Tananguard 02 - To Love a Lord (21 page)

Josephine strolled through the vineyard lazily, letting her mind wander as she walked. She had been in Spain with her grandparents for three weeks now, making it five weeks since she left William’s camp. Her family had been very welcoming and kind. Yet even with their loving hearts, her own heart still bled. Her dream from her first week here haunted her. She needed closure, and she knew it now more than ever. It was the only way she could open her poor heart again, and not to a man, but to this new family she had been reunited with.

Years ago, before she had even known Connor, she had run across a man, Don Francisco Carrillo, who had mistaken her for her mother. He had concluded she must be Sophia Meredith’s daughter and invited her to dine with him that evening. He told her of her grandparents and began a correspondence
with them. Two years later, her grandmother persuaded Josephine to come for a visit. Josephine left young Garret in the care of a woman she trusted and made the trip alone, not telling anyone where she was going and when she would be back. All had gone well, which was why she decided to move here with them now.

She worried her grandfather would not accept her after disowning her mother, but she
was wrong. He regretted that decision all these years, welcoming Josephine and Garret with open arms. Sometimes Josephine could see a tormented look in his eyes when he looked at her, but she could also see love in those eyes as well. He was the one who made her want to find peace with Connor. Her mother had died before her grandfather could make amends, and now he lived with regret. Josephine did not want that. If she couldn’t be with Connor, she could at least tell him the truth and ask forgiveness. It was the only way for her heart to find happiness again. And she wanted to be happy again with these people who loved her. And she knew they loved her. It was obvious in their eyes and the way they treated her as if she had always been a part of them.

The past
few weeks had been quite eventful. Her grandmother insisted on introducing Josephine to her world immediately, filling her time with parties, balls, dinners, and afternoon teas. And the strange thing, after all these years of claiming herself a commoner and being branded as such, she was not one to these people. She belonged in their society when she had not in hers. She fit in as if she were born to this world. Her mother had been, and she taught Josephine everything she knew. Josephine may have been a commoner, but she knew the ways of high society. No one was the wiser. Men even came to call on her! It was exhausting and exhilarating at the same time. It saddened her to see how much her mother had given up because of her father. Would Connor be forced to give up this life with her as his wife? Could she really ask him to…again?

This life of nobility was
spectacular, but after all of those years wondering how her mother could throw it away, Josephine finally understood the answer. To share a life with the man she loved, no matter what life it might be, was worth the price her mother had paid. To share a life with Connor would be worth anything. And if he no longer felt the same, not knowing and constantly wondering
what if
was worse than the pain of rejection. That brought her to her decision. She had to confront Connor. She had to confess everything, including the love she still held for him. But she also had to allow him freedom from her. She had to bring him peace as well as herself.

As her mind thought, her body made its way full circle, leading her back to her grandparents’
manor. Josephine entered the house saddened and yet prepared to finally do what was right. She searched for her grandparents and found them enjoying tea with her uncle and aunt.

“Josephine, darling, join us,” Carlos, her mother’s brother, said.

“I…I have decided I must return to England,” she announced.

The looks they gave her told her they knew this was coming. Her grandmother nodded, her grandfather sighed in resignation and looked away, and her uncle grew excited.

“May we come?” Carlos asked. His wife stifled a giggle.

“He has been searching for an excuse to travel,” Christina Murrieta said.

Josephine smiled. “I would welcome your company.”

Carlos grinned. “Then we shall leave in the morning. I will make the arrangements immediately.”

One week later Josephine found herself in a carriage bound for the Peaks District. The trip had been far too long, yet as they neared their destination, she felt it had gone too fast. One hour and they would be at their inn. If she chose, she could be at Tananguard Manor today. And that was what she wanted.

Allana Cunningham gingerly ran her fingers through her husband’s hair. She and Declan were relaxing together in the study. She sat at one end of the sofa while he lay across the rest, resting his head in her lap. They did this often after a meal, simply sitting together or holding each other. Six weeks had passed since her kidnapping and rescue from Lord Lucas Hoffman. During the day in moments like this, it almost felt as though it had not happened. At night, she woke to nightmares, nightmares of Lucas, of losing Declan, of being lost from him forever, but Declan was always there when she woke up, always comforting her in his embrace. The nightmares were becoming less and less, especially now that Connor was well again. There was happiness and joy in her life. She had a husband who loved her and whom she loved beyond anything she’d ever known…and…and…. She smiled. She was with child. She hadn’t told anyone yet. It was too soon, but somehow she knew.

A knock at the study door brought her out of her thoughts.

“Come,” Declan called out, startling Allana. She thought he’d fallen asleep.

Their manservant, Arden, entered the room. “My Lord, Master Connor Tananguard is here to see you both.”

“Well, show him in then,” Declan replied, sitting up irritably.

“Yes, my Lord.” Arden bowed before leaving again.

