Taming Lo: A You and I Novel (20 page)

“
Of course.”
I immediately stand back up and cradle my arms, allowing Anna to rest
Luke in them before sitting back down.

Pulling him tightly against my chest, I instinctively
rock slightly back and forth even though he is sound asleep and
doesn't even seem to notice the new set of arms he has been moved to.
I look down at him for a long moment, taking in his beautiful face,
his cute little nose, the way his forehead scrunches as he sleeps.

“
So have you
talked to Dax?” Anna cuts into my thoughts, pulling my
attention away from the baby.

“
No.” I
admit, shaking my head.

“
Lauren Hannock
I swear to God if you don't pull your head out of your ass and talk
to that man, I am going to beat you with one of your slutty heels.”
She wags her finger at me playfully.

“
Shut up.”
I laugh. “Besides, he hasn't tried to reach out to me so
clearly he doesn't care that much.” I shrug.

“
You're wrong.”
She shakes her head slowly, her mouth turning downwards into a small
frown. “He's a wreck.”

“
You've seen
him?” I question, not able to contain the flutter that runs
through my stomach.

“
He was here
earlier. He looks awful. I am fairly certain he hasn't slept in days.
How long do you plan to avoid him?”

“
I don't know.”
I admit.

“
Lo, it's been
almost a week. You can't just hide out in your apartment forever and
try to avoid him for the rest of your life. I know Bentley agreed to
give you some time off of work but unless you plan to quit, you will
need to go back eventually. And when you do, he will be there.”
She reminds me, a tight knot forming in my throat at the thought.

“
I just don't
know what to do. He says he loves me and hell, maybe he does. But how
long until he gets bored and decides to go back to his normal ways? I
can't have him and then not have him anymore.” I try not to
show how much this conversation is affecting me as I turn my eyes
back down to the carefree baby in my arms.

“
Lo, you love
him too, I know you do. Even if you don't want to admit it just yet,
I can see it. I recognize someone trying to fight love. I did it for
a long time. I had the same fears as you. And now look at me. I am so
incredibly in love with the man of my dreams and last night, I gave
birth to his son. I know it may not seem like it now, but life has a
funny way of leading us exactly where we need to be. You just have to
be willing to trust that.”

“
That's easier
said than done.” I sigh. “We can't all live happily ever
after with our perfect husband and our beautiful baby, tucked away in
our own little piece of heaven. Most people never see the type of
love you have found with Bentley. What makes you so sure it's even in
the cards for me?”

“
Because I know
how much
he
loves you.” She says softly.
“I don't know Dax that well, but Bentley does. He said he
hasn't seem him like this since Christy.”

“
Christy?”
I question, having never heard the name.

“
CTR.” She
says as if that should mean something. “The tattoo on his
wrist.” She says, her eyebrows pulling together in confusion.
“Has he never said anything to you about her?”

“
No.” I
admit. “I mean, I asked him about the tattoo once but he only
said it was a reminder, never what it stood for. So those are her
initials I take it?”

“
Yes.” She
nods before continuing. “Apparently Dax was head over heels for
this girl. He met her in college. A girl, Bentley says, he was
preparing to propose to until he walked in on her and one of his
friends.” She says, causing a tightness to grip at my chest.

The thought of anyone hurting Dax completely guts me,
but then again, isn't that exactly what I am doing? Hurting him?
Denying him what he wants? Even still, knowing someone could do
something so horrible to him, sends a rage through me that I am not
prepared to feel.

“
I didn't know
that.” I admit, glancing down at the baby when he shifts
slightly in my arms. I smile when he snuggles deeper and immediately
relaxes back into my embrace.

“
Well it is my
understanding that no one really does. If Bentley had not been around
when it all went down I doubt that he would even know. I guess he
kind of went off the deep end after that. Bentley said he hasn't
known of any other girl that Dax has even remotely cared for since
then. Well, until you that is.” She gives me an encouraging
smile.

“
I am in love
with him.” I admit, noticing immediately that Anna does not
seem even the least bit surprised.

“
Duh.” She
laughs. “You really aren't as good at hiding your emotions as
you think you are. I knew very early on that there was something
there. And I also knew that it was going to take something big for
you to admit it to yourself. I'm guessing having him confess his love
to you kind of did the trick.” She gives me a knowing smile.

“
When he told
me, I panicked. I have never wanted to hear something so badly in my
life and yet, not want to hear it at the same time.”

“
I know the
feeling.” She laughs. “Just go talk to him. You two
obviously care for each other. I know you both have your issues to
work through but isn't it worth at least seeing what happens rather
than wondering what might have been for the rest of your life?”
She asks, leaning forward to look down at Luke when he stretches out
and lets out a small fuss.

“
I think
someone's hungry.” She says, reaching out her arms when I stand
to lay her baby in them. “Are you hungry?” She says in a
cute little baby voice causing a high pitched laugh to rip from my
throat.

“
Sorry. Sorry.”
I shake my head, trying to stifle my laughter. “It's just.....
Seeing you like this.” I start, but then she cuts in.

“
I know. It's
weird right?” She smiles brightly.

“
It is.” I
admit. “But strangely very fitting at the same time.”

“
Go see Dax.”
She looks up at me. “You might be surprised by what joys life
can bring you if you let it.” She gives me a sweet smile. “Now,
unless you want to get a good look at my very swollen
tatas
,
I suggest you scram.” She laughs when I immediately start
across the room.

