be as happy as Peter and I. I couldn't wish anyone anything better than that.'

'Thank you Caroline, I'm so glad you were able to leave your two little ones and join us all.' Ralph leant forward and kissed Caroline on both cheeks.

'Give my love to Australia won't you Ralph? I was there for three months one summer when I was at university. I grew quite fond of the place.'

'Caroline, we shall be delighted to do just that. Come now, help yourselves to a Buck's Fizz and go and join in the fun.'

'Peter, don't they both look happy?'

'They certainly do. Now my girl, drink that Buck's Fizz and then another one and you'll be in just the right mood for a party.'

The party was in full swing, the band playing, the people dancing, the food rapidly disappearing when the door opened and in carne Sir Ronald and Lady Bissett at full tilt and exceedingly flustered. Full of apologies they searched for Ralph and Muriel.

'We're so sorry we're late. We didn't realise how the time was going. Congratulations to you both. So nice for you at your time of life to have such a lovely sending off. Ron . . . aid could you pass me a drink please?'

Sheila and Ronald circulated, Sheila feeling she must make everyone feel at home. It was difficult for village people to know how to mix and make small talk. One had to do one's bit to make things go with a swing. She waved delightedly at Caroline, deep down experiencing that dreadful inadequate feeling when she saw Caroline's beautiful midnight blue floating creation. She might have known her dress would have been superb.

It was their misfortune to come face to face with Jimbo and Harriet, and Ron's drink spilled a little as he swerved to miss bumping into them. Harriet jumped back to avoid getting splashed.

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Jimbo couldn't resist a jibe. 'Must say you're looking better than when I saw you last. Dressed in water and pondweed he was, Harriet. To the point of indecency.'

Sir Ronald spluttered his annoyance.

'It was your Flick's damned cats as you well know. Sick of'em I am. Don't blame me if they don't get back home one day.'

'I've warned you about threats like that. Two cats in a garden the size of yours? What's the worry? Good for the soil I'd say.' Harriet, sensing Jimbo was brewing up for one of his big "put down" speeches, hastened to smooth ruffled feathers.

'Isn't everyone enjoying themselves tonight? I thought Muriel looked lovely at the wedding, like a ship in full sail coming into harbour.'

Sheila looked nonplussed by this flowery description of Muriel, 'Yes, I suppose so. Come Ron . . . aid I need another drink.' Sheila shepherded him, protestingly, on his way. Ron took a drink from a tray on the side and rapidly drank it down. Sheila recognised the signs.

'Don't you dare show me up by getting drunk. This is
the
social event of the year. I've spent a lot of money on this dress and I'm blessed if I'm going to have to go home before the party is well and truly over. We've missed quite a bit of it already with falling asleep.'

'It was you fell asleep, not me.'

'You could have woken me up, you knew the time all right.'

'I didn't, I was enjoying the football.'

'Just you remember we have a position to keep up. You're a national figure and they expect you to know what's what. Go and talk to Peter Harris or someone and keep well away from those two. And behave like a gentleman if you know how.' She said all this between clenched teeth and all the while smiling at anyone who came near. She'd kill him if he made a fool of himself.

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Kill him she would. If only Bianca and Brendan had been here. They would have kept their father in check. He was so proud of them both. Bianca in that new job at the bank helping small business men start up, she'd done well for herself, and Brendan with his computer business. His degree from East Anglia had been a real stepping stone for him. Admittedly it was only a third but he could still put B. A. after his name. First one either side of the family who could do that.

'Hello Lady Bissett. How are you? What would you like to drink?'

Sheila turned to find Sadie Beauchamp, Harriet Charter-Plackett's mother, offering her a tray of drinks. If there ·was anyone in the room who could make her feel small it was Sadie Beauchamp.

'Thank you, I'll have a Buck's Fizz. It is a lovely party isn't it? I understand the children are to have an entertainer when they've finished eating.'

'That's right, Punch and Judy and then a magic show. Ralph and Muriel are so thoughtful. I love your dress, where did you get it? It's rare to come across something so unusual.'

'It's from Thorns
&
Curtis in Culworth. I saw it on display in the window and couldn't resist it.'

'I must remember that. I didn't know they sold such . . . interesting clothes.' Sadie made her way through the guests. Sheila watched her go. The slim-fitting understated floor-length black dress Sadie wore proclaimed money and taste and Sheila felt sick. Harriet came to join Peter and Caroline. 'Good evening Caroline.' Caroline turned to answer her.

'Hello Harriet. Isn't this a lovely party? I like this idea of having an evening "do" for everybody in the village. Especially for Ralph with his past history of being Lord of the Manor so to speak.'