“You’d think he’d know by now he needn’t announce your family, especially when we’re in here. He should just show them in.”

Allana giggled. “Well, there have been incidents in the past which make it wise for him not to simply show them right in.”

Declan eyed her shamefully. “Point well made.”

The door opened. “Master Tananguard,” Arden said, announcing Connor’s presence.

Connor stood in the doorway, looking hesitant and downtrodden. Allana’s happiness faltered at the sight of him. He was well again, but he was not himself.

“Connor, come in. Have a seat,” Declan said, motioning to his brother-in-law.

“Thank you,” Connor said. He entered the room head down. His confident, tall form drooped as he made his way to a soft chair adjacent the sofa. So much had changed him over the past six weeks. No, not so much…just one person, Josephine Meredith.

Allana studied her brother sadly. The injury to his shoulder had almost taken his life. He had been bed ridden for almost two weeks after her rescue, and he had been very weak and distant the following four. Even now, he was gaunt with hollow eyes. He did not look as he should. He looked terrible.

“How are you?” Declan asked his friend.

“I am…well,” came Connor’s empty response. He slouched in his chair, not truly looking at either of them.

“Can we offer you something? A drink perhaps?”

“No, I won’t be here long.”

Allana pursed her lips in worry. Why was he here? What was happening to her brother?

They sat in silence for a bit.

“I am leaving, Allana. I am going to America, and I am leaving tomorrow,” he said suddenly.

Allana stared at her brother in shock. “Connor—”

“I came to say goodbye,” he said quietly, interrupting her.

She stared at him in stunned silence. He couldn’t leave. No, he had to find her! He had to make amends with Josephine!

“Declan, would you mind giving us a few moments alone?” Allana asked her husband sweetly.

“Of course.” He stood, reaching his hand out to Connor’s. “Good luck, Connor,” Declan said to his friend. Connor stood, and the two shook hands vigorously.

“It’s been a pleasure, Declan,” Connor said, nodding in goodbye. Declan smiled, patted Connor on the shoulder, then left the room.

Connor sat back down in his chair and proceeded to stare at the floor in front of him.

“Connor—”

“Allana, you cannot talk me out of this—”

“Tell me about Sophia,” she said quietly, cutting him off.

Connor’s head jerked up in surprise. “How do you know that name?”

“You repeated it several times in your sleep while the fever had you,” she replied.

“The fever…I don’t remember much of those days at William’s camp…while it held me,” he said quietly.

“Tell me about Sophia, Connor,” Allana prompted again.

He sighed. “Sophia….” He said her name with such care and love, yet there was so much pain as well. “She is…she’s…she is no
one,” Connor finished, turning sullen and somber again.

Allana studied her brother, trying to choose her next words with care.
Should she tell Connor about Josephine Meredith—Sophia Murrieta—or should she concede to Josephine’s wishes and leave it be?

“Were you in love with her?” Allana asked.

He stared darkly at the floor, not answering.

“Did she return your love?”

Still no answer.

“Did Lucas—”

“Enough, Allana! She was someone I knew a long time ago. Now leave it alone!” he growled heatedly at her.

“I cannot.”

“Why? Because I said her name once or twice while feverish and incoherent?”

“Connor, you didn’t just say her name. You yelled it, begging and pleading for her to come back to you. How can I forget that? Who was she? What was she to you, and what did Lucas have to do with it all?” Allana questioned.

Connor’s features contorted with grief and anguish, followed by anger at the mention of Lucas. He shook his head fervently. “Please, do not say anything else. I just want to forget. Forget her,” he pleaded. The anger was gone, replaced by sorrow.

“You do still love her then,” Allana concluded.

Connor placed his face in his hands and nodded slightly. “Are we done now?” came his muffled question.

“She was there, Connor,” Allana said quietly.

His body went rigid. Slowly, he raised his head. His eyes burrowed into Allana’s. “What did you say?”

“Josephine, or Sophia as you know her, is William Meredith’s niece. She was the one who found—”

“No. It was a dream,” Connor said, eyes wild and body tense.

“No, it wasn’t. She
was
there. She was the only one who could calm you—”

“No! Stop it!” he shouted, coming to his feet almost violently. “Do not lie to me!”

“I’m not, Connor. She truly was there. I talked to her, and…,” Allana trailed off.

“What?”

“And I talked to your son,” Allana confessed.

Connor’s face paled, and he slumped down into his chair stunned. “My son?” he whispered.

Allana nodded weakly. “I am sorry, Connor.”

“He…he was real?” he asked, eyes tormented with sorrow.

Allana nodded again.

Connor shook his head in disbelief, running his fingers through his thick wavy hair. He turned away from her. “I met her five years ago,” he began. “She was beautiful, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Lucas…he bet me I could not seduce her to my bed. It was a horrid, stupid bet, but I took his challenge.
It allowed me to court her without questions from him. And I fell in love with her. It was the most powerful thing in the world for me. I was nothing without her. But then Lucas told her about the bet, and…” He swallowed hard, face contorting in grief from the memory. “I found her with him after he had bed her.”