“
Lo.” She
says, pulling my attention back to her just as I reach the door. “For
what it's worth, I think you and Dax would be perfect together.”
She gives me one more smile before I turn back around and quickly
exit the room.

It seems like just yesterday that I was pushing Anna to
give Bentley a chance, encouraging her to explore her feelings for
him. Now here we are, nearly a year later, and the roles have
completely reversed.

The sad thing is, I know she's right. I know what I need
to do. But doing it is so much harder than I feel like it should be.
I always thought that if I found someone, like Anna found Bentley,
that it would be more natural. That things would just happen as they
were meant to. But I am starting to realize that nothing this real
comes easy.

There comes a point where I just need to decide... Can I
live without Dax or can I not? And yet, deep down, I already know the
answer to that question. If I was willing to let him go, I would have
already.

This last week has shown me what my life is without Dax.
Bleak, lonely, empty. I never knew how lacking my life was until Dax
came storming into it. He has completely turned my world on its axis
and honestly, I don't think there is any going back from that.

As I pull out of the hospital parking lot with that
thought, and Anna's words still ringing through my head, I know there
is only one place I need to be right now. It's time I stop letting my
past rule my future. It's time I stop letting myself be a victim and
finally give myself the chance to be happy. I love Dax. I love him
more than I ever thought possible to love another person.

I thought I knew what love was, what it felt like, but
it isn't until this very moment, as the acceptance of my love for Dax
really takes hold, that I realize I actually never knew what love
really was. Because before now, I had never actually experienced it.
I had never met a man that consumed my body just as much as my heart.
That is, until Dax.

I am done fighting my feelings for him. Any man that can
cause my hands to tremble and my heart to beat out of my chest with
one simple smile, is a man that I am not prepared to live without. I
am madly and truly in love him. I think it's about time I tell him
that.

Chapter
Thirty

Dax

“
I'm coming.”
I grumble, crossing through the kitchen towards the front door of my
apartment. Draining the contents of my beer in one long swig, I pull
open the door just as another knock sounds against it.

I freeze the moment Lo's face comes into view, the empty
beer bottle slipping from my fingers. It hits the floor with a hard
thud and then bounces a couple of times before it comes to a rest at
my feet. I'm not sure if this is a dream, if I really am so drunk
that I am imagining her, or if she's actually here. Either way, the
urge to feel her against me is too strong.

“
Where have you
been?” I pull her to me, not missing the way her forehead
scrunches together as she resists my embrace, placing both of her
hands on my bare chest as she holds me back.

“
You're drunk?”
She questions, like it isn't already completely obvious.

“
Is that the
pizza?” Tanya's voice sounds from behind me and I go stiff,
having completely forgotten she was even here the moment I laid eyes
on Lo standing in my doorway.

I watch as Lo's eyes trail across my half naked body and
then flip behind me to Tanya, a tall lengthy blonde that I picked up
at the bar, sprawled out on my couch. I watch the hurt that crosses
her features and then the anger.

“
I'm sorry.
Clearly this is a bad time.” She steps back into the hallway,
shaking off my attempts to grab her.

“
Lo wait.”
I slur.

Fucking alcohol
.

Why can't I just get one fucking word out without
slurring like a fucking drunk lunatic?

“
It's not what
it looks like.” I wrap my hand around her forearm, halting her
movements just as she turns to walk away.

She whips her head around, pinning her tear filled eyes
directly at my face. I immediately drop my grip on her as she takes a
step towards me. There is so much hurt in her expression, so much
betrayal, so much pain, that just looking at her makes it difficult
to breathe. She balls her hands into fists and then slams them down
on my chest, causing me to step back towards my doorway.

“
No?” She
questions, her voice bordering a scream. “Because I think it is
exactly what it looks like. Thank you Dax.” She says, hitting
my chest with her fists again. “Thank you for showing me that
you are exactly the person I thought you were.”

“
Lo, please. I
can explain.” I start, but once again she cuts me off.

“
Don't.”
Her voice echos through the hallway. “Don't you dare lie to
me.” A stray tear trickles down her face but she quickly wipes
it away.

“
I'm not lying
to you. Nothing happened. I wasn't going to fuck her.” I say,
making another grab for her, but she steps back quickly enough that I
end up grabbing air. “I love you.” I slur.

“
You love me?”
She lets out a disbelieving laugh and shakes her head.

“
I do love you.
Please.” I reach for her again, but she's too far from me now.

“
You're drunk
Dax. Go back inside. Your whore is waiting. Go tell her how much you
love her. Maybe
she
will
be stupid enough to believe it.
”
She
bites.

Spinning around, she takes off in a full run before I
can even think to move. It's like one moment she's standing in front
of me, the next, she's no where to be found. I want to run after her,
force her to listen to me, but I know that the damage is done.

It doesn't matter what I say at this point. It doesn't
matter whether or not I planned on fucking Tanya or if I just brought
her here for the companionship. All that matter is what Lo thinks and
right now, she thinks I am the worst asshole to ever walk the face of
the earth.

After all the shit she told me about her past, after she
shared her pain with me, this is how I repay her. By having another
woman here when she's finally ready to talk. How could I be so
fucking selfish? Turning, I run my fist into the wall as hard as I
can. The drywall crumbles around it and I pull my hand out of the now
six inch deep hole just to the left of my apartment door.