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'Definitely Lord of the Manor no more.'

'What do you mean?'

'Didn't you realise? They've already started work on turning the Big House into a health club. The lorries have been going in and out of the gates for weeks.'

'A health club? I don't believe it!'

'True. True. Some people called Venetia and Jeremy Mayer have bought it and are spending thousands on it. And I mean thousands. Entirely new decor, swimming pool, Jacuzzi, running track, gymnasium, aerobics classes.'

Peter asked Harriet how anyone could get permission to make such radical changes to such an old house.

'By dishing out backhanders to the Council, or so Neville Neal says and he should know shouldn't he? Considering the strings he pulled to get Glebe House built. Oh, of course that was before your time. Anyway now's your chance to get fit.'

Caroline groaned. 'Fit? I haven't time for anything but keeping my head above water at the moment. I don't know how two such small human beings can cause so much work, to say nothing of the lack of sleep. Every three hours they need feeding. There's no time for anything. Does Ralph know about the health club?'

'I don't know.'

When everyone had circulated and eaten and examined the wedding presents which were on display in a small side room, it was announced that the happy couple would shortly be cutting the cake. As many as could gathered round, and cameras clicked and photographers jostled as Ralph and Muriel stood holding the silver knife and smiled first this way and then that. When they'd done the cutting Ralph took hold of Muriel and kissed her for rather longer than necessary. The guests clapped heartily and Muriel blushed, which made them all clap and laugh even more. Ralph took her hand and kissed it

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with all the aplomb of an eighteenth-century suitor.

'Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much indeed for accepting our invitation to join us on this very special day. My wife and I . . .' cheers resounded through the room and Ralph laughed while Muriel blushed again, 'would like especially to thankJimbo and Harriet. Jimbo for giving Muriel away and both of them for providing such a splendid reception for us and decorating the room in what can only be described as a tasteful and exuberant manner. And thank you one and all for the lovely presents you have given us. We have been quite overwhelmed by your good wishes. We both look forward to coming home again to you and enjoying many more years sharing in the life of the village. The children's show has finished, so would you all care to come outside and watch the firework display? Thank you.'

The guests just about allowed Ralph and Muriel to get outside first before they all stampeded onto the green. Jimbo's firework displays were renowned and they didn't want to miss one moment. Gwen and Beryl delayed leaving with the crowd, as they had designs on the food remaining on the table. The two of them wrapped sausage rolls and vol-au-vents, cakes and quiche in paper napkins and stuffed them into their handbags and pockets. Between them they had enough food for two or three days. Well satisfied with their haul they sauntered outside to see the last of the fireworks. There being no street lamps the fireworks showed up brilliantly from the first moment they escaped their containers. The children ooh'd and aah'd and the adults joined in. The grand finale consisted of a tableau made of Catherine wheels in the shape of the bridal couple's initials. They all clapped Jimbo's genius. Soon afterwards someone brought Ralph's Mercedes up close to the crowd. It was decorated all over with balloons and "Just Married" signs. Muriel was handed courteously

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into the front passenger seat by Ralph, who then got into the driving seat and the Mercedes slid quietly away down Church Lane with the guests waving and cheering their goodbyes.

Sheila had managed to prevent Ron from getting drunk and apart from her twinges of envy about Sadie Beauchamp had thoroughly enjoyed herself. She wouldn't half be glad to get these blasted sandals off though, they were cutting into her toes. She kicked them off as soon as she got in. Ron got the dogs' leads and set off for a sharp walk to exercise Pom and Pericles before he went to bed. He'd been lumbered with walking the dogs because Sheila always considered it a man's job to take the dogs out late at night. Come to think of it she thought it a man's job first thing in the morning and during the day. Ah well, it was a small price to pay for peace.

As he passed The Royal Oak, Ron heard the sounds of loud laughter through the open door. Well why not? He tied Pom and Pericles to an ancient hitching post outside the saloon bar door and pushed his way into the crowd. As he neared the bar Ron remembered that the new landlord had taken over only this week. It seemed odd after all these years not having big Betty McDonald behind the bar pulling pints.

'A double whisky please, landlord,' he shouted. The landlord's round shining face was dominated by a huge 'Flying Officer Kite' moustache which more than made up for the lack of hair on his head. For such a youngish man he was certainly very bald. In the shiny smiling face was a pair of twinkling grey eyes. By any standards he was a big man. 'Good evening sir, and welcome to The Royal Oak. I'm Bryn Fields and this is my wife Georgie. Come here Georgie and introduce yourself.'