Allana’s heart sank. So that was how Lucas had come between Connor and Josephine. He took away their love by seducing her himself. How could one man ruin so many lives?

“How do you know the boy is mine?” Connor asked, turning to her suddenly.

“Connor, he looks just like you,” Allana answered.

“Does he have dark, curly hair?” Connor began, receiving a nod in return. “Is he about so tall?” Connor continued, motioning the boy’s height.

Again Allana nodded.

Connor shook his own head in disbelief. Emotion after emotion flooded his face: sorrow, wonder, grief…anger. Then he glared at her darkly. “It took you until now to tell me!” he bellowed.

Allana flinched. “I didn’t know if I should.”

“You didn’t know? You didn’t know!”

“It wasn’t my fault, Connor. You never spoke of her before,” she defended.

“Did I have to for you to realize how much she meant to me? Damn it, Allana. She could be gone by now!”

“I’m sorry. You were so ill. I didn’t want to make it worse. It ma
y have made it worse if you threw the fit you are throwing now,” she said with a pout.

Declan burst through the door. “
Enough. I can hear the two of you clear down the hall.”

“And I suppose you knew too,” Connor growled.

Declan looked patiently at Allana. “You told him?”

“Yes.”

“Good. If you didn’t, I would have.” He turned back to Connor. “Josephine asked her not to. She didn’t agree to it. She simply agreed to wait.”

Connor sighed in frustration. “That means she’s left, doesn’t it.”

“You don’t know that,” Allana tried, knowing full well Connor was probably right.

“Don’t I? Why did she tell you to wait?”

“How do you know she
told
me to wait?” Allana asked defiantly.

Connor laughed in disbelief. “Because you’re being defensive, so I know I’m right.”

“But—”

“Enough. I’ve wasted enough time already.
I have to go.”

“Where are you going? You can’t leave her—”

“I am going to get her back,” he growled. “Wherever she’s gone, I’ll find out. And I will get her back.”

Allana beamed at her brother. “Good. Don’t come back until you do,” she said with a smile.

He rolled his eyes at her and shook his head before turning and heading toward the door.

“Will you need directions to William’s camp?” Declan asked casually.

Connor sighed. “You better give them to me. I was quite…dazed the last time.”

“Perhaps I didn’t w
ord that right. Would you like me to accompany you there? I’ve got your back if you need it,” he told him.

“Thank you, but no. This is something I need to do alone,” Connor said.

Declan nodded then pulled a slip of paper from his pocket. “These should get you there.”

Connor stared down at
the paper and laughed. “A map and directions already written for me? You’re always prepared.”

“
I placed myself in your position and decided you would eventually need them. I’ve been carrying them around for some time,” Declan said with a smile.

Connor reached his hand out to him. “Thank you.”

Declan nodded as they shook hands.

Allana let out a harrumph.
“Do I get a
thank you
?”

Connor turned and looked at her.
The gaunt, haunted look Allana had seen earlier was gone. “Thank you, Allana,” he said dryly. “I suppose late was better than never.”

She smiled.
He may not have meant it, but he should have. “You’re welcome.”

He
shook his head, smiled one last time, then turned and walked away.

*

First thing was first.
Connor was going to William’s camp. He studied Declan’s map. West. He needed to go west. He stared at the map a bit longer before folding it up and slipping it into his pocket. Then he spurred his horse west in the direction of those woods.

Even with Declan’s directions, Connor felt lost in those dense woods.
He thought he remembered enough from his last visit to know where to go, but everything seemed to blur together. He wondered if he’d taken a wrong turn as he guided his horse deeper in, not crossing any signs of the camp. He was ready to turn around when three men with bows drawn trapped him.

“State your business,
” one man said.

Relief shot through him. He was close, so close to the camp and finding his Sophia.
“I’m Connor Tananguard. I need to speak with Meredith,” Connor announced.

The men eyed him before one finally spoke. “
I think I remember you. But to be safe, James, fetch Garret. He’ll know.”

“Yes,” Connor said darkly. “Fetch Garret.” He wouldn’t mind seeing Garret again. This debacle was partly his fault.

A man slipped away, but two remained. Connor eyed the bows. “Why bows? Why not rifles?”

“Bows are quieter, and some of us prefer them,” one of the men answered.

Connor nodded. “So it’s more of a preference than availability.”

He nodded. “Most use
rifles, but the three of us like our bows. There are others as well, but it seems the bow is becoming a thing of the past.” The other man nodded in agreement.

Neither man seemed to mind Connor’s questions. They had their bows at the ready and were quite relaxed around him as they waited for Garret to arrive.
He wondered how much they knew regarding
him
.